Brenda C.
Cooking with Brenda...
Apr 12, 2012
There are days I get an inspiring topic to work on, then I come back, and discover that I cannot find the original post that inspired me, sigh. Whomever wrote about the Heart Surgeon speaking out on Facebook - thanks! I did respond to your original post, but sigh, I cannot remember where (I have, ahem, multiple FB accounts, shhhhh) I posted my response. Here is part of what inspired me -- an article written by a heart surgeon who says inflammation is what is killing us, not cholesterol:
http://www.sott.net/articles/show/242516-Heart-Surgeon-Speaks-Out-On-What-Really-Causes-Heart-Disease
Anyhow, I had posted my two cents mainly citing the lack of cooking skills in recent generations, and that the prepared foods we all (yup, me too) fall back on for quick, easy meals. I was actually chatting in the bulk foods isle with one lady, and a couple in the fresh meat isle on my shopping trip, today. Funny, I was giving cooking advice out like I was someone of authority. There was a saying that I cannot recall completely, "if there is more then five ingredients, beware..." Also, if you are building your meals, you absolutely know what you are eating. Pink slime has me freaked out, and I actually did look to see who used it, who didn't, who has quit... YUCK! Back to what I was saying about learning how to cook, I was telling one couple that if they hand trim their meat, it is cheap and easy to make a meal for 4 - 6 people, and CHEAPER than buying the prepared foods.
My cheater Carne Asada - two cans of Rotel, two pounds of lean beef (you can get carne asada sliced - I then slice it further, into strips) and a couple hours simmering in a pan - good eats! Add some beans - think protein (not re fried, whole beans, yum). If you want some carbs in the meal, think Quinoa made like Spanish rice -- mix in another can of Rotel (okay, I do have some prepared foods like Rotel in my pantry - any "Mexican Spiced" canned tomatoes will work) with the water you will use to steam your Quinoa - it is yummy! Protein packed, and my daughter likes it better than just rice.
Someone on FB asked about ways to cook chicken - ha ha, EASY! Any base - bouillon is what I usually start with - garlic, seasoning, even orange juice in a frying pan, add skinless chicken, and add veggies -- ding! ding! ding! Winner, winner, chicken dinner! I started making orange chicken back in the early 1990's - I was just trying to figure something out for dinner. I grabbed chicken, orange concentrate, salt, pepper, and julienne vegetables, and my friends and family would beg for it! So simple, and without need of fat!!! The orange juice poaches the meat and adds flavor. If you are afraid of mixing seasoning on your own, get a bottle of non fat or low fat salad dressing - pour a couple teaspoons in the frying pan, add water to it, then start adding the main ingredients. Trust me, growing up without a mom to cook (she worked swing shift), I got creative very young. I started adding bouillon cubes to rice water, and then just went from there. Oooo, cook your broccoli in bouillon, your family will rave! My ex Monster-in-Law admitted she missed my broccoli, as she never liked anyone else's before or since. Grab fresh veggies & toss them in the pan, and you've got amazing and healthy sides.
Even at my highest weight, I never had high cholesterol, probably because I was a finicky eater. I hate "rubber," that is what my daughter dubbed fat on meat at a young age. Yup, my eating habits have ruined her for most foods! If it isn't devoid of the fat, she turns her nose, and I hand trim all meats before cooking. Yup, she is spoiled. But, neither of us have Cholesterol issues. I have had my heart valves checked, EKG's, Stress Tests, and have been told I have a very healthy heart. Maybe it is my distaste for fast food that helped me, and I dislike mayonnaise, I just know healthy eating is going to give me a longer life. Not that I am ancient or grew up in the sticks, my hometown had two fast food places, wait, three: Kentucky Fried Chicken, A&W Rootbeer, and Foster's Freeze. My mom was not a great cook, and not home in the dinner hour, so my three brothers and I usually fended for ourselves. In a way, I am glad I grew up without fast food, and that I was a finicky eater.
Pressure cookers will make any cut of meat amazing! I cube my chuck, add V8 to my stock, and a few secret ingredients, I have the most amazing stew ever! I have had people beg me for the recipe, but I only share with those I feel worthy, ha ha. Truth be told, it is the ONE meal my mother taught me how to make, and I still have her pressure cooker alongside mine. I have taught my own daughter how to prepare it, and she made it for her cooking final in her Cooking Class in High School (do I hear an A from the teacher?!) Fast, no need for fat -- use broth for flavor! Believe it or not, the type of onion you choose will change the flavor of any meal. One secret divulged: Red onion is the ONLY onion I use making my mother's stew -- I tried it with whatever I had sitting around, it was just not the same.
If you and/or your family eat Fast Food more than twice a week -- you are NOT going to have an easy time keeping off all the weight you've worked so hard to lose. I just realized today, I am almost 30 - THIRTY - BMI points lost -- so I have lost the equivalent to an overweight/obese person - sigh! If you cook it, you can decide how much sodium, fat, and protein goes into your meals. Think about the savings, I buy & prepare the majority of my family's meals, so we are saving from the days one of us would "run to grab something" when we were tired or just lazy. Anyhow, eating healthy is my main topic today, the rest is just gravy (low fat!)...
Stay positive!
Brenda : )~
3 comments
http://www.sott.net/articles/show/242516-Heart-Surgeon-Speaks-Out-On-What-Really-Causes-Heart-Disease
Anyhow, I had posted my two cents mainly citing the lack of cooking skills in recent generations, and that the prepared foods we all (yup, me too) fall back on for quick, easy meals. I was actually chatting in the bulk foods isle with one lady, and a couple in the fresh meat isle on my shopping trip, today. Funny, I was giving cooking advice out like I was someone of authority. There was a saying that I cannot recall completely, "if there is more then five ingredients, beware..." Also, if you are building your meals, you absolutely know what you are eating. Pink slime has me freaked out, and I actually did look to see who used it, who didn't, who has quit... YUCK! Back to what I was saying about learning how to cook, I was telling one couple that if they hand trim their meat, it is cheap and easy to make a meal for 4 - 6 people, and CHEAPER than buying the prepared foods.
My cheater Carne Asada - two cans of Rotel, two pounds of lean beef (you can get carne asada sliced - I then slice it further, into strips) and a couple hours simmering in a pan - good eats! Add some beans - think protein (not re fried, whole beans, yum). If you want some carbs in the meal, think Quinoa made like Spanish rice -- mix in another can of Rotel (okay, I do have some prepared foods like Rotel in my pantry - any "Mexican Spiced" canned tomatoes will work) with the water you will use to steam your Quinoa - it is yummy! Protein packed, and my daughter likes it better than just rice.
Someone on FB asked about ways to cook chicken - ha ha, EASY! Any base - bouillon is what I usually start with - garlic, seasoning, even orange juice in a frying pan, add skinless chicken, and add veggies -- ding! ding! ding! Winner, winner, chicken dinner! I started making orange chicken back in the early 1990's - I was just trying to figure something out for dinner. I grabbed chicken, orange concentrate, salt, pepper, and julienne vegetables, and my friends and family would beg for it! So simple, and without need of fat!!! The orange juice poaches the meat and adds flavor. If you are afraid of mixing seasoning on your own, get a bottle of non fat or low fat salad dressing - pour a couple teaspoons in the frying pan, add water to it, then start adding the main ingredients. Trust me, growing up without a mom to cook (she worked swing shift), I got creative very young. I started adding bouillon cubes to rice water, and then just went from there. Oooo, cook your broccoli in bouillon, your family will rave! My ex Monster-in-Law admitted she missed my broccoli, as she never liked anyone else's before or since. Grab fresh veggies & toss them in the pan, and you've got amazing and healthy sides.
Even at my highest weight, I never had high cholesterol, probably because I was a finicky eater. I hate "rubber," that is what my daughter dubbed fat on meat at a young age. Yup, my eating habits have ruined her for most foods! If it isn't devoid of the fat, she turns her nose, and I hand trim all meats before cooking. Yup, she is spoiled. But, neither of us have Cholesterol issues. I have had my heart valves checked, EKG's, Stress Tests, and have been told I have a very healthy heart. Maybe it is my distaste for fast food that helped me, and I dislike mayonnaise, I just know healthy eating is going to give me a longer life. Not that I am ancient or grew up in the sticks, my hometown had two fast food places, wait, three: Kentucky Fried Chicken, A&W Rootbeer, and Foster's Freeze. My mom was not a great cook, and not home in the dinner hour, so my three brothers and I usually fended for ourselves. In a way, I am glad I grew up without fast food, and that I was a finicky eater.
Pressure cookers will make any cut of meat amazing! I cube my chuck, add V8 to my stock, and a few secret ingredients, I have the most amazing stew ever! I have had people beg me for the recipe, but I only share with those I feel worthy, ha ha. Truth be told, it is the ONE meal my mother taught me how to make, and I still have her pressure cooker alongside mine. I have taught my own daughter how to prepare it, and she made it for her cooking final in her Cooking Class in High School (do I hear an A from the teacher?!) Fast, no need for fat -- use broth for flavor! Believe it or not, the type of onion you choose will change the flavor of any meal. One secret divulged: Red onion is the ONLY onion I use making my mother's stew -- I tried it with whatever I had sitting around, it was just not the same.
If you and/or your family eat Fast Food more than twice a week -- you are NOT going to have an easy time keeping off all the weight you've worked so hard to lose. I just realized today, I am almost 30 - THIRTY - BMI points lost -- so I have lost the equivalent to an overweight/obese person - sigh! If you cook it, you can decide how much sodium, fat, and protein goes into your meals. Think about the savings, I buy & prepare the majority of my family's meals, so we are saving from the days one of us would "run to grab something" when we were tired or just lazy. Anyhow, eating healthy is my main topic today, the rest is just gravy (low fat!)...
Stay positive!
Brenda : )~
Rain & Feeding my Friend the Squirrel...
Apr 11, 2012
What does the rain and feeding a squirrel have to do with anything? I have become so friendly in the last month and a half with a squirrel with a notched right ear, he comes to my sliding door looking for Fig Newtons & sunflower seeds. What else could I do while I recuperated?
