Dinka Doo

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Okay, well - OH has finally rolled out it's new profile/blog format.  I do like this a lot more, but boy do I have a LOT of catching up to do.  It's not hard, but when you talk as much as I do, it takes a long time to catch up.

As for my updates, well, not a whole lot new going on lately.  Just trying to keep going down on the scale, although I always bounce around 5 lbs....always. 

My SIL is going to have surgery here in a couple months.  I am so excited and happy for her.  I hope she has as easy of a time of it as I did.  I am also hoping I can get a little time off work around the time she has the surgery so I can be there for her. 

Okay - so I'm not quite done moving everything over from the old format, but I'm getting there.  Eventually you won't see huge gaps in time from one post to the next. 

The slow downward spiral continues to march along. I never thought that I'd still be losing at 2.5 years out, but here I am, still losing! Angel, I am not, but I think I've finally found a sweet spot - a place where I am comfortable with food. Anyway, I hit 181.5 the other day. I would have been exact on the chart, but the BMI calculator won't let you use decimals, so I'm calling it on the low side for once! ;o) I can't believe that I might actually see the 170's. That's something that I haven't seen since I was about 16 years old. Who knows really though - my scale back then was a cheap spring loaded scale that changed weight based on which way you leaned. So knowing how I deluded myself when I was a teen....always fudging it however I could....especially as I went back up, well, I was probably in the 180's when I thought I was in the 160's back then. Hard to say.

As for the food issues I feel like I have made peace with? Well, I just don't consider any one food off limits anymore. Oh, okay. Squid. That is still off limits. And Bat Guano. See - I guess I'm still following *some* rules. ;o) Heheh. Anyway, I don't dump on small amounts of sugar, so I can get away with it here and there. And man - I have a lot of sugar in my house. Lots of candy. But what I have found is that I don't crave it when it's right there all the time. So I focus on eating well as much as I can, but if I want a treat, I don't sweat it. Last week I had a donut with my family on Sunday morning. Tonight my husband brought home a Blizzard and I had a few bites of it and the rest is in the freezer. The difference is I don't make my meals out of this stuff anymore. I can get full on protein, therefore I am not a bottomless pit like I was before. And it's easier to keep control of this in this manner for me.

I wrote this on the main message board awhile ago, and I expected to get a lot of flack, but I guess because I was so brash, the Food Nazi's kept their mouth's shut. What it boils down to is that I refuse to obsess on food anymore. No more denying myself a whole category of food, only to feel guilty if I had one of something I "shouldn't" have...then spurring me on to eating a whole package of it. No more obsessing on carbs or fat or protein. I'm doing this the intuitive way and I'm giving myself the gift of grace. If I follow a "plan" or a "diet" I will continue to wallow in black and white thinking which will then continue to perpetuate the negative relationship I have had with food all my life. No more starving (unless I forget to eat...which I have), no more deprivation, no more feeling guilty over what I've eaten. Just be sensible about it and move on.....THAT is my newfound goal. Yeah, 150-155 would be nice. But my real goal is to continue forging this healthy relationship with food.

I can't believe it but I lost another 2 lbs, down to 183, and I haven't even had my monthly visitor yet. Wow...I never thought I'd lose still more this month! Now my driver's license is WRONG again...heheheh, but just in the other direction. Now this is another first....my DL says I weigh more than I really do!!!

Here is my new driver's license comparisons.  Bad hair day be damned!  I'm thrilled nonetheless!!!

Really quick update but I had to come in and SCREEEEEEEEEAM because I finally hit 185....the weight on my driver's license. That is a first for me, folks. I can't believe I finally see 185!  Wow!

Here is a recent pic of me with my friend Lynda on my birthday:

I'm just a few days away from my 40th birthday, and I'd wait to update then but I'm horrible about remembering these things, so I strike while the iron is hot. I have to say though, I am ONE pound away from one of my goals, 185, which is what it has said on my license for the last 20 years or so. I have never ever weighed what my license says, so this will be a first. I am very much hoping that I see that weight by the time I turn 40 on Thursday. We will see.

The good thing here is that I'm continuing to see a downward turn on the scale instead of up. I know some of my sugery date mates have been struggling with regain and all I can think is "there but for the grace of God, go I." I think in a way the fact that I didn't see my goal right away it has kept me from easing up too much. So maybe that is why I have not gained back. I did gain a little over Christmas and was almost back up to 200 again, but I realized how easy it was to gain, so I jumped on top of it quickly. Thankfully I have this surgery to lean on in such times because portion control is 9/10ths of the battle for me.

