Cheryl W.

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I'm scrubbed and packed and ready to go.
I'm standing here beside the door
My husband took a very unflattering Pic, I hate to say.

The dawn won't break for several hours,
It's F#$%ing freezing outside.
I'm already hungry and very thirsty.
Here I go, new lifestyle. 

I want to eat like french women... Maybe, need to read their stories.
I want to run fast, I'll blaze at 100 lbs less.
I want to kick this habit of my life being about my weight.

Here I go, wish me luck.

Wow, didn't think I'd do it, but here it is Day 14 and I haven't cheated one little bit.  I feel pretty good, there was a fair amount of hunger, some moodiness, but all in all, not impossible.

Tomorrow is the big day.  I'm kinda excited, like the day before a vacation.  My mind is spinning with thoughts about what I might have forgotten, and things I need to do (buy dog food, charge my Kindle).  My bag is half packed, but from what I read you don't need to bring much.  Robe, slippers, chapstick, pillow.  I'm going to try and stay busy today, so as not to get nervous.  I cleaned all day yesterday, and the house is in good condition.  I wouldn't call it mother-in-law clean (the oven would need to be clean for that), but visible surfaces are mostly dust free.  However, I sorta strained my back in the process, standing upright takes a bit of effort today.

Went to support group last night, and remembered how much I don't like support groups.  So many people are not like me, hate to say, they don't seem too bright, and it sorta becomes a waste of time.  It's not all bad though.  The speaker gave me a great recipe idea.  Ricotta cheese mixed with marinara sauce.  Mouth watering thinking of it.  I also met someone I corresponded with on-line on another site, and she seemed nice, and smart.

Can't think of much more to say today.  I'm looking forward to tomorrow, and the rest of my life.

Yesterday was tough, really, really tough.  I wrote in yesterday's blog about my food issues in the morning, well it got worse.  My husband is also on a health kick, so he's cooking for himself.  So he gets out the fry pan, and saute's onions and green pepper and garlic (to add to his brown rice and blackeyed peas).  OH MY GOD, the house smelled so good.  I was so hungry. 

I went upstairs to our bedroom and tried to read, but the smell was up there too.  So, I went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet and cried.  I haven't cried for years.  I just sobbed feeling very hungry and sorry for myself.  Then, I stopped.  Thinking that was silly, I have resources to deal with the issue.  I filled the tub with hot water and as much smelly bath oil/crystals/etc. as I could find (I'm usually a shower person), and just soaked.  I lit the perfumed candles, and pampered myself a bit.  Tubs are not great because being so big, so much of me is out of the water.  So, the mark of where the water covered is a good benchmark, so that 6 months from now, I can determine how much more is soaking instead of shivering.

Then I came downstairs, where it still smelled so good, and threw a load of clothes in the washer and left the door open to the laudry room.  Pretty soon the smell of the garlic, onions and green pepper was replaced with the smell of Tide with Febreze.  He was still puttering in the kitchen and appologized.  I said it was alright, but it really wasn't.  When I wasn't on a liquid diet, we didn't cook.  We had a salad (zero smell) and healthy choice, or lean cuisines (point one on the smell meter).  Why he has to cook all of a sudden is a mystery to me.  I know the novelty will wear off I just hope its soon.

Today is cleaning day.  I've been saying that for days, but today I mean it.  The dust is pretty thick in spots, and I'm gonna wipe it all down before surgery day.  Not my favorite activity, but I'm gonna put on my iPod and get to it.  The laudry is almost done, as I did a couple of loads yesterday to get rid of the food smell in the house.

Off I go, molly maid.

Well the weather outside was frightfull, for NC that is, and the fire was so delightfull, so the hubby made microwave popcorn and watched NFL on TV with thousands of pizza hut commercials.  I went grocery shopping with him today, and almost lost it in the beer isle where they had summer sausage on display.  OK, enough with the food, doesn't the world know I'm on a liquid diet?  Oh, you say, the world doesn't revolve around me? 

So to change subjects, X-mas is right around the corner.  Just went out and bought M- gift certificates for cooking classes held at a local restaurant, Oh wait, I didn't change subjects did I?

So to try again, One other X-mas idea that J gave me to give to M, was yoga classes.  I was going to poke around the web and look for different classes held within a 5 mile radius of their house, and see about maybe getting some gift certificates to several to try out.  I'll let her try them, then tell me what are the good ones, then when I'm 50 lbs lighter, I can try them too.  Mmmm.  Might work.  Right now downward facing dog would probably kill me.

Did go to the gym this morning and did an hour on the treadmill, using the weight loss intervals, flat at 3.0 and 2% incline at 3.5.  Was tough.  My shirt was pretty soaked through when done.  I don't really like to sweat, but do it anyway.

OK, I'm cranky and antsy.  I'm just marking time till Wednesday gets here.  Then things will be exciting and different.

Oh, wait, Lower expectations results in greater happiness.

