Brenda C.

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To say I am grumpy is possibly an understatement.  But, is it better to be “passionate,” that’s what I call myself when I am complaining/grumpy or otherwise in a less than positive mood, than to just be “blah”.  Part of why I am in a “less than positive mood” today stems from where my head was at of late.  Nope, I haven’t been writing in about a month.  Yup, I am in a borderline negative headspace.  So, when people try to contact me through my phone (note to self, the world is a different place, just turn the phone off at bedtime) at hours that are not socially acceptable (note to readers, 9 am – 9 pm in the TIME ZONE of the person you are contacting is polite), it is time to act.

Three nights in a row… Yes, I am muttering, have been since just after 5 am this morning.  I am NOT a morning person, and I do covet every minute I get to sleep – this stems from a childhood of never being able to sleep through the night.  Day one, an “ass dial” at 4 am.  Day two, well let’s include day one in the “after hours, impolite texting” at 11:35 pm in my time zone – followed by another 4 am text asking “when is your birthday?” Folks! This is NOT something you text someone at 4 am – especially if you only know the receiving party as an acquaintance. Then came the barrage of, “Hey Girlfriend” texts from a “friend” I haven’t seen in over a year – she doesn’t realize 6am is NOT the best time to ask me “girlfriend” questions.  Moving into day three… The 5 am shower incident is the only thing that saved “girlfriend” from her second day in a row “girlfriend texts” waking me from a deep sleep.  I finally had it, texting in all caps – yelling, if you will – “DO NOT TEXT BEFORE 9 AM, not only is it rude to assume every other human is awake at 6 am, it is good manners to not be intrusive” end quote.  By the way, she has not responded to that text, yet.

For those of you who do not remember/know life before Microsoft Word, Excel, or even cell phones, there was this thing called a “Rolodex,” that I actually kept the contact persons information – address, full name, phone number, TIME ZONE, and other information that may be needed in conversation.  Maybe it was the class I took in tenth grade that made me aware of being polite, it surely was not from my mother.  We had an extension phone in our home – another thing many folks may not know or remember, more than one phone hooked to a land line (to those who do not understand this reference, a “home phone”).  Anyhow, I used to drive my mother nuts, but for some unknown reason, she rarely showed her displeasure with me jumping into the conversations by running to the other phone in the house.  My mother is not living, so if you are reading this from the great beyond, “Sorry Mom!”  I will say, having said extension did get me into trouble as a teenager, as I had to run to mom’s bedroom when the phone rang, so as not to have her know it was a boy calling me, sigh.

For those of you who have followed my journey – over 2 ½ years later, I am still wondering when the journey is completed.  Well, I guess it is never completed in a sense.  When I started this blog, I weighed 474 pounds, which sadly I have to admit, I was heavier, as I spent one year trying to “lose weight before I took drastic measures”.  Presently, I have had some issues with my emotions relating to weight loss, so I have retracted from my “peeps”.  There just are some days I cannot offer others my usual cheers of positivity, and to those who have reached out to me (I will write you personally), I really do appreciate the love & understanding!  Yup, I woke up on the wrong side of grumpy today, but hey, I’ve got my bed linens in the wash, I am showered, and already started to look at work.  I am on the fence about swimming today, as I have been swimming at a different pool due to the Olympic Trials taking place at my usual pool (my sweetie got a call from his folks, “Hey, we’ve been watching the Olympic Trials, they keep talking about Federal Way, Washington, is that where Brenda swims at?”  Yup, that is where I usually swim, but of late, I have been swimming at one of the local High School pools, and man it is not very inspiring.

During this month of reflection, I actually did something that I do not usually do for myself: ordered a real expensive, bone conductive MP3 player.  For those of you who haven’t been following this long journey of mine, I have already destroyed two waterproof headphones for my cheap waterproof MP3 player.  The question had come up a few times, “Since you swim every day, why don’t you invest in a NICE MP3 player?!” Well, folks, I did, and I am now bugged that it hasn’t even been shipped yet (damn the internet and all its information!)  When it arrives, I am sure to be back in my usual pool, doing my usual laps, and I will let all you happy folks know my opinion of the Finis SwiMP3.2G.  Here’s to hoping I just didn’t waste a butt load of money!

