Dinka Doo
New pic
Nov 07, 2005
Other than that, work has been going good even though I'm working a lot. I still have issues remembering my vitamins but I'm really really trying.
Below here is a newer pic of me that I had taken at work recently. Here I am modeling my favorite coffee mug. ;o)
Out of the 190's!
Oct 03, 2005
By the way, yes, it is work now. I have to put my effort into losing weight, so anyone reading this thinking it's a cake walk, please take heed....you have to try. You can't just sit back and let this surgery do it all for you. Yes, in the beginning it's pretty easy. But I would say even just 9-10 months out I was stalling and finding that I had to put in some effort. So don't squander away this wonderful gift...use it wisely! I am not good all the time, and sometimes I go through phases of really poor eating habits. But the key is to come back to logic and use the tool as intended. Use it to fill up on the good stuff and if you have to have a treat, make sure you don't have much room for it.
Didn't mean to get on a soapbox, but it's important to me that I continue to lose even though my honeymoon is over. I'm a slow loser and always have been, so the last 30-40 lbs for me will be an effort. But one I am determined to make. :o)
No longer obese!!!
Sep 16, 2005
Part of the hazard of having WLS is that some of us become high maintenance. I have become somewhat high maintenance, as evidenced by my closet and my toiletries section. I gotta say, make up hasn't been so much fun since I was a teenager! LOL! I have to tell you all though, I found this really cool thing called Lip Fusion that you can buy at Sephora.com. It is a collagen lip plumper and it REALLY works. I was amazed. It's expensive but worth it, IMO. It has micro-collagen or something like that in it. It was endorsed by Good Housekeeping as well, so I felt comfortable trying it out. I don't have skinny lips really, but my top lip disappears on me, so I wanted it more for that. Well, in the last 2 days of using it I have found that my lips aren't chapped and dry anymore either. It really has helped in many ways. :o)
I am trying to get better about taking my vitamins. It's hard to remember but I'm trying. I woke up with those nasty cramps in my legs the other day again. I think they get worse when I'm tired. Anyway, I am trying to get my butt in gear and up those vitamins. I have an appointment with Dr. Stewart who is a local bariatric surgeon in a week or two and will follow up with him. I had my labs done so he will help keep me in line on that front. I am hoping I can get on an even keel. I may just break down and buy some bariatric vitamins and get it over with. I know I can get my labs in line if I try, but I'm tired of all the different concoctions. I'd rather have something more simply laid out for me. I figured after I got the Natachews that I'm spending as much on my co-pay as I would on the other stuff, so I may as well just do it.
That's enough for now. Lots going on in my life but not enough time or energy to sit and go through it all. I just work too much lately and have been burning the candle at both ends too long. On a good note, I no longer feel like quitting my job. Let's hope that lasts!!!
Still the same...
Sep 10, 2005
Fall has hit here already. I am both happy and disconcerted about it because I worked so much overtime this summer that I only got to swim in the pool 3 times. I really hoped to be in the pool every day, but it just wasn't possible. I am really bummed about that. All of June was a bust because it rained the whole time. So in July and August I had massive overtime plus made 3 major trips in a 5 week span. I think they probably think I dropped off the face of the earth at church because I haven't been there since June or early July I think. I can't remember. I know I went to church with my mom the end of July when I went to see her in KS, but my own church I haven't been to in forever. Part of that is all the overtime, part is the travelling and part is laziness that I don't want to get up in the morning anymore. I have a harder and harder time with it being on graveyard and not getting sleep. I just can't hack it anymore. I think I must be getting old. Lack of sleep is killing me!
I am once again vitamin deficient. I had been having some seriously painful leg cramps lately and a twitch in my thumb. The cramps I could not get to go away when they would start. They were more like muscle seizures than anything. My toes would curl upwards and the muscle in front would seize up. I tried everything to get it to stop, but I just have to ride it out. It's definitely not like a normal calf cramp.
Anyway, so I went in for my 4 month check with my new PCP and he ran the tests. I am deficient in most of the B's. Thiamin is one I have trouble staying on top of. I think the thing is that I get behind and forget my vitamins sometimes. I can't afford to do this. I think a week here or there is no big deal, but for me it is. I have to stay on top of it and I always forget. I asked my doctor to prescribe me Natachews which is a multi with iron that I took when pregnant. I think they probalby will help a lot when I'm at work and realize I've forgotten to take my liquid vitamins. I just need a keeper is all!!!
