At what point will I start believing that this is actually real?

I'm coming up on my surgiversary; I've done well and I'm very happy with the results. The problem is all in my head -- every time I step on the scale, I fully expect to find that the weight has all returned (and because of my heart condition, I have to weigh myself every day.) In my dreams, I'm still fat and can barely move; I'm weighted down or running through molasses-like sludge, or drowning because I'm sinking because I'm so heavy. I still automatically head for the plus sizes in stores. Is my head ever going to believe this is real, this is me now, and that it's not going to go away?

Relatedly, will I ever stop being afraid that I'll regain?

Slap yourself really hard and tell us if it hurts.

Seriously, I'm coming up on my 1 year (couple more months) and it is weird to think about where I was a year ago.

I just don't feel like that person anymore. Not at all.

Congrats on your WL.

LOL!

Thank you! And congratulations on yours, too! :)

 I don't know.  But I am right there with you.  

My body image in no way matches my mental image.  In my mind I am still 350 lbs.  Every day I learn something new about how I move, the things I can do.  When I go to say my weight I have to stop and think so I don't add 100 lbs to it.  I feel a little ***** of panic every time they weight goes up alittle bit, even if I am still in my maintenance range.

Honestly, I just think I'll give it time. Just focus on today and using the tools I have learned over the past year.  If the weight goes too high, i'll adjust my eating and bring it back down.  Maybe one day I won't be afraid of my weight.  

I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one who feels this way! It really is a feeling of panic. I try to think of it as my head's insurance policy against regain, but it's also really not fun.

I had always heard that the "head stuff" is the hardest hurdle to get over, but I thought they meant head hunger, not disbelief that this is real! ;)

People are noticing the change in me now and I'm afraid I can't see it the same way.  When you've been fat for a long time (ie my whole life!) I guess we can't expect a mindset change that quickly.  Like everything else around this, it's a process.

ps- rhearob- great new pic!

Lynn

I always get on the scale and expect it to tell me I went up 100 lbs over night.. I will never stop being afraid of re-gain - that fear is the ony thing that will keep on track really. It would be nice and fun to pig out but knowing the consequences (ie regain) - I will not be able to do it.

Most days I still feel bigger than I am - everytime I hear the word "skinny" in reference to me, I automatically think "not me".

But, leaving my house this morning in a size small shirt from Banana Republic sure makes it feel real for at least the time being!

I like the panic...I hope it never goes away...I feel it keeps me in check!

I still have moments I forget I'm "Skinny" or not that fat girl anymore.  I forget I don't have to turn sideways to move through a crowded room- or suck my gut in. I still hold my pants up and think these are never going to fit on me. I do no think I will ever get used to people looking me in the eyes when they speak to me, men talking/flirting with me or shopping in reg size clothing stores.

Went to a pool party and was late- running out the door I clearly remember thinking to myself- forget bringing the bathing suit I don't want people to see me in one. I was clearly thinking in old fat mode- AND I was going to a party with my weight loss support group friends! When I got there they where like wear is your bathing suit and I realized what I had done. My friends wife was like you can borrow one of mine- I was like it won't fit- old fat self thinking- not only did it fit but it was to big! LOL

I'm a weirdo - I think I'm thin. Over the years I did a very effective job of separating my intellectual and emotional self from my physical body. No mirrors, no scales. Once I got to 250-260 my body just parked itself there and didn't budge. For other reasons than feeling fat I did a lot of work around my relationship with food, and have been making food choices based on ethical reasons for a number of years. So my diet overall is healthy.

If I were having dreams like you are having I'd probably spend some time with a therapist. That sounds like a lot of anxiety. There's nothing wrong with talking that out with a professional.

I can relate to what you're saying. Although I can openly admit I had a portion control problem, my food choices didn't have much to do with my obese condition. I too had separated myself from my food issues/head issues and never saw myself in the mirror as the reflection that was there. I look back at my pictures and can't believe that I really looked like that. Even though sometimes I don't recognize the current reflection, this is always the way I saw myself. I don't have fear about regain because I finally know that what I eat and how I eat is under my control.