Where am I at with my weight loss? Yeah, I bet you were wondering when I would ever get to the meat of the blog entry, weren’t you?  Well, my post surgical recovery from my panniculectomy – for those who are scratching your head – think flesh removal without a tummy tuck – has been longer than I expected.  I figured 6 – 8 weeks, so I was so not prepared for three months.  For those who know me, I hate sitting on my butt for too long, I just have too short of an attention span.  Anyhow, I developed two separate seromas – this is a pocket of fluid that either needs to be drained, or finds a way to drain itself – which is unpleasant to say the least.  My skin is all happily healed now, and yes the swimming did resume.  Then the Olympic Trials came to town, so I had to switch pools.  I really think that the lack of, then interruption of exercise has lead to my surly mood.  Folks, weight loss does not just happen through diet alone, it is the key exercise that is a necessary part of this equation. 

How many miles have I swam this year? 324 miles, and I have fallen behind on my goal to 600.  I am not giving up on my goal; I am just trying to talk myself into accepting that I may fall a tad short.  If you do not know from reading my blog, I am usually fairly positive, and I like to set goals and achieve them.  One of my friends (Thanks Kari) told me yesterday that I need to stop trying to please everyone else, and just “walk away” once in a while.  Okay, I am done walking away, and I am pulling up my “big girl panties” and getting back to the headspace that makes achieving goals possible. 

Okay, how did I lose over 180 pounds?  I eat five small meals a day, two are usually Chicke Meal Replacement Drinks (in five flavors delivering 28 grams of protein for less than 190 calories – and they now have coffee flavor that is better than Click – in my opinion), and make sure I keep my protein at around 90 grams a day.  I take supplements – especially since I now live in the Pacific Northwest (we are all Vitamin D deficient for lack of sun), and I journal all my food – I use Lose It! on my iPhone, it breaks done the nutrients and is easy to use.  Oh, and I exercise!  Without movement, you have fewer chances of making it to a goal weight and staying there.  Folks who find exercise painful or inconvenient, you really need to find something you can do daily, that you will do daily.  Me, I found swimming.  I swim 2500 – 6000 meters a day – and that is five days a week.  I made the promise to myself that since I want to see my 96^th birthday; I would do all that I can to achieve that goal, and exercise keeps my mind & body happy.

My journey is far from over, but every so often, I need to take a break.  I was asked yesterday, “Don’t you ever have days where you just want to have pizza and a soda?”  I told them, “Yes, but it’s usually a couple sips of beer, I am not a fan of soda…” I also went on to explain that after surgery it isn’t a matter of “I’ll never be able to eat XYZ,” it’s more a matter of being aware of what I did eat and how much of it.  Luckily for me, I am not a big Junk Food addict, but I do have my moments.  Same goes with Fast Food.  I guess not having grown up in a Fast Food environment, I just see it as low quality fuel.  I drive a very nice truck; I take care of my truck by washing it, having it serviced, and not abusing it.  Same goes with my body.  If you care about your body, maybe you wouldn’t have more than one Fast Food meal in a week?  I usually have a couple in a month, so see, I am not perfect, but I am aware.

So, I am back, I have a lot of correspondence to attend to, damn my inner need to be polite!  Again, THANK YOU to all who have written me and asked if I was all right, and I apologize for not responding until now.  If you want to make the journey with me, I promise I will support you in yours!

Stay Positive!

Brenda : )~

The next SPS Support Group Meeting will be a "field trip" to Value Village to see if we can find some deals on clothing that fits or will inspire us to lose to the next size.  If there is any interest in a clothing swap, I will put together a day & location that should make it a good fit for most folks.

Please weigh in on this - then I will send out a special event - CLOTHING SWAP!

I may also still have Chike Samples - they are going fast - so consider coming to a support group meeting!!!

Brenda : )~

Hey folks!  Yup, I am hurting, but working through it.  I had some questions about how to treat pain after WLS, as NSAIDs are NOT acceptable for daily (note: DAILY) use.  One of the NSAIDs I use is a topical, called Voltaren.  It is argued that it still makes it into the bloodstream, but since it is not ingested, I am hopeful it will not cause issues with my stomach.  As for being hard on the liver - I get yearly blood tests to make sure the Voltaren isn't building up in my system.  Being topical, I slather it where it hurts instead of ingesting it & hoping it will work through my digestive system & into my blood.  Sadly, it can be purchased over the counter in Canada -- I have an Enhanced License, so I can drive over the Border whenever -- but not all drug plans here in the US support the use of Voltaren.  I am currently arguing with my new drug plan, I have been using Voltaren for arthritis for over 2 1/2 years, and now they want to make me take something else???  Sadly, I wrote them, "I can have more expensive treatment, but find the topical NSAID Voltaren is not only cheaper, it is better for my body as a post bariatric patient.."  I am still awaiting their decision.