Well, it has been almost a month and a half, and I finally got to try out my swimming ability. For my first day back in the water, I had, "Where have you been?" "Did you get the surgery?" "Oh my god! You look great!" "Are you getting any other surgeries?" To tell the absolute truth, it felt amazing to get all that attention. Funny, I used to come in, grab my pass, and head to the locker room. Maybe a little chit chat with the receptionist, but usually I just popped my ear plugs in & swam.
Okay, so to let you know how I feel 6 weeks later, I am a little sore. When my tummy isn't under compression (girdle or binder), it does feel tender & I have to tighten my abdominal so much, it starts to make a new ache. Not a bad ache, just different. The panniculectomy is NOT a tummy tuck, and the only thing anchored to my muscle is the upside down V at the top of my lady parts & where my belly button used to be. My swelling is still evident, and I even iced it last night. I took things SLOWLY, but found I still had decent endurance, I swam an hour and did a mile and a half. The suit I wore yesterday needs to be tighter, so I will have to go on the hunt for more thrift store treasures! I still cannot get over wearing a size 20 swimsuit - my jeans are comfy, a size 22/24 -- but I need the compression of at least a size 20 swimsuit.
When folks ask about the pain, trust me, it really isn't so bad you would deny yourself the end results! Sure, it hurts, but so does childbirth, but women still have kids, right? It has been a life changing surgery, and I am NOT exaggerating. To get personal, I actually have feeling along the mons pubis (the topside of the lady parts - covered with the short & curlies) that I NEVER had before. Or, maybe I had feeling, just less, as it was sandwiched by a blanket of fat. My sweetie & I are taking an extended weekend in Oregon, along the Coast - I have warned him that he BETTER PUT OUT, or else... Understandably, he is afraid of breaking something or hurting me, but a woman has needs...
I cannot say for sure why, whether skin coloring, care of my skin, but my scars are already very faint. So, for my friends asking when I plan to get the infamous tattoo (super secret, but will share after I get it), I am waiting for the swelling to go down, and frankly, hope that my tummy flattens out a little. Protein, vitamins, wearing my binder or girdle, and REST, that also has helped to keep the scars to a minimum.
Miles swam so far this year - 91! I will be slow to get it back to the 15 - 20 miles a week, but I am also back in the water two weeks earlier, so I hope to make 600 by end of year. Thank you to EVERYONE who has supported me!!! I still need to update all the swimsuits! I just received two in the mail - THANKS LYNETTE, I'll find them great homes!!! There are more suits size 24 and up, so if anyone has any usable suits 22 and under, I am happy to help you find them a new home with a fellow OH Member.
To all of you out there contemplating weight loss surgery - do not fear it, but know you do have to put in your far share of work to get the results. In 16 1/2 months I have lost 186 pounds, with another 100+ to go. For those of you who have lost or are in the process of losing and have a long pannus (fat apron), you may be eligible for RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY - a Panniculectomy - and it will change your life! Life is long, so try to keep that into perspective. I originally was going to get surgery in 2004 (considered the panniculectomy in 1996), but life had a way of making me have to postpone. Third time was the charm! Never lose sight of goals, and try never to let frustration make you give up! Positivity isn't a guaranty in life, but if you work for it, you will have a more enjoyable life. Trust me, I can turn a negative into a positive in just how I look at it. Stay positive, and you will have more happiness than you thought possible!
Brenda : )~
9 comments
Well, it has been almost a month and a half, and I finally got to try out my swimming ability. For my first day back in the water, I had, "Where have you been?" "Did you get the surgery?" "Oh my god! You look great!" "Are you getting any other surgeries?" To tell the absolute truth, it felt amazing to get all that attention. Funny, I used to come in, grab my pass, and head to the locker room. Maybe a little chit chat with the receptionist, but usually I just popped my ear plugs in & swam.
Okay, so to let you know how I feel 6 weeks later, I am a little sore. When my tummy isn't under compression (girdle or binder), it does feel tender & I have to tighten my abdominal so much, it starts to make a new ache. Not a bad ache, just different. The panniculectomy is NOT a tummy tuck, and the only thing anchored to my muscle is the upside down V at the top of my lady parts & where my belly button used to be. My swelling is still evident, and I even iced it last night. I took things SLOWLY, but found I still had decent endurance, I swam an hour and did a mile and a half. The suit I wore yesterday needs to be tighter, so I will have to go on the hunt for more thrift store treasures! I still cannot get over wearing a size 20 swimsuit - my jeans are comfy, a size 22/24 -- but I need the compression of at least a size 20 swimsuit.
When folks ask about the pain, trust me, it really isn't so bad you would deny yourself the end results! Sure, it hurts, but so does childbirth, but women still have kids, right? It has been a life changing surgery, and I am NOT exaggerating. To get personal, I actually have feeling along the mons pubis (the topside of the lady parts - covered with the short & curlies) that I NEVER had before. Or, maybe I had feeling, just less, as it was sandwiched by a blanket of fat. My sweetie & I are taking an extended weekend in Oregon, along the Coast - I have warned him that he BETTER PUT OUT, or else... Understandably, he is afraid of breaking something or hurting me, but a woman has needs...
I cannot say for sure why, whether skin coloring, care of my skin, but my scars are already very faint. So, for my friends asking when I plan to get the infamous tattoo (super secret, but will share after I get it), I am waiting for the swelling to go down, and frankly, hope that my tummy flattens out a little. Protein, vitamins, wearing my binder or girdle, and REST, that also has helped to keep the scars to a minimum.
Miles swam so far this year - 91! I will be slow to get it back to the 15 - 20 miles a week, but I am also back in the water two weeks earlier, so I hope to make 600 by end of year. Thank you to EVERYONE who has supported me!!! I still need to update all the swimsuits! I just received two in the mail - THANKS LYNETTE, I'll find them great homes!!! There are more suits size 24 and up, so if anyone has any usable suits 22 and under, I am happy to help you find them a new home with a fellow OH Member.
To all of you out there contemplating weight loss surgery - do not fear it, but know you do have to put in your far share of work to get the results. In 16 1/2 months I have lost 186 pounds, with another 100+ to go. For those of you who have lost or are in the process of losing and have a long pannus (fat apron), you may be eligible for RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY - a Panniculectomy - and it will change your life! Life is long, so try to keep that into perspective. I originally was going to get surgery in 2004 (considered the panniculectomy in 1996), but life had a way of making me have to postpone. Third time was the charm! Never lose sight of goals, and try never to let frustration make you give up! Positivity isn't a guaranty in life, but if you work for it, you will have a more enjoyable life. Trust me, I can turn a negative into a positive in just how I look at it. Stay positive, and you will have more happiness than you thought possible!
Brenda : )~
South Puget Sound Support Group Meeting, 4/7 in Federal Way, WA
Mar 30, 2012
Howdy Folks! If you live in the Puget Sound/Seattle Washington Area and need support, the First Saturday and Third Thursday of every month we are available to support YOU!
Saturday, April 7th at noon, come meet us at the Black Bear Diner (32065 Pacific Hwy S. Federal Way, WA 98003) at Noon to discus Priorities & Where Are You? Does stress trigger bad eating decisions? Make YOU a priority!
We welcome ALL surgical patients, non-surgical patients, support people, we just ask you come with support on your mind! Come meet others who know what you are going through, share YOUR experiences, and make friends to make the journey with!
Some of our members are in maintenance, many are still on their journey to goal, some haven't gotten a date yet - so you will meet others who are at various stages of the process. Discuss nutrition, head hunger, stress, and whatever you need help with!
Contact me directly if you need a friendly face to meet you at the door! Find me on Facebook - Barbarian Brenda!
Stay Positive!
Brenda : )~
0 comments
Saturday, April 7th at noon, come meet us at the Black Bear Diner (32065 Pacific Hwy S. Federal Way, WA 98003) at Noon to discus Priorities & Where Are You? Does stress trigger bad eating decisions? Make YOU a priority!
We welcome ALL surgical patients, non-surgical patients, support people, we just ask you come with support on your mind! Come meet others who know what you are going through, share YOUR experiences, and make friends to make the journey with!
Some of our members are in maintenance, many are still on their journey to goal, some haven't gotten a date yet - so you will meet others who are at various stages of the process. Discuss nutrition, head hunger, stress, and whatever you need help with!
Contact me directly if you need a friendly face to meet you at the door! Find me on Facebook - Barbarian Brenda!
Stay Positive!
Brenda : )~
Support, and I am not Talking Undergarments...
Mar 29, 2012
Support is a fabulous thing!
I write on my OH Blog usually a couple times a week, sometimes more, sometimes less, but I write. Because I am willing to share my journey, I have been blessed with so many supporters, to which I wave and say, "If you are ever in Seattle (or Maui, when I am there), holler!!!" I have been able to meet six people off of Obesity Help, and I am happy to meet & support everyone of you, as I receive amazing support from emails and comments, daily. If you cannot go in person to a support group, I am so happy that Obesity Help exists to be support for the many members (I am thinking somewhere in the hundreds of thousands, am I close?) here.
What my support is like: I am the leader of one support group - so if you live in the Puget Sound Area, holler, we meet twice a month. I also attend two other meetings a month, in person. One is connected to the hospital I had both my surgeries at (RNY & Panniculactomy), the other is just members of OH who started their own group and I had meet one of them at the OH Conference last Summer. I also attend, over the phone, one other meeting, for Obesity Help Leaders. Yup, we need a place to let our hair down, too. Learning, camaraderie, and activity is what I think of when I am asked "what is support?' Whether you have a good family support team, friends, or just here on OH, you need support on this journey, as we all have failed in our past.
How do I succeed at losing weight? Being honest. Not just with others, but with myself. I keep a food journal, because I thought I "knew everything" about losing weight, but got stuck in a plateau. Hmmm, what am I doing wrong? I decided to "get an App," and USE IT. Sure, I have had four different ones, but I finally found one I will use EVERY DAY. Guess what? I ate 1900 calories the first day I started to keep a journal again. Holy smokes! No wonder I am stuck! Sure, I was working out, but that did not mean I could indulge in pre-weight loss surgery calories. Honesty got me back on track. Measuring your food is a pain, but when you think you know it all, you get stuck -- so get those measuring cups back out.
