Calling all VSG veterans

I am the wife of a good man and the lucky mother of six children who are all naturally thin so far. I am a nursing student going into my Senior year of my BSN, and will finish my first college degree 30 years after I first went to school. I have been jumping through the hoops that line up before surgery, trying to time it far enough ahead of Fall term so I am not trying to do clinicals while dealing with hormone dumps, etc. I hope I am able to deal with it!

I have questions percolating. Any help would be great. Hopefully I can get input from long-term VSGers, both from people who are  loving this journey and those who have had a harder slog. Thank you all in advance.

My history is like yours, lots of yo-yo success and failure, always trending up. My highest wt was 265, currently I am at 251.

QUESTION: Is regain after a sleeve easier to get off than it was before surgery, or at some point does it start to seem like the same relentless, creeping horror all over again?

QUESTION: What does a hormone dump feel like, and how long do they go on?

QUESTION: How do you get help in keeping danger foods out of the house when you have a family that has no idea what you are going through? My husband's idea of helping is cheerfully not giving me any of what he brings home for him and the kids on the weekends.

QUESTION: What long-term benefits and disadvantages have you experienced?

QUESTION: Any regrets?

QUESTION: What counsel do you have for me?

I had R NY but believe VSGers will agree it is much harder to lose regain after surgery than it was before.  Once you get the weight off, don't slack off and think you are done.

Google studies about Biggest Loser contestants and how resistant to weight loss they are after their massive non-surgical weight loss.  The body tries to get its weight back.

I have seen those recent news stories. I got the impression that the regain was due to the set-point theory, with medical/non-surgical wt loss linked to defensive wt regain by the body, with really determined regain due to the extreme nature of the activities leading to wt loss in that show. I have heard that wls changes the set point long-term--is that true in your experience, anyone?

Nothing can be harder than what I have gone through every time I have lost wt. My setpoint is like a tractor beam, dragging me back up the scale despite everything, with intense cravings and tiredness and crankyness ruling my life until I give in. I have chiseled off the same 50+ lbs seven or eight times, only to end up bigger than ever at the end. I exercise too, sometimes more than ever while I regain. I am so hopeful that surgery can be the tool that breaks that tractor beam and lets me feel it is possible to stay a healthy wt.

QUESTION: Is regain after a sleeve easier to get off than it was before surgery, or at some point does it start to seem like the same relentless, creeping horror all over again?

Is it easier -- yes. Is it easy? NO. It's still a lot of hard work. Healthy eating is something you need to commit to for the rest of your life.

QUESTION: What does a hormone dump feel like, and how long do they go on?

Didn't have one, so I don't know. I see a lot of people talking about being very moody, rage-y, and weepy though.

QUESTION: How do you get help in keeping danger foods out of the house when you have a family that has no idea what you are going through? My husband's idea of helping is cheerfully not giving me any of what he brings home for him and the kids on the weekends.

I live by myself so I have no first hand experience. My guess is that you get the help you need by being extremely specific about what you want and what it means to you. Not "I want your support in healthy eating" but "I really need for there not to be crackers and cookies in the house because I find it too difficult not to eat them. Also, it's very stressful for me to even know they are in the house, even when I don't eat them. You and the children can eat them outside the house, but I need for them not to be in the house."

You might also want to point out that there are reasons beyond weight to avoid junk food. Just because your children and husband aren't obese (now) doesn't mean they should be eating junk on a regular basis. High sugar, high sodium, processed crap is bad for you in all sorts of ways beyond making you fat.

QUESTION: What long-term benefits and disadvantages have you experienced?

I don't have enough room here to talk about the long term benefits in any detail. I lost over 200 lbs and went from a size 36 to a size 6 (okay some of that is vanity sizing). My life went from everything revolving around my weight, living in shame and fear and sickness, to living in a normal and healthy fashion.

Disadvantages -- well, bread and carbonated drinks no longer agree with me. Sometimes I miss having a piece of bread or a glass of champagne on a special occasion. That's about it. My life is pretty normal. I do have to be very careful about what I eat and work at maintaining a normal weight -- but so does just about every other person over 30 with a normal BMI, so says my surgeon anyway.

QUESTION: Any regrets?

None, not ever.

QUESTION: What counsel do you have for me?

Do a lot of reading, be prepared to commit to your bariatric team's plan for you, and understand that this isn't a short term "diet" you get through and then you are done and can just "trust your body" and eat what you want. If you want to put your obesity in remission, you will need to always be mindful of it and willing to work at it for the long haul.

Thank you very much. I like your comparison of your maintenance to having your obesity in remission. I can see that that is what I hope for most at this point. I know I will have to work at it, but I hope it feels more possible than it has for me before.

Thank you very much. I like your comparison of your maintenance to having your obesity in remission. I can see that that is what I hope for most at this point. I know I will have to work at it, but I hope it feels more possible than it has for me before.

