Ms S.
August 22, 2008
Aug 22, 2008
I've had a bout with the blues for lack of a better term. I don't think it's depression, but I have found myself withdrawing from, well, everyone. I am happiest at home and with no company. I have found myself cringing when the phone rings or when theres a knock at the door. Again, no, I'm not depressed and I realize this is not normal, but hmmmm. In fact, this is the first day in a long time that I've been to OH. I just haven't wanted to be "bothered". My mom said that maybe I'm like a caterpillar withdrawing to her chrysalis. She doesn't think it's that abnormal and not particularly unusual considering where I am in this process.
That said, I was hoping to be down 100lbs by my 6mth surgiversary (09/13) but in a word: Carbs.
Need to leave em alone and get off my ass and do some exercise. But the funny thing is that even without the exercise, the weight comes off. From 286 to 211 (March til now) with little effort is still impressive. I expect to be in Onederland at my 6mth surgiversary instead. I've heard revisions tend to lose slower but I'm pleased with what's happening so far.
HW (following RNY): 308/SW 286/ CW 211/ GW 135
June 13, 2008
Jun 25, 2008
May 13, 2008
May 13, 2008
Today is my two month surgiversary: 41lbs lost! Wow! I started exercising (treadmill walking) over a week ago and I'm starting to see the benefit. My clothes, even my tight jeans are too big and I'm swimming in them. I don't want to get new stuff yet though. Not too sure why though. Maybe I'm not ready to face it yet but wow. I haven't seen the 240's in a long long time. I'm only a few pounds away from 100's which I haven't seen since the 80's!
My face really shows the weight loss and my arms look saggier than before. My gut is still big but not as pregnant looking as before. I know I'm jumping the gun but I can't wait to get plastics. I'm only 36 but I look about 50 cuz my face is dropping. I'm used to seeing a round face but now it seems longer, my double chin is more noticeable cuz my cheeks aren't so fat now; my 'cheekbones' are nonexistent and I have deep nasolabial folds that are becoming more noticeable. I figure by the time I get to goal (135-140), I'll really need the work.
For WLS, I had to go the Dr Rabkin after months of research cuz he is to me, best of the best. For PS, I am going out of the US cuz I have researced and feel not only can I get the best work done but also spend a whole lot less doing it "abroad". I do, however, want to have my TT done here in the US and hopefully have insurance cover it.
Now, I'm 'bout to embarass myself further by posting my PS dream list:
1. Lower Body Lift (Tummy, Butt & Thighs)
2. Upper Body Lift (Back, Boobs, Arms)
3. MidFace Lift
Anywhoo, I'm bored and tired. Just wanted to check in before I take a nap. Even 2mths later, I still get drained rather easily.
HW (following RNY): 308/SW 286/ CW 245/ GW 135
May 8, 2008
May 08, 2008
My co-worker had RNY in November and has lost about 90lbs. She looks good but she's not done. I brought some chili and cheese to work for lunch and she damn near had a coronary saying how I shouldn't be eating that and how it's loaded with fat and calories and this and that and the other. I tried to explain that I had the DS and that I am okay to eat high protein foods including chili no beans with cheese. She didn't believe me saying how she was disappointed in me cuz she thought I'd do better. I understand she didn't mean any harm but unless you absolutely know what you're talking about, why judge? I know I'm okay to eat chili. I know I'm okay to eat cheddar cheese. I know I can eat high protein and yes, even fats are okay as I don't absorb about 80% of the fat due to the nature/anatomy of the DS. Anywhoo.Just wanted to get that off my chest.
I don't know why that bugged me so. Maybe cuz I've had a lot of personal things going on in my life (my 18yr old has a major medical issue, my 16yr old is about to get knocked the *F* out, my bills, my finances, my grades, my job, the X factor, this, that and the other).
Eveything is happening at once and I'm trying not to be too discouraged. I have been down but not depressed though. Just trying to remind myself that "this too shall pass" as inscribed on King Solomons ring in the Bible.
I'm thankful this semester is over cuz I really need the break. I don't know what possessed me to think I could carry a full load in school and recover from surgery. I've not been doing too much (okay, I haven't done any) socializing and I just go to work and come home.
Anywhoo, I just started hitting the gym. Today will be my 4th treadmill workout postop. I couldve started long ago but hadn't decided to get to it til now. I know the power of exercise will truly make the weight loss work. I'm kinda excited and can't wait to see what will be once I make it to goal. I am beginning to believe I WILL be a success. After my RNY failure, it's been hard for me to fathom succeeding more often than not but I don't believe I've come this far for nothing...
I am 8wks post op today and down 33lbs
(sw 286.cw253.gw135)
April 26, 2008
Apr 26, 2008
Monday, the on site gym at work will be open and I'll be able to hit the treadmill again. I'm excited cuz as of Tuesday, I'm weighing 255 which brings me to 31lbs lost in 6wks.
I feel so blessed to have this opportunity, this 2nd chance to get it right. I look forward to hitting the treadmill 4x a week (the days the gym is open at work) and I have a Bally's membership that I've never used but would like to. I am embarassed to really do anything other than the treadmill but I really want to throw in maybe two or three resistance workouts as well.
I've said it before and have to restate this: I absolutely must exercise to take this weight off permanently. I know from experience that the window of opportunity will eventually shut and even though I have the DS, I know I do not have a license to be lazy. I'm soooooo scared to fail after what happened with my RNY.
