mommy-mo-mo

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Aug. 23, 2007
Well today I just broke my one week plateau.  I was stuck at a 23  pound loss and now I'm down 27 pounds.  Very happy about that.  Was not discouraged about the plateau because I knew to expect it at about the third week after reading from everyone's posts here.

What did catch me off guard was the fact that Tuesday I was now able to start pureeds.  And what do I do my first day of pureeds, I don't eat anything.  Finally at ten pm I had my regular Carnation Instant Breakfast.  So for three days now,  I've only been having maybe two or three liquids like CIB, or soup, and 1 serving of fat free refried beans. 

I don't know what it is.  On Tuesday I was so busy working on stuff in the house that when I got hungry I thought as soon as I'm done I'll get something.  Then it passed and I kept working.  I was so amazed that I did not get weak or nauseated  or feel faint like so many times before when I would wait too long to eat.  I feel great.  I know this isn't good. Today is the third day.  I am getting my liquids in.   I think I'm also a little scared to try stuff, like scrambled eggs that I'm supposed to have, but I don't think that is the real reason.  I have not had any food issues so far and I don't wanna.  I've been doing really good.  I was following my doctors food plan pretty good until it switched to pureeds. 

The other reason might be that I don't want to prepare anything for myself and maybe this is where I need tough love.  I hate  cooking.  I used to eat fast food all the time.  Since I can't grab fast bad food I'm not grabbing anything at all.  I think that's probably the real truth.  I know I need to work through this.  I have to just do it. 
I'm a little frustrated about that yet kind of intrigued by the fact that I don't feel like eating since I've never felt that before in my life.  It's so  wonderful to not feel like I have to shove something in my mouth or I will die- throw up (because of the diabetes).  I'm loving that I can only eat four ounces, but now I'm finding it easier to just not eat.  How crazy is that? 

Today I had 3 oz chile beans- YUMMY, 4oz CIB with choc soy milk blended with ice -YUMMY, and a Kozy Shack SF chocolate pudding- YUMMY.

Anyone have any input, please don't yell at me.  Anyone go through this.  I'm not really discouraged other than I know I need to eat to live, but I do wish I liked to cook.  I really want to like to cook.  I love looking at Michelle V (eggface's website and Charlie's website.  The pictures are so pretty and I think how nice it would be to make it. I even collect recipes here on the website, but when it comes down to it, I don't like to prepare anything food wise.  So now I find it's easier to do nothing. 

Okay I'll stop rambling.  I think it helped me to sort through this in my mind.  I need to get my bum in the kitchen and prepare foods.
Okay I'll stop help me please
I really am very happy with my progress so far.   Thank you so much for letting me share.

Someone posted today asking about how to get rid of the diet coke addiction.  This is my response to the original post and since I was truly addicted I thought people who read my blogs may also be addicted so this is what I did and it worked well for me.

Okay, here is my story.  I was drinking about 6 cans a day.  I loved my diet coke.  I drank up until the day of surgery.  I had soooooooooooooooo many people tell me  I should start weaning.    I said don't worry I will do what I need to do when the time comes to do it.  Why do I want to drink less now, when I know that I will never have them again.   So I ENJOYED MY DIET COKE.  And with the surgery coming up for me, I enjoyed my diet coke GUILT FREE.   I knew that part of my commitment to my surgery and weight loss was that I would never have carbonated beverages again.  So I made sure to appreciate and enjoy every last can of diet coke.  Even on the day before surgery when is was liquids only, my plan says carbonated beverages optional, so you can be sure I had my diet coke. 

After the surgery, have not had one.  There are still some even sitting in my house.  I've missed it a little bit, but I've been drinking so much water with flavor powders (that are soooooooo yummy) that I've been doing fine.  I am 23 days post op today and not one diet coke. 

While in the hospital and about two days at home, I did have a pretty bad headache, that the nurses gave me some meds for.  It might have been caffeine related or just surgery related.  But if that was the only side effect to having my diet coke up to the day of surgery, then it was well worth it. 

Also one more word,  when I had my psych eval done, the psych also had surgery and he said he didn't stop until the day of surgery and he said, "don't worry you'll be fine."

I hope this helps.

Mo

PS.  Enjoy your diet coke while you can because if you are committed to this surgery, you should not be having any after surgery.  It honestly has not been a problem for me.

Aug. 20, 2007 - I am back at home.  I had been staying with my mom.  It was a little hard being there without my dad there, but it was good for both me and my mom.  Had some really good quality time and bonding.  

Her strength amazes me.  She has to go on.  She is alone in the house.  She has never lived alone in her whole life.  She is a very beautiful woman.  She is social, has lot's of friends, and a strength about her that is something to be admired.  It's good to be home and begin living my new life. 

I CAN SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT NOW without having to get up to go to the bathroom and no GERD.  I LOVE IT.  I think my body clearing itself of all the toxic food I put in my mouth has made a world of difference.  I was drinking about 6 cans of diet coke a day.  I know BAD.  Have not had any caffeine since the day before surgery.  I miss it a little, but there are so many yummy powders to put it my water that I get to experience all kinds of flavors. 

