Crazy Mind Space

May 11, 2011

I've lost most of my excess weight and am pretty close to a normal bmi.  I find myself in a strange mind space.  I am finding myself equivocating on what my "goal weight" is now that I'm getting close.  I'm pretty satisfied with my loss, appearance, and health. 

It's just that I've always been in a cycle of gaining or losing weight all of my teenage and adult life.  I'm scared of leaving the weight loss cycle behind and accepting maintenance phase.  I lack faith that I'll be able to maintain.  I'm rather terrified that I'll skip maintenace and jump right back into gaining.  My logical brain knows that I'm being ridiculous and that I can't keep losing weight forever.  But my emotional self seems to be kicking logic's ass.  I find myself wanting to cut back on what I'm eating- to start dieting.  It's stupid.  I know it's stupid.  And I'm not giving in to the urge, but man it's hard.  It is just so bizarre to fight the urge to make sure I eat instead verses the old desires of wanting to always eat and depriving myself.

Sorry for the ramble. And I'm not sure what I'm looking for.  Just felt the need to share with some who might be able to get where I'm coming from.

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