4+ years out. Maintenance is hard!

After RNY, we do our best to learn and live new habits -- and then those habits betray us once the calorie honeymoon ends! Finding your new balance point takes a lot of close attention - with many ups and downs and a lot of frustration. I find it consumes a LOT of my time these days. Too much time?

 

My weight drifted down waaaay too low in the second year (98 pounds!)... and then back up a bit the end of the fourth year. Even though my habits were unchanged, my weight increased. I dug in... I cut back... I lost weight.

 

I am still a little below normal BMI, but it is much harder to find balance now than it ever was. I need far fewer calories to maintain the same weight as a person does who has never had RNY. That is just how it is.

 

I am now the Super Absorber! And I am super-absorbed. Fixated! I absolutely cannot fail at this. Cannot!

 

I am afraid to eat outside my safe foods. I plan everything ahead, I never bend. I worry about every bite, I journal obsessively on LoseIt. I wear my FitBit 24/7 - which I try to please even when I am too tired to move. Got to grow that dang flower! Walk, walk, walk!

 

Have I fallen into Anorexic thinking? Is this my cross-addiction? Is this bad, or just necessary for me - with my all or nothing personality?

 

Maybe I came to view being underweight as my new forever normal, because it was effortless and I felt sooooo good then. Light as air! Free! Maybe it was just an ecstatic state after a lifetime of obesity to be finally, really skinny - but yeah, I miss it and still strive to get back there.

 

Anybody else in this boat?

OMG!!!!!!   I came here to find out if anyone has experienced this same thing you are talking about. I have developed the underweight syndrome as well. I cannot keep the weight on an have lost too much. I cant seem to reach 110 lbs if my life depended on it. I have low blood sugar drops and cannot tolerate carbs or sugars . My BS drops to dangerous levels as low as 48 and I am so fearful I am not going to wake up one day because I will drop in the middle of the night. I wasnt diabetic before the surgery but now I have developed reactive Hypoglycemia. I never know what foods will trigger the drop as I can eat something one day and a week later I can't . This is so frustrating. 

I cant log everything I eat.  My job is too demanding and I have to calculate my foods between my busy schedue. I carry protein bars and drinks and fruit drinks in case I have a BS drop. I crave the carbs and sugars all the time! and try as I may. sometimes I give in to the cravings and suffer the concesquences. I want the reversal but that will cause a whole new set of problems. Excersise? burn calories?  I cant even take in enough calories to compensate for the burn. I am so frustrated. 

Are you focusing on eating small frequent meals, dense proteins, good fats, and whole grains? Do you tolerate protein shakes?

I'm not sure fruit juice is the best way to deal with blood sugar drops.

How far out from surgery are you? My low tide happened at about 2.5 years out. I also had a lot of reactive hypoglycemia at that time, when before WLS I was T2 Diabetic. At my lowest ebb, no matter how much (good food) I got down - I kept losing. And I really liked that, even though I'm sure it was/is not all that healthy.

That stage only lasts so long, so I'm sure you will feel better in time.

Once my body resumed absorbing the calories I took in - in my case at a ferocious rate about 3.5 years on - it began to be all too easy for me to pile weight back on, even at a very controlled calorie level.

This is my issue now! How to find balance without obsessing about potential failure, in the face of my probably distorted idea of what "normal size" should be for me - after my skinny-mini free ride.

I guess I am wondering about how other folks' see themselves after they reach goal, and how you deal with the emotional and physical changes further down the line.

 

Wow, you've been doing a great job! 

I'm almost the same length of time out, also at goal with a low normal BMI. I pay rigorous attention, too, because I need to. I don't have a FitBit, but I make sure I do everything I need to do every day, and don't allow myself any excuses. I weigh myself daily to make sure I stay on track. 

Yes, it takes time and work, but for me, it's entirely worth it- I love the payoff, especially with my health, though I do like small clothes. And I never ever ever ever want to go back to how I was feeling physically and emotionally before surgery. Just not willing to go there.

So you might just keep an eye on your weight, keeping it within the range that makes sense for you. And maybe you could consider letting go of the obsessiveness a little. I'm relaxing now because I'm in a good workable groove. But you can bet I'm not going to relax too much.

Sadly I don't think it's your weight that is the problem. You are in a prison, a prison so fear, insecurity and a need to control. You won't allow yourself the freedom of even one extra bite for fear it will strike you fat. I know the pain must be immeasurale and I don't think you will be able to get out of that pain without professional help. 

 

I dont find find it surprising that people who have lived in the prison of morbid obesity have the fear of going back and knowing that what we ate got us there it makes sense that we want to feel some control over what we eat but when it takes over our life and thoughts and causes so mulct pain then the issues behind, and what we are trying to cover up, first with food then with not eating, then our problems are beyond what we eat and what we weigh. 

 

Please reach out for help. Call you surgeon for a referral. What may now be an emotional problem can quickly turn into a physical without treatment.  

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I agree completely about my prison of fear! And about my control issues. I know this has taken me over a bit too much. I am far too mature (yeah - too old) for this anorexic behavior. I do know better, really - I do. I'm not that lost in myself; it's not about the mirror, a size or the perceptions of others. It's the potential of personal failure and squandering my last chance.

I probably should seek counseling, because there must be more to this, right? Must be.

RNY gave me a false sense of control, I think. It helped me so much, enabled complete success for 3 years - and then, BAM! It got harder. I thought I knew the right strategies, how to eat right to keep it off. I really thought I had this all figured out :(

No.  I am below goal but not underweight and maintenance is hard because you have to be accountable.  I don't obsess about it, actually I rarely think about food.  I still love chocolate but nothing rules me any longer.  I am free.

Yes it can be tough, but you can do it!  Here is a group that can help with the challenges.

Back On Track Together

I am 4 yrs post RNY ... The endocrinologist says If my blood sugars become too irratic they can only do 2 things. Reverse my bypass or remove part of my pancreas. Problem with the pancreas procedure is they don't know how much of the pancrease to take. If they remove too much then I could become full on diabetic. and reversal has its own set of complications. They said it is rare but sometimes after surgery a small percentage of people become reactive hypoglycemic. I cant afford to have my BS to drop because of my job. I am a commercial bus driver.  I am just under 5 ft tall and was 246 lbs. pre bariatric surgery that was  my highest weight. I now struggle to keep my weight on and am at 106 lbs. and have dropped down as low as 100 lbs.  I have a very physical job. I load alot of luggage and drive a double decker bus. LOL... I hear daily from passengers that I am so small , how do you drive this huge bus ? your so little, your so tiny. They call me the little Giant at work because I am so strong. But sometimes I wonder how I do it myself. I have Kephosis now in my neck which is a curvature of the neck and spine. which causes alot of pain and may be obstructing my lungs. And I recently had a breast exam and asked if what I felt was a lump. And the Gyno said no...those are your ribs. your very thin.  I had a breast reduction before sugery because I was an E cup and now I just deflat when I bend over because I have no boobs at all.

 I can also feel when food passes through my intestines because they protrude out under my rib cage and knot up ... it feels like they get twisted up. Most of the time my stomach kills me when I eat. I hate this feeling. I thought I would be so happy. I almost regret having it done. But on the other hand I would never be able to do most of the things I can now do that I am skinny. I think its gone too far. Like they made my pouch too small. I eat like a bird. I get hungry but can't eat much most times. Plus my stomach kills me when I do eat. I just want to gain 10 lbs. Oh and all my labs are all normal. No malnutrition and my vitamin levels are all normal. I am faithful in taking my vitamins daily.