Fire the judgey therapist. We aren't all judgey I promise.

Eating at night is a big sign of emotion regulation or what we call low distress tolerance. That isn't necessarily your fault, actually, but, well, goodness look at what's been going on. That is awful...I am so sorry for your loss.

My rule is we don't take things away without replacing them. Instead of eating, could you do something else? Don't laugh, but there are weighted blankets great for anxiety and PTSD that are very comforting. some people will hug them or wrap themselves in them. Have hobbies or things to keep your hands busy...things you enjoy which are not eating. I have had PTSD and nightmares so I get it...they suck, and they don't really care that I don't want to scarf donuts. If you absolutely have to eat, and yeah I feel you on the protein, have alternatives and ditch the rest. I had to be ruthless because I literally would eat anything when I had similar issues. Now I don't keep any at home because I can't. I have to get a hysterectomy within the next year or so myself.

There is nothing I can say to make things better, because they are awful, but I can say that you have made it through a lot. It may not seem like you can ever have relief from anxiety, however that doesn't mean tomorrow you won't.

The one thing I will say: be kind to yourself above all else. you deserve kindness and compassion, esp. from yourself.

You are not a bad person who is choosing to shoot themselves in the butt. You are not an eff-up. You are not terrible. You are suffering, and frankly anyone who doesn't get the power of comfort when we are suffering, especially a therapist, should hush up.