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Hey OH Family..   I am on my way. October 5th is my surgery date. Two weeks from yesterday..   and man am I getting nervous but excited all at the same time. I look at some of you and your transformations and I'm so proud of all of you and I know that I too will be going thru my own transformation soon. Loser Bench... here I come! 

Yesterday was the start of my two week liquid diet and it wasn't as bad as I thought that it was going to be. I bought myself some Slim Fast - Low Carb Shakes (because they have 20 grams of protein in them), some Campbell's Soup at Hand.. I bought creamy chicken, cream of  broccoli and creamy tomato parmesan bisque.  Now, this is just my opinion but that Cream of Broccoli was HORRIBLE! .  However, the Creamy Tomato Parmesan Bisque was really good and I am not a fan of tomato soup at all but I was very impressed. Creamy chicken was good as well.  These next two weeks may not be so bad as long as I pray and stay positive. It's two weeks out of my life, leading to a lifelong change. I'd say it's worth it.


Also, I found my loop hole for my Medical Leave! I don't have to pay for my portion of the insurance or the counties portion for my time off of work! Whew!.. That's a huge weight lifted from my shoulder.


As my surgery date is getting closer and closer, I find myself looking back and reevaluating who I am as a person. The transformation that I am going to go thru will be more then just  on the outside, but on the inside to. There are things that I need to change about me to make me a better person.  What really puts this into perspective is one of my co-workers. I honestly have to say that her and I have never really gotten along and a few weeks ago she told me "you know, I'm really impressed with how nice you have been to me lately..."  Ok, let me lay the ground work on this..  I'm the type of person that's very blunt and I pride myself on not being the type of person that's going to smile in your face, and secretly not like that you. That's not fair. . But I guess that it's fairly obvious when I don't like someone. And it's not that I am rude or mean and I have never been NOT nice to her..  but I didn't/don't like some of her activities and I chose not to associate with her other then on a work level due to some of her outside "activites" with quite a few of the officers that we work with.  Well, word has gotten around work that I am having gastric bypass (which is perfectly fine, it's definitely not something that I am embarrassed about).. And everyone has been jokingly saying that they are going to stay away from me for the next two weeks while I am on this liquid diet.. lol which is probably not a bad idea.  Well, last week she was sitting next to me and she asked how I was feeling about the surgery and the liquid diet and just everything... And I basically told her I was terrified and that I am very nervous about this two week liquid diet. And instead of being discouraging and negative, like other people that I have talked to about this,  she's was very encouraging and uplifting.. "Adrian, you are going to be fine. You are a very strong woman and you can handle this and think of the outcome and how good you are going to feel and how great you are going to look... I'm excited to see the transformation that you are going to go thru".. She then told me that if I needed that extra support,  that she would do the liquid diet with me for the whole 2 weeks.  The more I think about this, the more I feel horrible about how I have been.. Here is this person, who knows that I am not quite fond of her, being more encouraging to me then my own mother. It just took me by surprise and made me think that maybe my attitude needs some adjusting.  I guess that was a very long way to say.. As my body changes, other things about me need to change as well... and all for the better, no back peddling. 

Ok.. so I know that I have been a little scarce around here.. work has been kicking my rear end.. 

Anyhow.. here's the latest and greatest:

My job didn't approve my FMLA, however, I have been granted a Medical Leave of Absence. The only catch is while I am off of work, I am responsible for paying my portion of my health care cost, along with the counties portion..  Which is kind of a pretty penny. But I may have found a loop hole around that too.. I'm working on it and will let yall know..

My surgery is scheduled for October 5th.. and.. man oh man...  the hospital requires me to do a two week liquid diet. I am going to go INSANE for two weeks just drinking liquids.  Also.. as this date approaches, I get more and more terrified! I am truly scared. I hear that the pain is pretty bad..  what if I can't handle it? what if something goes wrong? what if I don't heal properly? what if I don't have really lose that much weight? what if I fail and gain all this weight back...? I'm trying to keep my emotions in check but I have to admit, it is not working so well.

Also, I mentioned my friend Tonia about a month ago, well she had her lap band surgery on September 3rd and with God's blessing, she is doing well! 

Well.. that's all folks! Talk to yall later.

Ok.. so I was super geeked about actually getting a surgery and having something to look forward to..  Well... life sucks AGAIN!  My FMLA wasn't approved by my job... so basically... all that work...  for nothing. and I don't know what I'm going to do..... 

Someone pray for me...  I absolutely can not take this anymore.

You know.. sometimes you wonder why does everything have to go wrong in your life!  Relationships... work.,... Life... nothing can just go right and I'm tired. I'm tired of everything falling apart around me.

I don't know what I am going to do...

It is finally here!! Yall, I got my date!!!! OMG!! I am finally close to being on the loser's bench! October 5th - 10:30 am.. I start my life as a new healthier happier person!! 

I am so excited but scared all at the same time. It doesn't even seem like reality yet. I honestly, don't even know what to say besides Thank God!! All the crying and being discouraged... all the worrying... all the negativity from other people...  and some of my own... all that... is about to be done. I am at a crossroad in my life.. and I couldn't be happier. Thank the Lord for all the he has done and all the he is going to do.  And thank yall for always being encouraging and being in my corner! I'm on my way!! 

