Me13
July 11, 2010
Hi.
I'm not even sure where to begin with my story, but my guess is that somewhere down the line the world will figure out that being obese is much more complicated than eating more calories than what you burn off through exercise. I believe it's a cocktail of genetics, environment, emotional and physical. I think there a ton of reasons why I am here today, at 5'6" and 273 pounds.
My dad's side of the family was large. I recall grandma wearing a mu-mu everytime I saw her. Dad was not slim, nor was his sister, but he'd always squeeze my belly and say "what's that??".
My mom was slightly obsessed with weight, and she was named "figure queen" in high school. She was one of those people who took Phen-Fen and then had to get open heart surgery because of the valve problems it created.
Starting in Kindergarten, kids (and some adults) teased me for being fat, but I have to say, I never really felt fat -- though I had to wear Husky jeans and not the cool Ditto jeans every other girl was wearing.
My mom sent me off to Weight Watchers when I was 7 -- and through the years sent me to a fat therapist/psychologist, Nutri -System, etc. At one point in time, we lived with a padlock and chain wrapped around the fridge. Ironically, if my mom wanted me to do something that I didn't want to do, I was always bribed with an ice cream cone from Thrifty's drugstore -- something I could never pass up! ; )
In high school, I had some more teasing but it pretty much rolled off my shoulders. I was aware of my weight, sure, but I look back and think -- eh, I wasn't THAT fat. Just a bit chunky. And a few times I recall the ol' line: "You have such a pretty face, if only..." I also recall my driver's license saying I was 135, but I know I weighed more. Doesn't everyone lie on their drivers license?
In college, I had a good friend who was taking a class and had to measure BMI. She measured mine. I recall to this day she kinda scratched her head and said "Hmm. I think I did this wrong. It says you are obese."
After college, I remember telling my first wife, as a joke, that my goal was to hit 300 pounds by the time she went to her 25th high school reunion. The only other thing I remember in terms of weight is that I weighed about 160 in 1995 after I started working out after a break up, running a couple of miles a day.
I started dating my now second wife back in 1998 and we used to take nice long hikes together. At times she would tell me when I started gaining weight, and I told her back then (and I'll tell her now) that weight doesn't matter. She needs to love me for me, not what I look like. My wife (we live in CT and got married in Dec. 2008) is one of those really, really healthy people who get full on a bowl of salad and trains for tri-athalons. She tried to do an eating regimen for me but the fact is we are totally different. Her almonds and cottage cheese make her full, but I would be left starving. She can't relate in terms of portion size, but she's supportive and wants to help.
When I was pregnant in 2005, I actually lost weight, and was somewhere around 230-240. Just last summer, I weighed around 255, but now I am 273. How did this happen?
I am surprised when I see pictures of me because I just don't feel that big (and therefore shy away from all photos). I feel tired a lot (was just diagnosed as b-12 anemic) and lethargic, so exercising is difficult for me. I walk my dog.
But the real reason I am doing this now is because
- my knees hurt (turns out I'm arthritic);
- my hips hurt;
- I started to have chest pains (and am fine, btw);
- my PCP recomemended it;
- my 3x shirts are getting tighter;
- I travel every year and hope to god that I can snap the airplane seatbelt without having to ask for an extender;
- I have to be super careful whenever I sit down in a chair, hoping it won't break;
- I'd like to have more energy for my kids (and wife!);
- I'm tired of seeing weight limits on things,
- I almost did not fit in the carnival ride that my daughter really wanted to go on;
- I don't want people who haven't seen me in forever to see me now and say "whooooooooooa"; and
- I'd like to be able to take a photo with my family that doesn't partially hide my face (or any photo, for that matter).
and the list goes on.
so -- i've been thinking about doing surgery since 2008, and now here I am. I am hoping for an RNY in August.
Wow, this is kinda like therapy! Sorry so long, but there you have it. That's my story.
