Remi F.
My beginning
May 08, 2009
Well, life is interesting to say the very least. I am 36 years old and somewhat accomplished. I live a pretty decent life. I have worked hard (continue to do so) and have been blessed with a career I love, my own business, a house I adore, a absolutely neurotic dog, the greatest cat imaginable and beyond all this is my son. My 5 year old little boy Jace is the most decent human being I have ever met...and I made him!!! Amazing! So, with all these good things in my life, I somehow still focus on the negative. I focus on my flaws, like most women I suppose. Instead of seeing me for my strengths, of which there are many by the way, I see only weaknesses and it's sad...very sad. For example, I'll take Oprah's battle with weight loss. Here she is, one who has accomplished more than most others would ever dream of accomplishing and yet she still sees part of her worth by the number on the scale or the size of her pants. I find this terribly sad and yet I completely understand. How screwed up is that???I have struggled with my weight ever since puberty. At some point between going outside to play with the neighborhood children and leaving for high school I went through puberty and it was tough. My skin broke out everyone, my boobs grew and kept on growing, getting my period sent me to bed for 2 weeks out of each month and life utterly changed. Sadly, I have yet to rebound from puberty. LOL. Thanks to ProActive my skin is much better. My boobs are still ridiculously huge and I HATE them!!!!! Maybe huge isn't the word so much as long. I swear, when walking up the stairs I have to kick my boobs so they, too, reach the top. And don't piss me off because one swing of my shoulders could give you 2 black eyes for sure. I had my first mammogram and figured I could just send my boobs while I stayed here on the sofa. But I digress... Some of the struggle was due to my intense fear of food. I know it sounds silly, but it’s very true. There are MANY foods I have never tried and have a serious fear of ever trying. No idea why, but it doesn’t change the fact that to this day I have not ever had a salad. I don’t eat chicken or fish, not because I’m a vegetarian, just because I’m pretty sure I don’t like the taste even though I’ve never tried it. The only cheese I eat is white American signally wrapped (don’t even try with the yellow cheese ( NO!). I know, I’m sounding stranger and stranger by the sentence, but I’m not healthy when it comes to food…obviously. That’s how I got so large to begin with. I haven’t had a vegetable since the 70’s and my biggest fear is actually eating one. I spent the last 25 years of my life eating pizza, cheeseburgers, French fries, cheese steaks, chips, hot dogs and anything chocolate. By the way, I LOVED that food. But I most certainly didn’t love what it did to me… or what I did to myself I suppose I should say instead. A perfect day/night for me would be…order in a large pepperoni pizza and cheese fries with bacon. Ohhh, mozzarella sticks too. Dairy Queen blizzard or Baskin Robbins chocolate peanut butter ice cream for desert. Stay home and eat, eat, eat while watching tv or a movie. This activity would only be enjoyable if by myself or around other fat people. This is NOT something I would do if I was with my skinny friends. NEVER! Well, seems like all of those “fun” times have now ended. I am having gastric bypass surgery in only 6 days. No more eating senselessly. This will be a very interesting journey as I try to build a healthier relationship with food and see it as fuel for my body instead of my friend, entertainment, relief from boredom, etc. My body’s going to begin changing soon, I can only hope my head catches up with it. I would write more but I’m on a liquid diet (5 days into it) and I can barely see or think any more at this point. So signing off… for now!
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About Me
PA
Location
46.1
BMI
Surgery
05/14/2009
Surgery Date
Apr 30, 2009
Member Since
