Dinka Doo

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I woke up around 8am and Bamby was to meet us at 11am. I pulled my back out an I think I've slipped a disc or something. It's pretty intense and makes it hard to breathe in deeply. So I took forever to get ready. Bamby called around 10am and got there early. He asked if it was okay he went to have a cup of coffee and I was very happy he did because I was moving so slowly and still not ready. Char ran all the errands and got us our "Continental Breakfast." Blah. Not my idea of a last meal. Oh well! I was more than happy to get the hell out of Dodge, and Bamby was extremely accomodating and helpful. What a pleasant person he was...moreso than I even imagined. If I were to compare him to the type of person I'm familiar with in the US, it would be someone who works in a small office mixed with the produce guy at the grocery store. My friend Char says he seems more of a genteel, handsome grandfather type. I have to agree with that as well. I didn't get to bring my digital camera, so when I get this film developed I'll upload a pic of him and put it on here for you. He was very personable and answered all the questions we bombarded him with.

The drive down was quite nice. As we crossed the border I got a snapshot of the booths headed northbound that were lining the roadway. He explained that it could back up by several miles to get across to the US. I'm sure that is why they set up there. It was interesting to see as well as some of the poor areas of Tiujuana. I know some people are shocked by the poverty, but maybe because I was so well prepared for it by others here, or who knows, I looked in interest rather than shock. I saw the poverty, but I also so a way of life. People made due. You could see lots of peeling paint and laundry hanging on lines everywhere. The border was interesting also as it looked like a bunch of sides of rail cars put together.

The farther south you go, the less poverty you saw, but still had some interspersed here and there. I guess I've seen enough places that looked maybe not quite that bad, but junky enough and it just didn't look as out of place to me as had been described. I did notice a dog that had been hit along the side of the road. How interesting to see the cultural differences in that someone placed a black cloth over it's face. What respect! It was neat to see that little display of kindness in one of God's smaller creatures. Already I see a difference in culture just in that.

When we got to the rest area just north of Ensenada, Bamby stopped so we could take a look and Char went to the bathroom. She said it was quite a different experience where the TP was in the middle when you walked in, and it was quite "fragrant." It was very interesting how Bamby left the keys in the car as we left it for the short walk. Seems that is one thing that is cultural too. It seemed common, although I was quite unnerved when he did that there and also back in Chula Vista when he got gas. We got to the Hotel Coral and I was surprised that it was north of Ensenada. I had always pictured it south of there. The way they turn around to get to town was odd too - one way roads and snaking around. No doubt to avoid tolls.

The Hotel Coral was quite nice. We enjoyed the accomodating folks all around. I expected them to speak more English, and although they do quite well, they speak Spanish mostly. I have been letting little Spanish phrases come out as I feel comfortable. As long as they know I'm lousy, I'm okay using what little I know. It helped with our last cab driver who spoke no English.

They had a buffet for lunch at the restaurant and it was quite nice. We felt like fish out of the water though because the buffet was different than most. The salad bar was self-explanatory, but it almost appeared everything else was to be done by the staff. They had sandwiches to make and the staff grill the bread and the meat if you like (like the pastrami). They also are there to cook up the
pasta and fresh meat they have displayed there. I went to make my own sandwich and they stopped me to get the cook. Iteresting....never considered it was something to do. I had flan for dessert and rather enjoyed it. The first bite tasted almost gamey - like raw cow's milk, but I think it was leftover flavor from the refried beans or something like that. The rest of it was heavenly. I could see this being a great low-carb treat made w/splenda and such. Nummers! I got a Diet Coke, and they bring you a glass w/ice and a can of cold soda so you can pour it yourself. I didn't consider the ice to be a problem because I figured it was filtered water since they have signs everywhere that the tap water isn't safe to drink. I also drank some water with dinner.