Having said all that about Voltaren, realize I am a LAY person, and am only giving my opinion, here.  I have also been told by my medical practitioners that "occasional" use of Ibuprofen or Tylenol is all right.  With any pain reliever, ask your doctor or Nurse Practitioner for their advice. 

The sun is finally showing it's lovely face in the Pacific Northwest!  We may actually see record highs of 77 this weekend - I snort here, as 77 isn't very hot to me.  Trust me, after a day or two of 90+ degrees, folks run & buy air conditioners here, only to find the heat goes away FAST.  I have only been here 6 years, but I have figured out that the Pacific Northwest sees Summer for about three weeks - in August!  Okay, so I am maybe exaggerating, but really, in the six years I have yet to see the temperature reach 90 or higher for more than two weeks.  This is why I usually take February off to visit Maui, I cannot waste the two weeks of great weather at home!  Vitamin D is something I now take religiously!  I gave up sunshine moving here, don't get me wrong, I happily take the Vitamin D supplements so I can enjoy where I live.  Mood and so much more are connected to Vitamin D, so you will usually find me working in my yard this time of the year!

My shoulder is not getting any better, and I have sent an email to my doctor to "go ahead and refer me" to an orthopedic specialist.  If I can be pain free, why am I trying to just grit my teeth & smile through this pain?  Folks, it is great to have a high pain tolerance, but it is stupid to let pain interrupt your life!  Here's to hoping I am just an injection away from pain relief!

My bills keep coming in from my panniculectomy... I have to contact my insurance, as I should be at or near the cap, so they may have to just cover additional bills (ha ha!).  Since I last posted, I have received the bill for the hospital room - gulp!  I swear the food wasn't $6K good, I should have ordered MORE!  I totally understand that hospitals bill a lot more than they receive back from insurance, but come on, I got so many charges that NOTHING was included???  As of today, I just received another bill for $44.66 - bringing my total out of pocket to: $575.45.  I still have at least one bill outstanding, or so says this latest bill, "Office visit... $156.00... Amount pending insurance..." But, the funny thing is, I was told my follow up visits were INCLUDED, huh?  Sigh.  I am not complaining yet, ha ha, I just wonder how close to $600 are they going to get, before my insurance says they will pick up the rest.  I pay my deductible every six months, so I only pay up to $1200 a year.  Before anyone gets mad at me, I am VERY aware that $600 for a panniculectomy is a bargain, I am just interested in how many of these additional charges can they justify.  I just got a bill from someone other than my surgeon and anesthesiologist  for the two procedures I received, so I have to call and ask who is this person and why am I being billed for them separately.

Are you having a hard time with your sweet tooth?  I just made a Chike & Frozen Strawberry meal that left me feeling much better about my need to feed the sweet tooth.  Two scoops of Chike (iLikeChike.com) is 28 grams of protein, 190 calories, followed by 8 ounces of water and a cup of frozen (unsweetened) strawberries (46 calories), blended into a frozen sorbet-like meal.  Trust me, I have moments of weakness, so I have to make due with healthy choices.  I have dropped a hand full of dark chocolate chips into my frozen delights, as it gets rid of a urge without causing me to go overboard.  NOTE: when I say hand full, I mean 20 chips, not a HEAPING, hold my hand against my belly kind of hand full!  With all things, moderation. 

Enjoy the sun, consider washing your vehicle, gardening, or just read a book or magazine outside!  If you are not outdoors for at least an hour a day, you are missing out!!!  Besides, if you have lost a lot of weight & have batwings, a little sun on your skin makes it look better - I promise!  I am trying to get rid of my Western Washington Glow -- in other words, my pasty, pale, vampire looking skin.  Get your vitamin D the old fashion way -- but remember your sun screen!!!

Just remember, that you took a long time to gain all that weight, it will take at least that long to lose it, so be patient!  Enjoy life and Stay Positive!!!

Brenda : )~

I am lacking in words of wisdom today, but I did want to pop on to say, "I am still alive, I swear!"  The possible hernia/seroma is actually a weird seroma just under the skin, so it was scarier looking than anything else.  I was given instruction on how to deal with that particular seroma (this is the one on my left - I am almost healed with the one on the right), and given a 25 gauge needle to deal with it, ha ha.  Maybe I should consider medical school?!  I saw my primary doc just yesterday, and made her laugh that I was given instructions on how to deal with my minor medical whoopsies.  I am just a capable lay person, but if I can skip a trip to the doctor's office, I am all over learning how.