Getting regain off - story of my life at the moment. I can't really say - I lost 85 lbs in 11 months on my own prior to surgery. I ultimately ended up with a 90 lb regain a couple years out. I have managed to lose 60 of those 90 lbs. I have not dieted in any sense of the word. I don't even count calories. I'd say it's been fairly easy to lose weight. BUT it's only a small % due to my sleeve. If I chose to use my tool as it was intended, my meals/snacks stay small and low calories. However I did not regain my weight eating protein and veggies. My sleeve is absolutely a useless POS when I'm eating chocolate and candy and cookies and crackers. Useless. So my current weight loss is the result of a mental change I've undergone. But I do use my sleeve so it helps for sure. 

Dont know about a hormone dump - I definitely was on an emotional roller coaster after surgery but considering how many changes I had to face physically and mentally, I have a hard time blaming hormones. 

I live alone thank heavens. But I deal with temptations at work and social situations. And family visits and everyone is eating what I call "not my food". I have a very black and white list of what is and is not my food. I made a list of things I will NoT eat under any cir****tances bc they trigger an obsession and compulsion to eat that I can't control. Even when I'm around those foods, they don't call to me anymore. I have completely cut out all flour and sugar (except fruit) and cravings are gone gone gone. Some people think my plan is too rigid but it has given me more freedom and sanity and made my life 100% more manageable. 

I have my list on my fridge. Anyone who comes in my house is directed to the list and I politely ask the not to offer me anything on the list but that I don't care that they eat it. 

Long term benefits - happiness. Joy. A full rich life beyond my wildest dreams. Physically active in ways I never could have dreamt of. The friends I've made here. And a bikini. At 5 years out I'm rocking a bikini (and the best part is that I don't have a bikini body and I DONT CARE. 

Advice - "clean house" - figure out why you are overweight and need WLS and deal with those reasons. Eliminate the reasons and excuses we make for eating. Honestly sounds easy and simple but it has taken me 5 years after my surgery to figure it out. If you want more info or talk more PM me. 

"Advice - "clean house" - figure out why you are overweight and need WLS and deal with those reasons. Eliminate the reasons and excuses we make for eating. Honestly sounds easy and simple but it has taken me 5 years after my surgery to figure it out. If you want more info or talk more PM me. "

Working on it.  My husband is a good man, but he is controlling and has been open with me that my body is a turn-off for him, and that is/was hard. He is usually loving and sane, but when he is his alter-ego the jerk, he is hard to live with. I know my decision to stay all these years has partly been a lack of confidence in myself, but also largely because I value my promise to him and our parenthood/family being a reliable nest for our children. I fear losing weight and deciding I do not want to deal with being married anymore. I want to use my developing confidence to improve our marriage, not to kick him out. We have six children, after all. I actually credit my stress eating with helping redirect my frustration from him and keeping me from doing/saying things I would have regretted. I need to take responsibility for my emotions and find more healthy ways to deal with them.

Thank you for your supportive input.

Hello Raven - I am not anywhere near a veteran, as I had surgery less than a week ago.  But what you wrote here compelled me to want to reply.  I am a nurse as well, congratulations on your success in a very challenging academic program! 

I was in a marriage to man whose behavior was not much different than yours.  I too had small children and intended to respect my vows.  I knew my body was not attractive to him, and I felt the hurt and shame.  Funny thing, when I was really angry at him, my response was to feed myself.  I thought I was self soothing, but in fact, I was punishing myself, as if his negative, irrational behavior was my fault.   I ended up losing a great deal of weight on a diet, and looked awesome.  I learned some healthier eating habits, and gained some confidence.  Funny thing, his behavior didn't change.  Along the way, I learned that his behavior was not my fault.  I also realized that I didn't want to teach my daughter that it is normal for a woman to be treated as I was, and I was teaching her that exact thing by staying.  I didn't want to teach my son that he could behave like this toward a woman, not even sometimes.  I divorced my husband at that time. I did therapy then to understand why I had tolerated the situation for so long, I had to understand me, not him.  I subsequently met & married a man who has been my rock and my support, *****ad every item in my WLS binder, who helped me clean out inappropriate food from the cabinets, and relocated his snacks to the garage.  He has been an incredible role model to my children, who see him as a great dad and wonderful husband.   He is the inspiration for my screen name, as he is the right one.  

So my advice to you is to start in your head.  You said you want to use your developing confidence to improve your marriage, not to kick him out.  Improving a marriage takes two motivated people.  I don't know either of you, thus I cannot tell you if you have two.  Some of what you have written in this post sounds like he would prefer to keep things as they are.  I would suggest you seek personal counseling to understand yourself, what you get from this relationship, and why you think that you are not allowed to express your frustration.  To an outsider, reading only your words, he sounds abusive.  I want you to know that you deserve a loving and caring partner.  You are worth it today, at 250 lbs, not just a goal weight. 

Take care.

If you have a bikini and it's on your body, then you have a bikini body :)