heidinsd

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Wow I so can't believe it, it's been a year already. I have lost 196lbs, I so wanted to hit 200lbs gone before this date and yes I have beat myself up about it, stupid I know, I have come so far and done so great but why do I have to beat myself up?? Ugh sometimes my mind doesn't shut up. You know it hasn't been a easy ride, I have had some low vitamin issues but on top of it. I'm very happy that I did this surgery. No regrets and no turning back. Sometimes I'm in a funk or other people get on my nerves with there comments but I understand its all a BIG change for everyone, especially me!

It's a big eye opener, I'm not treated the way I use to be, I don't get the stares from people or hear the kids saying comments about me, in fact I haven't even paid attention to that lol wow that's crazy. Maybe before I was just so miserable that I would notice everything, Now I look like everyone else and "fit" in. At work I have people I don't even know come up to me and tell me how great I look, and it freaks me out. I'm not use to it. Maybe its the fact that I can no longer hide behind my fat. Maybe I should just throw my hands in the air and say HELLO WORLD, I AM HERE!!!! lol Hearing I'm a inspiration is just mind blowing. Me  no way. Hmmm maybe??

All I can say is I still have a way to go and I'm not giving up, and I hope my head catches up to all the changes soon. I have a lot of soul searching to do. Here is to continuing with my Journey!!!!

So again its been awhile since I have posted....just living life I guess lol. So as of today I have lost 180 lbs, so amazing and just a little over 9 months. I'm so happy I had the surgery. Its so weird that I'm getting smaller and smaller, I cant even remember when I was at the weight I am now lol. It's the small things that make all the difference to me. Crossing my legs, sitting in a booth, not having the feeling that everyone is starring at me. Being ok to go to the mall and not have a panic attack. My surgeons goal is to get down to 160lbs, that seems so unreal to me but each day it seems like it is possible. Lately I've been snacking more and I don't like it I'm afraid I will go back to old habits so now that I realize what I'm doing, its time to stop it before it does get out of hand. So funny how we recognize these habits now but didn't care before, or at least that's what I think lol. This surgery is a tool and I have to remember that and don't want to ruin the gift that has been given to me.  So to sum it up things are going good, I'm going to keep fighting till I get to goal and then that's when the real fight begins so I can maintain there!!!!

So I wanted to do a follow up on my 6 months but never got around to it. So hmm whats new, so far I have lost 144 lbs, still unreal to me. I think the physical changes are really starting to get to me mentally. Now I see how people say make sure you get your mind set, its so true. I would be lying if I said everything has been wonderful. I have had my moments. Good moments, I'm wearing jeans, high heel shoes, feeling sexier, able to do more, walk more, energy is higher, fit in a booth, eating different things, drinking coffee, no high blood pressure, my daughter is happier.  Bad moments, getting sick , see the saggy skin, hair falling out, not really being able to fit smaller clothes still and that bugs me the most out of everything. I knew all about it when signing up, still don't regret one bit but my head is fucked up right now, and by writing this out and having other read it and they know where I'm coming from makes it better for me. I will keep climbing that mountain, my surgeon wants me to go all the way he wants me to get down to 160 i was like yeah right doc when I saw him but you know my personal goal was 200, so that's just another 40 pounds to his goal so I'm going all the way.  I will write more later, need to get out of this funk.

So I know I haven't wrote in awhile, I guess after surgery we start getting a life back lol. So far I'm down 105lbs woo hoo, I'm so excited I have never in my life been able to lose that much. I have found my new love...The Gym....lol go figure. At first I didn't like going cause I thought people would stare etc... I did have a couple people bug me but I think they where just trying to be encouraging.  Its been a struggle sometimes, in the beginning I have gotten sick but nothing serious either a all day BM trip to the bathroom (which is ok since its hard to go sometimes lol) and I have thrown up mostly the foamies I guess is what they cause it cause when I have gone to throw up its just foam and nothing else and then you feel better. Alot had to do with my zoloft I take, it would burn when I take it but I have learned to take it with yogurt and its ok. This journey is a trip I feel so good, the only thing I have a problem with is clothes, you would think I would be able to fit in smaller clothes. So I really don't want to go out and buy new clothes, but I have a friend that had the surgery before me and she has given me a lot of clothes and I can only wear some of them, its so frustrating but in due time I will be growing out of all of those lol so i will just keep trucking, working out and do what I need to do to get to my goal for now!!!! Everyone here is great and I'm so thankful for this site!!!