Going to a meeting and sharing your experiences with others is a win-win proposition! Trust me, when someone tells me I am an inspiration to them, I get embarrassed, but thank them. When I meet someone who inspires me, I make damn sure I tell them! I shouldn't be the only one embarrassed! I say it a lot, you get support by giving support. I look at my current weight, and say, "Shoot, I am he size most folks are when they start this journey..." It makes me feel a little bad for a moment, but then I remind myself, "But, I used to be 180+ pounds heavier!" It is all in how you look at any situation. Try to look for the positive, you will find it! When I faced my divorce, I would joke, "I lost 135 pounds, then turned around and lost another 200..." I hate to admit the good in having a marriage end, but it was necessary for my family (not just the husband and the wife) to go their separate ways, life had become toxic.
Last night was another support group meeting I had to miss. I felt like a loser (in a bad way) for not showing up. Then I reminded myself that I really do need more time to heal, that my little bit of running around I had been doing was causing swelling. The payoff: I weighed myself this morning & was 2 pounds lighter -- well, less water. It is all in how you look at things. I wrote a quick email to the support group leader, letter her know why I stayed home, as I ran into her on Monday at my doctors office, when I was told to be "less active". So, in my quest to get back in the water & losing weight again, I have decided to do as told, even if it is boring.
When you feel like you need help, never be afraid to reach out. If your medical center does not have a support group, look for an OA (Overeaters Anonymous), a TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly), on OH in your state Forum (lots of groups are available - just look for us!), or even the classifieds of your local paper or on Craigslist. By sharing your journey, we all benefit. So, if you don't have support, look for some. If you are willing to give support, put yourself out there for others, they will find you. Just know that we all need support at some point in life.
Okay, here is where I thank every person who wrote me this week, I finally caught up with all the emails! I have clothing to go through for another OH member, and swimsuits to send out. With every day that passes, I am happier to be alive!!! Make every day count, and stay positive!!!
Brenda : )~
3 comments
I write on my OH Blog usually a couple times a week, sometimes more, sometimes less, but I write. Because I am willing to share my journey, I have been blessed with so many supporters, to which I wave and say, "If you are ever in Seattle (or Maui, when I am there), holler!!!" I have been able to meet six people off of Obesity Help, and I am happy to meet & support everyone of you, as I receive amazing support from emails and comments, daily. If you cannot go in person to a support group, I am so happy that Obesity Help exists to be support for the many members (I am thinking somewhere in the hundreds of thousands, am I close?) here.
What my support is like: I am the leader of one support group - so if you live in the Puget Sound Area, holler, we meet twice a month. I also attend two other meetings a month, in person. One is connected to the hospital I had both my surgeries at (RNY & Panniculactomy), the other is just members of OH who started their own group and I had meet one of them at the OH Conference last Summer. I also attend, over the phone, one other meeting, for Obesity Help Leaders. Yup, we need a place to let our hair down, too. Learning, camaraderie, and activity is what I think of when I am asked "what is support?' Whether you have a good family support team, friends, or just here on OH, you need support on this journey, as we all have failed in our past.
How do I succeed at losing weight? Being honest. Not just with others, but with myself. I keep a food journal, because I thought I "knew everything" about losing weight, but got stuck in a plateau. Hmmm, what am I doing wrong? I decided to "get an App," and USE IT. Sure, I have had four different ones, but I finally found one I will use EVERY DAY. Guess what? I ate 1900 calories the first day I started to keep a journal again. Holy smokes! No wonder I am stuck! Sure, I was working out, but that did not mean I could indulge in pre-weight loss surgery calories. Honesty got me back on track. Measuring your food is a pain, but when you think you know it all, you get stuck -- so get those measuring cups back out.
Going to a meeting and sharing your experiences with others is a win-win proposition! Trust me, when someone tells me I am an inspiration to them, I get embarrassed, but thank them. When I meet someone who inspires me, I make damn sure I tell them! I shouldn't be the only one embarrassed! I say it a lot, you get support by giving support. I look at my current weight, and say, "Shoot, I am he size most folks are when they start this journey..." It makes me feel a little bad for a moment, but then I remind myself, "But, I used to be 180+ pounds heavier!" It is all in how you look at any situation. Try to look for the positive, you will find it! When I faced my divorce, I would joke, "I lost 135 pounds, then turned around and lost another 200..." I hate to admit the good in having a marriage end, but it was necessary for my family (not just the husband and the wife) to go their separate ways, life had become toxic.
Last night was another support group meeting I had to miss. I felt like a loser (in a bad way) for not showing up. Then I reminded myself that I really do need more time to heal, that my little bit of running around I had been doing was causing swelling. The payoff: I weighed myself this morning & was 2 pounds lighter -- well, less water. It is all in how you look at things. I wrote a quick email to the support group leader, letter her know why I stayed home, as I ran into her on Monday at my doctors office, when I was told to be "less active". So, in my quest to get back in the water & losing weight again, I have decided to do as told, even if it is boring.
When you feel like you need help, never be afraid to reach out. If your medical center does not have a support group, look for an OA (Overeaters Anonymous), a TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly), on OH in your state Forum (lots of groups are available - just look for us!), or even the classifieds of your local paper or on Craigslist. By sharing your journey, we all benefit. So, if you don't have support, look for some. If you are willing to give support, put yourself out there for others, they will find you. Just know that we all need support at some point in life.
Okay, here is where I thank every person who wrote me this week, I finally caught up with all the emails! I have clothing to go through for another OH member, and swimsuits to send out. With every day that passes, I am happier to be alive!!! Make every day count, and stay positive!!!
Brenda : )~
FREE Swimwear, 14 already given out...
Mar 28, 2012
Hey Folks!
Do you have a need for a swimsuit, but hate the cost of a new suit while you are losing weight? Check my album marked "Free Swimwear", as 14 swimsuits have already found new homes, and I need homes for MORE! All I ask is that you cover shipping. I just had a panniculectomy, so I will be adding 5 new suits size 26 and up.
Do you have swimwear that you have outgrown (it's too big, and you are proud), consider "Paying it Forward" to another OH Member, either by sending it to me or YOU can offer it to members by just POSTING! Why should Thrift Stores be your first place to donate? Think of your fellow OH Members, and offer your suit to them.
I just found a used size 20 swimsuit at my local Goodwill Store, and paid $4!!! I have the suit up in my album marked "Panniculectomy", so if you want to find a suit when you are losing sizes, do not be afraid to check Thrift Stores. With the weather changing, this is the time to start thinking swimwear!!! As soon as I am healed, I look forward to swimming my way out of THIS size 20, too! If you like the suit, let me know, I'll save it for YOU!
I have sizes up to 34, and happy to send them to anyone asking, just please help with the shipping. I even have a few MENS trunks! No excuses, I swam 500 miles last year, and have lost over 180 pounds. I still have a LONG way to go, but if I can do it, so can you!!! Stand tall & proud at your local pool! Do not let your fear of "what will they think" keep you from exercise! Water is your friend! Just remember, gravity SUCKS, water lets you float... No more achy joints, just get out there & move!!!
When I started this journey, I wore a custom sized suit (sanctuarie.net), and I am now in a size 20 swimsuit - just 15 months of work!!! I know it isn't easy, but I (and so should you) be worth this effort!!! Get out there & swim!!!
Stay Positive!
Brenda : )~
8 comments
Do you have a need for a swimsuit, but hate the cost of a new suit while you are losing weight? Check my album marked "Free Swimwear", as 14 swimsuits have already found new homes, and I need homes for MORE! All I ask is that you cover shipping. I just had a panniculectomy, so I will be adding 5 new suits size 26 and up.
Do you have swimwear that you have outgrown (it's too big, and you are proud), consider "Paying it Forward" to another OH Member, either by sending it to me or YOU can offer it to members by just POSTING! Why should Thrift Stores be your first place to donate? Think of your fellow OH Members, and offer your suit to them.
I just found a used size 20 swimsuit at my local Goodwill Store, and paid $4!!! I have the suit up in my album marked "Panniculectomy", so if you want to find a suit when you are losing sizes, do not be afraid to check Thrift Stores. With the weather changing, this is the time to start thinking swimwear!!! As soon as I am healed, I look forward to swimming my way out of THIS size 20, too! If you like the suit, let me know, I'll save it for YOU!
I have sizes up to 34, and happy to send them to anyone asking, just please help with the shipping. I even have a few MENS trunks! No excuses, I swam 500 miles last year, and have lost over 180 pounds. I still have a LONG way to go, but if I can do it, so can you!!! Stand tall & proud at your local pool! Do not let your fear of "what will they think" keep you from exercise! Water is your friend! Just remember, gravity SUCKS, water lets you float... No more achy joints, just get out there & move!!!
When I started this journey, I wore a custom sized suit (sanctuarie.net), and I am now in a size 20 swimsuit - just 15 months of work!!! I know it isn't easy, but I (and so should you) be worth this effort!!! Get out there & swim!!!
Stay Positive!
Brenda : )~
STILL, on the Injured/Reserved List...
Mar 28, 2012
Here I am, stuck back in bed, sigh. I had to go to my surgeon's office on Monday, my drain has had a few problems, and now it just "pops" out when I am less swollen. The problem started with the tube, it sprung a leak, so it was not holding suction. No big deal, just cut it down, right? Nope. Having the tube shortened actually made it easier for me to YANK out the stitches holding the drain inside of me. Sigh. Imagine fishing line being TORN from your flesh, yup, it HURTS. In the meantime, I was told bed rest for the next two weeks, and "don't be SO active..." Really? How do I function? Well, I am learning, LISTEN and DO as I am told, or those drains may never get removed. I am pouting like a petulant child, but I will behave, I promise.