Why did I go see my primary doc yesterday?  I have had shoulder pain that has left my thumb numb for over a week, which is a good reason to see your doctor for!  I have a swollen bursa - commonly known as "bursitis," and I got to feel my doc's shoulder -- we have the exact same malady.  She told me I will most likely have to see an orthopedic surgeon to get an injection, which may relieve the issue, or as in her case - schedule surgery.  NO!  She admitted she is putting off her surgery for the same reason I was whining: two months of no exercise, and light duty during that time.  Of course I go big when I have issues, she said had it been my upper bursa, she could deal with it.  Oh, sorry, a bursa is a sack of fluid that cushions bone - ligament - tendons, usually in your shoulder, hip, elbow, knee, or sometimes your foot.  So if the sack becomes inflamed (in my case you hear popping & crunching when I rotate my arm), it is then bursitis.  Time, ice, anti informatory, pretty much the first line of treatment.

On the positive side of my doctor visit, she was wowed by how good I look, and I showed off my scar - which made her audibly say "WOW!"  Hey man, I believe in checking out my doctors, I actually value me above many folks around me.  Other than a couple of minor issues, I am doing VERY well after my panniculectomy.  Most of my issues are emotional, in my opinion.  I like to go further faster than I probably should.  At least she now knows who to send her other patients to, my surgeon is an ARTIST!

My period came early, and my lack of exercise made the scale say mean things to me, namely: Eat less or work out more, dumb dumb.  Yup, I get it, I know by next week, I will be back to a better number.  Having a migraine today, I have been pretty much in the dark and quiet.  I popped on my phone, saw some messages, and had to send out another swimsuit to an OH Member.  This is why I decided I should maybe share that I am still alive, doing well, and keeping a positive outlook on life.  Yup, I could be doing better physically, but I am doing better emotionally, and that is a big deal to me.  We all have moments where we are in the dumps, but if you keep looking forward, you will overcome those moments.  As I say often -- Stay Positive!

Brenda : )~

Thursday, May 17, meet SPS at the front entrance of Value Village in Tukwila at 6pm for some shopping then a light meal at Zoupa. Get some exercise, "new to you" clothes, grub (soup and salad bar at Zoupa), and best of all - SUPPORT!

Value Village: 16700 Southcenter Parkway, Tukwila, WA, 98188 -- easily found off 5 or 405 -- it used to be the Toys R Us.  Zoupa is just around the block - across from Southcenter Mall.

Contact me if you have questions - I drive from along Highway 5 - Federal Way - Kent - Des Moines -- if anyone wants to hop a ride with me.

Brenda : )~

Hey Folks!

Many of you already know I have a "Pay it Forward" deal with swimwear -- if you do not know, I have an album with swimwear available for the cost of shipping.  PLEASE, please private message me if you want a suit!  I have had to go through & take all the "DIBS!" notices down, as folks contact me, I contact them back, then crickets.  I am happy to share that close to 20 suits have already found new homes!!!  No excuses, if I can swim in public (on the beach even) at 474 pounds, SO CAN YOU!

So, if you would like one of the donated suits, please private message me.  If you have a suit to donate - please private message me. I will NOT consider comments on photos only - private message is necessary -- sorry for the confusion, just got 2 more comments, without a private message.

Sizes currently available from 12 up to 4X -- Mens Trunks - two of them - one in size Medium, the other 5X

Thanks!!!
Stay Positive!!!

For those of you who need a pep talk, I highly recommend making as many friends on Obesity Help as possible!!!  I have been in a funk, mainly because I have not followed my own advice (support, talking about feelings, understanding surgery & the time it takes to recuperate, what else am I forgetting???)  We all have moments where we feel like things aren't going our way (no guaranty in life), and we aren't in control of our (you fill in the blank), but how we raise above this, well that shows how well we are liked -- by others as well as by ourselves.

Mahalo is a great word, I love it, and laugh every time I hear the clerks at Walmart in Kahalui say it over the intercom -- MAHALO!  It means thanks.  I spent almost two hours writing folks who had written me over the last two weeks -- if I missed anyone, please tap me on the shoulder, YOU do matter to me!!!  In my "poor me" moment that has lasted (cringe) close to two weeks, I realized two things: I am not a good victim, and I have LOTS of folks who see me as their friend.  Friends are what Mahalo means most to me.

Mahalo is appreciating others, making sure they know you appreciate them, even if you work at Walmart.  When you are having a "poor me" moment, maybe ask yourself, "what have I done for others?"  Then, you can see all the things others do for you.  This is why I try to write each and every person who comes into contact with me on OH, because I appreciate that they took the time to support me.  Okay, another Hawaiian word from this Haole (pronounced "How-Lee" it is sometimes considered a slur, but I wear it with pride, as I am not a Native to Hawaii): Ohana.  Ohana is family, not just the ones who are blood related, the ones whom you call "Auntie/Uncle" who are there for you because they want to be.  Yup, I have had some wonderful Ohana in my short time on this planet, and I hope I can be a "good Auntie" to others.

