heidinsd

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Ok just a quick note, im getting ready to leave for the hospital, doing out not freaking out much lol. I feel calm, i will have my family with me and everything is going to be ok, Im doing the best thing ever for me!!! Wish me luck, keep me in your prayers and I update as soon as I can!!!!

Ok so my surgery is tomorrow ack! I have been ok this week, now I'm starting to freak out again lol. So I'm doing my liquid diet today, have to say not as bad as I thought it was going to be, but we will see later tonight lol. I had to take that dreaded MOM omg I almost threw up but held my own.

I'm still so nervous but i know i have made the right choice. I really can't wait to be a better mom to my daughter. She deserves to have a active, healthy mom.

I'm just trying to stay busy today and keep my mind off of the surgery. Wish me luck !! I'll be on the losing team in no time!!

so today this all seems to be a dream, I have tried to get the surgery over 10 years now and its finally happening. Its the craziest thing. So I have to be at the hospital at 6am and my surgery is at 9am woo hoo. Now I'm getting excited.  I was so scared at first but I'm so ready. I mean walking into the hospital today I had some little old ladies staring and whispering and it just hurts so bad, I cant wait to walk in a room and people not do that.

I don't know if I have said this before but my mom passed away 2 years ago and I know she is my angel in all of this, and she wouldn't let it get this far if something was going to happen. My mom had a lot of medical problems and before the time she past away she was in the hospital with a bowel obstruction and it ruptured and she went septic and Dr Tanaka was one of the surgeons that saved my mom that time, Dr Tanaka is my surgeon and I feel that he once saved my moms life he is now saving my life. This tool is a wonderful gift from god. I know its not going to be easy but its going to be a extraordinary ride!!!

Hang on tight going on a life long journey!!!!

As I sit here with my daughter next to me we are talking about my surgery that is in 8 days!!! I asked her if she is scared or nervous she said yes cause we will be apart for a couple days...awww breaks my heart but I'm doing this for myself and for her. I want her to have a healthy mom! I know I'm going thru a lot of emotions but each day when I'm trying to do different activities all I think about is I'm doing the best thing for me and my life. No regrets, no turning back. I went to the store earlier and some little kids where staring and pointing at me and I'm like soon that wont be the case. I truly can't wait. I don't want a body like a porn star lol but I want to be what society would consider "normal" and not have to go thru the day looks from others!!!

Also I had a couple of people ask me if I'm going to change after the surgery??? I'm like how would I change, maybe be more happy, more confident, more noticeable not hiding behind my fat because I'm so unhappy?? If that's how I'm going to change then yeah I guess so !!! I think ill still have my personality cant change that or at least don't want too.

I guess that's all for now, let the count down begin woo hoo.

I don't know if its because my surgery is coming up or what, but I'm having a lot of emotions right now. I feel so scared and if I'm making the right choice. I feel like people might think I'm giving up on losing weight and this is the easy way out. I dint think its going to be easy at all. I know that this is the last hope for me for living a healthy life. I'm ready for the change, and need to turn the frown upside down lol. I never been under for a surgery, I had a c-section before but I was awake and the thought of me being under freaks me out. Feeling better writing this out. I cant have it build up. I guess I'm just normal lol.

So its offical I have my surgery date, its April 12th. Cant believe its happening. I have been waiting a long time, I'll give a little history: so about 5 or 6 years ago I was going to do the surgery at UCSD hospital. I had a surgery date set and everything. A month before my surgery the office called and said they are closing the clinic for health reasons SCARY. I took that as a sign from god that it wasnt the right time or place. So maybe a year later I tried at the place im having surgery now, I was denied from my insurance company because they said i didnt have enough supervised diets with my pc. So I basicallly gave up and tried to lose weight on my own, Do i do it no. So I just figured I was going to live obese for the rest of my life. Several years later I got a better job with great benefits (kaiser). I talked to my pc and they referred me to positive choice, I had to do a 24 week class about the surgery and it helped a lot. So here I am with my surgery approved and date in hand. Wow god is good. I feel this time its meant to be and its basically god's approval that this is the right time. Im so excited and scared and every emotion you can think about. I'll keep you posted!!!!!

So I have been calling my surgeons office to see if the internist ever reviewed my echo cardiogram. Finally got someone to check on it. I love my surgeon but the people in the office are kind of rude when you call and ask questions. Maybe its just me cause of my job that i have, i expect higher customer service. Any who now i wait and wait for a surgery date. I hope the next time I write on here its about my surgery date. I have a friend that i went thru the classes together at kaiser and she just found out her surgery is Monday so unreal, I'm hoping tomorrow will be the day......keeping my fingers crossed!!! 

OK so I'm new to all of this, i thought hey why not write and let people know where you are in this journey. So I'm 33 year old single mother of a beautiful 8 year old daughter. I have been over weight my whole life and have tried everything to lose it, yes at times i would but gain it back and then some.

I have kaiser insurance (yes finally a insurance that cares about my heath). With kaiser they have you do a 24 week class to prepare you for the surgery, which helped out a lot. So I'm done with that, I have done all my lab work, yes somethings came back but i have been correcting them. Nothing major just a bacterial infection and low vitamin d.

So all my paperwork was submitted and i have been approved for the surgery.

I have seen the surgeon, and the psychiatrist, and the internist. The internist said he heard a heart murmur, I'm like great anything else they are going to find out. but i guess better now then during surgery. So i had a echo cardiogram done and everything is fine.

So here i wait, and wait, and wait, waiting for my surgery date. I know it takes times to make all the arrangements but dang i need to know so i can start getting things in order. OK so i guess i did have stuff to write lol ill keep a post of what is going on soon.