January 1, 2024

Jan 01, 2024

Happy New Year!

It has been, overall, a good year.  Two trips to Italy--spring and winter--, some extra money from consulting, some fun learning--sewing--, and most of the regained weight off.  But it has also had some challenges; changes in relationships, health/aging issues, lack of productivity.  And, of course, the American and world crises. 

But for the first time in a long time, I don't have a specific weight-focused New Year's resolution.  While I still have about 10 more pounds I'd like to lose so my pants fit, I'm at a point where the goal is more maintenance.  I do need to stay on top of things in order to not regain, but I am comfortable in general with how I feel and look.  And I will be honest, a lot of my motivation comes from how I look in clothes.  I do like nice clothes, and they simply don’t look the same on a larger scale.  I struggle in my thinking about that—I don’t think everyone should be thin, and I definitely believe large-sized people have a right to exist in the body they have (and that our culture in general does not support that), but I also know me.  I have more physical pain when I am larger, I don’t like the way I look, and I don’t feel as healthy mentally.  How much of this is due to cultural pressures, the way I was raised, etc., I don’t really know.  Would it be great if there weren’t cultural pressures to be thin, if the world built things for the real size of people rather than the “should be” size?  Yes.  Imagine airline seats for peoples’ real hip size!  And restaurant through which one could get walk without bumping into everyone else’s chair.  I learn so much listening to Aubry Gorden on the Maintenance Phase podcast about fat discrimination—and I want to be sensitive to that in my own thinking—but I also don’t want to be fat myself.  Another podcast I listen to, Pod Save America, has a year end review of their resolutions and new ones.  This year one of the guys, who has occasionally spoken about his weight issues, has been using one of the new weight-lose drugs.  He mentioned that this is the first year in which he also doesn’t have a weight related resolution and how good that feels.  Just to be in the world without that burden of self-consciousness.  He was never really large but also not “trim.”  It really resonated with me.  It is easy to forget, we are not unique in our processes!

So with the weight-focused resolutions off the table, what then?  I want to work on building community.  One of the reasons I am wanting to move to Italy is that I find it a more community-focused culture.  There is an openness to getting to know people, even on a casual level, but also on a we all help each other level.  I am not looking for a lot of “deep” friendships at my age, but a comfortable community in which I know people and am known.  I am trying to do that with the church I have started attending, but we are all on the senior side, shall we say.  But I am taking advantage of the opportunity to just hang out a bit with people and enjoy the hanging out itself.  Less focus on the quality of conversation and thought.  I could be quite critical when younger about how banal everyone seemed!

I also want to develop some resolutions about how I spend my time.  I waste a lot of time in the evenings.  So I am creating a vague plan for different nights of the week to be dedicated to things I want to do.  So one night will be for reading, one for sewing, one for jewelry-making, etc.  But not all nights will be “defined” and weekends will be free.  So some structure but not rigid. 

Well, enough for now.  Here's to a great new year for everyone.

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About Me
Spokane, WA
Surgery Date
Nov 29, 2005
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Summer 2004 in Ukraine

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