Okay, who hasn't seen my latest $4 swimsuit I bought (on one of those days I was away from home & NOT resting)? Can you imagine the JOY I had trying on a size 20 swimsuit & it fitting?! Before my panniculectomy, I was wearing a size 26 - although loosely, I am now looking forward to getting my swelling down & back into the pool! My incision is LOVELY. Yup, I said it, my skin is not a scary scar, just a light line going from one hip to the other, with a swollen tummy peeking over it. The hard part of this is laying about and not being active, and just following that would be the swelling -- what will it ultimately look like?!
Without having my pannus hanging over my thighs, it is evident that will be the next hurdle - getting my weight down & having reconstructive surgery to remove all the hanging flesh left. If you inflate a balloon and immediately let out the air, sure it is a little deformed. But if you continue to blow the balloon up, let out some air, blow it up bigger, the balloon becomes very misshapen. That, sadly is my case. I guess I got too big and frankly stayed big too long, so I will have to live with my thighs until I am within a weight that is stable and the fat shrunk enough to just leave behind skin. Trust me, it isn't a thought that warms me, but in a way, having the sagging skin will remind me two things: DON'T GET FAT, AGAIN, and I can DO THIS! What teaches us ultimately are the consequences of our actions. I am older than I used to be (duh), and I got too fat, so now I have sagging skin. Lesson for you "young'uns," do NOT wait to lose weight, your skin will not be so forgiving!
Truly, if all I have to worry about is sagging skin, then I really got off easy. I did not develop diabetes, or other serious co-morbitities, so I actually know deep down, I REALLY got off easy. Sure, I was less able to do all the things I love doing, but I have to wonder, why did it take me this long to finally get serious? This is a good question for you to ask yourself. Are you worth the effort? Heck yeah!!! If you did not yell out (in your head) a similar response, I hope you have someone to speak with, as you really need to care about your health and happiness. Okay, I got rid of Fup, now what?
During my recovery process I have had the surgeon's office tell me "Your skin is healing so well! How are you doing this?" Protein and excellent nutrition! Yup, I am going to give a plug to a company that has served me well. Folks often ask me what I do to get my 100+ grams of protein a day -- which is hard to do if you are NOT allowed to be physically active & keep your weight loss going -- I use CHIKE Meal Replacement. Yup, a high protein diet after major reconstructive surgery is necessary to heal, and I am healing well. Other than the hiccup with my drain, my incision is closed & has no redness. Feel free to look at my albums for my updated photos -- the password for the one protected album is just an email away -- but I do have photos that are not nude. If you are looking for a solid nutrition base, check out Chike. You get a portion of your daily required nutrients, 28 grams of protein, all for 190 calories. I am still keeping my food journal, and have gotten my weight to actually head in the right direction, mainly from what I call "nutritional math". If you have a meal that is just protein, say a chicken breast, and it is 190 calories, wouldn't you rather getting a meal with all the veggies & starch for the same 190 calories? Or better still, that same balanced meal would be over 300 calories, or the meal replacement of only 190 calories. Yup, it makes nutritional sense to me to supplement my daily meals with Chike.
For the next week or two, I will behave, because I MISS being active. The price I pay now in boredom is paying out in a quick and complete recovery. No seroma (fluid building up in my gut) is worth my itch to run around & overtax my body, so I am back on my back, with LOTS of pillows. I believe I have seven of them! Two under my legs, the other five propping my head & shoulders up. Funny, I feel like I should feel guilty, but I remind myself that it takes time & patience to get past this hurdle. Rest assured, I am going to be excited when I am released back to swimming! I will also start back SLOWLY, as I will have been out of the water (probably) two months. I think I will shoot for 2000 meters, less if I need to. Small steps, and I will build from there.
If you are wondering about panniculectomies, feel free to go back into my blog, I believe I really spent a lot of time explaining the process and classifications (whether it is considered reconstructive over merely being cosmetic) back in November and December of last year. In talking with one of the nurses in my surgeon's office, there has been DRAMATIC changes in the coverage for reconstructive surgery after dramatic weight loss -- so do NOT be afraid to ask if you may be covered for reconstructive surgery. In my particular case, I not only got the panniculus removed, I had eight tenths of a pound of flesh removed from my mons pubis (I lovingly refer to my "cooter"). If you have to opportunity to meet with a surgeon, ask about what can be done to your private parts -- this is also for the MEN FOLK! Gynocomastia (what I refer to a MOOB-ectomy) is also available as a "reconstructive" procedure, and being covered by insurance. Hey, you did a FABULOUS job losing weight, why not have more help in making you look as good as you feel?!
Being stuck at home is actually not horrific, but it is something you have to be prepared to do if you have 19 pounds of flesh removed from your body. Okay, so if you haven't already - go check out my photos. I will continue to post more as I recover, and understand I am severely swollen, so it should shrink back to normal in time. Stay positive!!!
Brenda : )~
3 comments
Okay, who hasn't seen my latest $4 swimsuit I bought (on one of those days I was away from home & NOT resting)? Can you imagine the JOY I had trying on a size 20 swimsuit & it fitting?! Before my panniculectomy, I was wearing a size 26 - although loosely, I am now looking forward to getting my swelling down & back into the pool! My incision is LOVELY. Yup, I said it, my skin is not a scary scar, just a light line going from one hip to the other, with a swollen tummy peeking over it. The hard part of this is laying about and not being active, and just following that would be the swelling -- what will it ultimately look like?!
Without having my pannus hanging over my thighs, it is evident that will be the next hurdle - getting my weight down & having reconstructive surgery to remove all the hanging flesh left. If you inflate a balloon and immediately let out the air, sure it is a little deformed. But if you continue to blow the balloon up, let out some air, blow it up bigger, the balloon becomes very misshapen. That, sadly is my case. I guess I got too big and frankly stayed big too long, so I will have to live with my thighs until I am within a weight that is stable and the fat shrunk enough to just leave behind skin. Trust me, it isn't a thought that warms me, but in a way, having the sagging skin will remind me two things: DON'T GET FAT, AGAIN, and I can DO THIS! What teaches us ultimately are the consequences of our actions. I am older than I used to be (duh), and I got too fat, so now I have sagging skin. Lesson for you "young'uns," do NOT wait to lose weight, your skin will not be so forgiving!
Truly, if all I have to worry about is sagging skin, then I really got off easy. I did not develop diabetes, or other serious co-morbitities, so I actually know deep down, I REALLY got off easy. Sure, I was less able to do all the things I love doing, but I have to wonder, why did it take me this long to finally get serious? This is a good question for you to ask yourself. Are you worth the effort? Heck yeah!!! If you did not yell out (in your head) a similar response, I hope you have someone to speak with, as you really need to care about your health and happiness. Okay, I got rid of Fup, now what?
During my recovery process I have had the surgeon's office tell me "Your skin is healing so well! How are you doing this?" Protein and excellent nutrition! Yup, I am going to give a plug to a company that has served me well. Folks often ask me what I do to get my 100+ grams of protein a day -- which is hard to do if you are NOT allowed to be physically active & keep your weight loss going -- I use CHIKE Meal Replacement. Yup, a high protein diet after major reconstructive surgery is necessary to heal, and I am healing well. Other than the hiccup with my drain, my incision is closed & has no redness. Feel free to look at my albums for my updated photos -- the password for the one protected album is just an email away -- but I do have photos that are not nude. If you are looking for a solid nutrition base, check out Chike. You get a portion of your daily required nutrients, 28 grams of protein, all for 190 calories. I am still keeping my food journal, and have gotten my weight to actually head in the right direction, mainly from what I call "nutritional math". If you have a meal that is just protein, say a chicken breast, and it is 190 calories, wouldn't you rather getting a meal with all the veggies & starch for the same 190 calories? Or better still, that same balanced meal would be over 300 calories, or the meal replacement of only 190 calories. Yup, it makes nutritional sense to me to supplement my daily meals with Chike.
For the next week or two, I will behave, because I MISS being active. The price I pay now in boredom is paying out in a quick and complete recovery. No seroma (fluid building up in my gut) is worth my itch to run around & overtax my body, so I am back on my back, with LOTS of pillows. I believe I have seven of them! Two under my legs, the other five propping my head & shoulders up. Funny, I feel like I should feel guilty, but I remind myself that it takes time & patience to get past this hurdle. Rest assured, I am going to be excited when I am released back to swimming! I will also start back SLOWLY, as I will have been out of the water (probably) two months. I think I will shoot for 2000 meters, less if I need to. Small steps, and I will build from there.
If you are wondering about panniculectomies, feel free to go back into my blog, I believe I really spent a lot of time explaining the process and classifications (whether it is considered reconstructive over merely being cosmetic) back in November and December of last year. In talking with one of the nurses in my surgeon's office, there has been DRAMATIC changes in the coverage for reconstructive surgery after dramatic weight loss -- so do NOT be afraid to ask if you may be covered for reconstructive surgery. In my particular case, I not only got the panniculus removed, I had eight tenths of a pound of flesh removed from my mons pubis (I lovingly refer to my "cooter"). If you have to opportunity to meet with a surgeon, ask about what can be done to your private parts -- this is also for the MEN FOLK! Gynocomastia (what I refer to a MOOB-ectomy) is also available as a "reconstructive" procedure, and being covered by insurance. Hey, you did a FABULOUS job losing weight, why not have more help in making you look as good as you feel?!
Being stuck at home is actually not horrific, but it is something you have to be prepared to do if you have 19 pounds of flesh removed from your body. Okay, so if you haven't already - go check out my photos. I will continue to post more as I recover, and understand I am severely swollen, so it should shrink back to normal in time. Stay positive!!!
Brenda : )~
I'm Shrinking, yet Growing at the Same Time...
Mar 25, 2012
I just seem to slowly be getting back to an almost normal daily life - I still have lots of limitations, but as I say, slowly adding more to my day. Three weeks ago I had my "fup" (pannus) removed, and I am finally allowing how I look to sink in. Weird, I always thought I had a high waist & long trunk -- but in actuality, I guess I don't. My belly used to end about ten inches lower than it now does, and the funny thing, I just never gave my "cooter" much thought to her location and/or distance from my waist.