We got to Dr. Aguirre's office at 6:30 and Rosella met us (very sweet) and we went to Cardiomed for bloodwork. Met Dr. Aguirre and you can see he is very serious about this. He wants to make sure we understand this is a tool and not a miracle. There was also a slight hint of something...not sure what. I think what he was trying to convey that was just because we come to Mexico to be seen by a "Mexican doctor" (the tone was as if to imply this is considered a scarey thing) that doesn't mean that he is a pushover. He, I think, was trying to convey that he takes this bariatric surgery just as seriously as any doctor in the states and that just because they have less red tape here he should not be considered as someone you are "settling" with. Of course, none of this was said, and even maybe not implied, but that was the sense I got. After having spoken to so many people here I definitely do not feel this way. In fact, I feel strangely at ease and not the least bit nervous. Normally a trip such as this would have me pretty messed up and afraid. But like I told him, this was an answer to prayer for me. I feel everyone's prayers and God's protection for me. He wanted me HERE, not in the US. Honestly, I believe God brought me here because Dr. Aguirre will have a steadier hand and be more proficient than whoever would work on me in the US. I known I am making a lot of bold suppositions, but that is how I feel. Why else would it have been so blessed of a process?

So after our meeting we got our cab ride back to the hotel and went to eat. Dr. Aguirre said to eat light and by 7-7:30. We'll we left his place at 7:30 so it was getting late, but I went ahead and had dinner anyway. I couldn't figure what would empty from my stomach fastest, so I got the Chili Poblano and ate about half of it. I could DEFINITELY have eaten the whole thing, but I resisted. I've spent the evening drinking coffee trying to help my body process this out of me and help me "go." I was surprised I wasn't given a laxative. I thought it would be a mandatory thing. Oh well. No tears shed over that. I just hope that chili poblano (which is HIGHLY RECOMMENDED) decides to digest quickly. Oh - and the flour tortillas here are the hands down best tortillas I have ever eaten in my life. Just luscious!

I did get internet for $5.00 a day from the Hotel Coral, but it is done by dial up with guest numbers and passwords and it would appear right now all are taken up. I'll try again shortly and see if I can get online to update this, but if not, I'll call it a night and upload this when I feel better after surgery.

As for surgery - I so far have not gotten all freaked out over it. I am surprised how calm I am. I did talk to Donna Petrowski today. First, I'll say she wants everyone to know that Ensenada carries NO SUGAR FREE JELLO. LOL - I haven't checked it out myself, but that is the word from her! Dr. Aguirre had to go back in and test her for a leak but it turned out her blood sugar was out of control which was causing her to feel ill. She is insulin dependent and it just got out of control from the surgery. Anyway, for having been poked on twice in a week she looked remarkably well and was rolling over and moving better than I expected. I am guessing she wasn't opened completely back up because she also had some staples removed recently so maybe he just had to have a small view to see that she wasn't leaking. Anyway, Dr. Aguirre related to me that he would rather open you and be sure than to watch you for another day and have it turn bad. He also said that if you did have a leak, you would end up being in the hospital for around 15 days instead of just the 3. So be aware of that possibility if you're not prepared to be gone that long. Have a buffer if need be.

The other thing I find kind of refreshing, yet I could understand why it would be disconcerting to some, is the lack of confidentiality here. You can ask about anyone and be told of their condition, their name, everything. I've been very open about that so it doesn't bother me. It might be something some of you would like to be aware of for future notice though. I'm sure if you asked they would not mention anything about you to others, but here EVERYONE knows your business....from Dr. Aguirre, to Rosella to Bamby! LOL!

Dr. Aguirre did mention the Las Vegas reunion in November and asked if I would be there. I am not sure I could get time off, but I would love to go, so I'll have to discuss it w/DH when I get home. He smiled as he said "I will not recognize anyone." No, I doubt you would, dear Doctor! :o)

So here it is, 11:48 pm PST and I am feeling like I probably won't sleep much. Not because I'm nervous but because 1) I'm a night owl and 2) I had coffee. Oh and 3) I'm going to try to get online again soon! I will try to have my friend Char send an email out to someone, or maybe I can have Carmella update everyone if I see her tomorrow. Otherwise it will just be awhile before I can update you all that I'm alive. :o) My husband is at email melmacmaniac at aol dot com (spam filter of sorts) if you want to email him. He can let you know how I'm doing, although he doesn't get online as often during the day as I do. I'm almost there you guys! I'll be in surgery around 9am and be out around noon or so. Praise the Lord!!!

