Angela M.

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So basically Ive been sick sick sick...and I have no clue why. My cold has passed so its not that. Just all of the sudden I cant eat no matter what. Everytime I try and eat something over the past couple of days before I even get to swallow it I get wicked nauseaus and I cant swallow or I feel like Im gonna throw up. Its even starting to get that way with fluids. I know its not a stricture or anything because its not pain and Im not actually getting sick from putting something in my pouch that wont pass...I just cant eat anything. At work last night I got so freezing cold and broke out into this dripping sweat, got really shaky, and felt like I was going to pass out or throw up. It passed after about 20 minutes and then when I got home I had to sit in the car for like 5 minutes before I had the energy to walk into the house. If this was after I ate Id just think it was dumping or a food intolerance but I know it wasnt that....all I had for a while before that episode was some plain water. Im gonna see how today goes but this is NOT fun- for the first two months I could eat WHATEVER I wanted and now I cant even drink water without wanting to puke. Oh yeah and this is even funner that it happens at work!

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I talked to a nutritionist...I have a call into my surgeon and my pcp. I have to work at 4 so Im pretty sure I won't hear anything back because my pcp is out and the surgeon is in surgery. Im just going to try and suck as much down before work and then bring a protein drink and yogurt with me and if I actually get them down then maybe I wont have the symptoms of low blood sugar.
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I just spoke with Dr. Arcand (my surgeon) and he told me that if I have anymore episodes like I did last night at work or if I cant get much down then I should go to the emergency room...if I just continue to feel nauseaus all weekend then to call him monday. Im planning on things I can bring to work with me tonight (nutritionist reccomended yogurt, apple, crackers) to see if it has anything to do with low blood sugar- if not then Im defintely seeing someone at the hospital or urgent care tomorrow.

I got my smart-forme food yesterday. I ordered two of the later phase kits and a box of the chocolate chip bars, I loveee those- I got a sample from my nutritionist a few weeks ago and they were great. In the kits though there is chicken noodle soup, tomato soup, veggie chilli, chocolate crunchies, bbq soy nuts, spaghetti bolognese, a few different kinds of bars, and some drink mixes. Its a ton of stuff for only 10 bucks. When I woke up I was still feeling kind of sick so I made some of the chicken noodle soup and it wasnt half bad and it filled me up- I actually think it was the first time since surgery that I felt FULL. Then for a snack I ate some of my coconut almond bar, it smells like an almond joy and the top layer even tastes like it but it is kind of hardish and has an after taste- we'll see. I think I'll stick to the chocolate chip but I have a few other flavors to try. I started working monday, Im working tonight until close, tomorrow until close, friday till close, and sunday till close...DAMN I only wanted to work like two days a week but now they have me being a slave. Oh well at least its mad $$$. Whatever should I do with my first paycheck?? I owe my grams $200 so maybe I'll pay off half of that and put the rest in the bank. We'll see. Okay well Im gonna go get ready for work soon sooo I hope everyone's doing great!! x0*


p.s- Buffy should be out of surgery now, I havent heard anything yet but I hope that everything went great! Im so excited for her!!

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WHAT AM I EATING?? For those of you wondering today I had:
Smart-Forme chicken noodle soup
1/2 protein bar
1 c. cottage cheese
1 pkg soy nuts

During work I'll probably have the other half of my protein bar and when I get home if I want something else maybe I'll have something from my smart-forme kit. Ive been drinking reg water, crystal light, and some light ocean spray cran-grape juice mixed with 2/3rds water.

I started the pill last thursday, I ordered a bunch of protein bars and food from smart-forme friday, I got my old job back at Barnes & Noble and Im working crazy hours, I still dont weigh myself so for those of you wondering how much I've lost- sorry I can't help you out just yet!, I am getting over this cold that all my friends seem to have, and food is my enemy before 4pm every single day- WEIRD!!! Yeah and one of my friends is a major %^&#@!... Okay thats it for now!!

I've been depressed because Ive been losing and gaining the same 3lbs...my body seems to keep doing that! But over the past day I lost 4-5lbs so thats pretty awesome. I need to get out of the habit of partying so much, it scares me- if Im like this now how will I be -100lbs from now? I need to get my priorities straight. I start working on Monday though and Im really responsible with that so I bet you me going out will dramatically decrease. I wonder how it will be in September when I go away to school? EEK! But yeah its St. Patty's day and since I am irish through and through Im definitely going out tonight. I have plans with my ex boyfriend Eric who just came back from active duty somewhere overseas and then later tonight me and my best friend Kayla are going to a party at my boy Anthony's house. I bet you some of my plans will fall through because I know a lot of shady people but we'll see. I need to really start eating more because at 2 months (today!) my hair shouldnt be falling out already...oh but it is! Its too early for this to be happening this bad so I need to figure something out or Im gonna be BALD. Okay well Im sitting here in a towel and I really need to put my clothes in the dryer SOOO I will be doing that now...hope everyone's doing well and have a happy & safe irish day!

