JustCK

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It's Thanksgiving and last night I threw up. It had been a little over a week since I last had, but it's still frustrating to vomit! But I know it's because I had too many carbs. With the holidays it's so easy to just get back into old habits of tasting and eating whatever while you cook. I think I gained back like 5lbs but I lost it this week since I started exercising but overall this month I've only lost 5lbs! So disappointed! Almost two months since my surgery and I've only lost 45lbs. Now I realize for someone who hasn't had the surgery that's good, but reading everyone else's story I am so behind! I feel like I really have to kick it up next month. No potatos! They don't like me, no pasta either! And I realize I HAVE to work out to get the kind of results I want quicker. I can see that my figure is changing, hips are more defining, side profile is thinning out, but you can't measure those. I really want to buy new clothes but I feel like it's a waste, but I may have to by the first of the month so I can see more progress. I know everyone says they wish they would have done the surgery sooner but as a 26 year old, I really am still struggling with my discipline and endurance!

The old me came back this weekend . I was stressed and even though I was trying to get my protein in, I slipped. I had half a donut and some white chocolate and scarily enough nothing happened! lol

Part of me is happy that I didn't get sick (I mean, who wants to get sick), but the other part of me is like 'oh crap, I can cheat!', which may be a good thing on bad days, I'd never thought that a cheat could be half a donut and be satisfied. Anyway, tomorrow my work out regimen begins. My goal is to wake up and do a 10 minute cardio walk. Now that doesn't seem a lot to some people, but I HATE HATE HATE working out . I want to be consistent though and I know that it's something I can do. I mean, I've lost somewhere between 40-50lbs but I'm still a big girl .

Sometimes I feel a little behind with my weight loss. Well, maybe it's just because of my experience a couple days ago! Saturday I weighed myself on a Weight Watchers electronic scale and it said 294, which was weird because last I was 291. So then I realized I was leaning against the towel rack so I moved the scale closer to the middle of the floor and then it said 288.8! I was so excited. But then I remembered how at my old house (I moved right before surgery) that the floors were a little slanted and if you turned the scale different ways it would give a different reading. So I turned the scale 90degrees and then it showed 294, rotated again, 284. Ok, so this is crazy! The scale has literally been lying to me. I went in the basement and we had one of those older balance scales where you can barely fit on the foot board lol and it said I weighed 297. So discouraging! I mean, it's big from thinking I lost almost 50lbs to just 40lbs. So now I feel like I'm not making enough progress. I think I'll take a break from weighing myself until I go back to the doc next month.

Today was the first time that I actually forgot I had the surgery. Before going to the hair salon I did pack snacks but when I came home, I had some pretzel chips and some chicken. And I wasn't agonizing over how bad things taste or how food got stuck. I felt like my old self, but better. Almost 50lbs gone and can actually eat just a serving size of something! When have I EVER ate the recommended amount or weighed food? I really think that my success story, is going to be that of being able to be content with the small amounts, the serving sizes, not gorging. My taste buds haven't changed....I tried McDonald's fries and they still taste amazing, but I had self-control to only eat a few! I'm not a nutrition geek, I hate working out (hope that'll change soon), but although this changes some people, I feel like this is just a Better me! Everyone's journey is different, and I honestly felt a little bad that some people became health nuts, but I wasn't before and this surgery isn't a magic wand to change me into a weightloss surgery robot. I'm still Cami K, just upgraded!

So I was supposed to have my one month check up with my surgeon on Friday. Well at my one week when I scheduled the appointment, they said I would follow up with the nurse practitioner who I didn't like. I don't know who all can relate, but have you ever gotten the vibe from some Skinny People who think that they are better than you because they don't have a weight issue? Yeah, the NP was like that! Like it was my first full visit (pre-op) and she was all doom and gloom, and I'm thinking 'hey, I'm kind of proud of myself, I don't have any obesity related illnesses so I'm being proactive to get the weight off' and she was just a Negative Nancy about how if I didn't get to my ideal weight what I would suffer with and if I wasn't taking this serious....umm, I'm a happy person, and I get along great with my surgeon because he's a happy person and it's no crime for me to be positive and not look at all the bad things that could happen to me! SO anyway, they called today and said the doc wouldn't be in and that I'd be meeting with the NP, and I emphatically stated 'I need to reschedule because I do not want to meet with her'. So now I'm going to have a 2 month post op follow up instead. (sigh) Good thing is that my stitches that were sticking out of this gaping hole has dissolved (I guess I ate them lol) so I don't really have any pressing issues to discuss. And if I do have anything that comes up within the next month, I guess I'll just go see my pcp who I know will be thrilled with my weighloss thus far. Thanks for reading my rant!

