1stReneeMarie

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Jul 22, 2009

Well, I finally took a couple pics to post. It sure doesn't look like I have lost 76 pounds. I still feel like a cow. The biggest WOW for me is the CLOTHES!!!
It blows my mind to not have to wear plus size anymore!! I went on vacation and blew everyones mind. I don't see what they do. Maybe I never will. I am so grateful for the loss and the very little problems. I only hope on August 13th when I see my surgeon,she will let start a low dose of Celebrex again like she said I could. My arthritis is more painful than I ever imagined it could be. But many others have greater complaints than I.I am blessed and thankful. This whole surgury opens our eyes to many aspects in life. I am wearing make-up again.Caring for my hair's cut and style and color. Putting outfits together and even wearing nighties and jammies instead of boxers and t-shirts. I guess for the 1st time in many years I feel like a woman and I thought that would never be a part of my life again.
I had a wonderful time on vacation. People talked to me and I was flirted with and I smiled from deep inside finally. I hold my head higher than I have in a very long time. Perhaps one day I will find whatever it is I think I lost! Or need.!

Jun 30, 2009

Well HELLO WORLD!!!!
How is everyone?? I haven't blogged or said a whole lot here lately. Life has been a bit wild and harsh but as  we ALL are on here....I am a survivor and I have Faith. It all works out I reckon.
So......As of this morning I weigh 220 pounds.!!! This is wild to me. 13 weeks ago I weighed 286 pounds. Is this really possible.?? My mind is so blown.
Yep I was one of the ones that cast doubt's and just thought for sure I would the bariatric surgery failure on my Doctors list of satisfied customers.!!!
But I am so blessed and I am so happy. I wake so excited to weigh each, yes, each day. This way I can literally see when the weight loss stops or slows I then see the inches come off. The is a pattern of sorts. It is very interesting to watch my body change. I am pleased also so far with the way my skin is responding at my age.!!! But what they say is TRUE........Moisturize!!!!!I mean bathe in it!
I have went through more Oil of Olay then I ever thought I would have. The whole body lotion, the night firming face cream I use on my face AND neck.
My Turkey Gobble neck is gone! I am shocked! The total body on my legs,thighs,the foot and heal cream.EVERYWHERE!!!!!!
I put up an 18' foot this year and swim swim swim. I picked up a Gazelle like I said before and would never have made it this far without it. Back is way too bad to ever walk as much as I need to.
Bottom line..................My ONLY COMPLAINT IS..................................
I can't take any NSAIDS yet or antiinflamatories. And I hurt.
Yes indeed there is much less weight and pressure on my weight bearing joints , 66 pounds less pressure, but my arthritis and osteoperosis is kicking my butt.
I just sat down here 15 minutes ago to update and blog and I am in BIG pain already.
I never ever realized how much I truly depended on my arthritic meds.
But this too will somehow get better.!!!!! I am sure of it.
So if anyone out there has the same troubles and has a helpful hint....shout it out to me, please.........
The very worst is my neck and shoulders. I am the Ben-Gay queen. I HAVE to use PAIN pills also. This can't go on forever.
Anywho......as far as eating, well......there is no solid book of instructions I have learned, only suggestions. What works for one, will not for another.
Each day I can't motivate without my coffee, then I try to eat a little something so I can begin my meds,and I have learned that things go better scale wise, when I make sure I get in as much protein as possible.And of course drink drink drink. I am still unable to eat eggs of all things.And the only beef I can get down without trouble is ground chuck or ground beef.
I eat a lot of cherries and watermelon and nectorines. Vegie of choice is shoepeg white corn. The shoepeg has smaller,thinner husk over it and digests better. I love my cheese but must be careful as I am sure you know why. No one wants to get backed up.
Again...I am open to any suggestions on eating for some one 12 weeks post op. So, I will say Ta Ta for now. I hope everyone has a safe , happy summer and makes many happy memories!!!
Hugs to all......Renee

May 07, 2009

Holy Bacon Bits Billy Bob! What a day!
So....Today I had my 2nd Follow-up Post-op.I am only 5 weeks but hey, that's the way they set me up.Anyway, like the good little patient that I am, I went with my list in hand of questions.
After my exam, which she said I looked great, and all's well on the incision,weight loss is great,
( Top wt.286,OR day wt.278,this am's wt. 247!)
yadda yadda, then I got my list out.

And as a few of ya'll have noticed I am the carrot you find in the can of green beans, ya know ...the ONION RING in your order of fries.
I have been the strange little Opie Taylor since I was a baby. There is no NORMALACY to my life. Really,there's no Murphy's Law, nothing in my life seems ever to be simple or ordinary. Sometimes it's funny and comical and sometimes it's down right disastrous.

