Dollface-1981
Aug 12 - Bad night...
Aug 11, 2011
Well last night, I had a bad moment. Yesterday was my sons 9th birthday. We have a tradition that the birthday person gets to decide what they want for dinner... I have been sooo good at keeping bad foods out of the house, and eating really healthy at home at at work... but it was his birthday and he wanted Chinese food.
At first I was just going to send my husband and the kids out to eat.. but we decided that it would be cheaper just to order in. Long story short... I convinced myself that I have been so good and able to keep my foods down pretty well so I should be able to have a bit of Chinese food for his birthday dinner.... boy was I wrong! After about 10 minutes my chest started to hurt and my mouth started to fill with saliva... and then out of no where.. every piece of Chinese food I ate... came right back up.
I felt soo stupid, especially because my husband already warned me and told me it probably wasn't a good idea to try it. I had a bit of a melt down after. I'm seeing these amazing changes in how I feel and look and I went to such great measures to make sure I wouldn't eat crap like that anymore... and what do I do? I was so mad at myself.. but in one way I think I was crying over the fact that I cant eat it... I know its crap but I really used to like Chinese food.
I know most people wont understand this.. but its like taking an alcoholic and putting all sorts of drinks in front of them and telling them not to touch them while everyone around them drinks it in front of them.
And its not like I'm starving.. or even hungry.. its all in my head. I think I want it.. but I know I don't. I can keep food out of my house.. but I'm going to face these challenges along the way... I have to figure out a better way to deal with it.
The only good thing that came out of the experience is that my pouch is actually working thankfully and I cant eat the bad stuff.
Ive said it before... the good of this surgery will always outweigh the bad...but that was not fun. I learned from it though.. and I'm ready to move on..
Today is a new day.
Aug 10 - My very first NSV x 2
Aug 09, 2011
It was the first person who didn't know I had surgery to say something!!!!! It made me feel soo good! I just wanted to shout, YES!!!! I HAVE LOST WEIGHT!!!! THANK YOU FOR NOTICING!!!!!!! lol but I just said thank you lol
After work I went to the mall with my best friend. She likes to shop at Rickies... I personally could never shop there because they didn't have my size... but right before we were leaving I thought .. what the heck.. and tried on a pretty pink top., and not only did it fit but it was loose! It was the biggest size in the store mind you.. but still 2 - 3 times smaller than what I'm used to wearing!!!!
They had a sale on that if you bought one sale item you got another one for a dollar.. so my friend Bre bought it for me as a reward lol
I told her that this was so awesome.. but could turn out to be dangerous. Ive never really been the type to care about clothes or buy alot... but I could see this turning into a nice little hobby!!!!
Aug 8 - 50 pounds gone forever!!!!
Aug 07, 2011
I'm having a bit of issues with food now that didn't really bother me at first.. but Ive heard that your pouch gets a bit more sensitive after a few weeks. Chicken is really had for me.. maybe because its to dry or dense... and breads.. although Ive only tried wraps.. but they do not sit well at all! A lot of foods have made me feel sick.. but usually it doesn't do so until about 20 minutes after I finish eating. That makes it hard to know what I can and cant handle... so Ive pretty much stuck with softer foods that I know I can stomach!!! I guess I'm just sick of feeling sick...
I keep thinking I'm not loosing as fast as I should be... but according to Dr. Hagen I'm right on track. When I saw him at one month out.. I had lost 35 pounds. He expects me to lose another 30 to 40 in the next 3 months and I'm already down 15 more pounds since then.... so I guess I'm on my way lol But you cant blame me for wanting it to go faster!!!!
Its crazy how many people have contacted me since my surgery to tell me they are thinking about it or have had it too. I love being able to share my experiences with them, and I hope I am able to give them a bit of insight !!! Don't get me wrong... I have a lot of learning to do myself, but its nice to think I might be able to help someone out when I'm only two months post op!!!
Sorry for my ramblings... I'm just trying to work things out in my head!
July 27/11 - 6 weeks out!