Ahhh Glorious Chicken Broth,
I sing an ode to thee
Almost like real food
Not quite a drink
Satisfaction

Not quite sure that's haiku, but "if I say it is, it is", according to my husband.  He has some other sayings that I also take to heart, one of my favorites, one that doesn't come natural to me is " lower expectations results in greater happiness".  I really need to work on that last one because I tend to get high expectations then am disappointed when the real results are arrived at.  I'm especially susceptible to that when it comes to weight loss efforts.  Losing weight doesn't and won't change my problems.  I will not become a ravishing bikini wearing beauty when I've reached goal weight.  I will still have to deal with my isolation, unemployment, and lack of artistic talent.  Yet I know I'll have more energy.  Time to start planning how to expend that energy.

I'm grateful to undertake this journey, and also that it's wintertime, when I can be covered up and snuggle in, and the days are short.  It makes the recovery time seem bearable.  I'm also glad I've gotten a jump on my annual new year's resolution, because I know I'm gonna make it in 2011.

The great news is that I now have just 100 lbs to lose.  I've hit my pre-surgery target weight, 240.  Now I just have to make it to Wednesday,  Only 3 1/2 days to go. 

Almost forgot to blog today. 

Had a pre-surgical appointment at 8 this morning at the hospital to make sure the anesthesiology folks knew what to expect re. the Big Cheryl.  I really like the folks I've been dealing with so far, both at the Dr's office, the hospital, the labs, etc.  The anesthesiologist though was quite a hoot.  Old as the hills, he talked like he partaken of some of the drugs himself.  When I asked if he was going to be my Dr during the sugery Thankfully he said no, that someone "on my staff will be assigned."  Obviously, he's a supervisor.  Its probably good he's not a practitioner.

Went to Target shopping today to try and add steps to the pedometer, and also to get X-mas gift ideas.  Well, spent a good chunk on a bunch of stuff.  Love that store.  Walmart is so junky, down south here they are always a mess.  Target may be pricier, but they have such cool designs, and the store itself is always fairly neat.  Bought some stuff related to my hospital stay. 

Lip Balm
Small hand cream (I'm chapping really badly)
Travel size deodorant and mouthwash
Some bathroom wipes
A pair of 2x size cotton drawstring pants (I can also use these for workouts)
Oh, and don't forget the new underpants, can't go to the hospital with old, stained panties.

Yesterday I went to Penny's and bought a robe (3x) and nightshirt (3x) - I promise, these are the last large size clothes I'm ever going to buy!!!!

I also got a cool blender with single serving cups.  My hands were getting so chapped because I was constantly dunking them in water to clean my blender.  Now I have 5 cups, I can throw in the dishwasher.  Tried it out already and the blender works like a charm.

I also went to Petsmart and bought three oval dog beds, to teach the pack "Place"  Doing really well with it so far.

Well, the hubby has just "caught me"  guess I better post off.

 

Or should I start counting down instead of up?  Like days to surgery.  I guess I'll have to get used to counting down, especially when it comes to weight numbers on a scale....

OK, here's what's going on.  Yesterday was the pre-op class at our clinic.  Scheduled at 11:30 for 2 hours, right in the middle of the gosh darn day.  You were supposed to bring your support person, so my husband took the whole day off of work for it, since it didn't make sense commuting wise to go to work.  Well, I think (and so does he) that the support person really didn't need to be there at all.  Most of the stuff we heard was stuff we've heard/read before.  I guess I think I'm becomming a WLS expert, cause I could of covered most of the stuff in the class myself.  Even he knew most of it, and he's not nearly immersed in this culture as I am.  The emmi really covers the procedure, the nutrition handouts really covered the post op process, and the rest was pretty much fluff.  They didn't even cover what to bring to the hospital..  What a waste of time.  Oooh grouchy hey, liquid diet methinks.

Today, as I'm sipping my protein hot chocolate made with decaff coffee and reading Yahoo news, my husband calls to me.  He's standing stark naked on the scale on the tile floor of the foyer, to show me he's reached his goal weight of 185.  Well it was 185.4, but 185 nonetheless.  I hate him.  It'll be months before I reach 185.  I can't tell you how long I've weighed more than he, probably 30 out of the 33 years we've been married.  Isn't that sad?  Yet I'm so proud of him.  He was up to 210 about a year ago, and has been steadily working out and now is counting calories.  He's really strong and has tons of endurance, and sweats like it's raining outside.  He's my rock, and my thorn, and I really, really love him.  Plus, he's really supportive of the WLS, and I know will keep me on the straight and narrow if I ask him too.  

On that last note, I haven't decided what role I want the hubby to play in my recovery and weight loss.  Do I want him to be my drill sargent?  Will I listen to him or resent his interference?  Don't know.  Need to think on that.  He's asked me what I want.

Think I'm going to tidy up around the house today, I've been sorta letting it go, as I didn't want to clean too soon before surgery, or else it won't last till I'm better.  I know it's time when the hamper with the "darks" won't shut.

