What I'm Focusing On

Jul 05, 2016

I just want to remember this comment I posted...

Most importantly, for me, it's all about honesty.  I struggle with being 100% honest and accurate with every bite that goes in my mouth every single frickin' day.   Over the years of struggling with my weight, I've gotten so used to hiding what I eat, believing that it didn't matter if I eat whatever I want, and I just plain gave up on caring about my health and I lived that way for more years than I've tried to be healthy.  Plus, I have the "Because I Deserve It" mindset.  I reward myself with food and can justify a reward for myself for almost ANY reason any time.  It's been a struggle for me almost every day.  I also love pushing limits - always have and I have to be careful that I don't see my WLS as a challenge to see how much I can eat and still lose weight (what a mess).  Can't afford to do that anymore!  

But, I'm getting better at being honest and accurate. I'm learning to track every bite in MFP, I'm forcing myself to admit on MFP when I mess up, I say exactly what is was and why (most of the time - I'm still struggling with this).  My goal is to be sure that happens 100% of the time.  It's hard work, it feels embarassing sometimes.  I'm seeing a counselor to learn how to deal with this and I see a psychiatrist for anti-depressant meds, too.  It's working, I'm learning how to be accountable despite stress, despite the rewards I think I deserve, despite my old patterns.  



About Me
Surgery Date
May 28, 2015
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