Ms Shell

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Yeah baby!!

I signed up about 2 months ago to "run" my first 5K.  I started doing the Couch to 5K running program off Cool Running http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml I downloaded the MP3 player program from this guys website http://www.ullreys.com/robert/Podcasts/podcasts/podcasts.htm l and I started.

Life got in the way and I am just beginning Week 3 of the C25K program.  So for the FIRST time since doing this program I did it on the streets of Long Beach.  So armed with my MP3 player and Week 3 going on in my ears.  I started the race.  First 5 minutes I walked then ran 90 seconds, then walked 90 seconds, then ran 3 minutes, then walked 3 minutes...you feel me right??

At Mile 1, my time was about 15:30 and I could have CRIED.  My 1 mile "has" been 20 minutes for as long as I can remember...especially on the STREET and not the comfort of a treadmill, not anymore huh??!!!  I was thinking...is it really possible that I could do 3.1 miles in about 45 minutes?  I had just done the program on Wednesday and after 45 minutes I was at 2.79 miles.  A girl started dreaming...

I repeated the week 3 program in my ears, but after the first go around that 3 minute run was the pits, but I kept going and when it said run, I cried, but I ran "most of the 3 minutes."  I quickly learned 90 seconds NOT SO BAD.  Ummm 3 minutes I HATE YOU!!!

I didn't see a mile 2 marker, but I knew I had passed it when the volunters said just another 1/2 mile and you're there.  I was tired and really couldn't run another step UNTIL I saw the finish line and the clock said 47:10...give it all you go Michelle and make it before it strikes 48!!

I did it!! 3.1 miles in 47:49.  I'm totally in awe of myself and can't wait for my next 5K on November 1st.  I have a time to beat.  Here comes 45 minutes =)

     Well folks I am officially celebrating my 10 month surgiversary at 226.6 a 76lb weight loss.  I have 1.6lbs left to my next goal of 225 at which time my goal resets to 200.  
     A little background:  I have been over 300lbs at least 20 years of my life.  At my heaviest in the 90's I was 345.  I would "diet" and get to 300lbs and that's it.  Never in my ADULT life had I ever seen under 300 so I really thought it was my set point.  I decided on WLS after watching my mother die in the Fall of 1996.  I weighed 318lbs at my PCP and WW to begin this journey.  I weighed 302.6lbs at surgery.  Months after I was under 300lbs and couldn't believe it.  From the gate I have been a slow loser, averaging 1-2lbs a week BUT only loosing weight 2 out of 4 weeks a month.
     I have also been fortunate to NOT be hungry which is such a blessing cause even when I have those "off" moments, I can literally jump back on the wagon in a matter of HOURS and NOT days like before.  This by far has been the blessing for ME.  While others don't like to use the word easy...WLS has been easy for ME.  It would have been a struggle for me to lose weight without it.
     For those who are "slow" losers if you check the bottom of my profile you will see my weekly weighs, my monthly total and my grand total.  There are some weeks that I GAIN and boy at first I got upset until I saw it was a pattern.  These last couple months I haven't gained but instead I STAY the same.  Is it frustrating??  Yes and NO but I realize this is so MY journey and this is my body loosing weight truly for the first time EVER.  Based on my drill team skirt I am about 10-20lbs above my weight.  Mind you that means I probably weighed 200lbs at 14 and was wearing a 16...currently I am 226 and just getting into an 18.  
     I say this all to say that there are people who are scared they are loosing slow and have lost 25lbs in less then 2 months...that was ME and I am now 75lbs lighter.  Would I like to be at goal?  Yes cause I think I'm really good at maintaining, lol!!  But I know I will get there, and I'm enjoying the frustrating journey along the way and more importantly I'm learning so much about myself.
     This month I also accomplished MY climb to the top of the US Bank Building in downtown Los Angeles...check out the pictures http://msladyshell.shutterfly.com  What new adventures await for me?  My 2nd 5K on October 12 =)

     I am here to say that for my 9th month I am reporting a 70lb weight loss and a loss of way more of the negative attitude of the last few months.  It's been a few months of a lot of reflections of who I am and who I want to be.  Was I really ready to say goodbye to my 300lb self and hello to someone lighter and healthier?  The answer I FINALLY came up with was YES I AM indeed ready and it's thanks to my surgery of choice the VSG that I am having a more normal relationshp with food.  Which in case you were wondering is the WHOLE purpose of WLS at least it is for ME.
     Let's see in the last month I have begun to exercise.  I am undertaking the task of climbing 75 flights of stairs as part of a fundraiser for the YMCA and I have been in trying.  So far I have climbed 55 flights...yeah me.  Also I am doing the C25K program again and have the goal to do a 5K on October 12th.  All of this exercise has allowed me to almost reach my goal of 1,000 minutes.  I have NO doubt that I will complete 1000 next month.  
     Regarding my surgery and the effects it has on me.  Well I can't say that my life has changed much.  I do what I want when I want.  So far I am truly enjoying being a couch potato most weekends and well that's just fine with me.  I do go out occassionally but it's not what it used to be cracked up to be, lol.  I am eating much better then I was before.  Having more complete meals is what works for me.  My calories average about 1,000 calories a day.  My protein averages 80g, my carbs less then 100 and my fiber about 15.  
     So that's me in a nutshell and completes my month 9.  Everyone enjoy your road to better health and find what works for you!!  God bless everyone in their journey.

