It's been a while

Jun 04, 2011

So, I sit here thinking about where I've been, where I'm at, and what my choices have been like and why I have been making the choices I've been making.
when I left the orientation and meeting with Dr Pop and then once released from my surgery to start my new life, I felt so empowered in the path that I had chose, I felt powerful in the tools and knowledge that I had gained regarding the info on how to eat, how much protein, fats, etc that I should be eating on a daily basis. I felt like I was in charge, in control and incapable of failure because of it.
I am here on a Saturday afternoon, thinking as I have been for months now, why I haven't been as successful in this last year of my journey. I know the choices I make are mine, and the things I eat are souly my doing, however, I recall at my 1 year follow up with Dr Pop at Barix, he didn't seem nearly as happy for me as I had been for myself with the success I had made that first year. I felt blown off, I felt hurt and unhappy with how far I had come, like he had wanted me to be so much farther in my weight loss.
I must say that I left this meeting feeling very unprepared for year two, as we all know, from reading and going to the OH conference that year two is a tough one. There wasn't much stated about how to eat in year two, other then to reduce my protein to approx 50 grams per day. That was it. Should I be surprised with the dill hole they have working as a nutritionist? not likely but I did feel that I would have left with another feeling of, "keep up the good work", "stay on the journey", try this, or that, or even sample info on year two success. I did feel like a total failure when leaving that day, and since the drive home is about 4 hours, I had a lot of time to think about things.
I have felt very off track in the last few months, have changed jobs, and just normal stresses of life, and feel totally unprepared for what has almost been a full year two from surgery.
Essentially today I am the same weight as I was when I had my one year follow up. I can't go back for year two follow up at the same weight. I feel like I failed, however I do know why. That's half the battle though right? I am again reaching for grains and starches that shouldn't be a part of my regular diet, cheese and nuts like almonds, both of witch Dr Pop stated that since I'm not a "farmer", his word, that these foods shouldn't be in my daily diet either.
Am I the only one that felt the same kind of feeling of brush off from year one follow up? Maybe this was just me and I am reading way too much into it, I don't know.
I am putting this out there on here, to be accountable, to take accountability for my poor actions this past year well 9 months and to kick it back into gear for three months before my 2 year follow up. My husband, God love him, is getting me more active, walking ridiculous walks, but enjoying the time together as a family. I am however the only one to make my own food choices and am looking at my choices with a fine tooth comb! I'm gonna step it up, be an example to the new gals, and guys, that of which I always wanted to be and to take back my control over my life once again!
I know I'm not alone here, I don't have to do this whole thing by myself  and am going to come back more often and chat again on the boards where I used to and got so much knowledge from. I also praise my CCC crew for keeping me at least from not gaining wait this last year, and for being there with their support as well. I know if I was doing this alone, success wouldn't have been so easy. For my Stace, who is going to her TT in just 3 days, she is a true inspiration and friend and I couldn't imagine having gone through this with anyone else!!! Thanks girl I love ya!!!

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