When you feel like you need support, sometimes you need to open your mouth.  Sleepless nights will go away when you feel the energy from others who care about you.  Oh, so do not worry about me, I am happily thinking of other subjects I want to share -- is talking about my sex drive a little too personal???  I'll save that one for another time!

Much Mahalo to my Obesity Help Ohana!!!  If you need support, I swear I am HAPPY to give it!!!
Stay Positive!!!
Brenda : )~

Sigh... Another sigh, as I collect my thoughts.  It has taken me over a week to write this, but I am in a funk.  Funny, if someone would have told me I would be so goal oriented to stay physically active, that having to stay inactive for two months would put me into a depression, I would have just chuckled - well, snorted, I snort sometimes when I laugh - and said, "No way!"  I am here to tell you that you can in fact become, how do I put it without using the word obsessed, hyper-focused and NEED exercise emotionally.

On Leap Day I was lucky to get a panniculectomy.  Not a tummy tuck - abdomnoplasty, it is the removal of the fleshy fat apron that hung down over my thighs.  I knew when I did all my research on this surgery that I would be out of commission for up to two months.  The key here is the phrase "up to".  I am one of those "extra credit seeking" folks whom the "rules" do not apply.  I go in for child delivery, am told I am not in labor, "you are in too good of spirits," only to give birth in about two hours, and get discharged later that day.  Yup, I may be what my ex husband said, "the complete opposite of a hypochondriac."  I looked it up, hyperchondria isn't the opposite, so I do not have the correct word to describe me.  If it doesn't hurt more than two days, I must not be sick/hurt, and actually fine... Famous last words.

I guess my daughter is very lucky that she was not a klutzy child or ill often, as I have an attitude of indestructibility about me, and figure she must, also.  My incision had been healing quite well from said panniculectomy, but I did notice a "thick" spot that started to harden along the right side of the center of my now gone belly button.  Telling myself that it must just be part of the healing process, I let it go for about a week, maybe less.  By the Friday I headed to the Oregon Coast, I started noticing it getting warm -- to those of you without much medical knowledge - THIS IS A RED FLAG.  In caps, even.  Yup, warm to the touch is a sign of infection, and I waited maybe an hour too long to have it checked, and the seroma broke a "seam".  For those of you asking, "What's a seroma?"  It is a fluid pocket that the body for whatever reason cannot absorb, so it swells, and finds a weak spot to, well, flow out of.  The pressure continues to build until, pop!  Open  wounds take a LONG time to heal, so I was told another two to four weeks without exercise, sigh.

Here is the insult my body is adding to injury -- bad choice of phrase???  I seem to have developed what I am self diagnosing (calling doctor Brenda...) as a split in the incision under the skin - or what most likely will be ruled, a surgical hernia.  I could be wrong, so if anyone wants to start a betting pool, I see the doc tomorrow at 2 pm.  The skin feels as though there is nothing really behind it in an oval that is larger than a jelly bean, tender, and now I am obsessing about it.  Note to self, no strenuous activity, lest my guts fall out when I rip open like a bag of rice... Overly dramatic for effect, I assure you, but when I overstate my general mood, it makes me chuckle inside, making it all better.  It is May for all of you who do not have a calendar, so my surgery was over two months ago.  My healing isn't complete, and I have had a couple little set backs, sigh.

Let me bring it on home now -- long stories seem to get out of hand with me, when I should learn to just be succinct -- surgery takes as long as it takes to recover from, and I am not indestructible, nor do I have super human abilities to heal quicker than the average person.  Man, I feel like I just stood up at my first AA meeting, and now I am waiting for all those eyes on me.  The root of my depression is lack of exercise.  I said it!  I cannot exercise as I am still healing, and this sucks.  My brain keeps swirling around the same thought regarding my swimming goal for the year: "I am on mile 118, how will I finish the remaining 482?!"  The answer is this: I will get it done, or I will not, but healing is more important than a number I chose before this speed bump happened.

If you haven't figured this out, I have to talk myself off "the ledge" fairly often.  The inner dialog I have could drive a sane person, well, insane.  Hmmm, what does this speak of me?!  Calling doctor Brenda... Living in the Pacific Northwest has physical ramifications -- lack of sunshine makes it difficult to get enough Vitamin D, which in turn has an effect on mood -- are you following along with me?  If the environment adds to the possibility of seasonal mood disorder, then Vitamin D is essential to keep one plugging along happily.  Being bummed that I cannot continue at full speed exercising the rest of my weight off, add to this crappy weather, you get an unhappy camper -- me.  Usually, I take off in February to get my sun on Maui, but this year, due to surgery, I had to take a pass.  Sigh.  I am carrying around too many things that fester into a negative area -- so with that, I decided to open up & share my mood -- I feel like Eeyore.