For folks who have a long pannus, I think we all have a different image of our private parts. Under the flesh, they exist, but not out in the open as they were meant to be. Let me tell you, wearing jeans feels absolutely weird, now that I do not have the fleshy "outer garment" known as "fup". It is weird to feel so exposed, but not in a bad way, just foreign to me. I am still very swollen above my hairline/pubic area, that if I stand too long, it starts to feel numb -- obviously I will have to deal with the swelling for as long as it takes to heal, but I am aware of my limitations.
Monday, I have to go back to the doctor for the drain on my left hip, sigh. I had sprung a leak in my tubing, so I suggested we just leave a stubby tube to continue the draining process, only to NOT realize I am less than dainty in my actions, I somehow yanked out the stitches anchoring said stubby tube. New pain from torn, open flesh, sigh. I am being very good with it's care, so worry not, I am not too worried about infection. The other drain is probably ready to be removed, but I keep wondering if it will happen sooner than later. I haven't a clue how deep my drains go, but I will share when I find out. Fascinating stuff, I love knowing what all the tubes are for, what they do, I just love knowing about mysterious things doctors figure out to keep us healthy.
My scale has NOT been in use of late, I just am afraid I may get all freaked out from the lack of positive reinforcement. I'm swollen, not allowed to do much activity, so how in the world would the scale show me something wonderful? Instead, I try to remind myself that I will be able to build back my activities, and see the fruits of my labor in the way of pounds lost. I did try on a pair of Lee Jeans - they mostly fit! Loose in the crotch - something I cannot ever remember, since my pannus used to tuck into the pants legs (my butt in front). I have been told by folks who see me on a regular basis I am smaller three weeks out then just after, so I am just going to give the scale a little vacation.
Before you want to ask this question, let me say, I am so looking forward to working toward the next surgery! Maybe I run the risk of being addicted to getting reconstructive surgery, but I am mostly realistic about what can be achieved. My top five surgeries I would like... Number Five: Lower Body Lift, so my muffin top in back would be gone. Number Four: My neck, I finally feel my age when I look in the mirror, sigh. Number Three: Abdominoplasty. Number Two: Boob lift, heck maybe even add a little. Number One: Thighs. I ranked them in the order I feel their importance, just because some of the loose skin may be able to tighten with more exercise, but some I know I will have to either live with (neck) or get work done to (thighs). I have already decided I will not hide my floppy, flabby thighs, because if I see them, I will be forced to work harder to achieve my goal, to make them more normal. If it is staring in my face, I hope it will keep me grounded and know it is up to me to change.
Fifteen months later, I am mostly proud of my work, and know i can work harder to finish the weight loss portion of the journey. Losing slowly is hopefully going to help me keep it off, but I know that I will have to be on guard for life. My weight did not happen overnight, but because it was so gradual, I believe that is how it got so high. I joke about it now, but I sadly used to think, "Oh, thirty pounds will make the difference, I can just get serious, and lose it & be happy..." When thirty became fifty, I think I was becoming better at telling myself I was fine & can do it, "when I am ready..."
Back in July of 2008, I had a health scare. I was having heart palpitations, so I went to see my doctor, "I have finally did it, I broke my heart, I think I finally have heart disease!" Luckily, my doctor is wise and not into scaring a patient into losing weight, otherwise I may have not come to the conclusion I came to. It turns out, I did NOT have a problem with my heart, I had Pernicious Anemia (inability to absorb B12 on my own), so I needed to start taking shots. I started feeling better within about a month, but decided then & there, I was going to do something about my "thirty to fifty" pounds. My goal was to lose enough weight - on my own - not to NEED gastric bypass, so in one year I needed to see big results. I did lose weight, but frankly, I have no idea how much, as I wasn't using a scale - I was TOO FAT to be weighed at my doctors office.
By Early 2009 the writing was on the wall. Sure, I was finally exercising 5 days a week, but I was still HUGE. Things happen, I was in an automotive accident, ironically on my way to swim, so I had to put surgery aside for a year. By January of 2010, I was scheduled to start the process. So, for you folks asking how long the process can take, I did not get my surgery until November of 2010. It takes as long as it takes. My surgery has made my life worth living again, not that I wasn't happy, I wasn't as active as I wanted to be. Carrying around close to 500 pounds (474 was my start weight for surgery - that after the year & a half wait) just is not an easy thing to do. I look back and actually am somewhat proud of the things I was able to do at that high of a weight. I also feel guilty for being pissed off when I was forced to buy an extra seat on airplanes. It isn't the fault of anyone else that I needed more than my one seat (well, Southwest sucks, even when I was a normal sized sat person), so I finally did something about it. Being a proud, fat woman is who I have been my entire adult life, so I have to remember that fat is NOT the norm.
One thing I have to say I received from being fat, I am an empathetic person. Growing up, I always championed for the "underdog". Rude comments have been known to be heard from my mouth, but then I remind myself, "Hey, who said YOU are so perfect?!" Then I see reality for what it is, and treat others how I would like to be treated. I have wondered how different a person I would have become, had I been a "normal sized" person, and then I realize that even super models have insecurities. Nobody is perfect, I get that. I am still learning, "if you can't say something nice, don't say 'nuthin at all..." (Thumper is one of the characters I relate to), and try to live by that simple thought. There is a lot of really cool things about being alive, so I happily try to live as positive a life as I can, so that maybe others will be able to say nice things about me when I am finished. My grandmother was someone I can remember having only positive things to say. Even when I reached adulthood, I was still a kid in my head around her, but she never said a negative thing. If I can grow up to be like her, or even my great aunt Maura, then I will have lived a good life. Think before you open your mouth...
Ha ha ha, I actually have to say that this time around - I have lost large amounts of weight a few times in my life - I think I haven't gotten too big for my britches! I joke with folks, "The last time I lost 135 pounds, I ended up losing another 200, my ex husband..." This time around, I am in a better place, and having surpassed the 135 pound mark months ago, I am not walking around feeling like I am superior, so I have grown as a human. So many of us become a different person after weight loss. Trust me, I have lost DEAR friends over their weight loss. Maybe it is maturity, I am unsure, but this time around, I do feel different. Oh, I have my moments, which remind me to "think before I ..." so, I am far from being "truly enlightened". But, there is a certain amount of pride I have for my mature behavior, and I feel happy about that. If you are not familiar with losing a lot of weight, many folks start acting out, sexually. Hey I said it, so it must be true...
Maybe I am a very lucky person, but I finally have someone in my life who (this is going to hurt), well, he completes me. He brought up the fear of me dumping him, now that I am "skinny," so I am more careful in my peacock behavior. Yes, I am one of those, "Look at me! Look at me!" people, but for some reason (maturity), I do not have the need this time around. More friends of mine who lost a lot of weight, stepped out on their significant other, so I am aware of the behavior. I have laughed at me being as he calls it, "skinny," because this is the smallest size he has known me at. Far from being skinny, I am also far from being in need of validation that I am now sexually acceptable to more men. Sorry guys, I have something special at home, and frankly I doubt anyone else can give me those goosey-bumps nearly as well.
Okay, let me move into another area I have found interesting, being VISIBLE. How can someone who used to wear a 5X, in brightly colored garb, be invisible? I was. Since losing well over 100 pounds (I have lost over 180, so far), I am having more conversations with folks, than before. I have been swimming at the King County Aquatic Center since August of 2009 (I switched pools that year), and barely talked to any of the folks who worked there (front office, maintenance, life guards), even other patrons. Weird, since I really started to show real progress in my weight loss journey, more folks seem to see me. Is it embarrassment? There is a certain amount of the population who see fat people as being worth less than average sized folks, but there has to be more to this. As a child, I was fat, but EVERYONE seemed to know me. I am still the same outgoing person as I was growing up, but somehow, I am more visible now that I am becoming a "normal" sized fat person (that is how my daughter describes me). How am I more visible in a size 20 than when I was wearing a size 34? Part of me feels hurt by this new phenomena, as I am still the same Brenda I have always been, just in a smaller package. So, if you are in the process of losing weight, be advised, if you do not like talking to strangers, it most likely is something you will have to learn to do.
My laundry buzzer went off a paragraph ago, but sometimes I have to just explore my thoughts & put them out there. Losing weight is very much a mental thing, not just a physical one, so be prepared. My best advice to anyone - be positive. I try to be open & friendly to all strangers, but I am still surprised by human nature (good & bad). If you are losing weight in hopes that it will fix your life -- other than physical portions of this thought, weight loss isn't the answer. Being "okay" with who you are is really the key. I have been lucky to have some wonderful role models, so for me, the weight loss is more to fix my physical self. Maybe I am talking out of my hat, but I do not think my weight was a buffer. Like I say, my hat may be muffling my thoughts, but I am always willing to face what needs to be changed, so I can be a role model for someone else. Man, I hope that didn't sound too full of myself! I actually have read my journal from Third Grade (yup, I have always enjoyed writing), and I was so proud of that 8 year old, I actually remind myself to be more like her everyday. On that note, I think I should go do laundry & get to my other correspondence! It's Sunday and sunny in Seattle, which is a lovely thing!
Brenda : )~
9 comments
For folks who have a long pannus, I think we all have a different image of our private parts. Under the flesh, they exist, but not out in the open as they were meant to be. Let me tell you, wearing jeans feels absolutely weird, now that I do not have the fleshy "outer garment" known as "fup". It is weird to feel so exposed, but not in a bad way, just foreign to me. I am still very swollen above my hairline/pubic area, that if I stand too long, it starts to feel numb -- obviously I will have to deal with the swelling for as long as it takes to heal, but I am aware of my limitations.
Monday, I have to go back to the doctor for the drain on my left hip, sigh. I had sprung a leak in my tubing, so I suggested we just leave a stubby tube to continue the draining process, only to NOT realize I am less than dainty in my actions, I somehow yanked out the stitches anchoring said stubby tube. New pain from torn, open flesh, sigh. I am being very good with it's care, so worry not, I am not too worried about infection. The other drain is probably ready to be removed, but I keep wondering if it will happen sooner than later. I haven't a clue how deep my drains go, but I will share when I find out. Fascinating stuff, I love knowing what all the tubes are for, what they do, I just love knowing about mysterious things doctors figure out to keep us healthy.