Well, we got on our flight to San Diego and got there without a hitch. Okay - well, one hitch and that was the fact that this time I needed a seatbelt extender. Yuck! I guess 50 lbs makes a difference huh? It was warm leaving Medford, and it was supposed to be in the high 60's or 70's. We had a decent flight into San Francisco but got off ON the tarmack and had to stop for a plane to take off. Very weird. Then we were shuttled to the main terminal by bus. It was hotter than hades in that bus and by the time we got to the terminal I was melted. We finally got checked in and on our connection to San Diego and the seats were ultra cramped. The arm rests did NOT go up on the aisle seats, so I was stuck semi-sandwiched. I was so thankful that the man that sat on the other side of Char was a very pleasant person who didn't seem annoyed by my weight. The two people on the aisle opposite mine appeared to be sick though. That was a little disconcerting...but only slightly so.

When we got out of the airport we looked for the Days Inn shuttle. I didn't realize it, but you have to make arrangements 24 hrs in advance to get the shuttle. So we took a cab ride. Got the most surly cab driver you could find. He drove like a bat out of hell and looked like he wanted to just shove us out and be done with us. The fare from the airport to the Days Inn port/Seaworld/Marine camp (on Rosecrans) was about $11.50 at around 630pm with traffic not too bad. I suppose it would get upwards of $17.00 or more if it was heavier traffic. Anyway, we got to the entrance after being thrown all over the back seat. The driver, again, quite hostile appearing, quickly got out and grabbed the luggage out. I didn't know what to tip, but based on $11.50 I gave him an even $15.00 and thought it was decent. He acted like I just crapped on him, said nothing and ripped off. Oh well.

We got put in a lower level room and it was NASTY. It was right next to the ice machine and elevator and it was extremely noisy. Wasn't very clean and it just felt like a dive spruced up to be presentable on the outside. I wasn't impressed. The bill was $85.00 and not worth it IMO. Also, local calls are 75 cents each. A big old rip off. They do have wireless internet and you can get a wireless modem pc card from the front desk. The charge is $9.99 from noon to noon. I found this out after we were all settled so I forgot about it. I tried to connect to AOL by the data port which was extremely inconvenient with no chair or table nearby. No luck. So I had to connect quickly with my cell phone in order to check my mail. I was quickly realizing the value in letting Bamby (that was how he spelled it for me) pick us up from the airport. Too bad we decided to lay over in SD. The only good thing was that we could use our cell phones with lower roaming charges there.

It's 2:30 a.m. and I'm starting to get a little bit ummmm - not really nervous, but wound up I guess is the word. I don't want to be on here and I don't want to get involved in conversations, but I do. I figure updating this thing is a good thing. Give me a little diversion while not taking too much time away from finishing up. Just have a couple more things to pack and I'm ready to go. Later on when I get home, I will update this profile to be a little more cohesive and show my travel list. It is pretty comprehensive, or so I think. Tanks to Dot for recommending the hotplate. I got one to take down. Also thanks to Linda Dale for loaning me her compression boots. Now if I can just remember to pick them up! Aack! I guess I should get off here and finish up so I can get a nap. Thankfully I showered late, so I won't have to in the morning. I think the hardest thing is going to be saying goodbye to Mason. I already have this strong urge to hug him and never let him out of my arms. I hope I don't start blubbering when I leave. I really hate crying...especially in public. I have never spent 24 hours away from my son, so this is going to be hard. I hope DH takes pictures and sends them on. He will have the digital camera so I will be counting on him to send some on to me. ::sigh:: Okay - enough aimless babbling. Time to hit it. Later, tater!

OKAY Just one more thing. I figure I better post yet another "before" picture that is full body. Oh I hate these pictures, but it's my life right now and I have to grin and bear it. These were taken just a couple weeks ago. :::sigh:::  Full body first, and bloated face close up second...

