I must admit. I haven't been on the board for years. Life threw me for a loop after my 2008 DS. And it seems to still be twisting me around.

My epiphany took place right before the pandemic. A gastric surgeon took a look at my pouch with a barium swallow. I was expecting pure hell. That I had stretched it and was in need of surgery or a band, which he recommended. When I looked at the screen, I realized it was still this tiny, little pouch. And the problem wasn't the surgery, it was ME!

I've been given a tool that took me from 450+ to my present-day 160. I realized at that moment, that I had to step up my game. The ball was in my court and I couldn't blame surgery failure. So I put on my big girl panties and signed up for a workout program at the YMCA. And began to powerwalk. I was 200lbs when I started to take control. I got down to 180 when the pandemic hit. I maintained the loss through the lockdown. Presently, I walk and need to get back to strength training again. I'm using the excuse of not having a car to get there and I recognize what I am doing. I'm holding myself accountable.

I look at my body in the mirror and realize that over 10 years out I need plastic surgery and will never be able to afford it. I've lost my breasts. I need a tummy tuck and lipo on my behind. As well as my thighs and whatever the accumulation of fat on my vaginal area is called. (I didn't know your body could do this!)

I have a doctor in mind. But, would need my family to take out a loan to help me. Not going to happen.

In the present situation, with my desire to lose 20lbs and get rid of the remaining fat deposits on my body. Leave me depressed and feeling helpless. All those wasted years. I can't dwell on the past, it gets me nowhere but deeper into depression.

I'm at a loss. I'm trying to accept the naked body in the mirror. But I hate my image, more than myself. No one is going to want me. I'm afraid of intimacy for this reason.

I'm waaaaay past insurance coverage. I have no rashes. The weight does make me feel unbalanced, especially the hump of fat on my behind.

Any information or ideas are welcome. I'm feeling so lost and so helpless at this moment.

I'm sure after a few months it will be fine. It's too early to draw any conclusions. The body needs time to heal. After gynecomastia surgery, I saw a nice result after 3 months, but my doctor at the Forme clinic told me that it can take up to 6 months. So nothing is lost yet. And I was not allowed to do any sports for one month and I wore compression underwear for 4 weeks. So be patient and I'm sure you will be happy with the result.

I had a thigh, arm and breast lift. But that was two years ago in the Czech Republic. I have a friend who lives there, so it was good that I stayed with her for a while while I recovered. The price there at the Forme clinic was good compared to other countries. But definitely double check the surgeon, there are a lot of them nowadays and you want a good one with the best outcome. Fingers crossed.

Only a specialist will be able to perform a quality lift on any part of the body without harming your health.

Thank you for being brave and honest for sharing your story. I am new here, and it is refreshing to see someone opening up. Best wishes toward your journey of health and recovery.