Woohoo!!! GGGOOOOAAAALLLL!!!!

Aug 04, 2009

Alright!!!  It took me 15.5 months to do it...but I have arrived!  I am so happy about that.  Wish that others fronts were just as happy, but they arn't.  You know how they tell ya that WLS can be really hard on a marriage?  Well, I guess I am living proof of that.  It is over...at least in my mind it is.  I can't unfortunately just walk away because it is my money that is invested in this house...and I will be damned if I am going to lose it.  So here we sit...He is in the living room and I am in the bedroom.  He refused to make love to me, so fuck it!  I don't need him, or his snide comments...He can take his dry drunk and stuff it up his ass as far as I am concerned.
So, the next few months will no doubt be very difficult.  I have to figure out a way to get myself out of debt...or at least reduce my debt to something managable if I am taking on all the mortgage...It is doable, but I am going to have to be very dilligent.  I have not discussed any of this with him...He knows things aren't right I think...but he doesn't want to talk about it either.  I think that the age thing has just really come into play...and I am too young to be living with someone who is ready to retire.  I only wish I would have seen this coming 5 years ago...it would have been much simpler to walk away then...OH well, live and learn, live and learn!
Physically, I feel fantastic...which of course comes into play with the above as well...because I am so longing to "feel" alive...to feel loved, to feel...well, bluntly...I would love to have some sex!  I am afraid to even open that can of worms right now..cuz I know once I let her out...she is NOT going to want to crawl back inside...and that would be a real problem with the living situation...Oh hell...One day at a time...Let go and Let God and all that stuff...trying to keep myself sane.  Just for today...I will keep my legs together...and my mouth shut..What a life...frick..LOL!
Emotionally...actually one would think that I would be a basket case...but I guess that's when you really know it is over...I am not.  I do not fear being on my own...not one bit...Looking forward to some dating action..and not afraid I will be alone for the rest of my days...not a chance on that...I know Mr right is out there..and he is probably right under my nose.
Geez...just reread what I wrote...seems it all comes back to sex...must be my age...LOL 
So, I joined a dating site...just to see what is out there...Hmmm...lots of different ducks, that's for sure...and the married men...holy...I think that is sad...they all say they don't want to change their situation..Just lookin' for a good time...WTF...go fix what's wrong in your marriage buddy!!!!  I am not going to be ANYONE's second!!!!
So, I guess this update wasn't so much about the weightloss...just me, my thoughts and feelings.  I am super happy to finally be at goal.

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