Self-Sabotaging! Food and Alcohol. Just everything!
I am really in a rut! I shared before that I am tired all the time with no energy but what I didn't share is that my eating is out of control and so is my alcohol consumption. So I am now putting it out there hoping I find the strength for accountability. I am just grabbing the easiest foods to eat. Usually something I don't have to prepare and the mostly unhealthy of choices. And now suddenly, alcohol has become an unwanted friend. My excuse in my mind is that it is because of personal issues I am going through and everything that is going on in this world. Loss of income, loss of family and friends. I feel like I am in a maze and can't find my way out. I am self-sabotaging everything in my life and I know that. I need to put this chapter behind me but I am not sure how. I am praying for better days.
Try going back to the basics, keep a food journal to hold yourself accountable. If you nibble it, scribble it. Try to count your calories and measure your proportions. Eat plenty of protein. You took a wrong turn, so now make your way back to the healthy journey. You got this!
on 9/23/20 10:22 am
Sending you lots and lots of hugs. I think a lot of us, even without surgery (yet) have felt this way due to the recent world events. Hoping things get better and hopefully we can get through things together
On September 23, 2020 at 3:37 PM Pacific Time, Tidgel wrote:
I am really in a rut! I shared before that I am tired all the time with no energy but what I didn't share is that my eating is out of control and just recently so is my alcohol consumption. So I am now putting it out there hoping I find the strength for accountability. I am just grabbing the easiest foods to eat. Usually something I don't have to prepare and the mostly unhealthy of choices. And now suddenly, alcohol has become an unwanted friend. My excuse in my mind is that it is because of personal issues I am going through and everything that is going on in this world. Loss of income, loss of family and friends. I feel like I am in a maze and can't find my way out. I am self-sabotaging everything in my life and I know that. I need to put this chapter behind me but I am not sure how. I am praying for better days.
End Quote [Editing really mucks up the format of a quote, grrr]
I wish we could just come up with the magic words that it would take to get you to take care of yourself. The best we can do is tell you things you already know. But, sometimes, this is just what you need.
1: The loss of income is a big issue and it will impact every other aspect of your life. I'm sure you're investigating options. Just making plans to deal with financial issues can relieve some of the anxiety;
2: Find someone with which you can discuss your other personal issues. A professional person might even be good. Develop plans for dealing with these issues.
3: It may be worthwhile talking about some of your issues with your PCP. It's possible you are dealing with depression for which your Doc may be able to help pharmaceutically, until you are out of the woods;
4: Get rid of those unhealthy foods you have available in your home to just grab. Do the same with the alcohol. Don't allow these things in your home until you get yourself more together. This will make "just grabbing" impossible;
5: Buy foods that satisfy your program. Buy good, tasty food components for those times you are able and willing to prepare it. For the times you don't want to put in effort get some frozen meals. Check local restaurants as most have foods that will fit into your program. If snacks are on program get the right ones;
6: You seem overwhelmed. There is no law that says you have to deal with everything now. Take one issue, think it through from front to back. Write down pros and cons. Build and write a plan, then follow it. Figure out and write down things you can measure to ensure you are on track. Once complete, start with the next issue;
Once you've created plans, keep following them. You no longer need to get lost in everything that's going on. You have your roadmaps, you've already thought everything through, you just need to follow through.
Just today I read something that says... "Everything you eat, feeds the disease or fights the disease."
That struck a chord with me today. Everything you eat, drink, or consume (including the things you read, watch and listen to) either feed your disease, or fight it.
Some of what you describe sounds like depression, and you know, it's a depressing time. Things are extremely difficult for so many right now, and it can cause extreme anxiety, depression, and an overwhelming sense of exhaustion (tired all the time with no energy).
Posting here is a good step. I have found (over the past 11 years) an extreme amount of kindness and willingness to share from the people on this site. If nothing else, your post and the responses can help you understand that you are not alone.
Food is wonderful. It doesn't judge us, it makes us feel warm and happy. Until it doesn't.
Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful. It lies to you. It makes you feel stronger, able to deal with things, and it helps soothe the feelings. I remember well. I would get home to drink, have a couple of beers and the day melted away. And then, I would have a couple more. And I would forget why I was even stressed in the first place. Until I woke up. Rinse. Repeat. Sometimes beer. Sometimes wine. For me, I had to seek help for this, and I am so grateful for people willing to speak to me, with me, and allow me to share my feelings as well.
Everyone has a different perspective, and is going through something different. It's finding common ground, acknowledging the issue and making a plan.
You're not alone.
Let it begin with me.
It sounds like you know your addiction has taken over. At least you know it and acknowledge it and are asking for help Congratulations!
For me, the key to getting free finally from the grips of everyday drinking, not moving, watching TV around the clock ( and wearing my most Omar the Tentmaker dresses when I did skulk out, bloated and ashamed to get more groceries and booze or visit my aging Parents ) was exercise first thing in the morning and 12 step zoom and in ****asionally) in person 12 step meetings ( AA).
I've been in OA long enough to remember when they told you to make AA meetings and just substitute the word excess food for alcohol in your mind- well since my WLS about nine years ago I REALLY DID become a " real" alcoholic.
And except for an eleven month hiatus when I was a dry drunk in AA because I was doing it my way ( I came in with a dude I was trying to get sober and it was an abusive relationship) I did drink almost very day of that nine years .
As a result I achieved much less than I could have and honestly don't even remember most of those wasted days. PLEASE don't make the same mistake I did being defiant and willful and .. shall we say it? Spoiled.
Life didn't spoil me ... so I guess I felt I was entitled to indulge my worst self as an adult - well you can see where that got me.
I'm SO much happier now seventy days or so sober (and abstinent from binge and fattening eating- poor food choices if you will ).
In order to GET sober I had to make morning exercise my first priority ( a runners high can and does make staying away from self-medicating my mood that day MUCH easier - and its great to see the changes in my slimming body every morning too ).
That and making a zoom AA meeting ( and accepting a sponsor and actually meeting up with her to walk and talk most mornings ) really was all I've asked of myself and its worked like a charm so far.
(((())) Big Hugs, love, and wishing you the BEST