To be sure, I am taking my Vitamin D along with all my other supplements.  Two of my friends just got their D checked, abysmal numbers!  Doctor Brenda told them, but they thought they were indestructible, like me, ha ha.  After I see the doctor tomorrow, I will be able to stop imagining my guts falling out, and hopefully be told the hole I have looks pretty, and is closer to being healed.  Keeping my weight down is driving me wonky, so I need to give myself a little slack.  Exercise is the key component to this losing weight thing, and I will not be laying around forever.

So, do you have your checklist?  Surgery takes a long time to heal from; exercise does effect you emotionally as well as physically; take Vitamin D, it will make you happier and healthier!  With that said, I will endeavor to be a happier camper!

Stay positive!  (groan!!!)
Brenda : )~

Okay, so I want to start with my usual sigh & eye roll, so come on -- try it, it actually makes me feel better, and might make you feel good too!!  There is an old saying, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger," well, here is my Brenda-ism on that one: What doesn't kill me, just pisses me off... Yes, I am a drama queen in my narrative, but it makes me smile from the inside out!  So many folks tell me they love how I just let things "roll off my back," to which, ask Jeff or my daughter Kate, they will set you straight!  I LOVE to complain about things I cannot change, maybe that is why I do not (or ever had) high blood pressure.  I mostly joke to relieve my frustration, and truth be told, I do not take my complaining seriously.

For anyone who hasn't followed my journey from the early days (way back in March of 2010), I have often spoken of my mother.  She died in 2004, and I postponed getting surgery because of her care and subsequent death. Anyhow, bear with me, I am getting to the point, I just take the scenic route.  My mother used to be a very happy and positive person, until something just broke in her.  Seriously, she was miserable at least the last 20 years of her life, to the point that she was actually happy to get the diagnosis of Stage 4 cancer.  Having been born on her birthday, I like the parts of my personality that I received from her -- I luckily have a pretty decent mix of my father's as well, but my mom was funnier.  Knowing she was miserable, I just worked that much harder on never letting things bring me to a point I needed to just hide.  When she passed, it took me a long time to get over it, but it made me a little stronger in that I refuse to have a bad day.  Yup, I happily tell strangers, "A bad day alive is better than a good day dead!"  Another Brenda-ism:  If you cannot laugh (enjoy life), don't bother getting out of bed!  Laughter is what keeps me going, and it is great for the cardiovascular system!  Heart Healthy Laughter, hmmmm, I think I just came up with yet another Brenda-ism.  Staying positive does take effort, but hey, aren't YOU worth it?

Set backs happen, so does doo doo, so if you let it get to you, you won't be interested in seeing how this whole thing ends.  My mom said she had two regrets about dying.  TWO?!  ONLY TWO?!  For me, I try to aim to have zero regrets.  It really is in how you view things.  I wasn't paying attention to the light turning green > Kept me from getting plowed into by the red light runner.  I only lost one pound > If I just lose one pound a week, that adds up to 52 in a year.  My ex was cheating on me > Woke up to the fact that I could do better than that person.  I lost my job > I am forced to re-evaluate my life, and frankly, I need a vacation!  None of my underwear fits me > NONE of my underwear fits me - I get to find some cute ones!  Just how you look at anything can make you find a giggle, and trust me, folks will enjoy being around you more.  

Oh hey, and here is some really cool information -- I just got my bills from my surgery, my out of pocket is LESS than I imagined!  Sure, paying a hospital bill sucks, but frankly, for what I received, it would be worth the entire bill.  Here is the breakdown...

The surgeon's costs:  Panniculectomy  $4000; Cooter-ectomy (fat removal from the mons pubis) $1126
What insurance paid:  $999.36; $314.07
My charges: $249.84; $78.52

The Anesthesia: Panniculectomy $1720; Dermatolipectomy (cooter-ectomy) $1720
What insurance paid: $173.76; $173.76
My charges: $43.44; $43.44

SO, what they charged was: $8566
What insurance paid: $1660.95
My bill: $415.24

What I had expected and what I got were surprising to me. I knew my out of pocket maximum was $600, but dang!  What a bargain!  I am always interested in seeing what a hospital says your surgery/care costs, what they accepted as payment, and what you end up getting charged.  So, for those folks wanting to shop around, you have at least a little information to go on.  The Dermatolipectomy or as I like to call my Cooter-ectomy is a second, separate procedure - folks had asked about that, so now you know.  I have seen MANY panniculectomies, most without the dermatolipectomy, and frankly, it is TOTALLY worth the extra money.  Shoot, I have a bill of $415.24 > I have lost my Fup & gained a new Cooter!  See, it is in how you look at it.

