15 Months out- Overweight!!!

Jul 12, 2010

I have to document this...this month has been amazing for me on so many levels.  I need to put it into words so that I can remember to be grateful for how far I've come.  From being a sneeze away from SMO to overweight.  From 312 lbs to 183 lbs.  From size 28W to size 12 / 14...No W.  From being out of breath walking 30 feet and struggling to put on my own shoes to almost limitless energy.  From using my clothes to try to hide to using clothes and styles to accentuate.  From existing/observing to actively participating.

My job situation has become precarious.  I work on a security contract that ends in January.  I know that my company's contract will not be renewed because we will not qualify under the new contract requirements (going to small business set aside).  I also know that chances are not good for me to transfer to the company the contract is awarded to-as I am mid level management and they generally want to bring in their own guys...soooo....what to do?  Get additional credentials that make me more employable in my field.  This meant a fairly arduous shooting and asp course as part of the certification. It also meant a month of 16 to 18 hour days. This course has an over 50% fail rate.  And guess what?!?  I passed...I excelled...I scored highest in the course for my entire class.  I stood out in the sun and 90 degrees and knealed and stood and squatted into tactical positions and used my body in a very physical way for two weeks and excelled!!!  This means so much to me.  I have guaranteed my employment future.  I am ready to put myself out there to find the best job I can.  I stood out in my course for all the right reasons, and none of the wrong.  I could not imagine succeeding at this (and *gasp* enjoying it) at over 300 lbs.  It had the huge potential of being a mortifying experience and I had avoided it for several years for just that reason.

Now on to the beach vacation....yes you heard me.  Beach vacation.  Swim suits in public on a hot beach- I love,love, love tankini skirts.  Hiking sand dunes to fly kites with the munchkins.  Shopping at a high end outlet mall and not sticking out-and enjoying it (can you say size 12 Tommy Hilfiger jeans for $14.99-and oh yes they fit baby!).  Sharing a house with two other families and completely blending!  I had so much fun.  It was absolutely amazing to me to be able to wake-up and do breakfast, pack cooler lunches, swim out in the ocean, take long walks on the beach and play with the kids, come back to the beach house and BBQ some dinner, clean-up, play in the swimming pool with the kids, and still have enough left over for DH to talk me into some  after the house quieted down for the night-Just to wake up the next morning and try to fit even more fun stuff in.

This opportunity would not have presented itself if I still weighed 300lbs.  First of all, we would probably not have been invited to join the group of families...not because they descriminate or thought less of me, but because they knew it would not have been something that I could do with them and keep up.  I would have disappointed my kids because I would have done a lot more observing and much less participating.  This vacation was such a blessing. 

I can say I love my life.  This is the life that I was supposed to be living all along.  Thanks to my DS.

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