So just checking in, next week i go for my 3 month check up, i cant believe its been almost 3 months, I'm down 80lbs so amazing and feels so unreal. I'm blessed in so many ways life is getting better each day. I haven't had much problems with food, I'm also very careful with what i eat. I have thrown up a couple of times but from a pill a take i learned to take it with food now. So whats changed recently, about a month ago I joined a gym, I'm getting in a routine. I have a friend at work that wants a group of us to do a 5k in November which is crazy i never thought i would do a marathon in my life. don't get me wrong I've always had that on my wish list. Ive had some mini wows but I think everyday is a wow. I really love this site its so helpful and I learn something everyday here. I don't know what else to say, I'm enjoying life finally take care everyone.

So I saw my surgeon yesterday for my one month post op, things are going good, said I can now add in mushy carrots, squash, cauliflower woo hoo and I can do a lunch meat/cheese roll up. So I'm doing good, my potassium is a little low, my surgeon said to add some banana to my protein drinks, also my iron is a little low but I'm anemic already so I'm starting iron pills again. I got the OK to go swimming in fact my Dr wants me to start doing aerobics or water aerobics and lift some weights, he is really big on the exercise stuff which is good. I'm going back to work Monday which I'm glad cause I'm a single mom and what I'm getting on state disability is nothing so a paycheck would be good lol. So that's about it for now, I'm doing good, i have more energy most days and so ready to live my life to the fullest!!! Take care all.

So just want to kind of check in. I'm doing good, keeping the cottage cheese and yogurt, and string cheese down. I am at a point where I feel lost. I don't know if I'm doing everything right. I'm trying to get all my protein and water and of course my vitamins. I just wish I could have more of a selection of food. I just don't feel normal anymore. I'm not hungry so i know its my head hunger playing games with me. It doesn't help to live right next to a BBQ place and it smells so good all the time lol. I did go to a friends party with alot of food and I was ok, i just had my water and sipped away. Right now protein shakes are hard getting down, but i keep trying my best to get it down. Anyway from this last time i weighed myself I'm down 28 pounds and feel good about that.

So yesterday was my follow up appt and I have lost 21 pounds since surgery, I was excited to see that much weight gone forever!!! It was a big boost for me cause I've been in the what have i done mode. I know its going to be a hard but I'm sure its going to be all worth it in the end. Things are good no pain, I'm blessed to not need my pain meds I haven't used any since Ive been home. I need to get more walking in, its been raining but today looks like the sun is out. My thighs hurt and i think I'm not getting enough water so I'm going to make sure i drink a lot today. That's it for now.

So I'm doing pretty good, I get a little tired but not to bad. I get around good, still on liquids and think about food all the time but not hungry its all very weird lol. I have to say for someone who had major surgery a week ago you wouldn't even known. The only thing is I'm so bored, I cant drive right now, which i hope changes Thur when I see the surgeon. If i could just drive i could go see friends or to the beach or something other then being in the house. oh well it is what it is.

I guess that's all for now

Hello everyone, oh how I have missed my computer lol. Ok so the surgery went good, ill go thru a play by play.
The morning of surgery I had to be there at 6am, surgery was at 9am I was so nervous and scared. My surgery was right on time. So going down the halls I wanted to yell Stop lol but I knew I couldn't. So in the O.R. they asked if I had any goals, I said to get in a pair of jeans and they asked anything else I said and some High heels lol, and then I was out. I woke up in recovery and the first thing I asked was if I was alive. Everyone kinda laughed and said yes you are. I was in recovery for awhile waiting for a room. I got in my room and got settled and then they have you get up and walk, I was able to do a little until I got very nauseous and started throwing up. I did throw up blood a couple times I know gross but they said its normal its from what is left over from surgery. I was so scared I was crying so bad and was just like what the hell did I do to myself. So my first night after surgery wasn't to fun, but it got better, I told the nurses that I think the pain meds was making me nauseous and they did change it and I was feeling much better.

So I was able to get out of the Hospital on Thur 4/15, I went from the hospital to my sister's so she could help me out and had a good time but really missed my place. Especially hard when everyone is eating and I'm not. I have been very emotional, while my family is eating wonderful food, I'm sipping water and still asking what did I do to myself. I mean will I ever be able to go to a BBQ and have a hot dog, or a slice of pizza, or a nice savory meal. I guess what the question I'm trying to get at is well i ever be normal?


Where I'm at now, I'm at home feeling good and just cant wait to get to have soft foods. My sister said she can tell I have lost a little weight which I don't see I still feel bloated from the gas lol. Oh and yes I had my surgery lapro. I guess that's it for now. I know I will be writing a lot on here. Take Care.