My scale has NOT been in use of late, I just am afraid I may get all freaked out from the lack of positive reinforcement. I'm swollen, not allowed to do much activity, so how in the world would the scale show me something wonderful? Instead, I try to remind myself that I will be able to build back my activities, and see the fruits of my labor in the way of pounds lost. I did try on a pair of Lee Jeans - they mostly fit! Loose in the crotch - something I cannot ever remember, since my pannus used to tuck into the pants legs (my butt in front). I have been told by folks who see me on a regular basis I am smaller three weeks out then just after, so I am just going to give the scale a little vacation.
Before you want to ask this question, let me say, I am so looking forward to working toward the next surgery! Maybe I run the risk of being addicted to getting reconstructive surgery, but I am mostly realistic about what can be achieved. My top five surgeries I would like... Number Five: Lower Body Lift, so my muffin top in back would be gone. Number Four: My neck, I finally feel my age when I look in the mirror, sigh. Number Three: Abdominoplasty. Number Two: Boob lift, heck maybe even add a little. Number One: Thighs. I ranked them in the order I feel their importance, just because some of the loose skin may be able to tighten with more exercise, but some I know I will have to either live with (neck) or get work done to (thighs). I have already decided I will not hide my floppy, flabby thighs, because if I see them, I will be forced to work harder to achieve my goal, to make them more normal. If it is staring in my face, I hope it will keep me grounded and know it is up to me to change.
Fifteen months later, I am mostly proud of my work, and know i can work harder to finish the weight loss portion of the journey. Losing slowly is hopefully going to help me keep it off, but I know that I will have to be on guard for life. My weight did not happen overnight, but because it was so gradual, I believe that is how it got so high. I joke about it now, but I sadly used to think, "Oh, thirty pounds will make the difference, I can just get serious, and lose it & be happy..." When thirty became fifty, I think I was becoming better at telling myself I was fine & can do it, "when I am ready..."
Back in July of 2008, I had a health scare. I was having heart palpitations, so I went to see my doctor, "I have finally did it, I broke my heart, I think I finally have heart disease!" Luckily, my doctor is wise and not into scaring a patient into losing weight, otherwise I may have not come to the conclusion I came to. It turns out, I did NOT have a problem with my heart, I had Pernicious Anemia (inability to absorb B12 on my own), so I needed to start taking shots. I started feeling better within about a month, but decided then & there, I was going to do something about my "thirty to fifty" pounds. My goal was to lose enough weight - on my own - not to NEED gastric bypass, so in one year I needed to see big results. I did lose weight, but frankly, I have no idea how much, as I wasn't using a scale - I was TOO FAT to be weighed at my doctors office.
By Early 2009 the writing was on the wall. Sure, I was finally exercising 5 days a week, but I was still HUGE. Things happen, I was in an automotive accident, ironically on my way to swim, so I had to put surgery aside for a year. By January of 2010, I was scheduled to start the process. So, for you folks asking how long the process can take, I did not get my surgery until November of 2010. It takes as long as it takes. My surgery has made my life worth living again, not that I wasn't happy, I wasn't as active as I wanted to be. Carrying around close to 500 pounds (474 was my start weight for surgery - that after the year & a half wait) just is not an easy thing to do. I look back and actually am somewhat proud of the things I was able to do at that high of a weight. I also feel guilty for being pissed off when I was forced to buy an extra seat on airplanes. It isn't the fault of anyone else that I needed more than my one seat (well, Southwest sucks, even when I was a normal sized sat person), so I finally did something about it. Being a proud, fat woman is who I have been my entire adult life, so I have to remember that fat is NOT the norm.
One thing I have to say I received from being fat, I am an empathetic person. Growing up, I always championed for the "underdog". Rude comments have been known to be heard from my mouth, but then I remind myself, "Hey, who said YOU are so perfect?!" Then I see reality for what it is, and treat others how I would like to be treated. I have wondered how different a person I would have become, had I been a "normal sized" person, and then I realize that even super models have insecurities. Nobody is perfect, I get that. I am still learning, "if you can't say something nice, don't say 'nuthin at all..." (Thumper is one of the characters I relate to), and try to live by that simple thought. There is a lot of really cool things about being alive, so I happily try to live as positive a life as I can, so that maybe others will be able to say nice things about me when I am finished. My grandmother was someone I can remember having only positive things to say. Even when I reached adulthood, I was still a kid in my head around her, but she never said a negative thing. If I can grow up to be like her, or even my great aunt Maura, then I will have lived a good life. Think before you open your mouth...
Ha ha ha, I actually have to say that this time around - I have lost large amounts of weight a few times in my life - I think I haven't gotten too big for my britches! I joke with folks, "The last time I lost 135 pounds, I ended up losing another 200, my ex husband..." This time around, I am in a better place, and having surpassed the 135 pound mark months ago, I am not walking around feeling like I am superior, so I have grown as a human. So many of us become a different person after weight loss. Trust me, I have lost DEAR friends over their weight loss. Maybe it is maturity, I am unsure, but this time around, I do feel different. Oh, I have my moments, which remind me to "think before I ..." so, I am far from being "truly enlightened". But, there is a certain amount of pride I have for my mature behavior, and I feel happy about that. If you are not familiar with losing a lot of weight, many folks start acting out, sexually. Hey I said it, so it must be true...
Maybe I am a very lucky person, but I finally have someone in my life who (this is going to hurt), well, he completes me. He brought up the fear of me dumping him, now that I am "skinny," so I am more careful in my peacock behavior. Yes, I am one of those, "Look at me! Look at me!" people, but for some reason (maturity), I do not have the need this time around. More friends of mine who lost a lot of weight, stepped out on their significant other, so I am aware of the behavior. I have laughed at me being as he calls it, "skinny," because this is the smallest size he has known me at. Far from being skinny, I am also far from being in need of validation that I am now sexually acceptable to more men. Sorry guys, I have something special at home, and frankly I doubt anyone else can give me those goosey-bumps nearly as well.
Okay, let me move into another area I have found interesting, being VISIBLE. How can someone who used to wear a 5X, in brightly colored garb, be invisible? I was. Since losing well over 100 pounds (I have lost over 180, so far), I am having more conversations with folks, than before. I have been swimming at the King County Aquatic Center since August of 2009 (I switched pools that year), and barely talked to any of the folks who worked there (front office, maintenance, life guards), even other patrons. Weird, since I really started to show real progress in my weight loss journey, more folks seem to see me. Is it embarrassment? There is a certain amount of the population who see fat people as being worth less than average sized folks, but there has to be more to this. As a child, I was fat, but EVERYONE seemed to know me. I am still the same outgoing person as I was growing up, but somehow, I am more visible now that I am becoming a "normal" sized fat person (that is how my daughter describes me). How am I more visible in a size 20 than when I was wearing a size 34? Part of me feels hurt by this new phenomena, as I am still the same Brenda I have always been, just in a smaller package. So, if you are in the process of losing weight, be advised, if you do not like talking to strangers, it most likely is something you will have to learn to do.
My laundry buzzer went off a paragraph ago, but sometimes I have to just explore my thoughts & put them out there. Losing weight is very much a mental thing, not just a physical one, so be prepared. My best advice to anyone - be positive. I try to be open & friendly to all strangers, but I am still surprised by human nature (good & bad). If you are losing weight in hopes that it will fix your life -- other than physical portions of this thought, weight loss isn't the answer. Being "okay" with who you are is really the key. I have been lucky to have some wonderful role models, so for me, the weight loss is more to fix my physical self. Maybe I am talking out of my hat, but I do not think my weight was a buffer. Like I say, my hat may be muffling my thoughts, but I am always willing to face what needs to be changed, so I can be a role model for someone else. Man, I hope that didn't sound too full of myself! I actually have read my journal from Third Grade (yup, I have always enjoyed writing), and I was so proud of that 8 year old, I actually remind myself to be more like her everyday. On that note, I think I should go do laundry & get to my other correspondence! It's Sunday and sunny in Seattle, which is a lovely thing!
Brenda : )~
Drain Got a Hole...
Mar 20, 2012
It is raining here in Seattle, just glad it isn't snow (we had snow 3 times last week), and I have to schlep off to my doctors office... I say this, as I have a TON of correspondence to get through -- I haven't forgotten ANYONE, just a tiny bit behind.
My left drain has hole in the tube about 8 inches from my hip -- and I know the drain isn't done being useful, so I need to see the doc at 3pm. I did try on a size 20 swimsuit last night -- and did I dance my crazy butt off?! I hate that I have little to no boobs in that suit, but hey, it fit my trunk and I wasn't leaking out ANYWHERE!!!! I posted the photo, but I have some error, so will figure it out & take MORE photos, later. Never thought it would be a problem getting photos.
Well, I am OFF for the doc -- more fun & frolic ahead!!! Stay Positive!!!
Brenda : )~
6 comments
My left drain has hole in the tube about 8 inches from my hip -- and I know the drain isn't done being useful, so I need to see the doc at 3pm. I did try on a size 20 swimsuit last night -- and did I dance my crazy butt off?! I hate that I have little to no boobs in that suit, but hey, it fit my trunk and I wasn't leaking out ANYWHERE!!!! I posted the photo, but I have some error, so will figure it out & take MORE photos, later. Never thought it would be a problem getting photos.
Well, I am OFF for the doc -- more fun & frolic ahead!!! Stay Positive!!!
Brenda : )~
Two Weeks Following Fup-Ectomy...
Mar 15, 2012
My two week follow up from having my Panniculectomy, and wait for it... My Dermatolipectomy, THAT is the formal name given to the removal of the flesh from my Happy Little Cooter. For those who do not know who my Cooter is, well that is the new name my vagina got after having 361 grams (or .8 pounds) of flesh removed.
My surgeon, always the sweet and gentleman that he is, was all smiles and handshakes for me yesterday. Did I mention, he is a lefty? Anyhow, he was very pleased with his work, and my work - the recovery process that can make or break a procedure. We laughed a bit, I started to tear up AGAIN when I thanked him for the marvelous job he did. We discussed that I had swelling and a lump in the right side of my vulva the day prior, he chalked it up to my being "asymmetrical". Sigh, I guess I was THAT close to being perfect...