Well, I just wanted to update everyone with where I was at 18 months down the line. I am looking forward to what the next 6 months leading up to my 2 year anniversary will bring. It's amazing to me to think this much time has passed. I am not to my goal yet but I'm not done trying. I know I should have done it by now and that the honeymoon phase is over, but for me it's been over for a long time. Everything I lose from here on out is by my own effort. I know I can gain (and have at times!), so the goal for me is to keep going down and not let it creep back up!
Until next time....again, I sit here at 192 lbs. :)
Running to and fro
Sep 05, 2005
This was taken when I was around 192 lbs. I colored my hair, as you can see. My husband likes it dark!!! I am rebounding 3-5 lbs lately, but some people keep saying to me "You've lost more weight." Well, it's weird because I always hear that and think "you're crazy!" but then a week later or so I do indeed drop down. So it must be more apparent to others than it is to me. Either that or some clothing is more flattering than others.
I have been very busy this summer and will be happy to see some down time. I have been running like mad and have made 3 major trips in 5 weeks. The last one was back to Northern Cal to go to my grandmother's funeral. She was 90 and in a nursing home, so it wasn't unexpected. I really feel for my aunt who has cared for her for so long. She cared for my dad and for my grandmother, not to mention her ex-husband who had a stroke a couple years ago. She has been working her fingers to the bone and now she feels all alone. We are going to let her have the solace she wants for a couple months and then will go grab her for some vacations after a bit. She needs to get away so we are going to make sure that happens for her. Her kids are close by, so it won't be like she is alone for those couple of months, but still there will be emptiness for her. My Aunt Bobbie is just the most wonderful woman and I hope she will be able to again enjoy life and maybe enjoy some travelling to see all her extended family.
I haven't been doing the best at watching my diet lately. Going on so many trips I have taken to eating crap I shouldn't put in my mouth. I snacked my way up and down on the road trip and then ate too much of lots of good food. So here comes my period and I think "Good! I'll take some pounds off!" But not this time. I seem to have retained all that "water weight." Although I do still feel puffy in the feet. Anyway, I guess I'm going to have to have a couple of "coffee nights" at work again where I ingest nothing but coffee. That usually kick starts me.
On another front, I have started having hot flashes. I cannot believe it. I'm 39 freaking years old and I'm having hot flashes! I had my first one a few weeks ago. Got up after 2 hours of sleep just blistering hot. So hot I couldn't sit back in the chair because the heat felt so intense - like as if I was sitting on an overheated heating pad. The others haven't been quite so intense, but they are there. My husband thinks I've been having them for awhile. Damn him! I'm not ready for this!!!
On a positive note, I went to the park with my husband and son a couple weeks ago and I felt like a little kid again. I actually got on the swing and swang for quite some time. I felt like I was 7 again. What a thrilling feeling - I felt incredibly free! Then a couple days ago my husband was actually able to pick me up. It was incredible. He did it several times in a row and I just screamed and laughed...it was incredible. I felt like a little kid....just so much fun. I haven't had someone pick me up since I was a child. These little things I realize are things that other people take for granted. I hope I never forget the privilege it is to experience these things. So far crossing my legs has been one of those privileges that I appreciate daily.
Well, I will try to update a full length picture soon. Hopefully I'll be able to get another 10 lbs off soon. I'm hoping to start the journey to plastics soon. We'll see how that goes!
Little by little
Aug 13, 2005
The bad thing? I woke up after a couple hours last night HOTTER THAN HELL. I had to fan myself vigorously and was for some reason voracious. I felt like I *needed* to eat really badly. I ate crap...junk. Whatever I could shove in my face. I ate fat free potato chips, then I ate a granola bar and a package of cheese crackers and a package of off brand oreos. I was surprised I didn't get sick, even though I sipped some soda (it was way too dry). Guess I was good about not sipping too much soda. Anyway, I figured the calories I ate in a very short period of time totalled over 500. Wow....incredible! I was weak, very very hot and just not well feeling. I took my temp and it was only 98.4 so I wasn't running a fever. My husband said I was having a hot flash. I could have KILLED him for saying that. I turn 39 and I'm starting menopause? I DON'T THINK SO!!! But admittedly, I have to say this seemed quite telling to me. This was unlike anything I'd ever experienced before so I have to consider it a possibility. Miserable. I AM GOING THROUGH A MID LIFE CRISIS FOLKS!!! I can't handle the thought of 40 for some reason. Why? I'm crazy or something. I never had a problem with getting older before, why now? Is it because I'm losing weight and want my youth back? Perhaps that is it. I'm just too young to be old!
