Brenda C.

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There are days I feel really good about myself, and then there are those days that challenge my resolve.  Today has turned into the later.

I have had a very pleasant afternoon.  Other than the usual stuff that can blemish a nice quiet time, I have enjoyed a quiet afternoon "off in my head".  For some, solitude is more like a punishment.  For me, it is actually welcomed -- I have joked that I am "self-amusing, I could handle days of solitary confinement -- so Warden, do your worst!" 

I just got a letter that I had to sign for.  Considering my history of things that can and do go wrong, I actually felt a little sick to my stomach seeing my mail carrier coming to my front door.  Okay, suspense has been enough?  The letter was from the University of Washington.  For those who have followed my uphill battle, I am finally released from the emotional hell I went through.  I am officially out of their program.

Funny thing, I had already left their program in my mind, but they had to add insult to injury and send this certified letter to not only myself, but also my primary doctor.  Last week I had a fabulous visit with good Doctor Fleming - I just love a doctor who TELLS you they are excited to see you - and she asked if I wanted/needed her to make some calls to get me through my process toward surgery.  I was proud to tell her that I was handling it, and not letting my delays keep me from my goal.

For those who have not lived in an obese body, it is hard to imagine what being fat means.  It is not only a physical impedance, there are so many social and emotional hurdles, that either make you or break you.  Looking at my life in its entirety, I have seen where I lost my optimism, regained it, then lost some -- only to decide to pull my big girl panties up and move forward.  Sure, being fat sucks on many levels, but damn it, I still have my will to LIVE!  For those who know me, yes, I can be very loud, but that is who I am: Loud & full of Life!

I have to remind myself that if people are staring at me, it could be merely because they are not used to seeing someone of my size.  Who knows, maybe some are giving me mental high fives for not just hiding away, watching Jerry Springer, eating snack cakes... I have to give myself a mental high five for all the things I do in public, so I do.  Being a supporter of ones self is probably not really considered, but maybe it is like love: If you want to be loved, you must first love yourself. 

Being someone elses "cheerleader" works well for me, not only because I love to make up silly songs that rhyme, but because I am also MY OWN cheerleader.  So on that note... Two, Four, Six, Eight, I refuse to wallow and except crappy fate!  I will love myself and MOTIVATE!!!

Told you so!
B  : )~

I went to the WLS Seminar at Virginia Mason with Dr. Hunter today, and baring any problems, I may finally have a surgeon, and soon, have a surgical date.

The process is long, but that is no reason to deter anyone from seeking the knowledge and tools to finally succeed with getting their weight and health under control.  It's a journey, not just a destination.

Hopefully, I will have more to write about this upcoming week.

B  : )~

The first real heat of the Pacific Northwest just came with an ugly sizzle.  To this point, we had only hit 75 degrees TWICE, so hitting upper 90's was rough.  I did minimal work around the house, but I barely made it through shopping ;)  Hard to push through the heat, but thanks to the big Ice Tea Jeff got me, I carried on ;)  Walking around large stores sometimes is good exercise, even if I feel like I wussed out.

No word from Dr Hunter's Office, shucks.  I see my regular doc on Monday, so I will fill her in on my journey.  I want her to look over my previous bloodwork (March), as there were some questions I had.

I am inspired enough to pull my daughters bike out of the garage -- If folks don't want to see this fat chick pedal around town, I will post my comings & goings!  I want to check a path near home - runs along the Green River & a public golf course.  I hate to wuss out, but I think it is a better idea that I start out with flat areas - until I am lighter.  Nothing like the thought of having to push a bike back to your truck, if anything went wrong...  Jeff is now wondering about getting a bike for himself ;)  On the road, again... hee hee hee!
B : )~

After being up all night - literally!  I had to be at Dr Hunter's Office by 8:30am to fill out info.  When I called to ask about getting an appointment, I was greeted with, "Oh wow!  This never happens, we have a cancellation for Monday morning..."  WOOO!  So, after playing too late with friends & family, I heard everyone else within a three mile radius blowing up their fireworks for the Fourth of July, I was tired & excited when morning rolled 'round.

