I need hugs!!! (re: divorce)

 

Kanga, I cannot imagine your hurt and frustration.  I will keep you in my prayers and I am glad you are able to be there for your little girl.  Perhaps your ex will be a more consistent father now.

Stay strong and be sure to take advantage of your support system.

I send you hugs and good thoughts!!!!!!!!! 

Thanks guys!!!

This is really hard... I've been with him since I was 18... I'm 30 now... we've lived together since I was 19... It's pretty crazy.  The hardest ting right now is that I am used to being the emotional support ofr him and I really feel like I've abandoned him, even though he was the one who technically decided to move out we both knew it was just a matter of time... he tried to change his mind but I made him stick to it... so now it's all my fault... I'm the one who "wants this" and am choosing to "put everyone through it".

There is defenintly some abuse there though... like totally blowing up and screaming nasty words and names at me (while holding daughter) becaue, for example, there wasn't a 2 liter bottle of diet soda for him to take to work and he was going to have to stop and get a drink on his way to work...  lots of dynamics I don't want her to see... he did great with her for this overnight though, so maybe this will actually be good for them too.

Oh, and my psych eval went great... I didn't mention the situation but said our realatioship wasn't the best and he wasn't super supportive... I played up the supportive people that I do have and was totally honest about everything else... it was less than an hour "interview" low key and pretty basic.  He said he has NO reservations and that I am an excelent cantidate do do very well!  I have to take 5 "workshop" classes and attend one support group (everyone in this program does) see PT and nutrition one more time and I am done with the majority of the pre op!!!

So some things are looking up.

As bad as I feel about the seperation right now I am actually having less stress with him out... I have this sense of calmness that I didn't have before... that must count for something... right?

That sense of CALMNESS is everything because if YOU feel it then your daughter feels it as well.

Ms Shell

Big hug & kiss.... sometimes it hard to do the right thing.

I crave to pour hugs on some lass,
With unlimited kisses en masse.
Is there anything sexier,
Than acute basorexia?
If no lass, I must kiss someone's...

A separation is difficult for all but one solace you can take with this is that hopefully now your daughter will have a good relationship with her father. Hope that whatever the end result you will find peace within yourself. I know for me Seeing a counselor was very helpful. Hugs!!

 I too, am going through a divorce with a son. I can not imagine how incredibly hard it woud be to have to share custody, and I don't think I could do it with daily sanity. As weird as it sounds, I am thankful my husband is too crazy for custody. I am not trying to make your divorce into something it's not, but your comment about his normal activity level in her daily routine and this his post on facebook makes me think he is just looking for some pity... my husband plays the pity card everywhere he can. I have finally learned it well. Praying for you guys... good luck, lady. 

 Hugs and support to you from a fellow sista in the separation w/ kids sorority.  My ex moved out a month and a half ago after over 20 years of marriage.  After years of emotional turmoil, he finally decided to move out and end the relationship.  I had suggested this years ago when i saw we were at each others throat but he refused to leave and promised he would work at the relationship with me.

 After an affair (both of us) and me leaving twice we gave it another try.  I had my last child gained 80 pounds from being depressed and feeling unloved by him.  My son is now 11 and my daughter is 20 and my oldest is 25 ( not his but he has known him since he was 1) 

We haven't even figured out the custody thing yet we are still adjusting to the new"normal" of him not being in the house.  

Bottom line is you will be OK and so will your child.  It takes time to adjust to the new dynamics of your family.  Every day I find myself thinking about him.  But I am convinced that I loved him but he didn't love me.  that's my stuff and counseling is whats next for me and my kids.  If you can do it I highly recommend it I am a Counselor and it can not hurt to have someone to talk to That will not judge.

contact me in my mailbox and we can talk more.

Hang in there girl you have my support you are not alone!

You have to take it 1 day at a time. My children are from my first marriage and when I finally said that I was done (I had left him many times before just to take him back) I knew that time I was. I couldnt take the drug induced lying, stealing, etc. anymore (no physical cause I would have killed him). It will get better I promise. Just hold on.