I do find that I am a clothes horse now. I am just in love with the fact I can find clothing I love now rather than settling for something because it fits. I discovered that I'm kind of fond of sassy clothing. Not really sexy but I definitely am enjoying showing off my small waist and have rediscovered the joys of V necks. I always did like them, but quit wearing them as I got larger. I don't wear anything too revealing but just this side of sexy - yes. And BRING ON THE COMPLIMENTS. I have become such a sucker for a compliment. Flirting has become something I'm quite good at now. Dunno if that is a good thing or not, but I'm enjoying myself nonetheless! Who knew I'd become so girly? LOL - I have always been girly, but now I'm even moreso. Or should I say womanly? All I know is 40 will never happen, okay? Just mark my words. 39 forever baby!!!
And more!!!
Jun 30, 2005
Wow - I didn't intend on writing so much but suddenly I see that I'm wanting to talk through some of this. I've just got such a desire to get my plastics going and I don't want to do that until I'm closer to goal. So I can't justify doing it at this weight. It's that and more. I just want to be pretty for once. I don't want to be overweight anymore. I look at myself in the mirror and sometimes I think I look thin. Other times I will see a picture of myself and think about how fat I still look. I want to be able to wear anything and not feel like I am pudgy. Maybe I'll only get there for a nanosecond, but I want it again. I had it for a nanosecond when I was around 15, but it went quickly.
I have such a great desire to be normal. I find that people react so much differently to me now and I really love that. I love that people are more amused by my nonsense now than they were when I was over 300 lbs. I guess being that weight brings on an air of desperation attached with isolation. I don't blame the other people around me for the change though. I feel it too. I am more outgoing. I am not afraid to be seen or to have my picture taken. I'm not afraid to smile or flirt or walk across the room. I don't feel like I have to constantly tug on my clothing to hide the rolls. I don't feel as much like a "supporting actor" now. I am the star of my own show. And people react to that differently. They are more warm and engaging. I'm more warm and engaging....why wouldn't they be?
So all these issues are starting to bubble up inside of me. I am starting to see how being fat hurt my personality. In the process I'm discovering that I can be a "popular girl" in a sense. I find myself wanting to be thought of and appreciated not only for my brains and talent, but also for my looks. I want to be the cheerleader that everyone liked in school. I know I have too much of an edge in my personality for that (anyone who doesn't think so hasn't had the opportunity to really get to know me well). BUT, it is so nice to not feel like an outsider. I've been an outsider all my life and it AIN'T FUN.
It's funny because suddenly I am starting to feel like my mother - but in an good way. My mom was always well liked and has a fantastic sense of humor. She was always playful in her workplace and enjoyed practical jokes. She had what I am now starting to taste....a sense of being the center of attention for much of the time, and not annoying people in the process. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree there, huh? Considering she is an insomniac who sleeps very very little each day and that I am becoming just like her, hey - we could almost be twins!
Okay - I've rambled on quite enough right now. This getting below 200 has really sparked me off, I can see that now. I wonder if I'm going to fall into too much vanity here. What a struggle it is. I want all the vain things, yet I also have a distaste for them. I want plastics from head to toe, yet I feel like that is going too far and overdoing it. I don't want to be a Hollywood cookie cutter when I'm done, but yet - hey - I want to be perfect. Wow - a lot of issues I cannot reconcile. Hmmmm - maybe this is a good time to go to bed!
Sweet dreams to those of you who are about to. I'm going to be dreaming of 150 myself. How long do you think it will take me?
Onderland!!!
