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This has been a fight to the death, but I'm still fighting. I'm down to 219 pounds. I need one more pound to reach my first 20 pounds, but it's a hard battle, and because I lose my motivation every other day, I haven't been consistent with my diet. Right now I'm wearing a jean skirt, and I can't wait for it to fall off; it's really lose, and I think if I lose 5 or 10 more pounds, it will literally fall off of me.

I dyed my hair to get rid of my grey hair, had my eyebrows, lips and chin waxed, and had a pedicure to see if that motivates me, but nothing, and I mean nothing, makes me see myself as an attractive person, let alone a beautiful woman. Who am I kidding?

The scale's still reading 222 pounds. I have no idea why. How easy it is to gain 2 pounds in 2 days and how to hard it is to lose 2 pounds.

Now I'm really convinced that my scale is possessed. I just weighed myself and that beast read 222 pounds. I need to know exactly how much I weigh or at least get a consistent readout, but this beast has a mind of its own. When I weighed myself 2 days ago I was weighing 220, so the scale told me, but I gained 2 pounds in 2 days? How? I've been practically starving myself, although I had a veggie bagel sandwich, 24 ounces of caramel drink, (I ate half of it for breakfast and the other half for lunch at 1140 a.m. along with a donut), and then I had half a cheese steak with a couple of fries and a Pepsi at around 6 p.m. 

As I'm typing this, my stomach is grumbling and I'm really, really hungry. I truly need to hit the gym. I'm not losing fast enough. Ugh!

I think my scale is bugging big time! I weighed myself this morning as soon as I woke up and it registered 220 pounds. My eyes bugged out and I weighed myself again just to make sure that the scale wasn't bugging. Yep. It shows that I weigh 220 and I'm not going to get on that scale again and be disappointed if it goes up, lol. I'll take whatever I can from that beast, lol. I have 18 more pounds before I reach my first goal.

I think I can, I think I can...

I've lost my first 15 pounds. I'm down to 223, but it's been a very slow process mainly because of my lack of physical activity. I started dieting in July; it's already September and I only lost 15 pounds, but it's better losing and not gaining. I have 5 more pounds to go before I hit 20 pounds lost.

It shows that I've lost weight but not that much. My oldest daughter noticed it and commented on it, but no one else seems to notice, and that's a bit discouraging, but I'll trudge on.

I had stopped watching what I eat and went back to my old eating habits for a bit. I weighed myself this morning and I'm down to 225, which is a great motivator for me to get back on track and continue with my diet. If I could only get myself to the gym I would lose weight so much faster. I have to do this! I just got to reach my goal of weighing at least 198 pounds.

I'm down to 226! I'm slowly losing weight, and 28 pounds to lose to reach my first goal. Although I already start to see it, my sister doesn't really see it. I have a skirt that I wasn't able to wear because it didn't fit, but I was able to wear it to work the other day, and I was very happy. I still don't like to take full body pictures, but my face looks thinner. I need to get rid of this gut!

My husband is totally oblivious to me, and that's no surprise being that we're about to divorce.

I feel a little bit better. I weighed myself this morning and I finally lost my first 10 pounds which means I have 30 more pounds to lose to reach my first goal. I was a bit concerned because in my frustration, I ate some crackers with cheese and a cup of coffee with hazelnut coffee cream and regular sugar the other day. I really do feel good about losing 10 pounds thus far, but I still don't see it and I definitely don't feel it.

I'm still sticking to my one meal a day which still basically consists of pieces of chicken breast, or tilapia fish with low fat/low calorie fixings. I haven't had red meat in over 2 weeks, and the funny thing is that I don't miss it one bit. I haven't had rice or any type of fried food. I'm pretty sure that if I do try to eat "normal" I'm gonna end up throwing up. I think I already messed up for today, though. I stopped at WaWa on my way to work (summer curriculum writing which started today), and bought me a 24 ounce cup of french vanilla hot drink, and now I'm into my second 24 ounce cup of regular coffee with french vanilla coffee cream and two packs of Splenda.

On another note. I have great sadness which has absolutely nothing to do with my weight. I can't win for losing, but it is what it is. Will I ever be completely happy?

I can't help weighing myself frequently, and it's driving me crazy. I wish I could hold off my temptation to weigh myself almost on a daily basis, but I can't. I've been eating salads for the past 2 weeks, and all I've lost is nothing in comparison to my food deprivation. I only eat one meal a day, and this is what I eat:

lettuce, tomato, cooked pieces of chicken breast (a dash of salt) using PAM, red peppers, onions, garlic, mushrooms, black olives, a tad of bacon bits, a pinch of sunflower seeds, one boiled egg, and a tad of Italian vinaigrette dressing. Sometimes I use tilapia fish instead of chicken. The other day I cooked my chicken with the usual ingredients, mashed some beans from the day before when I cooked for my family, and ate a small bowl of chicken with the beans. I'm still struggling with the water, but I'll get there, eventually.

Last night was not a good one for me. I was craving I don't know what, but I was craving it. I ended up eating a chocolate covered wafer with a bit of milk, and then a Pillsbury biscuit. I know that I'm doing all of this wrong, and that my body's going into starvation mode, but, shouldn't I have lost more weight by now? It's been 14 days since I ate like I normally do. My daughters tell me that my weight loss is showing, but I definitely don't see it or feel any different, just miserable. I don't eat for 4 days, and I don't lose a pound. I eat a burger, and no sooner has the burger hit my stomach, I've already gained 20 pounds.Ugh!

I weighed myself this morning and I'm down to 229, so my scale says, but when I weighed myself again, it when up to 230, and I weighed myself one more time and it read 231. I think I need to buy a new scale. This is driving me bonkers. I haven't been able to go to the gym, and I have no motivation to walk around the neighborhood. It's been almost 2 weeks since I started my weight loss diet plan but I wish I could lose weight much, much faster without having to work out, but that's impossible.