     Hey everyone, checking in at 8 months and claiming my 63lb VICTORY.  It still amazes me that I am this weight, but here I am and there is just no turning back.  I have my moments and want to get some WRONG behavior under control, but all in all I'm doing well.
     Trying to get back on the exercise jones.  My goal for the last two months was 1000 minutes...I'm SO much closer in July then I was in June, so now I plan to post it every month to see how much better I get.  Until next time.

     Ms Shell you just need to f*cking stop it already.  There is NOTHING wrong with being "normal" ok?  There is NOTHING wrong with weighing 220's...in fact the more you loose the HEALTHIER you will be and THAT my dear child is the ultimate goal.  So STOP it already!!  You got BACK to 239's after 3 weeks, you remember that wonderful week where you "mysteriously" gained 7lbs and you just finished getting them all back off.  Why did you decide that simple carbs were your friend?  Well I am here to tell you my dear child, simple carbs ARE NOT your friend.  You had your DAY yesterday and I'll be d*mned if I'm going to let you go BACK up!! 
     Now my darlin today is a new day and so far I am proud of you for making the better choices.  Just remember you are still unlearning and in that relearning a new identity.  I'm glad you have a before and current picture as your desktop so everyday you can see yourself and see WHY this journey is required, remember why you decided to do this.
     Maybe it was a bunch of different things going on yesterday but the bottom line to all of this is that you WILL NOT undo your hard work...no matter how hard the struggle internally can get sometimes.  You know in your soul that you are worth it.  You are God's child and your body is NOT a dump, but a temple to be nourished and loved...so get your sh*t together...
     Everyone be blessed on your journey.

     It's been 7 months since I had the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy and I currently weigh 245.0lbs...that's a total loss of 57.6lbs.  But alas again I'm not so thrilled about it.  It's sad but at the same time I'm thinking some therapy is in order because there isn't anything that I can pinpoint about my weight loss journey that I am thrilled about.  Am I in a funk? depression? I mean seriously what's going on?  I honestly don't know what I expected but I'm not getting it so hmmm.
     I titled this update "unlearning the curve" cause for me, I essentially have to unlearn loving and accepting myself at 300+lbs in order to love and accept myself as the pounds go away.  I turned a major milestone in my life at 13 years old when I accepted that I was fat and was h*ll bent on living my life and enjoying it no matter what "society" had to say about it.  At 13 I wanted to die and cease to exist and in a way (since I'm currently about the weight I was at 13) I am ceasing to exist.  That is so weird to me...to actually be under the weight I fought so hard to accept and now I have to learn to accept a new weight.
     I find myself looking at others and wondering where I should stop?  I found myself this weekend eating and thinking...hmmm maybe I'll stop here?  I mean for YEARS 250 was "MY" number and now I'm here and I feel lost and unsure of where to go next.  At one point my number was 225 (to give me a 25lb cushion when I got pregnant).  Now here I am single and 245, there is no "need" for the 25lb cushion cause I don't see pregnancy coming soon.  I find myself in tears now because I really don't know where to go and more importantly I don't have a reason "why".  I know intellectually that I have to keep going cause my ultimate thing is about "health" but at the same time I don't believe that weight loss makes me healthy....See intelligence can be over rated and confusing.
     I have come to the realization that I will stop sabotaging weight loss and resume eating a HEALTHY well balanced diet, consisting of protein, fruits, vegetables, grains (aka complex carbs) and refrain from simple carbs.  Removing my emotion from the equation, I stand stead fast in my belief that I want to be healthy more then anything.  I don't want to die like my mother did with high blood pressure, diabetes and kidney failure.
     It's like being 13 all over again and deciding to live, die or accept.  This time around I understand that accepting myself doesn't mean I can eat what I want and if I get fat to h*ll with the world.  This time around I will LOVE myself and accept this weight loss journey and understanding that eating healthy will mean I will loose weight and well I'll just have to live with loving a smaller me...God I hope she's as fun as her alter ego was =)
     Be blessed on your journey...it's truly a head trip

