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So, in July, I had that damned lap band removed!  I am so relieved not to have it in me anymore, have not vomited once since.  Oddly enough, my gerd/reflux is completely GONE.  The only time I have to take 1 Tums is if I have had too much coffee.  Isn't that interesting?

I lost 10 pounds in the liquid and full liquid diet which lasted 2 weeks and was not as difficult as I thought it would be.  today is the end o August so that surgery was about 5 weeks ago and all is well.  The only problems I had with that surgery is the itching because of the skin healing and the fact that I am allergic to the glue and bandage adhesives.  I have one incision that is having a hard time closing completely because it is in a location easily rubbed with the bath towel, on top of my tummy.  So, the scab keeps being removed.  But, it's getting there.

Now, I am preparing for the next surgery, the Sleeve!  YAY!!  I have seen the PA and the Dietician.  Next week, I do the sleep study for sleep apnea.  Hope I don't have that. My blood work came back and everything is good!  It's kind of fun to see the reactions on the nurses and doctors faces when they realize I really AM that healthy!

Getting back to the full liquid diet I have prescribed for myself with the docs blessing is difficult because I allowed myself 2 weeks of food funerals.  I don't mean where one goes all out and eats mounds of things they can'tt have post surgery.  I had the band for 7 years and although I was able to eat some things in the past 2 years I could not before, I still was not one to mound my plate up and gorge myself. I carefully picked some of the foods I have had to go without during the band years and a few of the things I am going to do without post Sleeve.  Like, some cheesecake.  I had a couple slices and that's it.  A BK Whopper, had it yesterday and am done with it.  A peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  YUMMY!  All done.  Now I am going full tilt for the next part of my life, that part that was left behind decades ago when I stopped caring, stopped watching, stopped realizing that I was slowly killing my life, myself.

I want the rest of my life, I want the fun, the rides, the walks, the swimming in a suit I will look great in.  I want the health.  I am in fairly good health now but I have osteo arthritis throughout my body that has put me on disability.  That will not go away with weight loss but it might not hurt so much.  I want the "me" my husband didn't see since we were first married.  now, he has passed and can't share with me.  I want the "me" my son didn't know because I was too fat to do things.  He was embarrassed after a while.  Most important, I want the "me" that can be anything I want to be now.

Well, right after that last post, I received a call from my surgeon's office.  YAY!!!  They have submitted paperwork to the insurance company for lap band removal and I should get a date in the next few weeks if approved.  Don't see any reason it wouldn't be approved so I am getting a little excited.  All this insurance stuff has my head spinning.

Although my mind has been relieved to know that the timeframe I am looking at is pretty normal, I still am getting impatient to hear something, anything from my surgeons office about where things stand.  I might give them a call tomorrow just to check.  I would like to get going with the Nutritionist or Psychologist.  And would like to get this band out.  Just about anything would ease my mind a bit. 

But, until then I have decided to start journaling my food daily.  I give myself the rest of this week before that starts but have already begun turning away from a lot of "bad" foods.  My situation is not easy but many others have it too.  My adult son is back home with his dog, has been here for 1 year last month.  And now my mother lives with me.  I do all the shopping and the cooking so have started gathering recipies from Pinterest and will start getting some from Eggface too.

I just want to hear something.

I am not one to keep up on blogs but will try on this one. I had the first appt. Wednesday with my surgeon.  After waiting more than an hour for him to come in, he spent about 10 minutes with me.  But, I have learned that the specialists around here are like that and he is at the top of the list at this hospital for bariatric surgeons so I can let it go.

He is gong to remove my lap band, YAY!!!!!!.  But the next WLS is a stand alone, not being done at the same time as LB removal.  So, this might cause a problem with insurance approval if we opt for the Sleeve.  However, because I have had reflux for years, he believes the way he wants to go is Bypass.  There was a time when I would have run from a suggestion of Bypass.  But I know there have been refinements and it is not the dangerous surgery it once was perceived as.  And to be honest, I really don't care which one we do, as long as it gets done and as soon as possible.