So now I am waiting out the days until I go sailing over the hill to 40. Not particularly looking forward to this, but I think I had my worst time with it when I hit 39. Hopefully this year will go by with nary a bump.

As for other wls related issues, I had my bloodwork last week and found out that I am quite anemic and very low in B12. I never had a B12 issue before, so it kind of shocked me....and it depressed me to know that I have these nutritional deficiencies. After reading an account of a surgery gone awry for a friend on my March surgery board - all because she was malnourished and didn't know it - well, it makes me realize that I'm not going to be seeking plastics anytime soon. I have to make sure I am 100% up to snuff before I seek that out. So the skin issues will have to remain for a time until I get my health back up to speed. Between the hypoglycemia issues and nutritional issues, I have been reminded several times lately that I have to be diligent in keeping my health up post surgery. For someone like me with a short attention span, that's not always easy. But important to figure out a way to make it a priority every single day.

If I get to 185 in the next few days, I will post when that happens. You'll probably hear me screaming long before you read it here though. ;)

Well, I dunno what I really did except get distracted but I lost another pound. Only 2 more to go to get that new driver's license. LOL! Seriously though, I haven't been trying to lose lately although I have been trying to not gain. But I think I just had a couple nights where food was not interesting to me and I just lost a little more. I am thankful that at over 2 years out that I'm still seeing it go down rather than up. Some folks this far out are experiencing regain and that scares me. I do battle with 5 lbs pretty regularly, so I know that if I didn't watch it I would be able to gain quickly. But I have been just keeping an eye on the scale and when I've been too bad, I cut back a little on the crap and eventually it goes back down. I don't worry about 5 lbs. 10 I would get worried.

So what am I doing to maintain? Well, let me start by saying I am NOT the poster child for wls. I refuse to be a food nazi. I spent way too many years doing that while dieting and I knew that was a disaster for me. In order to get off that black and white thinking merry go round, I had to pretend I was normal, in a sense. Not normal that I can eat whatever I want. But normal in that there is almost no food that is off limits to me. I still dump so there is some built in aversion therapy, but I can eat some sugar and get away with it. And I have a SWEET tooth.

So my method to my madness is this: I try to eat normal. I don't measure or count calories, although I will look at calories if I'm uncertain at times. I want to know how much damage it might do. For me, since there is nothing really that is off limits, I do not feel the cravings or urges for them like I normally would. I can have them anytime, so I never feel I have to eat it all at once. I can always have it tomorrow if I like. It doesn't mean I don't sometimes have more than I should, but it means that I don't feel the compulsion as I did while dieting. You know those "last suppers" we all had. I don't have those anymore. Fast food? Yes, I eat it. I try to be smart about it, but sometimes I just want a Happy meal cheeseburger and fries, so I have it. But not every day.

Also as time has gone on, I've found there are times of the month where I'm not as hungry as others. Like the last couple of days. I just am not interested nor am I really hungry. So I may not eat or I'll just have a small snack. I take advantage of those days as often as I can. Because for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, there are times of the month where I cannot feel satiated. I want to eat all the time. Good old hormones! But once I recognize it (usually takes a couple days to dawn on me) I try to focus on "gorging" on healthier fare....raw veggies and such.

I also try not to drink my calories. I will have low carb choc milk once in awhile, and cream in my coffee, but generally it's all sugar free and/or calorie free. And I drink a lot of coffee. I'd give it up, but I'm no quitter! ;)

By and far I think the one thing that helps keep me from gaining is the scale. I get on it every day. If I don't, the weight starts creeping back on. I have to know where I am all the time or else complacency sets in. For me this is crucial.

At 2+ years out, I am able to eat almost anything I want. I do have a couple of exceptions though. One of those is ice cream. I can get by with fruit bars, but regular ice cream usually makes me dump. I can eat candy but for some reason chocolate usually makes me dump also. Too many crackers will do the same...especially if I drink with them. ::yikes!:: I'm not supposed to admit that I sometimes do that, huh? ;) No meat, veggie or fruit is off limits to me and most breads are okay. I have no problems with rice or other grains.

One thing I have discovered is that not only do I have dumping syndrome, but I also have late dumping syndrome. I thought I was going through early menopause because I would wake up out of a dead sleep just sweating like crazy...couldn't stand for anyone to touch me. I would also feel weak and shakey and then after a little bit I would be famished to the point that I will eat anything quick. This went on for several months before I realized what was happening. I really thought I was hormonally changing. But once I figured it out I was able to watch for it, and indeed, I do get this when I've had something rather carby. All in all, I'm pretty happy I have both sorts of dumping. I really helps keep me in line. I thought I would be one of those people who could do well with a lap band. Well, we'll never really know for sure, but I do believe that without dumping, I would be eating all the wrong things all the time.