My body is not built to be healthy! lol I know that sounds weird, but everything they have me able to progress on I can't handle. For example, now that I made it one month (Hallelujah!) I can have soft foods, so I don't have to puree everything. Well I only pureed for like 3 days anyway. I'm suppose to be able to eat 4 to 6 oz every meal: No. Only 2 oz at a time! Chicken: No. Wasn't suppose to start low fat deli meat, but that's a Yes. Not suppose to have beef, but that's the ONLY MEAT that doesn't get stuck! Beef and potatoes are golden and everything else is a no lol so weird! And tonight, I had sugar free icecream (3 teaspoons) and it was heaven! And I was satisfied with just a taste. I think that's my biggest NSV is that I can be satisfied with just a little. Also, I had a tablespoon of sesame chicken and 1/4 cup of beef and broccoli from the Chinese food and guess what: I didn't get sick! lol I know some would judge this behavior as being wrong and sabotaging but I've lost 40lbs my first month. And like they say, every BODY is different. Maybe my surgery is to not make me not eat those things ever again, but to be able to eat like a normal person (even if that means doing so before the schedule).

I couldn't believe my eyes when I got on the scale! I now weigh under 300lbs! I haven't seen anything under that since.....well I gained the freshman 30lbs lol when I went to college plus some, but the point is, I don't remember when so it has to have been a good 6ish years ago! What's weird is that although I've lost 40lbs my clothes still fit! Some of my pants are baggy, but nothing to where I have to clean out my closet and go shopping (unfortunately). But this is major!

Next up: Have 50lbs gone by Christmas!

Yay for me!

Pizzapopolis pizza,Chicago style, deep dish, cheezy pizza! I'm having a major carb craving! I can't believe that it's not even a month yet since surgery and I'm already thinking why I'm not further along! Small NSV, I'm not craving all of the junk food I use to eat, but days like today where its frustrating and people upset you, I just want to eat comfort foods. I haven't succumbed, but Lord help! lol Looking forward to eating low fat deli meat next week!

Thanks for the support, all! BUT..unfortunately I got sick again. This time though I think it was because I got too full. I only waited 15 minutes after eating some shrimp and potatos and it set me over the edge. Toilet run again. Good news, I can eat potatoes, 1/4 cup, but they have to be hott, otherwise I get too full.  But I'm kind of sad because I feel like I'll never get this right of being able to know what to eat and how to eat it. My body is definitely not on target with their program, I cant eat like I'm suppose to, I'm more like eating what's on week 2 instead of week 4. But I did lose 3 pounds so I guess I'm still headed in the right direction.

So yesterday was the first time that I got sick . But I have to be thankful that I've only had this one bad day in three weeks. What had happened was..... (lol) I was reading in my book and getting excited that I can have mashed potatoes and that in Weeks 3 &4 I should be eating 4-6oz every meal. And I've only been eating 2oz every meal. So I got excited because I had made turkey burger (turkey, blue cheese crumbles, baked) and I figured I could have two since they were 2oz each. Oh boy, that was a mistake, my belly was sooo not ready for that! Then I waited 15 minutes to drink something, hoping it would help me get that stuck feeling out of my chest, yeah.....no, I ran upstairs and into the toilet it went. What was surprising though is that you don't feel it in your belly.....like it's not this huge heaving process. It was quick and actually painless, the worst part being the 'stuck' feeling. Then the next day, I was craving McDonald's so bad, so I made my own chicken nuggets (chicken, egg, bread crumbs, baked) and 15 minutes later they felt stuck! Ugh! I can finally eat meat and eat more and my body is NOT having it!