Intro
I just realized that I never "introduced" myself here. I am following the updates at the bottom format, just so you know. I'm not fond of the other style w/most recent at top with wordy posts because you are always scrolling back and forth. I know I'm long winded, so this is the best option! :o)

My name is ::tah dah:: Dina and I'm 37 years old as of this writing (March 6th, 2004). I work as a police dispatcher and have been at my job for 12 years. My insurance is horrible and you will see as you read all the ups and downs I've had. I have the usual mantra you hear here....fat all my life. Blah blah blah. I had the eating disorders as a kid. Stuffed myself to the point of pain...ate through all sorts of emotions. Well, somewhere along the line I decided that wasn't fun anymore so I stopped. Problem was, my stomach was already stretched beyond it's elasticity, so here I am getting a gastric bypass. :o)

I started checking into this in Nov of 2001 and hit dead ends until just recently. Being a person of faith, I know God has walked me through to this point because as I re-read my profile one night it was like I hadn't seen the forest through the trees. See if you can spot the "ah-hah - God works in mysterious ways" posts. For those of you who are believers you will see more than mere coincidence here.

With that I will let you get on to reading. :o)

I have 5 days and around 6 hours until I have my surgery. I haven't packed or anything yet. I haven't slept for about 34 hours now and don't know when I'll go to sleep. I started nodding off on a couple of occasions while researching stuff on my laptop but that just gave me a second wind to keep going. Yeesh! I'm going to kill myself before I even get there! LOL!

I am feeling pretty calm about all this lately. I had a lot of concerns earlier and before I made my flight and hotel reservations I was a mess. Once I did those things, the rest has been falling into place pretty nicely and I'm really feeling pretty good about this. I don't think I'm looking through rose-colored glasses though. I realize the risks, but I also realize the risks are MUCH higher if I don't have this surgery. So I'm good. I don't know what I'll be like in a few days, but I suspect I will be a bit nervous and excited. But I really do feel like God is leading me in this, so whatever He wants is the right thing.

I was an angel for Deanne White who had her surgery this last Thursday with Dr. Aguirre. She had a bad pain management experience. I was a lousy inexperienced Angel, but she was so nice. I spoke to her on the phone for probably 30 minutes or more this morning (now yesterday morning - ugh, those 36 hr days get to you!). She was just a hoot. I LOVED talking to her. It was like as if we'd known each other for years. She's a smart cookie and I really enjoyed that! Anyway, her experience
I'm going to take a wild guess and say that it may have been a bum line to her epidural. She explained how they tested it but that upon reflection she may have been misinterpreting what she felt. I'll save the rest of the story for her profile, but I came away from the conversation not dissuaded from going to Dr. Aguirre, but just aware that sometimes glitches happen and that it's good to be informed. Posting that on the board, in retrospect I see how that might have been frightening for some, but it wasn't intended that way. I hope it doesn't cause anyone to snowball some fears. She made sure to include that the other patients there at the time (I think Lisa and Dot) were having great pain management, so it seemed to be just her in an isolated incident.

So anyway, right now all I can think of is how I need to make my list of things to take and I keep surfing OH and just goofing off. I'm such a master procrastinator, it's sad. It will be Sunday night after Alias that I'm throwing things in and trying to get done, I'm sure of it. No wait - The Practice is a new one too. Make that 11pm Sunday. LOL! Good thing my plane doesn't leave until Monday afternoon.

I have also been trying to figure out if AOL has a local dial up number in Ensenada. If so, that's great. If not, I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to take a ton of magazines and books with me (they get heavy) but I'm thinking tv and local periodicals might not be enough to entertain me. I won't expect my friend Char to hang around the hotel with me 24/7. As long as I don't feel I need her physical presence, I fully expect her to be enjoying the sites. I just have a feeling that I'm going to be one of those that is not bouncing around after my surgery. Just in looking at profiles, I've noticed the ones who seem to be up and shopping 3 days later are ones who are already about 80 lbs lighter than me. After my c-section in 2001 I realized how 325 lbs causes tremendous problems with being weak. I DEFINITELY want to do some shopping, but I'm not going to pie in the sky it and think I'll be able to play all week long. I'm looking at maybe a couple short excursions instead of some shopping sprees. I've heard the real vanilla extract is wonderful, so I'll have to pick some up. Need to get some Rx shampoo also, so I'll make at least 1 trip to the pharmacy. So, my computer is coming with me and I just hope I can get on here when I get bored. Hopefully when I am not feeling up to running around I'll be able to sleep. I think my bum back will be giving me fits. Thank goodness for the spa, huh? I think I'm going to splurge a little on a massage and manicure/pedicure.