Not that I mean to be a slacker, but I so darn behind on things relating to my OH portion of my life, yup, I do consider the support here as a very important part of my life.  Thanks to all who have commented & written, I am TRYING to respond to all of you.  I have to take photos of the latest added swimsuits, and I want Diane to know, your suit is ON IT'S WAY!  On the downside of my "light duty", I have gained five pounds, but turning it around, I only gained five pounds and it can also be connected to my period.  This also gives me the opportunity to say CHIKE is helping me take those five pounds & rid myself of them.  I am back to having one "meal," two meal replacements (iLikeChike dot com), and two small snacks (usually one Low Sodium V8 for one of those snacks).  I am getting really light stretching, walking, and light chores around the house to get my exercise in, and cannot wait until my seam heals.  Instead of being all correct, I take the liberty to refer to my open wound along my incision as a pop in my seam - go with it, or just stop reading.  Instead of being all bummed about being set back an additional couple of weeks, I just figure I will have more time to get my photos uploaded & sending out swimsuits.  

If you spend your waking moments obsessing on things you have no control over, you probably won't spend enough time changing them.  Sure, I could have sat at home, watching television when I was 474 pounds, but instead I spent my days being active and in the public eye.  Being that large I had to deal with being invisible, being a target, but I also was a role model to other fat folk afraid of doing things in public.  Surgery alone, even diet alone, will not help you attain the healthy weight you are striving for.  Exercise is a necessary part of existence.  Instead of looking at exercise as a painful part of the equation, try finding something you genuinely enjoy.  For me, I love to swim and bike.  I am hopeful that I will someday be able to run, as I really would dig doing a triathlon.  In the meantime, while I cannot swim or bike, I am working on core strengthening exercises.  Like I said, it's all in how you look at things.  It has taken me almost a year and a half, but I have already lost the equivalent to an adult in weight.  I know I have more to go, but I am still inspired that I can continue this and am staying motivated.  Motivation will sometimes be hard to muster, but if you look at the whole picture, you will find it easier to succeed.

Okay, I am ready to post this collection of my thoughts and go grab a bowl of soup.  I make most of my meals from scratch, so I know what goes into me!  Try it, you'll be surprised by how much easier it is to lose weight, and cheaper than eating out.  Stay positive, and know that if I can do this, so can YOU!

Brenda : )~

Ah come on!  Ever feel like you must have done something wrong, and Karma is rearing it's head to remind you to do right?  Well, I happen to know that I behave better than a lot of folks out there, so I then start asking, "Is Karma going to kick in at some point, to give a LITTLE back???"  It doesn't work that way, so do not worry, I am not REALLY expecting some Karmic windfall, but...

For those of you following my journey, I just got the "okee dokee" to return to my usual activities - ahem, including those sinful ones I really (no, REALLY) miss.  My recuperation from having my panniculectomy (see my Blog November/December if you think you want to get one) has been very easy, until today.  I had almost 18 pounds of flesh removed on Leap Day, February 29, 2012, and put on the injured/reserved list for six weeks.  I just started back swimming last week, so I am now on mile 108 for the year - my goal is 600 miles.  My Sweetie and I went to the Oregon Coast for a much deserved - and needed - romantic getaway, only to be thwarted by Karma.  Did my Karma just run over your Dogma?  I love that joke, hopefully none of you are insulted -- I have a very playful sense of humor.  My period decided this would be the perfect time to start, sigh.  Okay, what about the two seater bathtub?!  Hmmm, tried, and ALMOST worked.  Then, I was getting what I self diagnosed as a seroma (a fluid pocket behind the incision from my panniculectomy).  Sigh.  My Sweetie being a more level headed individual decided making whoopee might not be the best idea, I hate when he is right.  So, I enjoyed the gorgeous Oregon Coast, and kept my cooter in her pants.  Although, I did find a loop hole with respect to "making out..."  "Brenda, we are in a public hot tub!"  My answer: "SO?"  I wasn't doing anything worse than kissing passionately, I am sure folks have seen a LOT worse.  Nothing like a hot tub at 9pm, in the rain, ahhhhhh.