The initial intake was with Nurse Practitioner "Kat" Katherine Redmond.  I was asked lots of questioned, measured, inspected, then told, "You may actually be able to get an appointment very soon with the doctor..."  I already did their Online Test to prove I am knowledgeable about the procedure, faxed in my psych evaluation, and given an EKG.  I was also told that there is a good chance I can get my tummy tuck COVERED!

Finally, some good news for a change ;) 
B : )~

For those who watched the Three Stooges, you know what comes next!

Okay, here we go, again ;)  I made an appointment to see Dr Hunter.  I also finally got a return phone call from "Ruth" over at UW - she took over for Angel, as we are not speaking to each other (yeah, I know it sounds childish, but if you cannot have a civil conversation - and be heard - or understand the view of the other - time to move on).  I talked at length with Ruth, and I am left thinking, "Did she EVER read the report of Dr Petek?!"  I asked - politely, if she could read my report, have the rest of the team read it, and get back to me -- do I continue, or am I done.  I knew this process took time, but I think in my case, I got derailed two months.

Plan: I am signed up with the WLS Seminar given by Dr Hunter - check!  I have an appointment with Dr Hunter's intake person, Kat Redmond - check!  I will stay positive - CHECK!

Things happen for a reason, even if I cannot figure out the reason - it is Life Experience!  Jeff is going forward with Dr Oh, he is still kind of unsure to go Sleeve or RNY, he gets his endoscope in a couple weeks, so maybe he can narrow it down.

B  : )~

I am to that "fork in the road" moment.  I have read through my records from UW and Dr. Petek, found some glaring in consistences, but what can one do?  What I have done: Left a message for the last person I was working with at UW Social Work, hopefully I will know by the end of this week if I am done with UW or going forward.  Saw Dr. Oh with St. Francis - but concerns over pernicious anemia have been brought up, so still in a holding pattern there.  Put in a request with Virginia Masons' Dr. Hunter Seminar, in case I need another venue.

The biggest hurdle I thought would be that I have Medicare, but it isn't.  I continue my education, learn from mistakes, and figure that if this is meant to be, it will happen.  I fight frustration, and I have not given up. 

Looking at medical challenges... Pernicious Anemia - Dr. Flum saw no problem, Dr. Oh did.  Okay, so here is how I see it: I am already taking sublingual B12, and shots, which is what from what I have read & talked with people, most need this post operatively for Gastric Bypass.  Positive side: I am already compliant, so no problem getting me to follow directions by doctors and/or nutritionist.  Negative side: Can my levels get any worse?  Next medical question is going back to hemochromotosis.  I do not have it, but my RBC is high, which shows that I could possibly be diagnosed with it.  Funny, I can have anemia based on B vitamins, but I run high levels of Iron (which is the opposite of having anemia).  From some of the research I have dug up, four Gastric Bypass patients with hemochromotosis actually found their RBC becoming a normal level after the surgery.  So I raise my shoulders, and wonder if I am a medical oddity that will ever be figured out.  Gee, the human body is a puzzler!

I have an appointment with Dr. Fleming on July 12 (my primary doctor), have her look at my bloodwork, maybe show that my vitamin B levels are fine, and double check my Thyroid (it was a tad high in March - from my bloodwork at UW).  I like to check in with her, and then I can tell her about my journey.  She may be able to lead me in the right direction, otherwise, it is great to get a little reassurance that I am actually doing what I am supposed to be doing (I have my big girl pants on!).

The weekend was rough for me, but I got through it.  Frustration is passed, and I am back on track to work on myself...
B  : )~

My last post somehow did not post - I got bumped off, hmmmmmm.

I'll keep this brief, explain more later!  I have a GO! to see Dr. Oh with St. Francis WLS, Jeff is almost home, Kate is receiving a Boeing Scholarship tonight, I did lots of Spring Cleaning, and I may have a new surgeon/hospital to post on my page!

I will see Dr. Oh face to face June 25, and hopefully will have GREAT things to say.  I had all my faxed requests to transfer all medical records done today.  So, all I have to do is continue exercising, lose more weight, and show all my records to Dr. Oh. 