Well, I best be wrapping it up. The more tired I get the more I ramble , and often times I go back to re-read and wonder what in the world was going through my mind! Ha! So no - I'm not crazy...just very very tired! Until next time, I bid adeiu.

Doggone leapyear! I would be 1 day closer to surgery were it not for that extra stinkin' day! LOL! Oh well. I'm sitting here right now just trying to get comfortable. My back is hurting again and I can't get a good sitting position - even on the sofa. I can't wait until I lose 50 lbs. That will be enough to help me get rid of some of this back pain. Ugh! It just takes me forever when I wake up to feel good. Heaven forbid I get over 6 hours of sleep for I pay dearly if I do.

So today I am a little apprehensive. About the surgery? No. I woke up with a sore throat, but DH said I snored last night, so I guess that's why. Problem is I have this funny smell I am detecting which usually means sinus infection. I really just hope and pray I am not sick for my trip to Ensenada. The only thing I can do is go ahead and go and ask Dr. Aguirre to see if I can switch days with someone else if I am sick. I can't afford to screw this up. Hopefully I will be able to thwart whatever it is that is trying to come on. I have been sucking on zinc logenges all day long. But then I wonder if sometimes I am praying for the wrong thing. Perhaps I'm not meant to go. If that's the case, guess I shouldn't be praying not to get sick - or to heal quickly if I do. I said I would take God's answer and go with it, and I will. It doesn't mean I won't be ever so slightly disappointed if it doesn't happen though.

We had Chinese for dinner tonight, and although it was delicious, I ate too much. I haven't eaten to the point of discomfort like that in awhile. Don't know why I did. I've been pretty darned good about keeping it on an even keel. I don't want to binge before I go for my surgery. It's not something I even feel I want or need to do. I think this was a case of letting my hunger go too long and liking the food too much though. Hope so. I don't want to be blind to some emotional issue I'm shoving way back there that could ultimately sabotage my success. I know - I overthink things. I am always told that. It's true - but it's part of me.

This could be an interesting week at work. Hopefully I won't get too sleep deprived. I'm pretty tired right now, and if I push it too much, my immunity goes down, so it's best to keep things healthy and strong.

Enough fun for tonight. I think I may try to post another ugly picture of myself (another before shot) pretty soon. I am sitting down in it. Yuck! Icky icky blah!

2 weeks until I board the plane....I can't believe it!!! In 14 days exactly I should be nearing the end of my surgery if not be done with it!!! Oddly enough, one of the things I am most concerned with right now is my back. I have a very hard time sleeping on my back, so I am wondering how this is going to work when I have surgery. I'm not sure I can hack that pain. Odd huh? I think I can handle the incision better than the back problems. Ha! But historically it has been a big problem. I just can't wait until the day my back starts feeling better after getting this weight off. What a relief it will be to sleep more than 6 hours at a time without feeling like I was whacked on my spine with a baseball bat several times.

Work is such a "joy." I already contacted Personnel in Salem some time ago to ensure that just because I'm going to Mexico for this surgery that I will still qualify for FMLA. I was assured I would and that it wasn't a problem (after all, they cover it for those who have surgery here in the states, why not me?) Anyway, I have one of my supervisors seeminginly wanting to see something trip me up. I know it may sound paranoid, but why are they constantly trying to point out that the surgery is in Mexico? My direct supervisor sent a memo to payroll pointing this out again in order to "make sure" it will be covered by FMLA. They know it is - why are they trying to push this? I know many look at it as purely elective and don't support taking the time off with FMLA for it. They can bite my big fat butt. Elective to them...lifesaving to me.

Oh and that reminds me of some overtime sign up at work too. I have worked overtime every single weekend since the first of the year with exception to the weekend before last when I was sick. Well, there was overtime on the board to sign up for the weekend before I leave for Mexico. I wrote that I was unavailable as I was preparing for a trip. Everyone knows why - it's no mystery. But some jerk(ette?) wrote "So?" after my remarks. So I just wrote in "for surgery. Unavailable." Then they wrote in "So? Which is it?" @$%$@$ I know who it was. I recognize the handwriting. I should have let it drop, but I figured just for fun, I'd see if she had any cajones and wrote "Who wants to know?" on it. Funny how no one wrote anything after that.