Here is the Operative Report I was given - maybe I should have asked for his autograph?! "Estimated blood loss for this case was 250 cc (1.06 cups). Circulating nurse reported sponge and instrument count correct. Total weight of the pannus was 7863 grams (17.33 pounds) and the mons pubis was 361 grams (.80 pounds). I added the "American" measurements.
So technically I did not lose 19 pounds, closer to 18 and change, I guess they just rounded up when they told me 18 & 1 pound, respectively. But, the cool thing I learned was the correct name of the procedure used on my mons pubis: dermatolipectomy - try and say THAT three times! I still have not seen the billing for the procedure, as someone asked if it is billed as separate procedures (I think it most likely is - they have to bill more to get more, right?), but will be happy to update the information when I find out.
My recuperation is boring, but it is going well. I still am not cleared for "real" exercise, but allowed to walk "fast", as opposed to "do not raise your heart rate above..." I am not allowed to carry more than 5 pounds, and as my sweetie suspected, I am also NOT allowed to drive the vacuum around the house, sigh. Can you believe it? When someone says "You are NOT supposed to do housework," don't you know I suddenly have this overwhelming need - NEED - to clean! Okay, so I am making deals with my family, they will ALLOW me to do laundry, as long as I do not lift the basket. I am allowed to cook, as long as I do not stand for more than 15 minutes at a time - and NO HEAVY LIFTING (I was using my cast iron skillet today, making baked beans). Oh, and I did drive my truck for the first time, and was excited about doing that!
I have yet to really try on clothing, as I am still very swollen - I owe some current photos, I will try to talk someone into taking them for me. My sitting is still not upright, but then again, I do not want to risk splitting open. Since my incision looks "happy," I am now allowed to use A & E ointment, and already using it twice daily. I am glad I kept most of my "granny panties," as I do leak a little & the ointment is probably going to leave said panties looking sad...
The very coolest part of my incision - I do NOT have Frankenstein looking stitches! I was really checking them out, and I guess they are all under the skin, so they must just absorb (I forgot to ask about them). I was told not to make a follow up appointment until my two drains are producing 20 cc a day, and they it is a same day appointment. Sadly, I am not upset about still having them, I drain them a few times a day, and have gotten used to the "procedure" I have to go through, just to go to the bathroom. When I wear pants with pockets, I get to just pop them into them - and get to skip wearing my Velcro belt that can be itchy... I have to dangle the bulbs down the inside of my panties, swing them up under my body cincher, then either attach to the Velcro belt, or drop them into my pockets - it takes some time to do, so do not get behind me waiting to use the bathroom!
Addressing the "at what weight did you have to get to before getting your surgery" question: There is NO weight number, it all depends on the classification of pannus (1 - 5), and whether the surgeon thinks you are up for the surgery. I was very athletic before my reconstructive surgery, so I have had clear lungs, little risk of blood clots, and I have healthy skin. There is a certain degree of skin necrosis associated with having a pannus that hangs beyond your mons pubis, but I did not have broken skin, nor any evident infection (yeast is the most common, so you have to really be on top of using surgical scrub a few days prior to surgery). The other big question I seem to get is: Why isn't this considered a tummy tuck? Well, a tummy tuck, or abdominoplasty is removal of fat, skin, and repair of muscles. What I had was merely removal of flesh - or fat & skin. This procedure does NOT hurt as much as an abdominoplasty, not that I would know from experience, as it is just flesh. Sure, it hurt and still hurts, but not badly.
This was not just a cosmetic procedure, I have known 15 years that I needed to have this done, but wanted to get the most benefit by losing as much weight, so they could remove more skin. When I get closer to a "goal weight," which I do not have a set goal weight, then I can look into getting the rest of the skin removed and get the muscles repaired. Evidently, I heard yesterday that MANY insurance companies have changed their stance on Panniculectomies, and are approving more, and quicker. That was why I was told they have been flooded with patients since December. That makes me happy to hear that, as this isn't just a cosmetic thing, and anyone who sees it that way, I dare them to spend just TWO days wearing a prosthetic, it is difficult to have swinging flesh on your lower torso. The panniculus can be intrusive sexually, cause skin infections & irritations, the weight of it can cause back strain, puts a person center of gravity off especially when losing weight, muscles tighten, but flesh just hangs - my butt shrank, but my belly just drooped lower. My suggestion to any person with a pannus that hangs beyond their pubic bone, find a surgeon who specializes in panniculectomies, and get a consult. You may be pleased to hear that you will be covered for the procedure, and it will change not only your physical well being, but it has done amazing things to my emotional well being!
This has been a very emotional time for me. I am thankful for the help I have received, and am looking forward to moving forward with even more effort, as I can finally imagine what I will be, not what I wish I could be. No more "wishing" I could lose weight! If something is worth doing, it is worth doing well, so as soon as they clear me - yes, I was stared directly into my eyes, "Brenda, still NO swimming," - I will be back to swimming mile after mile and doing as many, if not double on land! I cannot remember ridding a bicycle without my "fup," that is going to feel amazing! I am very excited to consider only needing one swimsuit to swim in, as opposed to wearing a swim brief backwards to hold me in, under my swimsuit. This was absolutely worth working for, and for anyone thinking weight loss is easier after surgery, go back and read my blog! Much of my success I attribute to surgery, but I also have worked hard, physically. It may take me a year or more, but at this point, I am so ready to finally feel normal, I wouldn't mind if it took twice as long. Ask yourself, what size where you a year ago? Now think about a year forward - will you be the same size? Bigger? Smaller? Well, it all depends on what YOU are willing to do to change your life in a year.
I am now 16 months out from having weight loss surgery, and I am almost 180 pounds lighter. I still have another 100+ to lose, but being able to look at the journey I have made, it just doesn't seem so hard. Sure, I have to deal with my "head hunger," but feeling better physically has made my emotional life better than it has been in a very long time. Just ask yourself, "Am I Worth It?" I sure as hell hope you answer YES! If you do not, hey, write me, maybe you just need someone to help you make the journey. Trust me, I appreciate EVERY PERSON who has sent me emails, comments, calls, because support is what we need! Do you need support? I am more than happy to tell it to you like it is - I won't be too blunt, but I also am not sugar coating the details, either. Do you want to wake up every morning looking forward to your day? I know I do! Do this for you!!!
Brenda : )~
16 comments
My surgeon, always the sweet and gentleman that he is, was all smiles and handshakes for me yesterday. Did I mention, he is a lefty? Anyhow, he was very pleased with his work, and my work - the recovery process that can make or break a procedure. We laughed a bit, I started to tear up AGAIN when I thanked him for the marvelous job he did. We discussed that I had swelling and a lump in the right side of my vulva the day prior, he chalked it up to my being "asymmetrical". Sigh, I guess I was THAT close to being perfect...
Here is the Operative Report I was given - maybe I should have asked for his autograph?! "Estimated blood loss for this case was 250 cc (1.06 cups). Circulating nurse reported sponge and instrument count correct. Total weight of the pannus was 7863 grams (17.33 pounds) and the mons pubis was 361 grams (.80 pounds). I added the "American" measurements.
So technically I did not lose 19 pounds, closer to 18 and change, I guess they just rounded up when they told me 18 & 1 pound, respectively. But, the cool thing I learned was the correct name of the procedure used on my mons pubis: dermatolipectomy - try and say THAT three times! I still have not seen the billing for the procedure, as someone asked if it is billed as separate procedures (I think it most likely is - they have to bill more to get more, right?), but will be happy to update the information when I find out.
My recuperation is boring, but it is going well. I still am not cleared for "real" exercise, but allowed to walk "fast", as opposed to "do not raise your heart rate above..." I am not allowed to carry more than 5 pounds, and as my sweetie suspected, I am also NOT allowed to drive the vacuum around the house, sigh. Can you believe it? When someone says "You are NOT supposed to do housework," don't you know I suddenly have this overwhelming need - NEED - to clean! Okay, so I am making deals with my family, they will ALLOW me to do laundry, as long as I do not lift the basket. I am allowed to cook, as long as I do not stand for more than 15 minutes at a time - and NO HEAVY LIFTING (I was using my cast iron skillet today, making baked beans). Oh, and I did drive my truck for the first time, and was excited about doing that!
I have yet to really try on clothing, as I am still very swollen - I owe some current photos, I will try to talk someone into taking them for me. My sitting is still not upright, but then again, I do not want to risk splitting open. Since my incision looks "happy," I am now allowed to use A & E ointment, and already using it twice daily. I am glad I kept most of my "granny panties," as I do leak a little & the ointment is probably going to leave said panties looking sad...
The very coolest part of my incision - I do NOT have Frankenstein looking stitches! I was really checking them out, and I guess they are all under the skin, so they must just absorb (I forgot to ask about them). I was told not to make a follow up appointment until my two drains are producing 20 cc a day, and they it is a same day appointment. Sadly, I am not upset about still having them, I drain them a few times a day, and have gotten used to the "procedure" I have to go through, just to go to the bathroom. When I wear pants with pockets, I get to just pop them into them - and get to skip wearing my Velcro belt that can be itchy... I have to dangle the bulbs down the inside of my panties, swing them up under my body cincher, then either attach to the Velcro belt, or drop them into my pockets - it takes some time to do, so do not get behind me waiting to use the bathroom!
Addressing the "at what weight did you have to get to before getting your surgery" question: There is NO weight number, it all depends on the classification of pannus (1 - 5), and whether the surgeon thinks you are up for the surgery. I was very athletic before my reconstructive surgery, so I have had clear lungs, little risk of blood clots, and I have healthy skin. There is a certain degree of skin necrosis associated with having a pannus that hangs beyond your mons pubis, but I did not have broken skin, nor any evident infection (yeast is the most common, so you have to really be on top of using surgical scrub a few days prior to surgery). The other big question I seem to get is: Why isn't this considered a tummy tuck? Well, a tummy tuck, or abdominoplasty is removal of fat, skin, and repair of muscles. What I had was merely removal of flesh - or fat & skin. This procedure does NOT hurt as much as an abdominoplasty, not that I would know from experience, as it is just flesh. Sure, it hurt and still hurts, but not badly.