I feel great.  My family and I are actually going out and doing things.  Saturday went to Carlsbad to this rich lady's house who gave us some dining room chairs and we got to stay and hang out on the beach.  I walked up and down the beach.  It was wonderful. It was our first time out as a family with some actual physical activity done by me in probably over a year.

Sunday went to my Mom's.  My family noticed how much more I was moving around, how happier I seem, and how much more energy I have. 

I get to eat pureed foods on Tuesday.  So very excited about that.

I hope everyone has a great week.   My goal for this week is to prepare dinner for my family.  Not something I've done in the past for a VERY VERY long time.

I am so grateful and thankful to have had this surgery.  It is a miracle tool and has already changed my life.  Oh and I've lost 25 pounds as of today. Woohoo!!!!!

AND IT HAS BEEN GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm in awe.  I can't believe this miracle tool.  It has been such a blessing so far.   Maybe I am still on the high from the morphine , but I am just so happy.

I have had WOW moments already.  I am so excited and so happy.  I actually look forward to getting on the scale.  When it starts to stall I'll stay away, but for right now, I get up and after the bathroom, I get on that scale. 

I also have not had any problems with my intake.  I'm tolerating everything well so far.  My biggest problem has been to continue to work on taking smaller sips when I drink, but I am just so happy and feel so good.  I can't believe it.   I have not once even regretted having this surgery (yet) or felt like "What did I do to myself."   I am just soooooooooo happy.  Did I say that yet???????????

Already the difference this surgery has had on my life:

1)  The swelling in my legs and feet is completely gone in one leg and 90% gone in the other.
2)  My fasting sugar score this morning was 87 without my diabetes meds last night.
3)  I, myself, personally have been able to eliminate four medicines.
4)  I'm already sleeping better.  I wake up once to go to the bathroom, instead of every two hours.
5)  No heartburn.
6)  I've gotten out of the house everyday for a walk and talked to neighbors.
7)  I have more confidence now because even though I am still big, I know that I am now truly changing and the fat me will go away and the true me is emerging. 
8)  I've lost 13 pounds.
9)  No more nausea.  I used to be nauseated everyday because of the diabetes and hunger. 
10)  Surgical pain gone.  Went away today.  I can bend and lean forward now.
11)  I just feel good.  I haven't felt this good be it emotional or physical in almost 3.5 years.  I am really beginning a new life and it feels so wonderful. 

Thank you my OH family because I have learned so much from you, received so much support from you,  and have made some incredible friends.  I love OH.

Hi all,  first of all I have to thank my angels Jean and Becky for posting updates on me, calling me, and coming to see me.  The support has been wonderful.  I also want to thank all the OHers for your support, prayers, and posts.  All this support has been overwhelming and meant so much to me.  And thank you to Willa and Laura H for coming to see me.

I came home yesterday Aug 2 around 1pm.  I had a relatively uneventful time at the hospital.  I was able to let the anesthesiologist know ahead of time my sensitivity to nausea and with all the medications they gave me, I was not nauseas one time.  It was great.  I sure miss that morphine pump because I hurt.  It hurts more than a C-section and I've had two of those.  The area where they operated on just really aches on the insides.   The pain med kind of helps, but boy I really liked that pump. 

You know I was a little scared when I had to go into the OR prep and couldn't be with my husband.  Then they brought everyone in.  I talked with Jean, my mom and my hubby, then I got to spend some time with hubby alone.  It was really nice.  The anesthesiologist gave me something to relax me before I went to OR.  I think Craig left and I fell asleep and I don't remember a thing.  I was out so out of it that I did not remember going into the OR or being moved onto the OR table, nothing.  I was out.  I'm so thankful for falling asleep and not remembering anything.  The only thing I had to feel was the IV and that wasn't so bad. 

I walked everyday three times a day and am continuing to do so while at home.  Just a few houses down and back, but nevertheless, I'm walking. 
My kids have been really good about not running into my belly.  They have been so careful and they prayed for God's healing of my tummy.  They are so cute. 

I have actually felt a little hungry and I can feel when my pouch gets full.  I can tell when I took too big of a drink.  I haven't craved any foods.  Just some broth.  But so far I think I'm doing pretty good.  I have burped a lot and that hurts, just because of my whole abdomen being sore.  Today is my first day I have tooted.    I just can't wait 'til the surgical site does not hurt any more.  I do feel me getting stronger every day. 

Again, I am so thankful to all of you.  Your words are so encouraging and uplifting and I just can't thank all of you enough. 

Okay so I'm totally stressing.  I've had way more work this week than I normally do because of vacations.  I want to clean my entire house to perfection because that is just want I want to do before I leave my house. I want to organize my entire house.   I want to put all my photo albums in order and photos in picture frames just in case something should happen to me. 