So my questions started with #1, I bought a Gazelle,
when can I start.
Now....her answer of ......Do you have a cage big enough and why would want to ride the little fella is just one reason I chose her as my Doc. She is as warped as me and I LOVE HER!
LAUGHTER. is the best medicine, I swear!
But as we went through the list and she answered, I got to the last one.......................................
I sat up straight and asked her, WHY in the hell do I cry when someone gets voted off of American Idol and why do I hate my self one minute and laugh the next. Why am I in an amazingly scary rage over something minor and screaming tough guy Sailor words at in-animent objects.
*
My poor vacuum cleaner never saw it coming and is still in my closet wondering what the hell it ever did to piss me off that bad!
*
Why do I whirl around the room like Cinderfuckinella one day and the next look in the mirror and see Hannibal Lector!
Well......some of you are smiling and some of you NOT!

IF YOU HAVEN'T WENT THROUGH THIS YET.....HANG ON TO YOUR HUBCAPS CUZ YOU WILL!

She laughed and said I was one of the very few who had ahhh, come clean with her.
Why I asked??? Well, perhaps they were afraid of someone slapping them on anti-depressants or taking the key and LOCKING THEM UP!
BOTTOM LINE ....as your all going WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT IS IT!?
My wonderful intelligent wise Doctor explained to me ,
in GREAT detail and MY DAUGHTER ANGEL WENT WITH ME,
( witness     ),
That ,F*A*T* makes ESTROGEN!!!
,and when we LOSE it quickly as we are and will continue to do so that it is like going through MENOPAUSE ...or a bad case of POST PARTUM DEPRESSION!

Now yes, this is where you can picture me doing the happy dance in her office,  as I no longer think I need to run through all the pretty poppies in the Wizard of Oz or take a vote with Jack Nicholson and watch the damn world series.
SERIOUSLY..............I thought I was losing my damn mind and I no...I could not find my marbles, and yes I did look in
Never Never Land and I was quickly losing my relationships with my  Sister, my friends and my family.
Well at least I thought I was.Some of them have really hung in there for me.
That's that unconditional LOVE I admire so much.
But they WERE......... ALL losing patience with me and asking me some really hurtful questions.
And saying very hurtful things that they could never take back.

No I am not BI-POLAR.NO,
I do need anti-depressants.(per my Doc),
No i don't need a fricken shrink,
and NO it's not the meds cause I aint taken any that would cause this.
NO, I did'nt wake up permanently stuck on MEAN MODE!
Do I didn't swallow the

** BITCH FROM HELL PILL**

Doc also said they do not try to even think of medicating because everyone's FAT melts at different rates and their bodies metabolizes at different rates depending on their activity level,nutritional intake and home life etc......
There in no stability to what is happening in their lives and their weightloss.Medicating would be fruitless.
YOU RN's OUT THERE SHOULD AGREE.
She said it does NOT MATTER wether or not you have had a full hysterectomy, partial hysterectomy or no hysterectomy!
Listen.....It is ONE of the reason we feel good when we get upset and sit down with ice cream or M&M's or WHATEVER it is that made or makes you happy.
The high calorie , carb, increasing fat cell produces ESTROGEN!
Now.....for you fella's out there......?
Not one of you,    so I didn't ask.

She said it can be very mild, almost un-noticeable or severe....
ME!

I am a healthy 50 year old, independant, wise, optimist who  wants to conquere the world, woman with severely debilitating osteo-arthritis and many other bone problems,mostly back and I was FAT.Yes yes I am still fat not as fat but fat,but I am getting it off and if,and I say if, all I have to deal with is being sad because the Maytag washer repairman doesn't have any work than so be it.
I have been** knock on wood***, very blessed so far with not going through some of the hell that I know is possible with this surgery.I do believe that a lot of it is how you look at it and your frame of mind. I do believe that if your one of those that thinks they will have trouble.....
Than you probably will have trouble.
I believe in Bio-Feedback and Meditation and most of all Prayer!
But.........
Where was all this info when I was doing my research??
Why didn't anyone warn me.If they knew.
If someone said ...." Now , Renee, You'll be a little irritable or cranky", well, I guessed I missed that train because no one said I'd have to board Ozzy's crazy TRAIN!

But HHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,Ahhhh

I am so fricken releived now ,I feel 10,000 times better just knowing it's a normal thing.It's OK. I AM OK!
Yeah baby, it's shagarific!
So...look out world...I want to lose another 85 pounds and IF, that's 85 kinds of bitches, than I guess, that's what I am gonna be.
And I may not have any friends or family when it's over either.
But maybe they were not really that to begin with.
After all...I AM ADOPTED...
and trust me when I say......
BLOOD does NOT make a FAMILY and LOVED ones.
It's what you carry and share from deep within
ones heart and soul that matters.
Have a great day everyone!
HUGS****************      Renee******   aka   ~Crazy Nae~

May 04, 2009

Well...Here I am......Tomorrow will be 5 weeks.....And I am down 37 pounds from Highest and 29 pounds from the day of surgery! I don't know what to say or think or even how to act.......but here is what I do know.
I feel like I am becoming a person again.Deserving to hold my head up high.I feel like a woman. I am feeling healthier and yes not all, but most days I do have more energy.
I have a much brighter outlook on my future, and as my sweet little grandchild Fiona said ( she is 4 ), "" Oh Memaw,...your almost skinny! ""
We all started laughing .
It was sooooo cute. Nenagh the 5 year old, thought I was going to be skinny when I came home from the hospital and was very mad at the Doctor for not doing her JOB! Too funny! And Ireland the 7 year old say every time she lays eyes on me," Memaw , You look so good, I am so proud of you!"
She,..... IS.... MY SUPPORT TEAM.The pure unconditional love of the innocence of a child is the greatest gift that GOD could ever give us.
I do wish I could say the same of some others. I feel like I disgust other family members, like I am a bothersome pain in their ass to even have to look at or listen to. I try so hard to do what I think will make them like me more or love me more.
Or be proud of more. I would give the world over if my Mother could still be with me to do things with or watch TV with or just sit and talk to. Life is so PRECIOUS,
why folks take it for granted amazes me. They feel tomorrow is a given and it is simply NOT!
Sorry to venture off down that Highway...........
This surgery is NOT the easy way.
This surgery HAS been the hardest on me.
This surgery HAS made me read each and every label,and yes Andrea,( My NUT )
This surgery does make you say....what's this going to DO for ME!! lol
I have fallen twice. Because of my back being operated on a year ago I had just begun to learn to walk again when along comes this and because my RNY was an OPEN RNY, she cut my core I had worked to teach myself to walk with again, so just 10 days home from the hosp I developed a gout attack in the back of my right foot( which me and Doc thought for a minute may have been a Blood clot) and was using a cane when I lost my balance, what little I had and did a real puuurrty ballet pirouette' spin in my living room, I am talking a 360' turn and landed belly first into the arm of my recliner! Ouch baby....very ouch......!
Then LAST NIGHT I decided to fire up ALL my candles.........
( and I am a true CANDLE FREAK! ) for my Monday night TV shows. Well when I went to blow em' all out I climbed up on the same ottoman I stood on to light the ones up on top of my entertainment center ( and its over 6 foot ), and I didn't step back far enough and it tipped forward....down I went face first into the TV screen, I really don't know why it didn't break, I hit it very hard,my chin hit the shelf the TV sits on and my BELLY went into the ottoman ,about 2/3's the way down on my incision! Again......OUCH baby...very ouch.
Why the hell am I writing all this...? Who the hell even reads this shit...?
Really...does anyone give a shit about ones BLOG or what ? lol really!
Oh well.....maybe a few do. Sooooooooooooooooooooo, I see ole' Doc on Thursday, a wee bit short of my 6 week post op check and I have no idea what will happen.
Ya know.....someone asked me,....if I took anything for my depression?
This set me back a few yards to punt because I was NEVER depressed until this SURGERY!!!!!!! IT SEEMS TO BE THE ONE FRICKEN THING THAT NO ONE WARNS YOU ABOUT!
When I asked my sister about it ....and why she didn't warn me,as she had about everything else, she said she didn't get ,sad, lonely, emotional, weepy.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHAT?
Jesus Christ I cried when the singers sang on American Idol. My kid gave me a
"" Good Book to Read"" that she checked out from the Library,called Living Dead Girl. DON'T READ IT! It's a TERRIBLE book about severe child abuse after an abduction and of course it's a true story.
Some days are worse than others and NO, it's not the damn meds.!
I never had this many mental eruptions when I had my full hysterectomy!
Oh well.....Back to current.......I made it thru the roughest part...I HOPE!
I couldn't dance with the PROTEIN POWDER to save my life. My NUT says" what about trying the EGG WHITE POWDER???lol
Is she on crack?????
I have been very fortunate in many ways so yes I DO see and acknowledge my BLESSINGS. I have only dumped twice.
I have OVERATE a time or two. I have kept the nausea at bay except for a a few times and gas under control. All in all, I am OK......
And the best part is I am looking to take a cruise.
I have not done that in years and the salty air has been calling my name BIG TIME! No one is promised TOMORROW! So I have been researching a little.
Thank you,... to all of you who have taken the time out of THEIR lives to give a hoot about mine. I almost deleted my acct. I am sure out of the sadness I am dealing with.But I didn't.
I am still looking for advice for anything at all.
This is a life long journey and it is a very long highway.Please keep in touch, and good luck to all of you .
TOODLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HUGS........Renee

