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I officially lost 30 lbs! (We're rounding up that 29.6 of course )  My first big goal is to be under 300, which is just around the corner! I hope to be able to reach that this month! This is the most that I have EVER lost with any diet, exercise plan, etc. But even though it's exciting, and I can see small changes, I'm ready to get someplace that I haven't been. I can still fit all my clothes (they do fit better) and this is the weight that I was in 2010. Can't wait until the one month mark!

For all of the newbies (including myself), NSV= Non Scale Victories. OH has soo many acronyms that it took me forever to understand a lot of the discussion boards lol

Anyway, my feet are normal! They're usually swollen every other day (maybe from too much sodium from fast food) and I would have to take a diuretic and have to use the bathroom all the time. When my feet get swollen, they ache and it makes it difficult to wear different shoes and I don't have that problem anymore

Also, so I've noticed that I don't have as many food cravings, everyone's read about my addiction with fast food and yummy greasy junk, but it was easier today.

I was thinking, that I need to become a new person, or at least think like someone new. I need to be a woman who doesn't eat fast food a couple times a week. One who works out 4/5 times a week and takes pride in fueling their body for maximum results. Because right now, I'm so not that person. I still want all the bad things that have been programmed into my body. I've taken nutrition classes and I know all the gross stuff that's in some processed/fast food but because it tastes good I ignore it all....and I don't want to anymore. I hope Mariah Carey was right....I hope a hero lives in me because I need some saving!

Who is your Ideal You?

I honestly don't know the answer to this question, or if I've made the right decision. When I was going through the process and had my endoscopy the results came back that I could have gastritis, which I told my closest friends, and when I went MIA from being in the hospital longer than expected from the surgery, I told them it was complications from the gastritis. One long distance friend asked me tons of questions which made me squirm, from having to keep lying, and when she blatantly asked if I had gastric bypass, I denied. Now, that didn't bother me so much lol because I'm not that close to her. But my 'best friends', and even most of my family, don't know. And today I just keep thinking: why don't I trust them to share my struggle? I trust them with every thing else, plan on having them in my wedding and future godparents to my children. My "baby sister" and "twin" have no clue what I'm struggling with. Why? Maybe because one is thin, very thin, and the other just had a baby and shed all that weight and I guess I don't want them to judge me for my weakness, that I couldn't be like them.

But I tell you, after the rough times I've been having, I really wish that I could call one of them and cry my eyes out.

PS:: today I was going to ask if anyone even reads these, or if they're just my therapeutic ranting and I got a message from someone saying they love my blogs. Thanks for reading and cyber-ly being there for me!.

It dawned on me today that this is a journey, and it's going to take time. I think part of me was expecting to one day wake up and be 60lbs lighter and posting the pictures of my progress. And it's so much harder to see the day by day changes, losing centimeters of fat at a time.

I WILL get to that point, my one month, then three month when I will post my pictures of how awesome I look and how well I've done, but getting there consists of day by day choices and actions.

Today was my first follow up appointment with my surgeon whom I absolutely love. I was kind of disappointed that he wouldn't let me progress 3 days early onto pureed foods. Every time I turn around they (doc, nutritionist) they say to learn your body and what it likes and how it responds to food and being full. Well, conversely, shouldn't I also know my body when it's ready for the next step?! I have had no problems with any foods, I've even put shredded cheese in my soups, and blended chunky soups down to creamy consistencies that had meat & potatoes in it and I've been completely fine. If every body is different, shouldn't every body be different in when they're ready to progress? I know I'm complaining, and I only have 3 days more until I'm officially 2 weeks post-op, but my goodness! I need a change

I HATE the chewable vitamins. Like, the worst part of my day is thinking about how I have to take them in the morning and in the evening. I only take one multi in the morning and calcium at night. I swear I have tried the most creative ways to NOT take them. Most times I blend them in my morning shake and then grind up the other one and put in some yogurt. Today, I tried putting it in a protein shake with the calfate medicine: big mistake! disgusting! I'm ready to be able to just pop a pill and call it a day! Ugh! #DailyFrustrations

Vulnerability moment folks! I have a beef addiction! Like all day today, all I could think about was how I could sneak in some beef next week. I even asked my boyfriend if I could blend the cheeseburger patty from McDonald's into my puree stage for next week! Sad, but funny lol I definitely know that I'm going through withdrawals, and like any addiction break, I know that this process is normal. I'm not too hard on myself (side note: I'm getting my master's in psychology, so I tend to be overly compassionate on mental struggles). But, I need to not be too easy on myself to where I end up cheating the system: which is essentially cheating myself and my progress thus far!

Also, I almost have this surreal feeling like I didn't have the surgery. I haven't had any dumping, or nausea since the surgery. Minus the intermittent cramps and constant medications, I forget that I've started this new journey. My mind just gets caught up with ' you're depriving me!'. I'm hoping that once I hit that 50lb mark, or get into a size 18 (which I haven't seen since high school), maybe that will be enough to daily remind me what I'm striving for.

And I've lost another 10lbs in 3 days! Now THIS is exciting! I'm back to the weight that I was last time this year! That means by the end of the month I'll no longer be in the 300 club!

I have a pair of skinny jeans my boyfriend surprised me with. Their red and have zippers on the side, they are sharp! I was excited when he gave them to me: the initiative of a man to go shopping! I tried on the pants and the top, well, I squeezed into them and it was awful. I was so embarrassed and I never wore the outfit. The pants have been hanging up in my closet.....and I think that next week I may venture to try them on! 

Am I the only one who doesn't have a goal to run a 5k? No disrespect to those who want to, but that's not on my Skinny To Do List. I want to be smaller, healthier, not athletic. I'm definitely the girly girl, not too fond of the outdoors. My kind of exercise is zumba and belly dancing, maybe add in some kickboxing, but running? Just not my thing! lol

But anyway, today I walked for the first time since being out of the hospital! Yeah, didn't do that 'walk a mile every day' thing, lol I feel like today is the true start of the new lifestyle. My plan is to keep walking around my neighborhood until the snow, and then take it to the local gym.