I feel like I don't remember anything I learned about what to eat and how to eat.  (I know I do)  It's just that perfectionism rearing it's ugly head big time. 

My stomach is upset and I am soooooooooooooooo hungry all the time and I have to get my sugar score down and I have so much work to do.

My mind knows I just can't possibly do all the things I want to do, but yet I still want to keep mentally try to fight that to no avail, hence nothing is getting done, not my work, not my house.  I did do well on food intake today.  Have to get final fasting glucose score this morning for my medical clearance for surgery. 

Help, just need encouragement.   I know I'm doing the right thing by WLS.  I'm not doubting that.  I just feel like I want to put the brakes on until I finish everything and have complete order in my life LOL and everything is perfect and then I will have surgery.  This is the mental battle I'm really struggling with right now. 

Thanks for your words all and thanks for letting me whine, share, vent, and whine.  I'll be serving cheese next.
Monique (who's missing OH and my angels Hi Jean and Beckyboo,  I miss you guys.)

July 20, 2007 - Okay since I was told I was approved for surgery on July 10, I have gone from thinking...

...nobody loves me to having two wonderful angels.
...how was I going to go to all my appointments with my DH having to work and me having a hard time getting out of the house to taking each day one day at a time (after the day had passed) and DH managed somehow to take me to all my appointments and be with the kids.
...I would have no visitors because my friend was out of town to possibly having both my angels there, which I would have never thought possible because i didn't think I would even have an angel.
...I could die alone at the hospital having no family there (because of uncontrollable circumstances) and my mom is going to be at the hospital with my husband for the surgery yay and my sister will come to visit yay.  My husband was always going to be there, I was just being dramatic, but I really thought this.  I even had a counseling session about this.
...how am I going to get coverage for my babies while at hospital to having a friend watch my kids, my MIL is coming to help cook for family post op, and having three other options of help after MIL returns home.
...we are so broke how are we going to pay for a babysitter to my best friend giving us $500.00 to do with what we need for sitter and anything else for the surgery. 

I am just truly blessed more than words can even express. 

Thank you Lord.

July 20, 2007 - I don't know if any of you remember, a while back I posted about my best friend who was concerned about me having the surgery and  was making harsh comments even when I was not even talking about the surgery. (blog entry 06-23-07)

Well, since then, we talked, she called me right away to apologize.  She truly felt bad.

I had asked her to help me watch my kids while my dad was in the hospital and she would, but she never offered or asked if you need any help..... so I did not feel comfortable asking her for help with my kids for the surgery.  Just because I truly did not know how she felt about babysitting.  She does not have any kids, so I could kind of understand. 

Then my mom has not been up to par (understandably since my dad's death) so I didn't want to burden her in asking for help with the kids.  My sister did not work for almost 6 weeks to be with my mom while dad was sick, so I asked her, but knew she really couldn't take time off from work.  

So I was getting a little nervous as to how we were going to get help with the kids.  I never shared any of this with my best friend.

Well, my best friend had completely been sooooo supportive.  This week has been crazy with doctor's appointments for preop.  She has asked me if she could babysit for me.  I never said a word.  She just totally offered on her own. 

And what was even more wonderful, was that we had found someone that we were going to pay out of pocket to help us with the kids during and after surgery.  She is a friend whose job just ended and she could really use the money.  Well my best friend did not know any of this. 

My birthday was on Sunday & because my best friend won't be in town during the surgery and knew we needed help, she gave us a really large chunk of money to help us pay for a sitter.  She said she just wanted to do that for us. 

Talk about God's miracles

Just had to share my big WOW moment.

OMG  I can hardly contain myself.  They just called me.   
I have a date:   TUESDAY JULY 31. 

That's only 3 weeks away.  AAAGGGHH.  I have so much weight to lose beforehand.   (my own goal).  Oh well I'll do what I can. 

I can't believe it.  Wooooooooooooohoooooooooooo.  I am so excited.    I'm going through the whole gammit of emotions.  Everything I learned is out the door right now.  OMG where do I start?????

Okay I have two kids, need to get help with the kids.  Okay that's my first step.  My mind is racing. 

I haven't felt this happy in soooooooooooooo long.

I am so happy to be able to come and share with you guys because I know you know how it feels.

Love you guys.
Monique

July 3, 2007 -Well after fasting this morning,  throwing up because of hunger pains/diabetes, finishing the "relaxed portion" of the cardiac stress test, waiting 2 hours in the cardiologist's office for my consultation......................... I FINALLY GOT MY CARDIAC CLEARANCE! 

Yaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy for me. 

I was so nauseated all day from this mornings events and I needed to get home.  My wonderful husband took my hot little clearance and drove it to Dr. LePort's office to hand deliver it.   He is so wonderful.  I almost did not go this morning because I get sooooooooooo sick.  I was whining saying "I can' do it."  He did not give in to me. He helped me so much to make this happen today. 

I should be getting a call from the scheduler within 10 business days.    Can't wait. 

Thanks all for your continued encouragement and support.