Shopping was F U N.  There is an Outlet Mall in Lincoln City, OR.  I bought new bras at Maidenform - score! Did not expect an additional markdown, so ran back & grabbed two more - four bras for $48 -- no sales tax!  Then, I had to stop by and look at sunglasses, right?  Shameless hussy girl received two new pair, and her Sweetie got a pair for himself.  I didn't mention the brand new size 22 jeans, woot! woot!  I am worried to buy anymore, as the swelling is going down.  Retail therapy only works for me if I am saving a lot of money -- otherwise you will find me at the thrift store, no kidding!  Buying new things - new new, not new that is used - makes me feel a little weird.  Like I am indulging in something I should not be.  But, as long as it is only a few things, I think I can convince myself I am not being naughty.  Besides, I did a ton of walking on this trip, so I sort of earned a few goodies, right?  We did discuss my "intimate apparel", as my Sweetie used to feel short changed, "Why don't you wear sexy things anymore?"  I was 474 pounds - not easy to find sexy things in size HugeX... For the record, you can find things, but you need to look hard.  I was sporting 5X & larger, which makes it really expensive & really frustrating.  My current size 22/24 is a lot easy to accessorize.

Here is where I add the rain to my parade.  Remember I spoke of my self diagnosed seroma?  I got an appointment for this morning, and my "seam" popped.  When you have a seroma, there are three options: It gets absorbed naturally; you get it drained (large gauge needle - sometimes surgically drained); it finds a weak spot where you've had an incision - and just opens a new wound.  Mine was the latter, so I am now on antibiotics & two weeks light duty.  You can do everything you are told, and still have a set back.  What YOU do with your setback is what separates you from the weeklings!  I shrugged off the "crime scene in my pants," did what I could to clean up myself, and draped my purse over the stain.  Laughed that I had resolved the seroma - for the second time (I had one from a hernia repair, took 3 months to heal).  I will take my antibiotics happily, and wait two whole weeks to do "the dirty," or swim.  Yup, I may have a wacky outlook, but I always get serious and follow what the doctor tells me.  On the bright side, I have as my doctor says, "fabulous skin, that doesn't scar!"  Yup, I live well, take my vitamins, and do as I am told.  So, hopefully in two weeks, all will be history, and the puffy belly will be gone!

Funny thing I forgot to mention about losing 18 pounds of fat, you lose your ability to FLOAT!  I never needed a "Noodle" in the pool, and treading water is easy for me -- errr, was easy.  I was swimming laps last week, stopped for a drink of water, and sank!  WHAT?!  I had to grab the side of the pool with one hand, and drink with the other.  I never thought I would get excited over sinking -- I won't need as many weights to SCUBA in February!!!  Swimming has been the one activity to really keep me going on this journey, and if you have a hard time exercising -- consider swimming!  Oh, and since I will be on light duty this week, I have NO excuse NOT to get my FREE Swimwear Album up to date!  Yup, you read correctly, I have LOTS of my swimsuits (size 26 & up) and many suits donated or I picked up in my thrift store trips for FREE - disclaimer, I ask if you can pay postage - it really helps, but I will not turn anyone down if they cannot pay the postage.  Help a fellow OH member out - offer your suit for someone making their way through this journey.  Before you say, "I am too fat to use a pubic pool," go see my before photo - on the beach, on Maui, at 474 pounds.  

Positivity will make your journey not only easier, but more enjoyable, besides - when you smile, it makes people wonder why!  Trust me, I have things that bug me, irritate me, but I still remind myself even the worst day alive is better than the best day dead!  I have had bosses who would try to piss me off, because I was upbeat, positive, and frankly - they weren't.  I actually don't let the "turkeys" get me down (have you seen that poster?).  Life really is what YOU make of it.  Sure, I have road bumps, detours, but I also do not mind taking the scenic route.  If you want a long life, happiness does make it easier to attain.  I just laughed when I popped open today.  I could have gotten upset, but what good would that do?  I told the nurse, "At least I don't have to worry how you guys were going to get the fluid out, will you guys charge me less for this visit?!"  My scale is stuck at the moment at 288 pounds, but you know what, I didn't gain 186 pounds in less than a year & a half, so I am way ahead of the gaining curve!  I have lost more weight than my welder daughter (she may have a job!!!  First interview!!!), and she is proud of me.  I still have a long way to go, but I am a whole lot closer!

Stay positive!
Brenda : )~

Did you know Epsom Salts - Magnesium Sulfate will cure constipation? Mix with a little artificial sweetner, and drink -- you'll reverse the tide, for sure!  Just another tip from your Happy Go Lucky Loser...