Good things were achieved this week, and I am feeling so happy.  I may be started fresh with a new doctor, but I will not have any thoughts bothering me.  I am still unsure how to tell UW why I am leaving, I will try not to be "finger pointy," but in this case, in my opinion, it was one person who was holding me back.  Oh well, it is (hopefully) over, and I am moving on.

B  : )~

Most Mondays are not as full as yesterday.  I had a lot to cover from Friday, not to mention other obligations.  Long, sweaty, but fulfilling is how I would describe this last Monday.  Phone tag left me without the results from my Mental Evaluation with Dr. Petek, but I did go to the Weight Loss Seminar at St. Francis Hospital (Dr. Oh), and I was 90% sure if I am covered with them, I will switch surgeons.

Tuesday Morning I did speak with Dr. Petek, and he read me his report, and I was cleared for surgery by him.  In his report he stated I "would benefit POST OPERATIVELY from counseling," not therapy specific, but for adjusting my life after surgery.  Hearing this, I am 99% sure I will change surgeons.  I have an appointment with Dr. Oh on June 28, so that gives his scheduler time to see if my coverage is adequate, or if moving to an HMO would get me into their program.

I have spent a lot of time "soul searching" with regard to "starting over" with a new surgeon, and I am sure I need a more positive environment to work with.  It saddens me that one person, who wouldn't be truthful, is what has left me with weeks of anxiety and further delay.  The social worker (in my opinion) wasn't going to take the evaluation and test into consideration, so I should have been allowed the courtesy to leave the program at that point.  I still have NOT found anyone who will accept Medicare as full payment for therapy.  The least I would be paying monthly would be $120, which is a bargain for most, but I unfortunately cannot afford it.

Today, I have to get all my paperwork ready for Dr. Oh, and hope that I will be allowed to enter the program at St. Francis.  The other positive twist to this whole change, I live one town over from St. Francis, not like the 30+ minute drive to the University of Washington.  Jeff is also interested in going to the seminar, as I told him the mortality rate for Dr. Oh is .01, impressive.  The other aspect of Dr. Oh that compels both of us, he also is skilled in tummy tucks - and his description was quite impressive (including muscle, not just skin and fat removal).

I hope I will not have to start back at square one, that my work to this point will be considered.  Worst case, I will not be accepted at St. Francis, next worst case, I start at square one -- which in my opinion, isn't all that bad.

Being proactive is key!
B  : )~

I hate to admit this, but today was the first time I actually went to a park around Lake Washington (in Renton), and it was lovely.  I have always felt best living near water, and had been spending time in Des Moines, but this other park in Renton was so fabulous, I have a new place to get some miles in.

This weekend was a good one.  I am looking forward to a little more yardwork (weather permitting!) and maybe I'll reward myself with more lovely scenery!  For those who aren't big fans of rain, this is probably not a good place to settle in.  I enjoy rain, even the buckets we had earlier this week.  When the sun comes out, all that rain brings life to everything.  Corny, but that's okay with me, I am a happy camper, today!

When you feel like you are stuck, get up, and walk it off!
B  : )~

I am registered for Dr. Oh's Seminar on Monday, the last spot open.  If I ever had a reason to stick up for myself, this is it.  I will contact Dr. Petek's office Monday, and if he says he feels I am in a stable place, I think it is time I look at my medical coverage options.  If I switch to the Medicare HMO, I will be limited to which hospital I can use.  If I am told the HMO would cover mental health services, I will no longer be banging my head against a wall.  This just may be a win-win for the tenacious girl with fire in her belly.

Today, I posted on multiple forums, support groups, even Craigslist, trying to find help with the required therapy UW is saying I need.  I sent emails to eight mental health providers, received replies from three - none accepted Medicare, but one offered to see if I can qualify for $25 sessions.  Hmm, at this rate, I will be owing more to mental health than to the surgeon.  It bothers me that I have to wait the weekend to get my legwork done, but what's another week, right?

All I wonder is, do these people actually see what lengths I am going to to show I am worthy of their attention?  I asked for help repeatedly, to meet their standards, yet got so little.  Worse case scenario, I have to find a new program.  From what I have been told & read about Dr. Oh, I guess this isn't the worst thing afterall...

B  : )~