Apr 09, 2009

Hello BARI WORLD!!!!!!! And all the Buddies I hope I Have!~  I wanted to take a very quick moment and say thank you for your thoughts and prayers and positive energy well wishing I have indeed felt.
This life altering time in my life has been more than anyone ever could have warned me of.Nothing could have prepared me for this.
I am not a wimp, nor a lightweight,but possibly because of my many other issues, I have indeed have a rough road to walk this last week. My surgery went well. Dr. Choban is absolutely the most amazing Doctor I have ever encountered. But..... until today when the bulb drain and tube was removed I really did question why I went through with it.I have aced multiple surgeries in my life, hard ones. But this....wow. I have indeed lost 23 pounds in 14 days so I will not complain. I do agree on one thing. Gastric Bypass surgery is NOT the EASY way out. It is a tool to be used and diligently so. The rest is now up to me. Please keep in touch with me .This should be yet the beginning of the new beginning. I have crossed over my friends. Thanks for saving me a seat.!!!
In closing I'll add that I caught a cold in the last 24 hours and SNEEZING has become something of a FEAR that I thought only the devil himself could bring!!!
I also do not have a lap top and sitting here is very uncomfortable.
My recliner has been a blessing....Thank you sweetie.!
Strangely though, stretching out on my couch has felt great!
Liquids, food, and meds are goin in and no grosso el garbo to reporto!!!
We are ALL pretty daing special kinda folks, aren't we???
I pray your all doing well and Thank you again for all your prayers and concern! God Bless Much Love,,,,,Big HUGS!!!!!!   Renee  

Mar 31, 2009

Well My Bari Bud's....The day is near over and the morning brings with it a new adventure in this Journey I am on.Though I am sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that the things that have happened in the last 10 days is to most just * life *, it has in fact seemed to me that a dark cloud of sorts has been following me and what would normally be small troubles has been MAGNIFIED by the BIG day that has been approaching! And the fact that I am USUALLY a strong, independent, stubborn, gracious yet domineering *WHITE CANADIAN CHOCTAW*gal from a 100 years ago, with a soul five hundred years old. I am in fact tonight, a scared little girl, that wants her Mommy and fears the very worst.So, what the hell is wrong with me? I have been down the pre-op interstate 13 times and followed the O.R brick road all my Life and have never really been shook a bit, even for my massive back surgery.
But this time there is a rumble in my spirit.
All I can do is put it in the hands of my maker and lay all my Faith,Hope,Trust and Love in his gentle and loving hands.
My sister arrived by a miracle.They almost didn't have a seat for her.
The medication Dr. Choban ordered for me tonight was unable to filled. For that matter, it was not found anywhere. My pharmacy called many many others and no luck. It was so I would not start vomiting and would last for 2 days.So, I am going to try a different plan as I called the on call Doc and Price said to take 2 promethazine in the am when I wake up and I should be ok till the OR gets me.
So to ALL of you WONDERFUL people that have been so helpful with your gifts and your advice, and wisdom and for all the love and concern and the PRAYERS.........
I thank you so very much. I know I never would have got this far with out you.
We are kinda special aren't we? LOL lol
So I better get to bed. I will only get afew hours and off I go.
I will be thinking of you and will get back on here as soon as I can!
Take care !!!!!!   HUGS!!!!Renee

Mar 08, 2009

Ok so....I did it. I actually after 2 days at my PC non-stop, found my sister a roundtrip airfare to come out for my RNY. Of course being that nothing in my life is simple, with the surgery being on April 1st, the dates she gave me to work with ( leaving Phoenix on March 27th ) was a 3 ring circus because THAT weekend is the biggest travel time for Spring Breakers! So no matter what sale I found...seats were sold out and long story short I actuall found a Round Trip with North West Airlines for $ 256.00 all tax and fee's included!!! I friggen amaze myself sometimes! ha ha ha
So Now It Really Is Getting More Exciting. She Is Coming For My Surgery!!!! Thank you LORD!

