I am not perfect

Last month in group someone said something to me casually that has been nagging me off and on.

I was talking in group about the way my weight fluctuating was messing with my head. We had a different group leader than normal, and he gave me a different perspective on how I was looking at it - sort of in line with the Dr. C posts we have seen the last couple of days.

It's not that insight I am writing about, but something someone said after. On the way out one of the other group members mentioned something in passing. That they were surprised. It was different to see that Robert was not always perfect. I am certain that they did not say this in any sort of unfriendly or snarky way. But it made me think:

Is that what some people think? That this is always easy for me? That I always have the answer or get to it quickly? That i am perfect in everything I do on my journey?

Yes, I got to goal quickly. Yes I had my plastics quickly. I have had success with my weight loss and am proud of that success.

I try to share when I struggle as well as when I succeed. I work hard at facing my eating issues, at my exercise plan, at learning what I need to to be successful on my journey. I work damn hard at it. I work just as hard at trying to pay that forward and help others.

I want my success to help inspire others. I mean really, there is nothing special about me, if I can do this so can anyone else. I don't want to be on a pedestal for anyone, I'd rather be by your side helping. I don't want to be a bulwark that anyone has to climb over or feel they have to live up to.

I really appreciate your insight and willingness to share your knowledge and experience.  You're a great help to many of us, thank you!

It sounds like a snarky remark.  But although it was directed towards you, it's really about the person who said it.  Perhaps they are feeling jealous or less than or guilty because they aren't working their plan as well as you. 

Perfect post. tee hee.  but really you offered some good insight on the maintenance vs weight loss thing. keep it up. Does gaining two pounds make you not perfect? Does not gaining an ounce make you perfect? I hate the word "perfect". there is no such thing.  diane

I totally feel your pain here.  I have the same issues and I don't like them much.  I too am not perfect and never claimed to be perfect.  This notion separates me from others and I don't want that.  I too struggle and make mistakes and am continuously learning how to maintain what I have.  I want to be able to come here for support and advice just like everyone else.  I like being someone that motivates others to do better, but I am not perfect, not in any way.

First off-- let me thank you for the all the help you've given me over my few months!  

I think that sometimes people get so wrapped up in their own issues and trying to figure them out, that when they come across someone like you who can offer concrete, solid suggestions -- and back them up with your personal success -- that they forget you are offering your EXPERIENCE!

Every day you faced decisions about what to eat, how exercise, etc. - and you made consistently good choices that may not have been the easiest choice at the time.  

But I'm guessing that because you write with confidence, that you also speak with a confidence borne of your experience -- and that people can misinterpret that to mean that you always made the "right' choice. Or they are so self-centered that they believe no one can possibly be struggling the way they struggle because their situation is soooo different!  

You got to your goals faster because you worked harder, and made losing weight a top priority - -maybe the number one top priority in your life for many months.  That decision is not something that comes easy to many people -- especially people who have lived their lives ensuring that other people's needs are met first.

I think they are confusing perfection with setting priorities and sticking to them. If you think that is true, you could reflect that in your story --  "I didn't achieve this level of success because I am perfect or always made perfect decisions. I achieved my success because I made losing weight the most important goal in my life for the past year. It may seem easy to some because it was quick, but I had the same struggles that you have."

Just a thought.

 

 

 

Comments such as those are usually rooted from their own insecurities. Insulting others is how some people feel better about themselves- sad but true. Keep inspiring and supporting us on this journey. Congratulations on your success and you should be proud.

I agree with a lot of what Muttlover said.

I also think that "perfect" image is related to the deserving praise you get from all of the newbies learning here. People (myself included) are very thankful for your advice. The time and patience you give to others is very admirable. You obviously care about people and want people to have a taste of your success.

This journey is full of bumps in the road. There is so much conflicting information from surgeons and NUTS. The vets here are a constant source of solid information. That is reassuring to a newbie.
I appreciate you! Thanks for always replying without ever being rude! I actually just showed my husband your profile today because he is hoping to get sleeved next month. Your success is something to be proud of!

Wait .......

Did you write this or did I write this ????????????

Sometimes we get caught "behind" the "illusion".........

Yes, I lost 200lbs. pretty fast, yes I have maintained pretty good.......been active on OH and my surgeons groups...... I've given a few talks to Doctors and Nurses about what WLS means to me. Now I author Cafe Frisco.......

Not only do some people "think" I did this thing perfectly....... I am now "expected" to do this perfectly......

Perfect....... far, far from it.........

Let me just say.... anyone who needs WLS..... has some issues and demons...... and that includes me !!!!!

I think the WL phase has particular structure and the program I came from, there are guidelines and goals. I'm not a rule follower by nature and profession. I've been trained to think way way outside the box.......so this structure was/is hard for me.....

I think I have just about every craving and trigger I've ever read about here on OH....... just not the woman cycle thing..... but I do sometimes claim PMS.....

I was at a WL function...... and ordered a diet Coke before dinner....... Gasp!!!! and I hear..... "Frisco's drinking a diet Coke !!!! I thought you did everything by the book!".........I'm like.... ya.....I eat candy, cookies and cake sometimes.....another gasp!!!!

Now before the noobs go running out to buy diet Coke, candy, cookies and cake. I was 92.7% compliant in WL..... not perfect by any means......but pretty good.... Let's just say I surprised myself.....

My thought is that if the "illusion" I put out makes you stronger..... than I'm OK with it.....cause "The Frisco" ain't perfect !

frisco

Here's the thing - you know this already, but I'm going to say it anyway - this is not your problem. Their comment had NOTHING to do with you. It's all them. Like you said, you've worked damn hard to get to a better place with food. You've figured out your triggers. You didn't stay the victim. You didn't become the martyr.

This comment, even though it has your name in it, has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with what these people aren't willing to look at in themselves.

You are wonderful. Don't spend another brain moment on this.