DEAR GOD:
I want to thank You for what you have already done. I am not going to wait until I see results or receive rewards; I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait until I feel better or things look better; I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait until people say they are sorry or until they stop talking about me; I am thanking you right now.  I am not going to wait until the pain in my body ends; I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait until my financial situation improves; I am going to thank you right now.   I am not going to wait until the children are asleep and the house is quiet; I am going to thank you right now. I am not going to wait until I get promoted at work or until I get the job; I am going to thank you right now. I am not going to wait until I understand every experience in my life that has caused me pain or grief; I am thanking you right now. I am not g oing to wait until the journey gets easier or the challenges are removed; I am thanking you right now. I am thanking you because I am alive. I am thanking you because I made it through the day's difficulties. I am thanking you because I have walked around the obstacles.

I am thanking you because I have the ability and the opportunity to do more and do better.  

I'm thanking you because FATHER, YOU haven't given up on me.  I am thanking you because you are worthy to receive all praises and thanksgiving.

God is just so good, and he's good all the time. Continue to THANK HIM.

I don't know how in the world I forgot to post this!! 

Friday morning...  (as I was trying to sleep) the phone rings...  And who was it? Hennepin County Medical Center! 

The nurse called to tell me that I needed to schedule another appointment with the doctor.. So I'm sitting there like.. ok WTF... another appt...  when does this end?!?! When I started this process, we talked and we decided on my surgery and all of that.. why in the world would I have to see him again. Well.. she was mistaken.  And then she tells me that the Dietitian and the Shrink has approved me for surgery and that they are forwarding my paperwork to the insurance company for approval and that I should be hearing from someone in the next two weeks or so!  Ok, so yall know I almost had a heart attack right? LOL   I wasn't expecting that call at all..  mostly because I still one dietitian appointment left and I still plan on going to it but  I was shocked.. in a good way of course...   So.. maybe my answer is right around the corner...   I'm SO excited! 

Keep yalls finger crossed for me

I have been struggling with so many things... And this weight loss battle has been tough...  But maybe more tough in my mind then in reality.  The thought of finaling realizing how destructive and abuvsive, I have been to my body... and not in the sense of drugs or alcohol.. but..  food. Watching the scale go up and my self esteem down.. and getting more and more depressed as the days passed...   But soon enough, that will all come to an end...

My 7 yr wedding anniversary is in 3 days...    We have been seperated for almost 3 years, we seperated shortly after I had Kayla. I do my own thing and he does his own thing... We don't live in the same house... heck, we don't even live in the same country (it's a long story).  Well he's here visiting (no, not because it's our anniversary)..   and I figured that it would be a good time to get rid of the little piece of paper that says we are married and have it changed to one that says we don't have anything to do with each other expect for occasion things for the kids...   and it's a tough decision because when I see him, I see every reason that I loved him... and every reason that I don't love him all at the same time...  But to make matters worse,  he is refusing a divorce..  But this too, has to come to an end... 

It's been a tough few weeks..  but I know everything will happen as it is supposed to.. 

... put my not so small rear end in a bathing suite.  Luckily, reality set in. Adrian... you are not skinny! Don't do it.  Do not expose those people at the pool to that and scare those children for life! LOL :) 

Ok, so seriously.  I was too embarrassed.  I never want to feel that way again.  I never want to feel like I'm too big or not pretty enough..   I'm tired of living.... or actually NOT living due to my insecurities.

So on a different note...  I finished my last phone call with Health Partners. As far as they are concerned, I am good to go.  One more thing down. 

2.5 more weeks before I meet with my dietitian again..  I'm actually starting to feel discouraged.  I don't really understand why.. because I have made it this far and I was so ready for this.. but now, I'm just for lack of better words feel.. Blah. And I am so tired of hearing about someone that knows someone... that knows someone who's had surgery... and they've gotten really sick.. or gained all their weight back... or almost died...    I'm gonna die anyway one day...  but it's going to come around a lot sooner if I don't lose weight then if I do. 

I don't know what's going on with me.. and why I feel the way I do. I feel like I should be happy because I am getting closer and closer to my new beginning but for some reason, I'm just not feeling it..  Anyone else know what I mean..? Or am I crazy?

Short and Sweet...

I had my psyche evaluation yesterday... and WOO HOO!! She said gave me the go ahead for surgery!  She told me that I seem to have a really healthy attitude on life and making changes and that she thinks I am going to be very successful.  One step closer yall..  I have one more thing left to do...  which is meet with that dietitian for what I pray is the final appointment.  I'm so ready. I still have a few weeks before  I see her but it's going to be here in no time.  Thank yall for all the support! 

I know... I already wrote a blog today..but whatever..  this place is ADDICTIVE!  Anyhow, I am SO happy that I found the OH website..  I actually just kind of stumbled upon it by accident.. and was completely enthralled by all the before/after pictures.. and decided to register. Best thing I ever done! Ok.. ok.. ONE of the best things I've ever done. :)  People here are  nice.. and positive and supportive and genuine.. All those things are so important. Hell yall are more supportive then my own real family here in Minnesota.  I know there are some of you on my friend list, that I may have never spoken to... never left a message..  or anything like that.. but I read your profiles... I feel your pain..  I watch your transformations... and I pray for you..  So for all those in the OH family... thank you for allowing me to be a part of your lives.. even in this tiny way...  Thank you for sharing your journey with me.. and being a part of mine..  I just wanted to take the time out to let you know how important you are to me.  Cheers Ladies!