    Slow and Steady Wins the RACE...if that ain't a load of sh*t that we feed to each other when we lose slow?!  Really ain't it??
     Here I am at 6 months.  I have lost an AMAZING 53+lbs and again...still loving life.  I guess mainly cause I was so in love with myself at 345, this WLS journey isn't anything AMAZING.  Sad but true...I'm not amazed at how pretty I think I am or how the boys respond differently to me or how my self esteem has been boosted or how I can do this now and I couldnt' do it before.  To be quite honest there isn't currently anything I couldn't do at 345 that I can do at 249.  I do keep saying to myself when I walk or jog or dance "come on Michelle, if you could do this at 300lbs, you definitely can do this NOW."
     I do find that now when I get on the treadmill I go harder and faster...simply because I'm smaller.  Maybe it's because I didn't have any co-morbilities, or maybe because I wasn't hiding as a fat girl, that I feel different.  Sometimes it actually bothers me that I'm not HAPPIER.  To be quite frank I don't think I could be happier...ok maybe married with a husband and 2.5 children and a white picket fense that the children have to white wash every summer...THEN maybe happier.

     As for the VSG side of things.  I am still eating about 1/2 cup of food at a setting.  I do 3 "meals" and 2 "snacks" a day...so basically I eat every 3-4 hours.  It's time for my 6 month labs and I can't wait to see how they come back.  So now about the first sentence in my blog...slow and steady.  Yup that's me...loosing slow.  I almost feel that this last month my weight loss came to a complete HALT...like WTF...I'm eating right 90% of the time.  If you follow the VSG forum I ate 2 doughnuts the other day, but that is definitely NOT the norm.
     I don't know why I'm loosing slow, but in the hopes of improving that I have really started to focus on getting my body moving.  Ultimately LIFE is all about your diet and exercise.  (Diet NOT being the four letter word everybody dreads, but meaning how you fuel your body.)  My body is a temple that I truly cherish and must realize that when I live to be 80+ I want to live it as healthy and happy as humanily possible.  I am the master of my ship and my destiny.
     What are my thoughts on losing slow?  Truly and only truly...if you are enjoying the ride...to H*LL with everything else!  Everyday I am blessed with another day above ground.  If by the time I reach my 9th month, if things haven't spead up and/or I'm not 90lbs lighter or close to it...I might look into things a little more, but until then.  I think it's BEAUTIFUL that I have lost 53lbs in 6 months.  
     Until next month..be true to yourself and learn to run your OWN race!!

May 13, 2008 - Well well well
     Well I just spent the weekend in Las Vegas and I did fairly well with eating, not one buffet, well I didn't make the best choices, well I DID get my butt out the room and over to the fitness center both Saturday and Sunday.  Which for me is saying alot.  NOW to continue this motivation.  The scale isn't moving and well I'm just totally UPSET because I know part of the reason is that I'm not being 100% accountable to myself.  Well that stops this past weekend.  I am going to get my sh*t together and together soon.  I'm doing this for LIFE for my LIFE and it's time I got on the bandwagon.
     Well I'm starting my exercise regime effective Saturday.  I didn't do yesterday because my knee was confused as to what was going on.  NOW that my body knows...I'm hoping to have it not forget any time soon.
     Well here's to the next week.  I don't plan on weighing until my 6 month anniversary on the 26th...I'm nervous but determined.

May 19, 2008 - I FLIPPIN did IT!!
     It wasn't a ticker tape parade and I did NOT run around the house screaming like a banchie BUT I did say a small prayer and a thank you.  Today I weighed 249.6lbs and I couldn't be happier.  I wrote last month about what being under 250 would mean and well I'm here and it's just so surreal.  I mean all of MY life I got so accustomed to being over 300lbs.  Like I've written before I don't remember NOT being 300lbs.  I do have a drill team outfit from when I was 14 years old.  THAT will be MY measure of ultimate success...fitting in that outfit.
     Then again I don't know what my ultimate success looks like but I'm enjoying every day and living my life for every moment and just continuing to be thankful that I was raised by the most brillant mother.  Everything I do from the moment she died is in tribute to her...I love you Jessie.

           281.6                             265.6                           252.6

     5 months 50lbs.  I'm loving life and my sleeve.  Wow I don't really know what to say in this update that hasn't already been said.  I will say this last month was frustrating to say the least.  I didn't lost these 7lbs until the last week of the month.  Against everything I tried the weight seemingly didn't come off.  ALTHOUGH the pounds weren't moving, the same clothes I was wearing earlier in the month, were drooping on me.  I actually now have only 1 pair of "work" pants.  Everything else are jeans given to me.  What's a girl to do and I HATE shopping, but alas I might have to go huh.
     Anyway, this month did show me that I can do anything I want to do with regards to my life.  I'm really enjoying this VSG thing more then I could say.  Well that's it...next time I write I'll be in the 240's...see you there.
     Everyone be blessed on YOUR journey to better health.