But he said he wants me to start "the program" and that I would learn a lot from it and make a more informed decision.  I asked about the timeframe for all this to happen and he said several months!  WHAT????  Why??  6-8 weeks from lap band removal I can handle.  But several months for the next one??  And he didn't offer up any more explanation.  Had this been anyone else writing this post, I would have advised them to find another doc  So, why am I not doing this?  I guess because it's Easter weekend, this apt. was only a couple days before and maybe I will find out a lot more next week.  Really tho, why several months?

On the other hand, I have always been one to feel everything has a reason and God is the one who has guided me through every single trial and victory.  When I began looking into revision, I only had one insurance, the one who paid for the band and it's policy is once in a lifetime.  So, I took out another policy at the Healthcare Marketplace to help cover.  On top of this, the day of my appt. with the surgeon, I received my first Medicare card, it begins August 1.  So, maybe I am supposed to wait until then, which could be considered "several" months.  So...while maybe this is the plan anyway, I still have a feeling of defeat running through my mind.  I am always the happy one, the glass half full one.  But I don't feel it here.  And THAT bothers me!

I am not used to "blogging" but here goes.  I just read another post today about having WLS to look better.  That was a great post!

I have been overweight since about the age of 10.  "Chubby" they called it.  It was hard to find children's clothing that would fit and my friends were all skinny.   I was the eyesore to so many members of my extended family.  My most favorite grandmother was once upset with me because, after she and my mom had made dresses for me, I was still too fat to wear them.  That was heartbreaking.

My other grandmother, when I was 19, said to me "you have such a pretty face.  If you could just lose that weight you would be beautiful".  That has hung onto me like a bee on honey and the sting is horrible even tho I am now 58 and she has passed on.

I went thru my childhood ok. My friends didn't tease me for being chubby.  But as I got older and went to Jr. High, no boys would ask me to the dances, or carry my books in the hall.  Senior high was the same thing only it hurt a bit more.  I didn't go to the prom or any dance.  I wasn't invited to parties and only one boy ever asked to hold my books and walk down the hall with me.  But I was certain he was only doing it to play some sort of joke on me so I told him "no thank you".  

Several years ago, I took a very deep, introspective look at myself.  I accepted all my faults, and my virtues.  And I came to decide that my grandmother did a terrible thing to me by saying what she did.  She probably did not mean to, but c'mon!  I was 150 lbs!  At 5'6", which I was then, my proper weight was between 135-140.  That comment wounded me and I have never forgotten it.  But in my introspection, I realized that it had to be forgiven so I could go on.  My best friends from childhood through high school were beautiful!  Tall, slender, and then there was me.  And I was made to feel that way every single time by the boys. At this stage of my life, I know that I am more than my weight.  But, as a teenager, it was a cruel blow every time it happened.

Society is cruel.  People can be the most enigmatic, generous, loving, we have ever known.  But when it comes to judging others by their looks, we are horribly mean sometimes. 

 I married the best man on earth at 22 years old. We were married almost 20 years before he passed away.  I had been sheltered all those years from the mean comments and looks. It didn't matter to me because I was on the arm of this very handsome man.  But I gained weight every year we were together and that is what he saw and felt with his last breath.  Me...fat.

Maybe I have been punishing myself for all the years since. I could loose the weight but could not keep it off, no matter what.  I think my son grew up embarrassed about me but he won't say.   

It isn't just about looking better.  I am tired of pain, tired of feeling less than human when I get "those looks" from others.  Tired of wondering, when will my blood pressure go up, will I be diabetic?  Will I follow in my family footsteps and have heart trouble.  So far, I have been very lucky!  But that time is going to come to an end someday soon.  In my family, we live a very long time, into the 90's and 100+.  If I want to be around that long, something needs to change...NOW.   I have a life to live, things I now want to accomplish and intend to make it happen!  I just hope God and my surgeon will oblige.  My appointment with the surgeon is in April.