Jul 26, 2011
I have lost 45 pounds since I started Optifast.. so in two months... I have been trying to loose that for years lol... I already have more energy.. I cant wait to see how losing another 45 pounds will make me feel!
And real food! How Ive missed you! And how I appreciate every bite now! The first few meals that I measured out made me sad.. looking at my plate with hardly anything on it... thinking to myself that there is no way this will fill me up.. but honestly I hardly ever finish my meals! I get soo full so fast so I try to make every bite count. Filling up on my protein first and my veggies... and meal plannings not as hard as I thought it would be.. especially when you can get four meals out of a piece of chicken lol
Im trying so hard to remember all of my vitamins... Ive set reminders on my phone.. I do forget the odd one here and there.. but there are just so many! I know how important they are though so I will keep going.
I went to my very first OH support group meeting.. although I actually missed the meeting part and got there just in time for coffee! It was really great to meet people and put faces to names... I also got to meet 3 of the ladies that I am going to New York with in October for the OH Sex in the City event... here's a "before pic" of the four of us.. cant wait to take another picture in October!
I recently started Zumba for Wii at home.. OMG is it ever hard lol.. maybe its just because I have no rhythm but I'm finding it so hard to keep up even with the instructional parts! I thought I should try to learn the steps though before signing up for a real class and embarrassing myself!
It hasn't been the easiest road.. but I'm glad I started this journey!
July 15.11
Jul 15, 2011
The whole appt only lasted about 3 minutes. Dr. Hagen weighed me asked if I had any questions or concerns. I said nope and he says I'm doing great and that I will be very happy I did this. And he wants to see me in 3 months.
So far I have lost 35 pounds... Ive been sitting at that for over a week now.. and although I know its normal it was still nice to have the reassurance that everything was normal and that I'm right on track. He thinks I should easily lose 30 - 40 pounds in the next 3 months.. and he said he thinks Ill be able to lose 150 pounds no problem :)
Not sure if it was worth the 4 hour round trip but oh well...
And today I had my one month check up at HRRH with the dietitian. I had Denise who I know some people have complained about... I'm guessing it worked because I have met with her twice now and both times they went very well.
Again I was weighed.. and now am at 295 (39 pounds lost with clothes on) since I started optifast.
My BMI when I started this was 55.... I am now at 49 :)
I'm finally out of the pureed stage and I'm able to start soft solid food and work my way up to crunchy and normal! I'm so excited.. and nervous to try new things... I'm just glad I can start to get back to my new normal routine lol
And now on to the next stage of my journey... exercise! Ive been walking alot more than I'm used to and now with the puppy and walking back and forth to work... its daily. i was thinking about joining Curves.. but after talking to a lot of people on the forum I'm starting to think its not the best route for me. So I'm looking into other options... I really want to join a Zumba class.. but I'm scared I wont be able to keep up with everyone yet lol....
So far things haven't been as hard as I expected... but its still hard. Thank god for my husband... he has been my rock through this! its nice to start to be able to see results though... my clothes are definitely getting looser... and I'm not sure how much longer my wedding rings are going to stay on!
Anyway I'm doctor free for the next 3 months ... which is so nice since it takes me forever to get there and back!
Life is good :)
July 2/11
Jul 02, 2011
My husband was going to buy me this perfect bike for my birthday in May but they didn't have them in stock at the time, so we went today.. and there it was!!!
My husband is such an amazing supporter, and ran along side me the whole time to make sure I didn't fall... I love him soo much! He tried to get a picture of me while I was riding it, but he couldn't figure out the settings, and I was afraid to stop to show him how thinking I wouldn't be able to start again lol
I do have to admit I think I may have tried a bit too soon... my stomach is hurting a little bit now.. Probably because I was moving in ways I haven't in years! lol
I cant wait to get out there and ride with my kids... One of the many things I was looking forward to doing after the surgery!!!