So 187 - that is where I am right now. I'd like to be 30 lbs lighter, but I'm not really worried. I'm pretty happy even though many of my pants are still a size 16 (loose, but still...). Maybe this last pound I lost will help motivate me for the summer. I'm pretty happy about it and feel motivated right now, but then there is always the next day where it will go in the can. The point is, I'm 151 lbs down from my highest weight ever. In comparison, I'm thrilled to be at this point.

Now, I will attach a picture of myself with my son on his 5th birthday last week. I'm back to blonde again. ;o)

Still nothing earth shattering to report. I've pretty much settled in to the high 180's on my weight, but still hoping I will find the motivation to move it on down a little bit. I haven't been great about eating the right things, but I hope once the weather gets warmer that will change again. I tend to lose a little in the warmer months, so maybe I'll get a chance to get that new driver's license after all! LOL! I just need to lose 3 more lbs! I do always move up and down about 5, sometimes up to 7 lbs during the month though depending on water gain. It's always around my period that I deal with this in the worst way. But then I get my period and I lose back down to either where I was or slightly lower. I would dearly love to take another 30 lbs off but I'm not motivated right now. I'm hoping summer will change that.

As for everything else, I've been keeping quite busy. I started a new website SaveOSP.org Check it out if you have time. If you are a citizen of Oregon, you'll want to see it. Along with this, I may be getting involved in a foundation set up for that specific purpose. As well, I'm involved in creating the memorial photos for the Oregon State Police 75th anniversary to be displayed at the Police Officer's Memorial in Washington DC in May of this year. I'm happy to be a part of this all. It makes me feel good that I'm able to contribute something.

As for work, I've been through ups and downs over the years. I've been there for 14 years, but now I feel like things are on a really great upswing. I have to say, I have gone through times I've felt like I hated my job, but I think in retrospect I never really hated the job itself. I just hated the politics. Things are really good as far as that goes right now, and again, I am loving my job. I think it takes time to come to the understanding of the complexities at play. I just hope that if we go through harder times in the future (as is always a possibility) that I hold onto that knowledge and not let it get to me too hard.

Well, time to play 20 Q with my son. It will be nice when he can read these things by himself. LOL. He's pretty smart and can read pretty good - but not enough to play these games by himself!

Okay, so I'm a week late in updating. LOL. I'm a slug, what can I say? Good news though - as if it were a 2nd re-birthday gift, I lost down to 188 on my anniversary day. Now I'm about to get my period and I'm back up 5 lbs again, but heck....I hit a new low! Still haven't gotten my new driver's license yet because I still haven't hit 185, but it's coming! Maybe after my period! LOL!

Okay, I have to hurry to work so no major updates right now. I'll try to get in here once in awhile to spill the beans!

Well, I am getting close to my 2 year anniversary. I have been playing around with 5-7 lbs from my low and at one point 10 (around Christmas) so I have had a real struggle trying to get more off. Well, much to my surprise when I got on the scale yesterday, I was back down to my low so far of 189. I am still 4 lbs away from getting my new driver's license though! LOL!

Things are crazy for me right now. I have been managing the local wls support group for over a year and I am burnt out. I have tried to solicit help but only one person has offered to help out part time. I just need out from under it completely. I haven't the time or energy to keep going like this. I work nights and having to either take time off work or jockey to keep from getting overtime when the meetings are scheduled. Between that and all the other crap going on, I just don't have time or energy to devote to it.

Besides that, I'm about to embark upon a new project that is hopefully going to help attract attention to the budget problems of the Oregon State Police. I am going to build a website and have a few other things to do. When I get it done I will post here more about it.

I will try to post on my anniversary date next week and maybe, just maybe, I'll have lost down to 185 so I can get my new driver's license. Maybe I should push for that, huh? ;o) One can always try!

Not much new to report again. I'm still hoovering in the 190's for the most part. I am gearing up to really push for another 20 lbs loss if I can. Actually, I did go speak to a plastic surgeon and they put in for approval from insurance and I was denied. No surprise there, so I will have to appeal. Still, if I had everything done and paid out of pocket it would be under $9000 for the tummy tuck and breast lift/augmentation. So I may just go for it anyway.

Everyone in the family has been sick which is just wonderful for Christmas. Not much energy but trying to get things done. Have a lot of wrapping to do - that's for sure! Hope you all have a Merry Christmas! Oh - and if you want to see more frequent updates that may or may not be wls related, you can check out my blog (link above for my website).