Okay well I was thinking a lot lately about this surgery and I realized a few things. Before I had surgery and before they approved me I was ALWAYS stressing about it and I never thought Id ever be able to lose weight. It was always on my mind and always making me miserable in some way. Now even though I am losing weight slower than I'd like I feel FREE from that dark cloud over my life. I know that I dont have to stress out about it because the weight will eventually come off on its own and Im not going to be fat forever, so I dont think about it much at all, unless I come on here or someone asks me about it. Im not even weighing myself anymore more than once a month, because I honestly dont care what the numbers say. I have to focus more on how I feel, and that is MUCH better than two months ago- both mentally and physically. I've only lost a small fraction of what I wanted to lose overall, but I already have more confidence and I honestly dont care what people think about me anymore. I've been meeting guys, not lying about myself to make me look better, and I handle rejection so much better. Ive been putting myself out there more. If people judge me, then thats their loss. Im going places  in life and eventually they will be kicking themselves in the ass for not being good to me when they had the chance. Im sick of people taking me for granted and walking all over me, especially friends. Im changing my life and raising my standards and it feels really good. I got my acceptance letter from Framingham State College and I honestly wasn't going to go but now I just say screw it, why not? I need a change of scenery and I need to meet new people and do things with myself. So as of now the decision stands that I will be going. Im even working some, out in Northborough, this week thursday and friday. I applied to a bunch of other places and I will continue to look. Im determined to get a life, I never really had one. Oh and the biggest news, as of yesterday I am single again. I'd rather not disclose too much info about that, I already talked to one person about it and that was enough for me, Im putting it behind me. In short, I deserve so much and I didn't want to feel like I was settling. Sounds like a bitch thing but I dont care. Okay well Im gonna go but I also wanted to say CONGRATS to my friend Buffy who is having surgery with Dr. Arcand on March 21st!! Im so excited for her. Okay well CIAO LOVES! ♥

Maybe I needed to take more risks. Maybe a checkered, goofy love life full of tragedy and strife, full of hideous lows and delusional highs, was better than a long blank period jam-packed with nothing. Maybe this was the message the universe was trying to give me. It was instructing me to stop worrying about trying to get things right and just do something, anything. Be vulnerable. Don't think so much. Live. -Merrill Markoe

So I did it- I drank alcohol. And I must say I was pretty disapointed. I DID NOT GET DRUNK WHATSOEVER. What the hell is up with that? Its like everything that is SUPPOSED to happen to me after surgery, doesnt. So basicly I give up on alcohol all together because its not good for me anyways and if Im not going to get drunk there is no point. So I guess its a blessing right? =)

..more later

So I met with my NUT today and I am finally on Stage 5 "for life" or so she said. I can eat almost anything, she wants me to eat from every food group and she gave me guidelines of how many servings of each thing I should have a day. Since I heard on here so many times that people are told to keep their carbs under 30 I asked her about it and she said thats too low- you need at least 100 carbs a day to keep your brain functioning properly long term. I am to have about 8 servings of carbs a day and a serving is 15 grams. She eventually (not right away) wants me to work my calories back up to around 1500, right now Im between 600-800. Im so excited to try new fruits! She didnt say anything about citrus fruits being hard to tolerate so Im going to try them slowly and just keep up on my pepcid to minimize the citrus acid. So Im pretty much on track and doing good. Im still walking every day and I started some resistance with my weights, she told me to do them 2 times a week to start but I think I'll do 3...like mon, wed, fri. Im going back to see her in 6 weeks if I have any issues. It all sounds good. I cant wait to try out some new things! Hope everyones well.. CIAO LOVES!

Still sticking to my exercise commitment...Im so proud of myself!!! I always feel so much better when Im done. I felt like shit for most of the day because for some reason I had this massive headache but Im all good now. I finshed all my homework and took my quizzes for the week. Next on my list is a longgg bubble bath. I hardly ate anything today, only a few pieces of ham...so Im gonna drink a protein shake and then have something protein packed for dinner.

I love my boyfriend, just for the record.

© as you grow up you realize its
less important to have more friends,
&& more important to have real ones.

Loving husband, Mark, was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was really ticked off at him. She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds flat, "AND IT HAD BETTER BE THERE."

The next morning, Mark got up really early before work. When his wife woke up a couple of hours later. She looked out the window, and sure enough, there was a small gift-wrapped box sitting in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and took the box into the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. 

Mark is not yet able to have visitors.

Sunday is defintely my favorite day of the week! And I did something that I didnt think I would do today- I felt really sick and lazy and I curled up on the couch fully preparing to take a LONG nap....but instead about two minutes later I went up in my room and brought down my laundry- put it in the washer- then grabbed my laptop and jumped on the tredmill! I realized that if Im reading through people's journals on OH and listening to music at the same time I can stay on the tredmill almost 3 times longer then if Im just staring at the wall listening to music...so thats what I plan on doing from now on, another great advantage of OH! =) So since I got off the tredmill I dont feel sick anymore and I feel like I have tons of energy! Im gonna go drink a smart-forme pineapple orange drink cuz they are my fave and I must admitt- I will probably go on the scale at some point. 

I also wanted to say that I am so so so happy with things right now- my friend situation is still in the DUMPS but I cant let other people make me feel like shit, I just cant allow that anymore, its not healthy. I do have the best most supportive boyfriend in the whole WORLD. He loves me for me and wouldnt care if I never lost another pound BUT he encourages me to eat right and workout and congragulates me over every single small accomplishment. It makes me feel so wonderful. My birthday isnt until May 20th and he is already planning something great, Im stoked! I always was worried if I would find the right guy but he has been here under my nose for years...I just never really appreciated him before or something. But this time things are definitely going to work because I feel better about myself and in turn that makes our relationship better. Could I be any happier? 

Im telling you- tredmills are a drug, and my drug of choice. I hate hate hate getting on them and it sucks staying on...but once Im off I feel like I can take on the world. Its pretty great. =) 

LOVEEE YOUUUU GUYS!!! Send me messages and let me know how everyone's doing, I'd love to hear from you!

----> SCALE UPDATE: I lost another TWO whole pounds between yesterday and today so thats four pounds in two days, WOW!!!