June 28/11 - First day back to work/first day of purees
Jun 28, 2011
I also started my purees. I bought a magic bullet and pre made my meals for the next few days which helped a lot. Everything went down ok, but I definitely felt full pretty quick. I had a poached egg and 2 TBSP of pureed peaches for breakfast, 3 TBSP of chickpeas mixed with garlic (homemade hummus lol) with 2 pieces of multigrain Melba toast for lunch.. and then 4 TBSP of pureed chicken(mixed with a bit of cream of chicken soup) and 2 TBSP of pureed carrots and potatoes for dinner... which I couldn't finish. Its so funny to think that that small amount could fill me now where just over a month ago I could finish two large bowls of Sheppard's pie in one sitting!!!!
I haven't checked my weight in a few days now... I really don't want to be one of those people who check the scale everyday.. multiple times! But I am curious to see how I'm doing... I think Ill wait till Saturday.. maybe check it by weekly .. Ill keep you posted of course!
Heading to my first BBQ/Fire this Friday for Canada Day... and I'm nervous. I don't really want to bring my pureed food there and have to explain to everyone... nor do I really want to sit and watch everyone eating burgers and macaroni salads in front of me. I might try to convince my husband to go after dinner... so I can avoid it. I don't think I'm ready yet.
I go back to see Dr. Hagen on July 7th, and then in for my one month check up on July 15th... Ill let you know how I'm doing at that time :)
June 24/11 - Ten Days Out
Jun 23, 2011
Its hard to have to take a handful of vitamins and pills everyday..
I'm trying my best to get all of my water and protein in but its really really hard to remember! My cell phone is constantly going off to remind me to take all of my vitamins and meals.
I still have head hunger, and when I see a commercial about food I think that I want it... but I know I cant have it.
Mike and the kids have been AMAZING this week. Very helpful and understanding. They have made some delicious (healthy) meals and it is hard to watch them eat, it always smells SO good, but they still need to eat!
So having the surgery doesn't take that away, but I already knew that... but I was hoping that I would just hate food after lol
Even though its hard... and it will be for a long time I'm sure, I know I made the best choice for me. Its been a month today that I started Optifast and I have lost 34 pounds. So just over a pound a day. That makes me happy. Right now I am sitting at exactly 300 pounds. And I love the fact that the next time I step on the scale I will be in the 200's :)
Last night my husband, my children and I went for a walk, and it was SO nice! Ive been trying to walk a bit more everyday.. but this was the first time we went as a family just for fun without having somewhere to go. I'm hoping to make it a habit!!!
I start purees on Tuesday, and I am really excited about that! Just to be able to add a few textures will be nice after 5 weeks of liquids! I also start back to work on Tuesday and that makes me really nervous. Even though my job is pretty laid back, and I will have help for a few days... I hope I don't overdo it, and have enough time for my meals since I will have to have both lunch and dinner there. Yesterday I was feeling great and decided to re organize the kitchen cupboards, and within 10 minutes I felt like I was dying. I really have to learn to take it easy!
I hope I don't come off as whinny. I'm so happy with my progress.. but I just dont want people to think that its easy, because its not! But it is worth it!!!
Happy to be Home
Jun 17, 2011
I got home from the hospital yesterday.. and I think I'm doing ok all things considering... quite a bit of pain in my left side.. but it helps to walk and that what I'm doing all the time.. walk sip walk sip.
My hospital stay was really good... Dr Hagen is amazing and the surgery went just as expected. I was nervous but I think I handled myself pretty well..
I tried to joke and make light right up till it was time to go down to the OR... my mom hugged me and started crying which made me start... and then when the nurse came to get me I started again saying goodbye to Mike. They walked me into the OR and I laid on the table.. there were a lot of people there.. everyone was nice and very interested in my tattoos... even after they gave me the sleepy juice Dr. Hagen was admiring them lol.
I remember them trying to wake me up after the surgery to move me onto the other bed and I tried to sit up and move myself.... When we got to recovery i was in SOOO much pain!!!! The worst in my life for sure... i couldn't stop moving because it hurt so much. They finally gave me drugs and I was out cold. Between surgery and recovery I was gone for over 6 hours.. I obviously didn't mind since I was out.. but it was had for Mike and my mom to have to wait that long.
