Brenda C.

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Sorry, I hear a booming voice from Charlton Heston in my head, how about you?!?

Surgery is almost here, Tuesday isn't far, and I still have mental notes "My To Do List" making me a little scattered.  Write the list down you say?  NEVER!  I still haven't packed my meager bag for the hospital.  Shoot, I am more concerned about charging the iPod Shuffle at the moment!  Oh, and having one nail repaired before my big "debut"...

I know I was told not to do all liquids before surgery, but Sunday & Monday, no real meals -- if I can.  Monday is clear fluids, so that won't be a problem.  I have tonight to be considerate -- eating with a couple, so I will be doing salad for dinner. 

Monday, I will know surgical time, so I will have one last post for sure.  My house is in order, so I am not too worried about that.  I already have set aside my "leaving the hospital" attire, just need to pack the Carmex, Lip Balm, and maybe slippers.  The robe is in the maybe pile, but I am sure I will bring shorts for walking the halls.

Worrying over a weight gain right now is really bugging me - good thing I do not have a scale at home!  Anyhow, I am dealing with all the usual thoughts, so I guess I really am "Just Human," after all!  Thanks to all my supporters!  Glad I am not an athlete - insert bad joke here!  Here goes nothing...

Brenda  : )~

In seven days I will be having surgery.  I have been going through all the thoughts that anyone has before surgery, to the point of being a little distracted.  I actually have been feeling like one day is another (Isn't today Monday?  No, Friday...), even forgetting my regular Support Group Meeting - ugh.

Thinking about all the preparations, I laughed at the similarity to pregnant women "nesting".  I have been doing Fall Cleaning, shopping for the pantry, and just getting things in order.  Making sure all bills are paid - early.  Then today I was told, "Hey this time next week, you'll be in surgery..."  Huh?  My surgery is on a Wednesday... "The 16th is on a Tuesday..."  Hmmm, maybe the mind really is the first thing to go!

My fears are wacky, "They are going to cancel the surgery, I just know it..."  "What if something goes wrong?"  "Is RNY the right surgery?  Should I have considered VSG?"  "What if I don't bounce back like I used to?"  All the dumb thoughts that are unnecessary.

I've really wanted to keep my surgery low key. Told my daughter that I should be only two days, not to worry about seeing me in the hospital.  Told my boyfriend that he should only stick around for the surgery, a little while after recovery, then just come back when I am discharged.  Is this weird?  I just figure I will probably be "out of it," and it is such a short stay, I want to keep it low key.  Many people in my life aren't aware of the surgery I am about to have, I just figure that unless it comes up, I do not need to bring it up.  It will  be obvious when I cannot eat like I used to, that I will probably be under the weather for Thanksgiving, but I will cross that bridge when it comes.

Maybe I will be more excited next week, but for the moment, my mind is more on getting everything in order.

B  : )~

What weighs ONE HUNDRED POUNDS???
100 pounds US       equals  14 Stone, 2 pounds England
2 seven year olds   
10 Average Sized Pumpkins - Five if they are on the large side!
Twenty 5 pound of Sugar
58 inch Plasma TV weighs just over 100 pounds
350000 calories equal 100 pounds!  (this is CORRECTED!  THANKS!!!)
22 and almost a quarter Red Bricks equals 100 pounds
11 3/4 gallons of MILK - fat free, right?!
8 average sized Thanksgiving Turkeys
12 1/2 bags of Halloween Candy

Trick question:  Which weighs more, Fat or Muscle?
Fat is bulky and lumpy so if you carry an extra five pounds of fat, you'll be lumpier than with five pounds more muscle. A five pound pile of fat will take up more space (volume) than a five pound pile of muscle; but five pounds is still five pounds.

B  : )~

I have felt like complete and total doodoo, for lack of a more descriptive word!  The icky taste in the mouth caused mostly from one of the antibiotics, clarithromycin.  I have had a headache for days, stomach is so unhappy that I start to question if the cure is worse than the illness -- luckily I know better.  Then of course, I have been spending too much time researching all I can about H Pylori and the effects of antibiotics, I have been reading labels of the yogurt I eat, pushing fluids, and in general, making myself "eat". 

Saturday night I had the worst sleep, tossing, turning, feeling like I wanted to throw up, and of course making Jeff miserable by interrupting his sleep.  Wishing I could suffer in silence, I considered moving to the spare bedroom.  Sleep is improving, but (blech), I feel like garbage.

What to be aware of taking antibiotics: Yeast Infections; Thrush; Headaches; Stomach Disturbances; Metallic/Sour Taste In Mouth...

Halloween wasn't as fun filled, although the kids -- and adults -- seemed to enjoy my usual enthusiasm for the holiday.  What happened to going all out on a costume?  When did Trick or Treating involve being driven DOOR TO DOOR?  Adults showing up at my door, no kids in tow, no costume, expecting candy?!  I had two separate groups of adults show up, which one group was in costume, so they got treats & a positive attitude.  The other adult group sort of made me mad.  One teenager wore a cardboard sign "Costume," so I chuckled & told him, "Hope you like PlayDoh!"  So, here I am, wondering if I had less fun on Halloween because I felt icky, or did the lack of enthusiasm from the Trick or Treaters just make me feel added "blahs"?

