what nobody warned me about

when will my head catch up with my body? when will i be content with what i see in the mirror? it turns out that i missed out on my teenage years due to PCOS and morbid obesity and now that im 175 pounds im seeking attention like crazy. Every where i go i want guys to be there so maybe i get complimented. i constantly deny ppl when they tell me i look good. i only look good because before i looked terrible and now i look better. but if i was never MO then theyd never compliment me now.

im 22 and have an amazing guy who's stuck by me from 283 to 175 and beyond. but that doesnt stop my need for attention and validation from other guys. i thought i was strong. being 19 and sick and then choosing to undergo surgery made me tough. but now im a weak scared little girl who doesnt know the person in the mirror. im sorry for the rant but i just want to get other opinions, maybe similar stories.

thanks in advance..and ps..i currently am in therapy working through this all.

Hi  

I am too old to be in the same situation, however I did want to offer you encouragement.  I am glad to hear that you are working out issues with the therapist.  

Something to consider:  Since you may not have enjoyed childhood the first time around, the second time you are in charge of the rules.  Make it count.  Help the scared little girl inside grow up.  What advice would you give her?  What guidelines would you set for her?  Life is all about learning and experiencing things.  

Good luck and have fun with your decisions.  

Judy

You must not have read many books about weight loss surgery if you weren't prepared for the emotional side effects.
I'm glad you are in therapy, but it is also ok to want acknowledgement for your accomplishment. It doesn't mean you will be unfaithful to your man.

 Let me tell you, your age has nothing to do with it. I am 32 and happily married with four amazing kids and I am LOVING the attention. I have had to check myself quite a few times when I knew things where going overboard. It is normal to want to hear that your hard work has paid off, but you need to draw lines in the sand for yourself for the sake of your sanity and relationships. 

Hugs, it takes a while, but you will get the hang of your new body. 

 It is funny how different we are when concerning the emotional stuff that comes with WLS. I cannot think of the exact word for how I feel when I am complimented, but it is something like "leery" or even a bit "resentful".  Men check me out wherever I go now and the doors to stores and restaurants are being opened for me like never before, but really I am annoyed by the attention and miss my invisibility.  I am just as married as I was before WLS and I have wedding rings on my left hand to prove it.  It takes a while after losing the weight to get used to the new reality.  I do not think I am a different person than I was before, but maybe I am less apologetic for who I am  and maybe I am more genuine than before WLS.

As far as your relationship goes,  only you know how truely committed to this guy you really are.  Unless you are already married, now is the time for deciding if he is the one you want to be committed to or not.  It is far better to leave the relationship behind if you are only in it because you feel you owe it to him to stay because he was loyal to you -whether you were/are big or small. Forcing a relationship for the wrong reasons leads to many unhappy marriages and families. He deserves someone who loves him completely and wants to be with him alone.  You should have someone whom you love completely and want to be with more than any man in the world.
   Please make wise choices and do not let the weight loss cause you to forget the woman you want to become. I have sometimes written down specific goals about character traits I want to build in my life or (maintain) and pick just one to work on, sometimes it is a theme that can last over a year and sometimes I focus on some goal for just a few days, depending on how much attention the goal needs. 

 You are so young and I am so glad to see you can start the rest of your life in a healthy, attractive body.  I wish you much happiness.

I can relate to that.  When I have lost a lot of weight in the past, I feel angry or resentful about the attention.

 Really  ???!!!!  REALLYYYY  ?!!!!!!    Does  anyone formerly overweight think they  REALLY can compete with the  tight bodies and accompanying  yearz of social skillz of the NEVER OVERWEIGHT  ?!!   JES  SAYING  ....


 WE CAN  Be DELUSONAL  >>>>>>>.....  

that doesnt make  what we wish to be true .. TRUE.  

I don't mean to be discouraging ....

but its better  to aspire to what we CAN achieve than to aspire to surefire failure ....

We CAN achieve true love  ( for ourseves )  true success ( for ourselves )   

 

Are you attempting to say that having a tight body goes along with social skills? because I don't make the same correlation as you appear to be making.....

I have, and have always had, awesome self confidence and social skills.   I have been thin, fat and in between and it has never had anything to do with my personality.    I would absolutely walk into a room of 500 people I have never met and not feel anything other than excited. 

Anyone who has met me will tell you I am not shy or reticent in the least!

Of course it is possible that some people use their weight as a barrier to being social and that may well be you, but please please stop labelling us all as the same - we are NOT, we are individuals with different personalities, looks, self esteem and mental health ...   Being formerly fat might possibly be the only thing we have in common!
 

 I gotta take issue with this.  I don't think I lack in social skills.  I am a therapist, run a successful business, do public speaking to groups of 400 or more, and have done so for the past 30 years.  I have friends, a great husband (who married me at 220 pounds), and not nearly enough time to keep in touch with the people I care about.  It is probably helpful that I wasn't overweight during my formative years, so I had the opportuntity to develop socially without the burden of feeling ostracized due to excess weight.  But I am a formerly overweight person, and yes, I can compete with the tight bodies when it comes to social skills.  In fact, I think that the experience of being overweight has led me to develop social skills that I might never have developed otherwise.  Since I could not rely on being "beautiful" for much of my adult life, I was forced to get out there and find genuine relationships not based on appearance.  That, I believe, has served me well.