I wore a shirt to work that I bought over a year and a half ago but never wore it cuz it was too small. I thought I'd try to wear it over maybe a tank or camisole however, my arms wouldnt get into the sleeves and my gut protruded way to far out. I coulda gotten rid of the shirt but rather, I just held on to it. Dont know why. Today, I wore that shirt.
I feel good about myself a bit more than usual. January 2007, I capped off at 308lbs. The day of surgery I weighed 286lbs. Today, 255lbs. 53lbs total, 31 of them due to my DS. I can't weight to get to goal: 135lbs.
53 down, 120 to go...
April 13, 2008
Apr 12, 2008
I went to my PCP's for my follow up and discovered that no, I did not lose to 250lbs, I lost down to 263. Talk about heartbroken. I went home to calibrate my scale and since then, have lost and regained and lost the same two 
pounds. Today, I've lost them so my official 1st month weight loss is -26lbs. Not bad now that I think of it. I was just disappointed cuz I thought I'd lost more than I did.
Anywhoo, the stall would bother me except that I haven't been exercising (no energy) and from what I understand, a stall is fairly common somewhere in the 3-5wk range. Nonetheless, a sista is about to start exercising soon enough cuz I refuse to go through what I did w/my RNY.
I do eat carbs every so often. I've had goldfish crackers when my GERD was acting up and have had grilled cheese made with cheddar & jack cheeses sprinkled with parmesan (almost a quarter sandwich) and finally a quesadilla, again, same cheese filling. With both the sandwich and quesadilla, while I did bite each, I actually let them cool down then ate the melted cheese.
My tummy is still sensitive but no where near as bad as it was even a week ago. I can tolerate more liquids but I'm still working on protein. A few of the supplements taste and smell like medicine to me which makes me nauseous so I'm still working on that.
Speaking of medicine, I started taking my vitamins and supplements at 3wks post op but I vomit a dose at least once a day. I'm gonna start spreading out the pills more so I'm taking something around once every 2-3hrs cuz I'm only tolerating one pill/capsule at a time.
Anywhoo, I'm bored and you're not talking about anything
...
Luv Sharon
March 30.2008
Mar 30, 2008
I've always believed I had a high tolerance for pain but I take that back - this shit hurt like hell. I was of course expecting pain, I mean, I've had a million surgical procedures so I kinda knew what to expect. HOWEVER, I don't know if this is because I'm older or if the procedure was so extensive. I was told I was under the knife for approximately 7.25hrs.
Man, where to start. First off, I don't have an appetite, more so, I have "head hunger" where I see something that looks delish and my mind says, "ooh, delish" but my body says, "PUH-Leeeeeze!" I can't eat for the fact that I cannot tolerate more than 2-3 sips at a time of anything yet AND everything smells so strong, I get nauseous regularly. I've vomited at least once a day but average 2 or 3x/day. I just have to figure out the new plumbing is all. I will say yogurt does not give me any problems or at least the Yoplait Original brand does not give me any problems. I eat 2-3 spoons and share the rest w/my 2yr olds. Not taking in any carbs other than the few goldfish crackers I ate the other day to soak up whatever was making my stomach so damn bubbly.
I went under the knife 03/13 weighing 286lbs; as of this morning 03/30, I weigh 255lbs. I don't see much if any visual change but I don't expect to for awhile anyway.
So far so good. I'm anxiously awaiting the 3wk post op mark so I can take my iron and vitamins cuz I'm extremely lethargic these days.
I don't feel like talking anymore; I'm gonna conk out now.
Luv Sharon
March 13, 2008
Mar 12, 2008
). I look forward to being on the other side and not hating myself and being so embarassed about my physical self that I hide or that I subconciously accept mistreatment as I have for so many years. I do want to play with my children in the front yard and back yard and not have to worry that they'll be picked on when they get to elementary because their mom is fat like my 16yr old did when she was small. I want to be able to eat and not have people asking why I'm eating "THAT" or mumbling "look what she's eating - that's why she looks like that". I'm tired of people talking about not wanting to get "fat" in my presence and the endless dieting they discuss but when I jump in, no one listens because clearly, I don't know what I'm talking about.
I could go on and on and probably will later but for now, I'm leaving. Mary Bennett gets full and complete guardianship of Phoenix and Raven if I die and should anyone ask, the paper is in my laptop bag giving Mary Bennett full & complete control of everything parental, custodial, financial and legal for my children should something happen to me.
But it won't. Right? Please let me have a safe and uneventful surgery and recovery. In Jesus name I pray, amen.
Luv Sharon
March 4, 2008
Mar 04, 2008
It's just the waiting that can be unbearable at times.
I'm hoping and hoping and hoping and hoping cuz the flight, hotel, surgeons fee, etc, are all paid for. I'm scheduled off from work and so on.
Now, I just sit here, fat and waiting. . .
Luv Sharon
January 30, 2008
Jan 30, 2008
I did the final consult w/ Dr Rabkins PA Dana yesterday. Spoke with Grace who said she's sending off to the insurance. I paid $10k of the surgeons fee ($8400 if you're a 1st time WLS patient) and have booked my flight and hotel. I'd be really pissed if the insurance denied me but I don't see why they would. More than pissed, I'd probably be hurt to be honest.
Either way, I'm moving forward with this. I'm soooo ready to move on with my life. My surgery is scheduled March 13, 2008 but I'll get there the day before to do the final blood work and whatever else.
Luv Sharon
