Whats in a number
Aug 04, 2011When I started this journey I had two numbers in my head. My weight and my pant size. I wanted to be between 140-150, closer to 140. This would put me in a norm bmi range and thought the number sounded good. Ok lets be honest.. 125 sounded awesome, yet unrealistic. The other number was my pant size, I had not been below a size 10 since, maybe, 6th grade. So my goal was to get to a single digit pant size. An 8 was ok but I thought a 6 would be great.
Now I have reached one of the goals, I wear a size 6. Though my brain has not caught up, people tell me that I look good and are very excited and happy for me. When I look in the mirror I still see a size 14-16. The problem I am having is though I am at the pant size I wanted, the number on the scale still haunts me. I WANT to loose another 25-30 or so lbs. This morning I finally broke through the 170s and weighed in at 169. Now for my worry, which is a silly one to have and one I wouldnt have had 7 short months ago, If I am in a 6 now when I loose another 30 lbs what will I be then?? Will I look "bad"? Will I not care because for some reason that weight/scale number rules us for one reason or another. Or will I ever be able to say screw the scale and be happy with where I am ? Why does that number mean so much to us?
Things I ponder, and yet I know. I will not be satisfied until that scale reads 140. Wish this wasnt true, but deep down I know it is.