I'm so pleased that I made it a week already.  It's not so bad, I've gotten quite used to it, and think I could maintain this until the end of the month, especially after surgery.  I don't think I could do it forever, or even 8-9 months like on a liquid diet plan.  But for the first week I found I can manage my hunger, that hunger isn't debilitating, that liquids can be a good source of nourishment, and warm beverages are soothing and filling.

Today is my pre-op class.  It's 2 hours and my husband is going with me.  He took off of work today to attend.  Can't imagine what will take 2 hours to teach.  I'm guessing someone will be reading instructions to us from a book, because most people can't/won't read and follow instructions.  I'm guessing that it also will allow our caregivers to ask questions.  I've become very immersed in the WLS world, have been reading blogs, posts, books, etc. plus going to all my appointments alone, but my husband has not.  Maybe this is a chance for him to become immersed too.

I did have my pre-op surgeons appointment on Monday and went in with a list of questions:

1.  How much by-pass will you perform on me?  ans:  100 cm because my BMI is less than 50.  If it was more than 50 he would do a 150 cm by-pass.  That's because BMIs over 50 have more weight to lose and they want to increase malabsorbtion as much as possible.  Then he told me there is a honey-moon period to malabsorbtion.  After about a year the intestines adapt and start to absorb more nutrients in the shortened limb.  Then the length of the limb becomes sort of irrelevant.  That means I really need to take advantage all I can in the Honey Moon period to get to my goal weight.

2.  Will I have to do a bowel prep like an enema?  ans:  No the 2 week liquid diet adequately preps the bowels for surgery.  Actually he would have preferred to do a 1 week liquid diet and a bowel prep, but didn't recommend it yet for his patients because he's new in the clinic and doesn't want to rock any boats just yet.  He did say, he preforms his surgery a bit different than Dr. V.  He does only 5 incisions, and he double sews over the staple lines and very rarely has leaks.

3.  How long will my hospital stay be?  ans:  Most likely 48 hours unless there are complications.

4.  I'm now taking gabepentin for hot flashes at night, can I continue that medication?  ans:  Yes, if it's helping me.

5.  I don't want an open procedure.  What would cause the surgeon to switch to an open procedure?  ans:  Would not go open unless conditions were life threatening, like a bleed that could not be stopped.  If it was other than that, and he found he couldn't do the actual by-pass, he would do a sleeve, then after I recovered from surgery, we could discuss whether to go ahead with a by-pass using an open procedure.

6.  How long before you can resume sex?  ans:  When you're able to work out pretty vigorously at the gym, usually about 4 weeks.

Well those were my questions.  I'm happy with the answers and I'm more than anxious to get this over with.  Friday is my appointment with the anesthesiologist. 

 

Today I feel wonderful.  Almost a whole week on the liquid diet, and not a morsel of whole food has passed my lips.  I'm so proud of myself.  I feel my energy is back too.  Went to the gym this a.m. and did a solid 30 minutes on the elliptical, and I'm ready to do my free weights. 

I have my art class today, and I'm looking forward to it.  However, I only practiced once this week, and I really need to pick up my charcoals every day, and just sketch for 30 minutes, I think I'd improve a lot.

I went to my pre-op surgeon's appointment yesterday, with my list of questions, and I feel very confident about my choice of surgeon.  Dr Balder is new to the Southeast Bariatrics group, but he seems very confident, and does things a bit differently.  For instance, he double sews the staple lines, and very rarely do any of his patients have leaks.  He also uses fewer incisions, only 5 whereas the other Dr in the practice uses 7.  I figure, fewer holes fewer sites for infection.

Also, I'm happy because I received the written approval letter from BCBS in the mail yesterday.  I was just asking the surgeon's office if they had anything in writing saying I was approved, and then the letter came.  It felt much better to see it in writing.  Would have hated to have the surgery, then get a $30K bill afterwords.

Still not enthused about cleaning the house before surgery.  Think I'll put that off to next week Mon/Tues.  That way it will be clean longer after I get home.

The last 5 days have been instructive about how my body and mind functions.  I learned that I am very uncomfortable at 700 calories in a day, both psychologically and physically.  The 1000 calorie limit seems to suit me OK, and I really need to drink plain old water to keep hydrated.  I also am learning that I'm not sick, just because I'm hungry.  The two feelings Sick, and Hungry, are not the same thing.  I think most of my life I've equated the two.

Re. today, I just couldn't get it together to go to the gym at 5:15 this morning.  I really didn't drink enough calories yesterday, went to bed hungry, and had zero energy and felt kinda sick when the alarm rang at 5.  So I went and got a pre-made protein drink from the frig and Wa La, 15 minutes later I felt all kinds of fine.  Now, reflecting on it, the drink was only 110 calories, why did it perk me up?  Psychological or did I really need those calories?  In the end does it matter?  I'm learning my limits.

Anyway, after Richard left for work I sat down and finished my CPE education requirement for 2010 on the computer, then went to the gym for interval training on the treadmill.  Pushed it pretty hard, and sweated a good bit.  Now showered, I feel refreshed and accomplished, and looking forward to lunch.

Mmmm what'll it be.... Nectar Caribbean Cooler with V8 Diet Splash sounds great.