Mar 06, 2009

Ok.....I got it today!!!! The woooohoooooo....OMG....Holy Bariatrics somebody PINCH ME FEELING!!!!!

I guess I was numb yesterday. But here's the weirdest thing. You know your Life is really a sad mess when you wake up and RUN TO YOUR PC to see if you have any congrats on the good news Renee messages.Yep , you guys ARE my life line.

But.......where is all my backers?? My Bari Buds? I heard from 2 of you'ins. I sure hope everyone is doing ok.
I know...Your all out spending your Tax and Stim monies right?
Ha ha ha....I know that's funny. Or at least I know it's funny to me as I sure as hell don't get none of that money.
Anyway.....I am now SEARCHING WITH A VENGEANCE for the cheapest AIRFARE I can find for my sister to fly out here to Ohio from Phoenix. She wants to come about March 27th to April 18th! Yea yea yea.
I said I would pay half the ticket fare for her but damn they are very expensive!!!
Anyone got a idea on how to get a better price???Holler at me!
Well....I am gonna go pout for awhile till I hear from you guys!
Hugs to you all...........Renee

Mar 05, 2009

THERE ARE NOOOOOOO WORD'S TO DESCRIBE THIS FEELING!! Uhhhh, Nope,none, nadda....
 I can't say I sucked the chair up my butt cause I was standing, but I  can say that I felt the ground shake and the Earth move and almost a numby, tingling feeling all over! God above, is this for real? Is it finally happening? Do all my bari OH buddies think I have been a baby about all this or do they all TRULY KNOW HOW I FEEL? YES THEY DO!
So the date is April 1st 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wow wow wow wow wow wow wow 
What an APRIL FOOL'S DAY FOR ME! Soooooooo now what? New stress.....new worries.....what should I start doing at home to prepare? Times a tickin now for sure.It's certainly not that I am stupid and I have had many many surgeries and I have been independant my whole life but this is an entire new Universe.Uncharted waters for this Lil' Pirate.
So why am not DANCIN on the roof top?
Why am I not erupting with oooooozing joy and elation?
I AM VERY HAPPY! TRUST ME! I almost feel exhausted! How weird is that? Or should I say........is THIS normal?
God above what a crazy insane ride this has been. A lot to digest. No pun intended.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that part of what has me dragging is the being alone. It has never bothered me before...( to live alone ), but this is such a huge ordeal to not share it intimately with a significant, is really weighing heavily on my heart. I almost want to cancel my profile cause I don't want to be a whiney ass .
Gosh....I really am tired....I better go and get some sleep and face this again tomorrow.

Mar 03, 2009

I think the more I try to figure myself out the stranger and stressed out I get! lol
Soooo........My Doc's office sent the surgery request for auth papers to BC/BS on Monday the 23rd. Five (5) days later they sent the APPROVAL back to my Doc!!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Holy Pain Pump, are you kidding me? I received that most incredible phone call on Monday Morning from my Doc's office and she said my pre-admission orders were to be filled out and given back to her on Tuesday and then she would set up the tests date along with my last pre-op nutrition meeting and last pre-op Doc visit and she would call me before the end of this week with all that INFOOOOOOOO!WaHOOO!
I am dumbfounded at the euphoria to fear to sadness to dread to happiness and back to euphoria again that we all go through with the clearances we have to go through and the worry and stress over the God forsaken insurance process and the waiting on paperwork and counting days, hours, minutes!! But I now hope and pray I will be pleasingly dumbfounded at the great success I want to achieve from the new tool I am going to get soon to begin to build the NEW ME!
I am soooo very thankful to each and every one of my OH friends I have here that have put up with my whining, nit picking, fussiness, bitchiness, and any other self destructing emotion I have exhibited!! And I am grateful for their help and concerns,and their words of encouragement and the nice phone calls also.I always look back at a given situation and realize just how many of God's little helping hands he has around each and every one of us.
So my BIGGEST thing I am WORRIED about as silly as it may sound to someone else, is I MUST get a rocker recliner before I come home from the hospital. I am tripping on this because of all of my surgeries. My back will never have the proper mechanics or strength to take the brunt of what I will be lacking in muscular strength in my abdomen to get me up and down from anything! And I am so BROKE!
I need a MIRACLE!!!!!! I have absolutely no one to turn to. This is VITAL to my success. 
Well,Time to make the donuts!! lol...Just kidding. I know, I know, bad metaphor!!
I am going to the message boards and see if I can get some advice on KEEPING MY CPAP ON MY FACE at night as it is simply doing no good when I wake morning after morning hugging it ever so lovingly!! Short of duct taping it to my face! Until tomorrow my bari buddy board!
    Renee