Isn't this site supposed to be supportive??
There are no rules that say that every single response from every single person has tto be"helpful" as someone arbitrarily defines it. Sometimes those of us who have been here for YEARS need to post things to help us keep our sanity and remain here offering help.
No, you likely have NOT been here long enough to be exasperated by new people coming here and being JUDGMENTAL of the vets who have been here for YEARS giving of their time, knowledge, and concern to try to help others. Most people come here, get what THEY need until they get most of their weight off and then leave without ever looking back. You probably have no idea what it is like to see the same questions week after week, month after month, year after year... and still try to answer them in a way that a few people who will leave in a couple of MONTHS determine is using a "kind" or "supportive" or "sensitive" enough TONE.
I (and other vets) get tired of people who have been here just days or weeks accuse us of not being sensitive enough because we don't remember what it was like to be pre-op or early post-op, yet fail to see how subjective tone is and show that they, themselves, have no clue what it is like to be here almost daily for a number of years trying to help. Just as easily and they label us insensitive/mean/bullies, we could label THEM as "ungrateful", "selfish", or "overly sensitive".
As Dr Phil says, "no matter how flat a pancake it, it still has two sides".
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
I understand. It is just that when someone posts a very general "some people should be kinder" message, number one that doesn't really address the issue because a post like that really isn't going to make someone choose gentler words or whatever. (If you address a concern with a specific individual privately about a specific post, though, you are likely to get a very different reaction.) Number two, as you see, all it takes is one person *****plies to YOUR post who was far-less-than-kind about HER words... and then it is your post that ends up being "hot" for something that was rather innocent. I have never known anyone to respond badly if someone has sent them a PM politely telling them that it seemed like a particular response was excessively harsh or was hurtful. They might not agree, but they aren't going to call you names or something for expressing your concern. I posted something once and someone sent me a message saying they thought that I was WAY out of line, and it turned out that I had worded something in a way that led them to interpret something entirely different than what I intended to communicate. Once I realized how it might be taken that way by other people as well, I was able to update my response to clarify and apologize for my confusing wording. Problem solved, zero drama.
In a certain sense, you (or, more probably, the one person who made the nasty comments to further expound on your post) are getting backlash caused by dozens of people before you who DID actually say "the vets are mean"... or worse... who then proceeded to stick around until they lost 75% of their weight and then left without a word, never to return.
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
I agree with Lora's last paragraph (especially) and I have been on this forum only 2 years (almost). I have never been bullied. Maybe someone disagreed..rightfully or not. It is annoying to have the same question pop up several times in a row when it has been answered quite thoroughly.
I would just add that some people seem overly "needy". Some are better at online hugs than others but no one is mean. It is understandable that if you ask, "is it alright if I eat pizza at 3 weeks?" you are going to get direct, not so subtle responses. Either you have a quack doctor that hasn't given you any guidelines or you didn't read his material, that is equally stupid.
You can be offended at replies that are meant to set you on the right track or you can take it as advice that is given in your best interest. It is pretty transparent when someone is just looking for approval regardless for what they are doing. If you are claiming this site to be a support group....support is a relative matter. So much depends on the way you phrase a topic or question too.
The bottom line is: If you have an important problem then you need to call your doctor. We have ideas, opinions, some experience, and that is all.
Oh for goodness, sake, lighten up a bit. They are just letting off steam in a humorous way. Have we all forgotten how to laugh?
When did we as a nation lose our sense of humor? It is sad to me that we are all so "offended" or "victimized" or "bullied" GAG.
Yeah, I am a tough old bird and I never intentionally hurt anyone but I won't read a lot of posts if they fall into the above offensive to me categories. Yeah, I have that power! I just move my mouse along and look for stuff that interests me. I could block the ones that really get my panties in a wad but so far none have.
If a person needs so much help that they are "feel let down" on here, I truly think the help you need is beyond the scope of this forum and time for you to seek professional therapy for your issues.
Life is meant to be fun. Wow.
Some of you could suck the red off my lollipop, I swear. There, I said it! LOL.
RNY 12/11/12 HW:230 SW:220 GW:140 CW:130 5ft 1
Glad you got it, Lora. My reply was misplaced so I am glad you understood what I was trying to say. My post was meant to be under the part where the vets were spouting off a bit. So it is placed oddly but still the lollipop comment works no matter what! hehe
RNY 12/11/12 HW:230 SW:220 GW:140 CW:130 5ft 1
