7 days--I eat therefore I am

Nov 09, 2009

This time next week, I hope to be in recovery and taking my first walk of pain.  I'm really excited about the new me that will emerge from this, but I'm also terrified of what she will be like.

I eat my emotions.  I eat and eat and eat my emotions.  Whenever I feel something unpleasant, fear, anger, boredom, stress, worry, depression, whatever, I eat random foods that make me feel better.  I have a CVS in my building, so when I get upset at work, which is frequent, I stroll down to the candy aisle and suck down a WHOLE 1 lb. bag of M&Ms, or something like it.  It makes me feel "better" and then I feel my ass spreading and I get more depressed.

I battle 2 things:  1.  I'm too lazy to plan out and make healthy meals.  I'm currently working on this becaues I've realized that it is truly the mark of success.  Everyone I talk to says you have to plan ahead and make things you will enjoy eating.  Otherwise, you set yourself up for failure.  2.  I eat my emotions, and I'm an emotional person.  So I eat a lot.  I have read that there are some coping techniques for this, but again, I can't see me sitting down to journal or blog every time I feel emotional.  It just won't work for me.  I need to find something, and soon.  If I feel an emotional roller coaster post-op, what will I do?

I need to stop identifying myself with food. 

It must be done.
 

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