Tammy G.
Meds--You never know what effect it will have--
Feb 22, 2012
First I want to thank Kathy & Jack for being concerned about me. I was in a very bad place when I wrote the brief blog post I later deleted. Thank you for reaching out, even if I wasn't in a place to accept your help.When I saw my psychiatrist almost 2 weeks ago he prescribed me Wellbutrin. It was supposed to elevate my mood slightly and help with some small OCD issues I was experiencing. I was on a low dose--75 mg.
Every day I was taking it, expecting that mood boost, but it had the exact opposite effect. On the advice of my doc, I had warned family members that if I was acting differently, tell me, in case I was not self aware. Monday Butch told me I needed to call my doc. I already knew I needed to.
A medication induced depression, complete with suicide ideation, no energy, self loathing, foggy brain, etc. is what I have been dealing with for the last week or so. When I started telling myself that everyone would be better off if I was dead, that life was too hard, that I just couldn't see any kind of future--I figuratively slapped myself to reality.
I called my doc and was told to quit the meds immediately and that they would hospitalize me if I thought I needed it. I didn't think I did since I am aware that it is the meds that have corrupted my mood.
Yesterday I took the kids outside and we flew kites, dug in the dirt, played on the swing, etc. I put on a happy face, but I didn't get any joy out of it. Yall know that isn't like me. I feel so dead inside. I had no idea a medication could do so much damage in so short a time. The side effect I had is listed as a side effect, but as uncommon.
My doctor wants me to try another med to kick me out of it. It is a anti-narcolepsy drug called Provigil. At this point I don't want to take anything else. I just want to get to some sort of balance.
I am so tired.