One week left of the damn "cure," so I try to remind myself that I will feel so much better when all this is done!  
B  : )~ 

Took my blood test, didn't study, and failed... Ha ha ha, not really, but glad I was checked for Helicobactor Pylori to protect me in surgery & it is good to know if you have Stomach Cancer in your familiar history, H Pylori may have been the culprit.

I was leaving town for this week, so told my doctors office to please call me when they got my results.  Monday I started my drug therapy, after driving across the Border into Oregon.  I will be seeing my surgeon, nutritionist, and anesthesiologist on Friday -- oh wait, that's TOMORROW! 

Knowing me like I do, I started looking all over the Internet for information regarding H Pylori, and there is a lot of information out there.  Helicobacter pylori is a very tricky little bug.  This bacteria is very resilient, it lives in the stomach avoiding the acid by drilling its way into the stomach lining.  Then the bacteria basically turns the stomach juices into Ammonia & Carbon Dioxide, making a Bicarbonate, which then neutralizes the stomach acid.  I have kind of dumbed it down, but the little bugger is amazing in how it colonizes and flourishes.  From all this work comes Gastritis - Inflammation of the Stomach Lining, think Peptic Ulcer.

Treatment is pretty basic, a two week triple drug assault containing two antibiotics (usually Amoxicillin & Clarithrilmyocin) and a "proton pump inhibitor" more commonly known as Omeprazole.  I have a bad taste in my mouth, and taking four pills twice a day, so it's not a big deal. 

The odd thing is, I never had any symptoms (GERD, Heartburn) and I had an Upper GI done last Spring that showed no inflammation.  It is a very common infection, and from what I have read, up to 80 percent of people infected never show signs.  So WASH YOUR GREENS, wash your hands, and if you have heartburn, maybe ask your doc if you could be infected with this busy bug.

Had enough Science Class?  Hope it actually informed a couple people, it is actually an interesting subject.  After my appointment tomorrow, I should have my surgical date in stone.  I have been sticking to my diet, so I am hoping to see a weight loss, NO LAST MEALS FOR ME! 

B  : )~

I made a fabulous decision, and I am proud I did it!  I am immediately recycling all my "fat lady" clothing catalogs, because I am not buying new clothing until I absolutely cannot wear anything in my closet, because it will be too big.

Having gone through a major weight loss over a decade ago, I clung onto a couple shirts which I sadly wear today.  Having to work through saying goodbye to the "fat girl" will include getting rid of all the old fat lady clothing.  Being fat for me also manifests itself in hanging onto things I really do not need -- when did I become such a pack rat?!  At first it is hard for me to rid myself of the excess possessions -- I love shoes -- but, after it makes it to the donation bag or box I seem to be all right.   

I plan to lose weight & possessions -- not a bad thing, if you ask me! 
B  : )~

I am getting ready for a mini vacation - driving to the Washington Coast - and proud that I am actually planning all my meals away from home.  I am very happy to realize that I don't feel the need to vacation from dieting at this point.  I have no problem cooking my "special" meals for everyone else, and not feel like I am missing out.  Having been successful in the past (haven't we all been there?!?), I am really happy that I have lost that feeling I "NEED" certain foods.  No "Last Meals" for me.  The cravings are under control, which is half the battle in my mind.  Most of my meals have always been healthy, I know my problem is the quantities.

Having pounded a lot of pavement today, shopping & getting everything in order before my trip, I was really uplifted to have my next door neighbor ask me a welcome question,  "I don't want to sound rude, but you've lost quite a bit of weight, haven't you?"  It is only 40 pounds at this point, but it felt really good to have someone notice.  The pain in my feet and my ankle has been really bad, but every time I wipe the sweat from my brow, I know I am one more step closer to getting my weight to a more manageable number.  I gave myself a year to get my weight "under control" before making the decision that I need to take a more aggressive approach - and here I am, almost two years in the holding pattern (one year was caused by an auto accident), and I am finally seeing the Finish Line. 

For anyone who gets frustrated feeling like they are stuck, you just have to keep moving forward.  Steps do not have to be big ones, even the small ones add up.   It may not be easy or quick to get a surgical date, the weight did not appear suddenly, so plan on spending some time working toward reversing the negative behavior.  I have tried really hard to keep my mind on moving forward.  Sure, if I had gotten surgery five years ago, I would probably be in better physical shape, but I really do think that my emotions weren't under control.  Being healthy mind & body is my ultimate goal.

Some people can have treats once in a while, but some people cannot eat treats without being aware that there is a mathematical equation that adds up quickly!  I hate to admit that my ex husband could be right about anything, but he told me something that is very true for me, "Some people just cannot have any sweets. It isn't a matter of self control, it is a matter of how your body deals with the empty calories."  Geez, I hate when someone can point out something so basic, and I still do not want to acknowledge it.  Eating thoughtfully, being active - even when feeling you cannot go any further, and staying positive.  