I just get tired of all of this. I know some of my supervisors and co-workers look at this like a vacation. Yeah - really fun being split from stem to stern and not eating for 4 weeks. When they ask how long I'll be out, I tell them 8 weeks. That's a basic number of weeks for this surgery, yanno? They all act like as if it's, again, a big ol' vacation. They have no concept of the fact that you have healing time PLUS the weakness/sickness factor involved. If I can go back early, I will, but I'm not going back before I feel ready. If I'm not holding food down well or get seriously hypoglycemic all the time (I have been a lot lately just from the diabetes I developed recently), I don't see why I should rush right back into the rat race. Am I just a little pissy right now? LOL - maybe! I guess I just feel I need to vent about my job because it demands so much of my life. You don't get your weekends, you are almost just property of the state of Oregon. Do you know we can be fired for not working overtime if ordered? Yes, I know some people are subject to orders too, but here it is as if we are in the military, yet I am civillian. I didn't want to be in the military and I certainly didn't expect it to consume this much of my life. Forget if you have a little weekend getaway planned and have the hotel paid for - you are subject to mandatory overtime, and you can just lose that deposit you put down with no concern to the state. Rrrrrr. I need to not get wound up about this. I'll have 2 months to focus on myself and my new life. I'm going to be looking forward to this so much!

There is ONE thing I am definitely not looking forward to though and that is the skin. Oh boy. I know I'm not going to be in the mood for another surgery next year, but I will get the tummy tuck and breast lift, and likely the arms and maybe the legs too. I know it's going to be extremely painful. But I need to do this for the long-run happiness. I have a goal of one day being able to wear shorts. I never have worn shorts as an adult because of my big old ugly knees. I need to be able to be like "normal" for once. :o)

Okay - too many paragraphs and too much ranting. Time to go beddy-bye anyway.   I have a feeling this is going to become a very long journal in the coming weeks and months! LOL!

Well, I saw the new doc yesterday. I have to remind myself not to call him "Doctor Feelgood" to his face. It's hard for me to remember his real name because I've been calling him that for a couple years now. (Long story but has to do with his willingness to let my husband walk home with prescriptions I would think twice about....but that's just me.) Anyway, I was happy with the visit. I saw him once before several years ago when he filled in for my prior PCP and I loathed him. It's kind of interesting though because I like him now. What happened? Well, I had quit smoking about 4 months prior and was following Atkins and had lost over 20 lbs when I went to see him for something like an ear infection or something. Well, he zeroed right in on my weight and lectured the hell out of me over losing weight. He totally got off on a rant saying I'd be on 15 different meds by the time I was 40 and so on and so forth. I kept telling him I just quit smoking and was dieting, but he turned a deaf ear to it. Well, I got home and was seething.  I wanted to rip his tongue out, so I proceeded to tell my husband about this nasty doctor. Then about 7:30 that evening I got a call from HIM. Couldn't believe it! What a surprise. He called to say he was sorry and that he was going over his chart notes and realized he hadn't listened to me. Talk about a mea culpa - and was I impressed. (Having worked around many a doctor I realized that this is an anomaly in the world of medicine.) Anyway, at that moment it made me want to give him another try, but I resisted. Probably a good thing in the long run anyway because he probably would have harped on it until this point at which I'm headed to Mexico to get sliced and diced.

So now he is my new PCP and I think it's a good choice. I kind of wish I had been seeing him for awhile now, but now is better than never. The thing that impressed me the most yesterday was that he took the whole 30 minutes he scheduled for me and let me run off at the mouth, and actually explained things to me and treated me like I had half a brain. That was - sounds weird - but BLISSFUL for me. I hate being treated like a moron....something many doctors do quite well.

So I got the FMLA paperwork done and sent off and now just need to tie up some loose ends the end of this week. I did get my rolling laptop bag (Yeah for eBay!!!) and have that ready to go. Now I think I need to concentrate on understanding what I'm going to be drinking and eating after the surgery. I have an idea, but it's not a cemented feeling I have, so I need to come up with some menus.

