Back to square one!

Jul 09, 2019

I feel as if I will never ever be able to lose the weight that I want to lose. I always start up very motivated, and somehow I lose all motivation even before I reach my goal halfway. Will I ever be anything less than 220 plus pounds?

I stopped dieting and working out soon after I had started last year, and I just packed up the pounds again. I just weighed myself and I'm up to 240 pounds again. I'm concerned, though, because as of lately I've been having a difficult time breathing and I'm always out of breath. Even when I walk from anywhere in the apartment I get out of breath and find myself panting and gasping for air. I'm also getting pains in my chest and they are very constant. 

What am I to do?


Exercising Works Wonders!

Aug 11, 2018

I started my weight loss journey again on June 27 after visiting my oldest daughter, husband and kids in Florida. My mom, who was also visiting from Puerto Rico, made fun of my weight and how I look, mercilessly, nonstop, and really thought it was funny and okay to ridicule me in front of the family. I felt hurt, very hurt, and decided that enough was enough.

I returned home determined this time to get rid of this excess fat once and for all, for good. I started dieting and 8 days later I joined the gym and got a personal trainer. At first, I would just think about my mother's rude jokes about my weight and it would bring tears to my eyes as I did my water aerobics. No one saw my tears because my face would be wet from the water, but I felt angry and the angrier I would feel, the harder I would work out in the water. 

I am happy to say that I've kept up with my exercising and healthy eating, and I'm thrilled that I'm finally seeing the results of my working out on a regular basis. I haven't been working out with my personal trainer because I owe money for the training sessions, but I've been able to use the facilities and I do take advantage of it. I love doing water aerobics. I also have done the treadmill and the other night, my daughter and I did the bikes, but my butt wasn't too happy with that one. My current weight is between 223-225 pounds, and although the scale doesn't make me too happy, I can see that I look slimmer now than what I did when I reached 215 last summer when I tried losing weight without exercising. I can't and won't let my guard down. I've gone down this same path too many times in the last 10 years or so.

I want to be able to fit in a size 16. Once I reach that goal any more weight I might lose will all be a big bonus.


I'm Losing!

Jul 07, 2018

Well, I've been going to the gym since July 5, and I hope that this time I reach my goal. I joined LA Fitness and decided to trying having a personal trainer to see if this time I can actually get rid of all the fat in my body that's making me so miserable. I start my first training on Monday, but I've been going to the gym everyday since I joined. I started off with the assessment that they did, and although it was only an assessment, it was a workout and I sweated, so I can say that I worked out on Thursday. Yesterday I walked on the treadmill for an hour and covered one mile, yay me. Today I went to the water aerobics class and had a blast. It was a lot of fun and I can actually feel my muscles being sore.

I've cut out all processed sugar, processed foods, table salt, fat and starch from my diet. I've taken to eating just chicken breast, ground turkey and fish (tilapia and salmon). I now eat greens and I'm hooked on all those delicious smoothies I make at home with fresh fruits, vegetables, and greens. Thanks youtube! I weighed myself today, and I'm down to 230, but when I was weighed at the gym when I signed up, the scale read 237 which was crazy because I had weighed myself in the morning and I was down to 234. I'm sticking to the numbers on my own scale. If the numbers on my scale are off, it's still a great motivator for me.

I bought a protein powder, but I really don't like it because I bought french vanilla flavor, and I just find it too sweet. I'm already used the the natural sugar from the fruits I use for my smoothies. I have no craving whatsoever for sweets, but I do have cravings for salty things once in a while. Whenever I crave something a bit salty, I'll eat a crispy tortilla, like the tortilla chips.

Let's see how this goes.




How Many Times Over?

Jun 27, 2018

I had weight loss surgery years ago, and I have never been able to reach my goal of 160 pounds. I just weighed myself and I am up to 240 pounds, but I am starting over again today. 

I just came from a trip to Florida to visit my daughter and her family, and, although I was able to fit in the airplane seats, I was not able to buckle up because the seatbelts were not big enough to go around my waist.

Here I go again!




I Keep Messing Up!

Sep 23, 2015

I keep messing up. I've been going through a lot of emotional things and I let myself go....for the hundredth time. I stopped dieting in June, and I weighed myself this morning to find out that I've gained 10 pounds. I'm weighing 221 pounds, but I started my diet regime today. My short term goal for right now is to lose those 10 pounds.


I hate this! I truly hate this yo-yo factor, and I still haven't been able to reach my initial goal of weighing 160 pounds. The least I've weighed since having my lapband surgery has been 198 pounds and that didn't last very long. Once I reach 198 pounds again, I will be very happy, but until then, it's a real struggle.


I'm Kinda Smiling

Apr 20, 2015

Well, it feels kinda nice to have people notice that I'm losing weight. I finally have started noticing it myself. I feel lighter on my feet, and my belly has gone down considerably, but I'm still not satisfied. I know that I'm not out of the woods, and I can't put my guard down, but Saturday I went with my oldest daughter to IHOP for breakfast and had 2 chicken florentine crepes with a diet Pepsi.


I know that I was packing down a lot of calories, but I've been on a very restrictive calorie intake, and I was really craving the chicken florentine crepes. They were delicious! I went back home and checked online to find out how many calories I had consumed in that one meal and I almost keeled over. One crepe packs 875 calories, and I had two making it a whopping 1750 for just one meal, and that being breakfast! Granted, I was full for the rest of the day and didn't have anything else to eat but another food item that I know I shouldn't have had, but...what the heck! I had a cream filled danish with a cup of coffee.


My calorie intake is not more than 800 a day, so even though I binged yesterday, I'm back on track today. If only I could find the motivation to go back to doing water aerobics I would lose weight so much faster, but I can't do it.


All in all, I'm feeling pretty good.


What a Slow Process!

Apr 17, 2015

I have only myself to blame for my weight gain, but boy is it ever a struggle to shed the excess weight! The good thing is that I weighed myself this morning and I'm down to 217 pounds. I can't wait to reach 198 pounds, but I have no clue how long it's going to take, but I'm finally seeing some progress.


Feeling Blah

Apr 06, 2015

Will I ever make it? I stopped dieting, watching what I eat, and even stopped weighing myself, but I knew that whatever weight I had lost was creeping back again. I started my diet for the uptenth time, and I weigh 220 pounds. If I could only go to the teens and be done with the 20's, but...whatever.

I recently divorced and I'm feeling so blah, so...I don't even know how to explain what I feel or how I feel. I'm not sad because of the divorce. I'm sad because other personal things happening to me.



Feb 02, 2015

No matter how determined I am to lose weight I always end up going back to eating unhealthy, but I'm again on track. I weighed myself this morning and I'm up to 227 pounds. I need to lose, lose, lose, lose weight and reach at least to 198 pounds.


I don't know how many times I've tried losing weight.


I'm Not Ready To Quit Yet!

Oct 24, 2014

This has been a fight to the death, but I'm still fighting. I'm down to 219 pounds. I need one more pound to reach my first 20 pounds, but it's a hard battle, and because I lose my motivation every other day, I haven't been consistent with my diet. Right now I'm wearing a jean skirt, and I can't wait for it to fall off; it's really lose, and I think if I lose 5 or 10 more pounds, it will literally fall off of me.

I dyed my hair to get rid of my grey hair, had my eyebrows, lips and chin waxed, and had a pedicure to see if that motivates me, but nothing, and I mean nothing, makes me see myself as an attractive person, let alone a beautiful woman. Who am I kidding?




About Me
Pleasantville, NJ
Surgery Date
May 02, 2007
Member Since

Friends 4

Latest Blog 78