The first night I ended up having a room to myself which was so nice and unexpected... and it was the room at the end of the hall so it was nice and quiet.. The second day I ended up with a 96 year old woman as a roommate who had broke her hip... she was in soo much pain and still hadn't had her surgery when I left yesterday. For the most part I was fine... did lots of walking and was able to get up to the bathroom on my own...
The morphine helped a lot with sleeping. The only complaint I had was with the ladies who came in to take my blood. Apparently I have no veins and they had a really hard time finding a place to take blood so I ended up pretty black and blue.
I was overwhelmed with all of the vitamins and meds i was sent home with.. so much more than i thought I would be taking... and with the blood clotting needles and everything else they tell you to get at the pharmacy.. it came to just over $500.... thank god I have savings lol. But at least it all works out to about a 6 month supply.
Injecting myself with the blood clotting needles has been hard. My husband is wonderful but has a queasy stomach, so I have to do it on my own. You would think since Im a piercer that Id be a pro.. but its different when you re putting something in you!!!! It stings a bit.. but once I learned to do it properly its not as bad...
Taking it hour by hour... in more pain than i thought it would be.... the girls on this forum are either super tough or lying lol.. (just kidding) i may have already had an incident with dumping but I'm not sure... yesterday I tried some of the liquid Tylenol that they give you from the hospital... all of my food has been staying down no problem.. but about 15 minutes after i took the Tylenol I got really hot.. my face got all flushed, and i started walking... I thought I had to pass gas but ended up passing alot more on the kitchen floor. (TMI I know) That has never happened to me before and it was out of me and on the floor before I even knew what was happening. I went to the bathroom and started to dry heave as well... and then I broke down crying... it was a low point for sure. I am following the meal plan to the tee... and I intend to do so the entire time... that way I cant fail. My mom thought the Tylenol may of had sugar in it or because I don't like it I may have drank it too fast.....
My husband is the most wonderful caring person i have ever met and has been by my side non stop through this whole thing.. he makes and measures all of my food..
does all the laundry and cleaning ... and just takes care of me. (and Im sorry but any man who will clean up your mess off the kitchen floor with out complaints and still tell you that he loves you is freaking amazing) I am the luckiest woman in the world. I was also subscribed some perks and i have to say that they are pretty amazing! Knock me right out. I'm feeling better today.. eating better and not as emotional ....
The vitamins are very large and not the best.... but at least I can get them down without wanting to vomit. The really big one is Calcium and I have to take it 3 times a day... it tastes like a giant cinnamon heart... but soo big!!!!!
This is quite the journey we have decided to embark.. and i knew that before i started.. but you really cant know until you are really in it.
This is it.
Jun 13, 2011
The kids are off to their dads tonight for the week... their bags are packed and ready to go... I shed some tears this morning when I walked them to school... its hard to say goodbye.... but they are being so strong and supportive. My daughter gave me one of her teddies to take to the hospital with me so I can have someone to hug.
I went grocery shopping last night to grab some of the things that I will need after surgery... I didnt realize it would take so long when you have to stop and actually look at what you are buying lol
I can say after 3 weeks of Optifast.. the thought of having Cream Soups makes my mouth water! Theres so many different kinds.. thankfully low fat and low sodium too.. so I may have gone overboard buying every kind they had! Especially since one can will last me like 10 meals!!!!
I talked to my Mother last night (adopted mom) and had a good cry... i seem to be super emotional. My mom (birth mom) is coming up tonight to stay with me, and my husband took the week off to be with me. We will be at the hospital at 8:30am. Surgery at 10:30.
My mother asked me what worries me the most, and I don't know... the whole situation I guess. I'm scared. I'm scared of the pain... I'm scared of complications... I'm scared of the healing process.
But I am not scared about the outcome. I have never been more ready or determined to succeed at anything in my life. This is life changing ... and that's what I want it to be. I'm soo freaking excited to get on the bench!!!
See y'all on the flip side