Jun 29, 2005
Still plugging away
Jun 26, 2005
As of this writing I weigh 203. I still am fighting to get below 200, but it's my own fault. Whoever said this was easy is dead wrong! Anyway, after feeling pulled in 12,000 different directions and not getting any sleep, I gave up on walking every day which was a big mistake. My walking partner (another wls patient) had her husband die and has been trying to deal with all that junk, and I'm not disciplined enough to go by myself. I did go down to Curves to check it out, but I never got around to joining. I'm waiting for the pool to heat up so I can start swimming, but the weather has been the worst I've seen in years. Very few sunny days and a LOT of stormy/rainy cold ones.
The good part is that I guess I'm carrying my weight well. Maybe everyone is just being nice, but they all say I don't look like I weigh 200. I'm 5'7", but even when I weighed this before I don't think I looked this good. Here is a recent pic of me - albiet odd. It was a joke pic, but the only full body shot I have had recently:
I now wear a size 16 pants and a snug to comfortable size 14 (large) shirt. It depends on the style. The kind that are fitted (like this shirt) are a bit snug and I have to pin the gaps shut, but they look fine for the most part. I have one pair of size 14 pants that fit okay but that's about it. 16's run normal to loose on me, but I'm just not ready for 14's.
I am looking forward to possibly getting the girls lifted and my tummy tucked. I don't know if I will lose much beyond this and I'm not overly concerned with it right now. It would be fun to lose 50 lbs more but I'm not sure I'll do it and I'm not waiting around forever to try. I've been in physical therapy for several months now with likely bulging discs. Because I am very very lopsided and because things hang quite a bit, I may be able to get insurance to cover a lift. I do have rashes, so hopefully the panni will be included as well.
If none of this happens, I may have to take a little $ out of our refinance and go to Brazil. I don't really want to though. I would rather spend all that time recuperating at home. You have to be down there so long it would be hard to take that much time away from my family. But if I did it, I'd be getting a mini face lift as well then. I have some waddles starting and I don't want to look that old right yet! Vanity, I know, but I'm just not ready to look so tired.
I have a lot that needs to be done. Basically I'd go for a lower body lift - make sure the thighs are done up right. Then lipo on the knees and make sure the tummy is tucked right. I'd get the girls lifted and maybe augmented a bit since they are lopsided and get the arms cinched up. If I had to go to Brazil, I'd get it all done. If not, it would be one thing at a time. All I know is it is going to be painful and there is no way around that. Ugh!
Okay - enough updating for now. I think my laptop is about toasted!
1 year down...
Mar 11, 2005
Well, I missed posting something on my 1 year anniversary! How in the world did that happen? Hmmm. Well, since I missed out, I will post what I wrote on my March message board for you. The other post I wrote on my surgeon's forum got lost with some site glitches, so it's gone as far as I know. Here is my post:
Boy the board is picking up, isn't it? Everyone seems excited over their 1 year anniversary.....with good reasons!
I wanted to give a blanket ((hug)) and to all of those I missed wishing happy anniversary to on their anniversary date. It seems I can just get on here to respond to posts about once a week anymore. I do lurk sometimes, but getting a chance to respond has become difficult.
I really feel we are all brave souls to have taken the step that we did in order to have a better life. Most of us are thriving, some of us are still navigating our pouches and other health issues, while sadly, a few passed on due to complications of their surgeries. My heart still goes out to their families and it saddens me that anyone has to lose their life in pursuit of a better one. But that is the risk we all chose to take because we knew the life we were leading wasn't as full and would be shortened because of our obesity. Clawing our way out of it, is how I see this. Using every bit of grit and gumption we could muster, we swallowed the big pill of fear in order to come out happier and healthier.
I know there are a few who mostly remain silent who might not feel like this was the right thing for them after all. For those of you out there, I wish you only the best and hope that you will find your balance. I know personally of one girl who has had a lot of complications and feels this was the wrong thing for her. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make her as happy & healthy as most of us turned out, but the best I can do is pray for her and let her vent it out. I would encourage any of you who are feeling down about your surgery to come here for support. You need to have your voice heard, and we need to be able to support you in that.
I am off to go on a posting frenzy in a minute. I hope I can make it through the board without missing anyone, but if I drop off in the middle it's because something called me away...AGAIN!
Dina
(still in my final anniversary countdown and holding out for a few more lbs of loss before I call it official! )
