Anna G.
Well, here I am. I'm 43 years old, and I've been dieting all my life. I've yo-yo dieted my way to 300 pounds. All the statistics, not to mention my personal experience, say that it's a losing battle. I'm feeling defeated. I didn't want to do this. The likelihood of all that saggy skin is horrifying to me. I don't want to lose my already thinning hair. But something has to give. I'm walking around in pain, all the time. My feet, my knees, my back, all screaming under all this weight. My husband is terrified of losing me. He has always been very much against the idea of WLS. But last night he brought it up. So now, I know I'll have his support and I knew I couldn't do it without that.
I call this blog "Getting Over Myself" because whenever I've considered WLS in the past, I always end up looking at saggy skin pics and deciding that I just don't want to look like that. But at this point I have to get past my vanity and do what's right for my health. It isn't as if I look all that great naked right now anyway!
It's funny; I feel like such a failure for not being able to do it "the right way". My husband blames breast cancer. It's almost sweet. I was losing weight; I had lost 70 pounds with healthy food and exercise when I was diagnosed. After all those surgeries, and all that comfort food which he blames himself for constantly offering me during that battle, I gained most of the weight back.
I know I shouldn't feel this way. Obese people just don't maintain weight loss. We can lose it all right, no question about that. But keep it off? It's like there's a bungee cord attached to us and we just have to swing the other way. I do blame myself for becoming obese in the first place, and for allowing myself to get on that yo-yo dieting rollercoaster. OK, OK, I'm mixing metaphors. Bungee jump, rollercoaster, whatever you call it, it's a hell of a ride, full of excitement, danger, tragedy and terror.
Looking at all the statistics, all the science I can get my hands on, I know that my absolute best chance to go canoing again, to dance barefoot, to get my life back, is weight loss surgery. That's the only thing that can break that bungee cord. I have to break my body to save my spirit.
I've only just made this decision. I haven't even talked to my family physician yet, much less decided on a surgeon, or even what type of surgery I want. I keep going back and forth. I like gastric bypass because of the dramatic weight loss (who can resist that siren call?) and the fact that the malabsorption allows you to eat more food. I like Lap-Band because you still get nutrients, and strangely enough, because the weight loss is slower. I figure, maybe less saggy skin? That's something I need to learn from you guys. I have a lot to learn.
Edit several months later: Boy did I have a lot to learn! Finding out about the Duodenal Switch made all the difference. Now there's no way I would settle for anything less. With the DS, the chance of regain is much, much less than with RNY gastric bypass or lap-band. And that means everything. I do not want to go through a procedure like this only to gain all the weight back, as I've done so many times with diet and exercise.
Pre-ops, please feel free to message me if you have any questions about the DS! Or go to http://www.duodenalswitch.com to learn more and find a list of qualified DS surgeons.
If you want to stalk/get to know me, I'm on MySpace at http://www.myspace.com/annaweb and my original music is at http://www.myspace.com/themagdalen and http://www.myspace.com/kulmandu.
