KnikkiJ

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204 this morning  

down 2 pounds for the week and getting excited about approaching ONEderland

been a rough emotionally wracked week - I am dreaming of a sunny beach, a book, a hot tub, and a slew of small pina coladas as I people watch bronzed, muscled men walking up and down along the strand.  man, I need a vacation something fierce!!

206

No gain - no loss - no problem!
It was a crappy week and I ate crappy!  But I got back on the wagon first and then sorted out what was triggering it - it's funny how long some lessons take to learn.   Am already doing better and getting excited about next week's weigh in.

Getting SO close - both to onederland and to overweight status - two MAJOR achievements within the next month or so before my Dad arrives for a visit.

Won't HE be a little shocked!

(A day early)

206 - down 2 pounds

Not angry and hostile anymore - but horny almost all the time.  I swear, it's like playing roulette with my emotions lately - one day I only want to cry, the next I want to fight somebody - the next I want to send everyone in my address book flowers.

My GOD but it's frustrating to not have the consistency I used to.

On a happy note, I'm not freezing cold all the time now - my body is definitely adjusting to that, so perhaps the hormones/emotions will start to normalize as well.

FOUR POUNDS TO OVERWEIGHT!
SEVEN POUNDS TO ONEDERLAND!

He's such a sweet man, sometimes I forget he's a brilliant surgeon.

All is well - my calcium levels are bad, but I keep forgetting to take those pills because I hate the taste of them.  He gave me some better options and we'll re-test the levels in a month.  

Everything is on track and doing well - it's up to me to keep things moving in the right direction!

208

Loss of one pound after a very good week - made very few mistakes.  Learned alot about the emotional issues I'm dealing with - never expected that to be the toughest part, but it will all sort itself out.

A little relieved about no big loss this week - I hate what my skin is doing, so slowing down a little is not a bad thing.

This week - MORE exercise!

209 this week - woohoo!

I did much better this week in my choices and in my exercise.  Not feeling so great though - having problems with my tummy and with my pooper.  I will try upping the water this week and see if it clears up before I meet with the surgeon next week for a follow-up.

Still dealing with feelings of aggression and anger - VERY uncharacteristic - I don't know if losing all that stored up estrogen is wreaking havoc, or if I'm just struggling to understand my new self.  Set up appointments with my PCP and also with a shrink to see if they can shed some light.  Certainly can't keep walking around wanting to start a fight - it's driving me crazy.

I honestly don't like the way my body looks.  I have a saggy gobbler under my chin, and the fat that remains on my belly is far more noticeable to me than it ever was before.  No rose colored glasses I guess - I'm more conscious about the weight I do have.  I kind of liked living in a state of ignorance - I was happy before the weight loss.  I guess I just have to learn to be happy without the weight.  I'll get there - I'm happy by nature, and I'm too busy to spend my life miserable.  Don't have the patience for it.

Still no word at all from my nutritionist - it's been 3 months.  I wish I had paid her with a credit card so I could dispute it.  What a waste - another source or anger.  As soon as we can afford it, I'll hire a new one - but until the second house sells - we're pretty much living my our shoestrings.  If things get any worse, we may actually have to eat the shoestrings!  Such is life all around these days - I have no cause for complaint, there are many worse off than we are.  I keep hopeful that the new realtor will do better for us.

212 this week - down one pound, which is a miracle in and of itself.

I have been bad, bad, bad this week - reverting to old habits and I'm not proud of it.  Too much sugar, not enough water, forgetting to take vitamins and watching most of my exercise class this week instead of participating.

I'm back on track and working hard to break the 210 barrier next week.  I'm just glad to still be losing - now it's time to buckle down.

Three month out pictures this week - I'll take them and post them with pride.  Although the more I lose, the more I realize just how far I have yet to go - i'm far more conscious of my body now.  No more rose colored glasses - it's a good thing.

Wendy blessed me with a mountain of size 14/16 clothes before I left California and I'm wearing a pair of size 14s at this very moment.  I looked at them and thought, "NEVER gonna happen" and then lo and behold!  They're a little tight, but I was so excited that they fit that I wouldn't take them off and put on the 16s. 

Vanity can be fun, too!

213 pounds - that's EXACTLY half way to goal!  53 pounds down by my scale and 53 pounds to go!

Spent the long weekend with my sister, who very generously lent me all her skinny clothes to wear on the condition that she get them back when I outgrow them.  It was wonderful to see her and my precious nieces - it was very grounding and has me back to center where I should be.

Keeping up the fight - we're only half way - but loving life thus far!

What did I tell you?

215 this week - all that water weight fell off as expected!  WOOHOO!
Down four pounds!

I can't even tell you how long it's been since I hit this weight - i'm so close to Onederland, I can almost taste it!   

It's a crazy feeling not to be able to wear my clothes and to be getting compliments, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't absolutely love the attention.  But I love how I'm feeling more than anything.  Healthier.  Less joint pain.  More energy.

Except today - I seem to be fighting something off.  Maybe a stomach virus, cause my pouchie is unhappy.....no vomiting, just tired and run down and feeling a bit queasy.  If it lasts, I'll see my doctor - but since everyone at work is sick - I think I'm probably just a statistic in the making.