Rejection

Apr 30, 2009

Rejection is present in everyone's life. It is very hard to recieve rejection from anyone, even people who you may have rejected yourself. I have woken up from my lifetime coma and am more present in my life. In being so more awake, I've begun to reach out to more people. In many cases, the results have been very good. I've reconnected with my best friend from New Jersey, talking to her regularly and making plans to spend time with her. I also have new friends from OH and am trying to meet new people from other places. That is where the most rejection is coming from (new places, not OH). I've kinda gotten addicted a bit to Facebook, which at first annoyed the crap outta me. But now I've tried to friend a couple people who do not want to be my friend on Facebook. I do not know what I did to them to not want to be my friend but it sure hurts my feelings. I feel sometimes like I need to hide myself, like a wounded animal but then I think, why am I giving them so much power? There are people who really want to be my friend, who show me care and affection. I should be focusing on the positive and just experience then accept the negative and move on with my life. You can not make everyone happy and they do not know the new me. If they did, they would realize their mistake. Ultimately it is their mistake, not mine. I am available and want to be anyone's friend. If they do not want to do the same, that is their choice. Facebook isn't the only place I've experienced rejection but it's been on my mind and I wanted to just write it out in hopes I can leave it behind.

I don't want rejection to change me for the negative. I want to keep putting myself out there and accept that not all people will take what I have to give. I also need to look at how I am approaching people. Am I coming across desperate or needy? That is a definite turn off. I know it turns me off. Am I doing it for the right reasons or do I just want someone to tell me I am ok. I have to feel that for myself, not expect someone to tell me I am ok.

Nicole, you are ok.

Wish I could feel that.

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