It's Time

May 27, 2010

It's time to come back, to the place where I belong (I won't start singing folk songs I promise, "west virginia, mountain mama"....)  

It's been too long, I've been away, dealing (or maybe not?) with the "funny things life throw at you" moments/situations.  I'm putting it out there, myself, again.  I just turned 29 years old, this is rough.... I remember being 23, scared outta my mind to have surgery, it was my last chance to see this age, and here I am.  I made it, and I've hit my highs...and definitely the lows of the past few years.  HOWEVER, offering absolutely no excuses, I made it.  '

I look back at one of my last posts I made last year and reflect.  It's funny to say that my back pain has worsened since that post, but I'm fighting, and like the day I had surgery, I'm NOT Going down without a fight.  

My spinal doctor sidelined me from all activity....do you know what that does to a former obese person who longed to be active in her life?  It's not short of devastating I can promise you... and I'm 29 years old.... yeah, I do not wish this condition on anyone, but life has sent me it's gift baskets throughout the years, for sure.  

So I put it out there, I have fluctuated in weight... to an incredibly dissapointing 176 currently... I wonder as I stare at the scale, what the F**K happened to me, and then I try to bend to pet my kitty cats, and realize exactly what happened.  I can't bend over, I have to brace my hand on the sink, balance on my right leg, bend to the right slightly to reach down as I wince severly....  I know the answer to what the hell happened to me, I pretty much broke the supports in my spine.... Yup, that'll do it.  A boat can't sail without proper strong sails, can it?  It will blow over in heavy storms, bodies are alot like that too.  But we are as strong as our sails are.  I need new sails..... but why can't some super glue and duct tape fix me??  Why injections, shots, therapy, pain meds (which I do NOT take often unless I can't walk)

But you know my positive?  I have, considering my condition, remained in fairly good health, I'm proud of that.  I still keep my food amounts, sugars, carbs and everything in check!   It's my new lifestyle.

I still find myself talking to others about my surgery, and how it's still thee absolute best decision I ever made for myself....I tear up thinking about it.  

I'm a human being, I am woman, I am a success story, EVEN through my severe back pain issues, I survive! :)   How's that for excuses?

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