One of the other things that has been on my mind is death. I don't feel like I will die, really. But I would lie to say I didn't think about it. I realize God got me this far and probably isn't wanting me to die there - but you never know. It might be my "time" for one reason or another. If I do go, I will be okay going this way. I won't really know what hit me, I'm sure. Of course, it's morose and I don't want to leave my family behind, but if I don't do this, I will surely die young. I don't want my family to think of my life as tragic...riddled with obesity and pain only to die young and sad. If I go fat, I want it to be while in pursuit of a better life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not planning on checking out, but we never know what tomorrow will bring. I am going to face this realistically and head on. I know my husband won't update people here (he's not familiar with all my groups and I don't feel like explaining it to him. It's all he can do to navigate eBay!) So here is how I will put it: If you do not see me posting to my profile after my surgery, put up the headstone and plant some daisies because I'll likely be pushing them up. I've always found it disturbing that some profiles here show folks post-op for a long time and nothing else is in their profile. I know there is risk, but closure is important to me. Not having closure is more disturbing to me than knowing someone has died.

On the subject of death, I thought of writing out a will and letters to my family. I can't seem to get started though. I honestly don't feel I'll need them, but then I realize the "what if" factor comes into play and I wouldn't want to leave nothing behind. No words to hold them over. Nothing for my son to grow up and read about me. So I know I have to do it. I can always delete/shred later. LOL!

There is one issue I have fear over though and that is blood clots (DVT). I have varicose veins and had some painful stabbing in my legs when I was in the hospital with my c-section a few years ago. I do think now it was a pinched nerve (which acts up from time to time) but I still struggle with that fear. I'm trying to psych myself into major walking before and after surgery. But as any good procrastinator would do, I will start that TOMORROW! LOL!

Well, time to get to bed. Been staying up way too late lately, so it's time for this nightowl to bid adieu. More updates later!

It's 3 short weeks until I leave for Ensenada on the big bird. I can't believe time is flying so fast! I did finally get some things done. I got my flight reservations made and my motels/hotels reserved. I feel so much better about everything now that I've got these little loose ends sewn up. I have a laptop case I purchased off eBay that has rollers, so that will allow me to keep it with me and roll it along after surgery.

I will leave here on Monday, March 8th and fly with my friend Charlotte to San Diego. (Another change of plans - Charlotte was a more convenient choice to go with me instead of my mom. This one sticks though - I already bought the ticket! LOL!) We will stay the night in a motel near the airport and Bambie will come pick us up the next day and deliver us to Ensenada. I have an appt with Dr. Aguirre at 6pm on the 9th for pre-op junk and then surgery the next day (the 10th). I made reservations for us at the Hotel Coral which is a beautiful place. They give a special discount for Dr. Aguirre's patients, which is really nice. I got a 1 bedroom Jr. suite for $112.00 plus tax which I think is really good. After I got all that scheduled, I found out Dr. Aguirre now has an apartment he has set up for his patients that will sleep 2 (full size bed and a twin). It's $125 a night and in the morning each day a nurse will come to the room to change your dressings and help you shower and do whatever else you need help with. Bambie will come pick you up and take you back to the hospital for follow up appointments with the doctor, or you can walk as it's only 8-10 minutes walking distance away. I wished I had known about this earlier as it would have been neat to reserve it. But I think I got my friend all jazzed about the Hotel Coral, so I don't want to pull the rug out from under her, so I'm going to be forgoing that I think. Anyway - about this apartment...it's a full size apartment with a kitchen, living room and bedroom. It's got tv and cable and has a computer with internet plus a telephone. He certainly has set it up to be accomodating of us Americans, and for that I'm very grateful. There are some people who don't have a companion to
come help, so this is just a fantastic thing to offer.

The only thing left for me to do is to put the paperwork in for the FMLA. I see my DH's doctor tomorrow (Tuesday) and he said he would take care of my after care and such. Once I see him, I can have him fill out the form and I'll be ready to go. I have about 5.5 weeks worth of leave that will be available to me but I put in for a full 8 weeks off. I am unsure if I'll try to go back early or if I'll ask for leave donations. I feel funny about asking for leave donations, but others do, so I guess I shouldn't be overly concerned about it. I could do Leave without pay (LWOP) but I have a feeling the money that is left over will get eaten up way too quickly.