Life is too long not to enjoy yourself, yet too short to be miserable.  I feel really good today!
B  : )~ 

Being the fatalistic person who dares to dream once in a while, I was having the "worst case scenario" running through my head the last few days.  Hence, the Eeyore Syndrome (or affectionately put, a Brenda-ism).

Believe it or not, I actually did NOT plan for what happened today.  I usually hash & re-hash out conversations, answers to so many scenarios, the one thing I didn't expect was to be told at Check-In, "I'm sorry, you do NOT have an appointment today..."  I asked to double check, maybe in some alternate universe Monday, October 18th was actually still coming up.  Nope, no new or old (missed) appointments in my name.  UGH.  Being told to go to the Specialty Clinic, check with them, I figured there would be an explanation.  Quick check of calendar & slip in my purse - "Check!  Double Check!  Correct day, even half an hour early..."  Still, no one found me on the Schedule.  CRAP.  One phone call, "Yes, she is HERE now..."  Then I was told something unexplainable happened, but I could be seen, at 3pm.

Weighed in, decided not to quibble over the half pound fluctuation - I'll get it back another day!  Officially 40 pounds lost since the beginning of this journey.  Quick math -- HA HA!  I made the BMI Dr Hunter wanted -- no trumpets, but I still felt pretty good.  Doctor comes in, "You've lost 13 pounds since the last visit... How about we set a surgical date?"  I stop him, "If it cannot happen til January, can we shoot for March?"  "What about as early as November?"  HECK YEAH!  Tentative date is November 16, which gives enough time to test for Pylori Bacteria, and treat it if it is present.  I go back to see Anesthesia & finalize my surgical date on Friday, October 29th -- and pull any new tests if needed.  THEN, I get it finalized.

Sometimes I drive myself into funks -- the old adage, "Don't count your chickens until they are hatched" tends to be taken too extreme in my case.  Being a fatalist is NOT a good thing ;)  Okay, so I get worried when things go "too well" for me, maybe something I will learn to work on.  No "Last Meal" here, but I am also still concerned about counting all those pesky calories... Continuing the "Modified Fast".

B  : )~

I know, I know, but I am feeling the "It'll never work...." all the time, lately.  I am trying to stay positive, but it just isn't working.  Monday, I see Dr Hunter again, but I just have the feeling I will be told to wait even longer.  Knowing myself, I just wonder how much more "Wait & See" before I just throw in the towel?  Last year I got sidetracked by an auto accident.  Then around December 09 I made the call to go to a seminar.  Went in February, saw the surgeon in March, then put on hold.  Got frustrated, contacted a second surgeon & went to HIS seminar.  Got a negative response & told to go back to the first surgeon.  In the meantime I started looking for another surgeon, I got told not to bother coming back to the first surgeon.  Went to surgeon number three's seminar, then got lost in the shuffle -- I already had many of the steps finished from the first surgeon, so I sat on my hands a couple more months.  Last month I finally got the word, "Just lose a little more weight... Come back in a month..."  I just feel like I am never going to get that Golden Ticket.

Patience may be a virtue, but sitting on your hands in pain is no fun.  I get to feeling like, "Well crap, if I am supposed to lose XYZ, then why bother getting surgery?!"  If I throw in the towel, I would be a quitter.  I do not like being a quitter, just the opposite.  If I cannot get to the end result traveling in one direction, I try the scenic route!  Maybe the Universe is trying to tell me something?  Speak up, I cannot make out what it's trying to tell me.

Monday, I will pop back on here & maybe have some answer.  Good or bad, I just want to know.  Being emotionally invested for over a year, just to see I am still spinning my wheels isn't fun anymore -- not like it ever was!  I try to tell myself one of my Brenda-isms:  Be Optimistic enough to sell a Pessimist a Dream!

Chug, chug, chug, the Little engine kept saying, "I think I can!  I think I can! I think I can...."  Eeyore, go back to Pooh's Corner!

B  : )~

Shaking my head.  I am growing tired.  Physically, mentally, and emotionally.  I haven't lost it, yet -- I am just tired.

Saw Dr Hunter today, and I am still fluctuating my weight 2 pounds.  He wants me to wait another month, go on the pre-bariatric diet -- which I am ALREADY ON -- and hopefully have another ten - twenty pounds lost.

I am pooped.  The last thing I want to do is cook, but I am hungry (we all do that fasting thing before seeing our docs - right?!)  I feel a little bummed, but not ready to throw in the towel. 

I have tons to do getting Mini Me ready for her Fall Quarter at school -- TONS to buy - oh goodie!  I am working with her financial aid office to get all her classes, required books and equipment.  When she hears she has just over two grand towards this quarter, she thinks she will have a bunch of money left over... NOPE!  Her book list is making me wince, I guess I forgot the "old days" when books didn't require you to put your "extra" organs on the donor list (just kidding, of course).  And her is the best part:  She wants everything by Friday - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Considering I am spending a few days for my birthday in Canada, this is probably not going to happen!  She will have as much as I can get her by next week, otherwise her Instructor can yell at me ;)

Here goes nothing... Going to get (at least) ten pounds off before October 18th!
B  : )~