This was not just a cosmetic procedure, I have known 15 years that I needed to have this done, but wanted to get the most benefit by losing as much weight, so they could remove more skin. When I get closer to a "goal weight," which I do not have a set goal weight, then I can look into getting the rest of the skin removed and get the muscles repaired. Evidently, I heard yesterday that MANY insurance companies have changed their stance on Panniculectomies, and are approving more, and quicker. That was why I was told they have been flooded with patients since December. That makes me happy to hear that, as this isn't just a cosmetic thing, and anyone who sees it that way, I dare them to spend just TWO days wearing a prosthetic, it is difficult to have swinging flesh on your lower torso. The panniculus can be intrusive sexually, cause skin infections & irritations, the weight of it can cause back strain, puts a person center of gravity off especially when losing weight, muscles tighten, but flesh just hangs - my butt shrank, but my belly just drooped lower. My suggestion to any person with a pannus that hangs beyond their pubic bone, find a surgeon who specializes in panniculectomies, and get a consult. You may be pleased to hear that you will be covered for the procedure, and it will change not only your physical well being, but it has done amazing things to my emotional well being!
This has been a very emotional time for me. I am thankful for the help I have received, and am looking forward to moving forward with even more effort, as I can finally imagine what I will be, not what I wish I could be. No more "wishing" I could lose weight! If something is worth doing, it is worth doing well, so as soon as they clear me - yes, I was stared directly into my eyes, "Brenda, still NO swimming," - I will be back to swimming mile after mile and doing as many, if not double on land! I cannot remember ridding a bicycle without my "fup," that is going to feel amazing! I am very excited to consider only needing one swimsuit to swim in, as opposed to wearing a swim brief backwards to hold me in, under my swimsuit. This was absolutely worth working for, and for anyone thinking weight loss is easier after surgery, go back and read my blog! Much of my success I attribute to surgery, but I also have worked hard, physically. It may take me a year or more, but at this point, I am so ready to finally feel normal, I wouldn't mind if it took twice as long. Ask yourself, what size where you a year ago? Now think about a year forward - will you be the same size? Bigger? Smaller? Well, it all depends on what YOU are willing to do to change your life in a year.
I am now 16 months out from having weight loss surgery, and I am almost 180 pounds lighter. I still have another 100+ to lose, but being able to look at the journey I have made, it just doesn't seem so hard. Sure, I have to deal with my "head hunger," but feeling better physically has made my emotional life better than it has been in a very long time. Just ask yourself, "Am I Worth It?" I sure as hell hope you answer YES! If you do not, hey, write me, maybe you just need someone to help you make the journey. Trust me, I appreciate EVERY PERSON who has sent me emails, comments, calls, because support is what we need! Do you need support? I am more than happy to tell it to you like it is - I won't be too blunt, but I also am not sugar coating the details, either. Do you want to wake up every morning looking forward to your day? I know I do! Do this for you!!!
Brenda : )~
It's Snowing, and I feel all Touchy Feely...
Mar 11, 2012
Yeah, it is snowing, but not sticking, but enjoyable just the same. My being in the house for a week and a half is growing old - just making trips to the mailbox is boring, I am looking forward to seeing my plastic surgeon on Wednesday ;)
The pain hasn't been bad, and I am happily taking Tylenol every six hours to make sure the pain & swelling stay manageable. I did get a little squirrely the other day, and vacuumed ;) Okay, I was caught, who says men do not notice when we clean?! Upon further reflection, I took my chewing out to heart, I want this incision to stay happily together - so no more secretive house cleaning sessions...
My intake of protein has been no issue -- Thank You CHIKE!!! I love their meal replacement shakes, and boy does it make mathematical sense, as I have been spending most of my awake time sitting - or laying - on my butt, sigh. Keeping my calories down is harder than I thought, I just have TOO MUCH time on my hands... sigh. As I preach about taking supplements, I am making triple sure to get all my nutrients in - especially IRON (rebuilding platelets is crucial) and all those lovely vitamins that support skin -- I want to heal STRONG! It is funny, I even make a vitamin drink that has Miralax in it -- for the OTHER issue you need to consider while taking narcotics (I am still taking Oxycodone for the pain, but not as much as the first week). Believe it or not, I think the doubled iron may also be helping in THAT area, but I could be talking out my... ear ;) For some folks, if you get just enough iron, you can be stopped up, just a little extra, the complete opposite - color me green with happiness (ewww)!
My energy has been great, as I suggested about vacuuming two floors of my house... I started to reorganize both of my pantries, to which I received a talking to (thank you Jeff, you often are my Jimny Cricket!!!). I hate to blame it on the Oxycodone, but it really is the reason I get all motivated. No pain, and it wires me a little, go figure, I am opposite girl! The added iron is also a BIG contributor to the energy -- after losing 19 pounds of flesh that contained a decent amount of blood, I need to get my body building it's supply up, and quick. I was glad that I had a blood test less than a month before my reconstructive surgery, as I had a LOVELY if not well informed conversation with my Anesthesia Doc, "Are you in the Healthcare Field?!" Lord, I do NOT feed my ego, but THANKS for the high complement! Yup, I actually LOVE reading my results, I am such an information junkie... FEED MY MIND, oh, and my body ;)
I just had someone write me about one of the swimsuits I have up for grabs -- FOLKS!!! If you have a private profile, I cannot send you a message, PLEASE send me a private message, or "Friend" me... I am able to get swimsuits out, and ha ha, I can also make it to my mailbox -- so if you have some to donate, please private message me.
I tried on jeans the other day. I haven't tried any that I haven't fit into before the panniculectomy, as I still have to deal with my Laura Croft Style Drainage Bulbs (I feel so heroic with my hand grenade drainage bulbs... NOT!), so I went with a pair I was wearing the day before surgery. Here is my impression: Hmmm, they are loose in all the right places, FLAT front, that's new! But, sigh, they still don't seem HUGE, yet... Hey, I am entitled to whine, if just a little bit, right? It's only a number, and when I am less swollen, more active, I will happily donate those NON-stretch "Mom" jeans... I like Mom Jeans, they are high torso fitting, snug in all the right places! I did make an observation that tickled me, I won't have to hide my FUP under LONG tops!!! I only have loose inner thighs to deal with, when choosing a swimsuit with or without skirt! That, is what makes me SMILE!
Okay, for those of you who do not know the difference between an Panniculectomy (what I just had done) and an Abdominoplasty, it is all about the muscles. I still have probably 100+ pounds to lose, before I can qualify for a abdominoplasty, as I want to have as much loose skin hanging as possible when the surgeon goes in to tighten the muscles up! Having had a huge chunk of flesh -- i.e. skin & fat - no muscle -- cut off has done my body & my head an amazing service!!! My self esteem has never been in the toilet too long, but now - holy cow, I feel like laughing when I realize I have a LAP, not a gut to balance my laptop on ;) I won't have to make sure my seat belt is securely UNDER my gut to protect me -- I have exposed hips -- holy cow! For those of us who have been "Severely, Super, Morbidly Obese" (as if Morbidly didn't make us feel tragic already), to FINALLY see hip bones, it is a real WOW moment. I am so motivated, I am happy to have received this gift!!! I am so ready to plunge in, head first (swimming reference, ha ha), and lose the rest of this flesh suit that has left me a little isolated all these years.
Lots goes on in the head of someone making this journey. Some are scared, some are overwhelmed, but staying in a positive mindset is the key - at least it has been for me. Sure, I could have just hid behind all my fat, comfortably working in an anonymous job, but that isn't who lives inside this giant flesh suit. I am a fun, outgoing, sometimes too loud, but always caring kind of person who should NOT be invisible because I used to weigh 474 pounds. I laugh when I have people bump into me - I wear BRIGHT colors, I am LARGE, how could anyone NOT see me?! It happened, a lot. I find that as I have lost my size, more folks engage me at the Aquatic Center I have been going to for over two years, now. Hell, I barely talked to ANYONE other then the reception folks who checked me in the first year and a half of going. Now, I have folks cheering me on, encouraging me, and SEEING ME! I am no longer invisible -- crap, I am tearing up. Yes, this is an emotional journey, one I have not regret in the slightest.
Do I pull punches when I talk about losing the Fleshy Me? I hope not. I think it is interesting that hormones are released from our fat cells as we lose weight -- I think I have found I am a whole lot more vulnerable than I was before those damn hormones got released! When I get choked up, it reminds me to say encouraging things to others - not just folks who are fat - as we all have vulnerabilities, it just isn't always as apparent. So on that note - stay positive, and support your fellow human beings!!! You just never know whose day you may effect in a positive way!!!
Brenda : )~
7 comments
The pain hasn't been bad, and I am happily taking Tylenol every six hours to make sure the pain & swelling stay manageable. I did get a little squirrely the other day, and vacuumed ;) Okay, I was caught, who says men do not notice when we clean?! Upon further reflection, I took my chewing out to heart, I want this incision to stay happily together - so no more secretive house cleaning sessions...
My intake of protein has been no issue -- Thank You CHIKE!!! I love their meal replacement shakes, and boy does it make mathematical sense, as I have been spending most of my awake time sitting - or laying - on my butt, sigh. Keeping my calories down is harder than I thought, I just have TOO MUCH time on my hands... sigh. As I preach about taking supplements, I am making triple sure to get all my nutrients in - especially IRON (rebuilding platelets is crucial) and all those lovely vitamins that support skin -- I want to heal STRONG! It is funny, I even make a vitamin drink that has Miralax in it -- for the OTHER issue you need to consider while taking narcotics (I am still taking Oxycodone for the pain, but not as much as the first week). Believe it or not, I think the doubled iron may also be helping in THAT area, but I could be talking out my... ear ;) For some folks, if you get just enough iron, you can be stopped up, just a little extra, the complete opposite - color me green with happiness (ewww)!
My energy has been great, as I suggested about vacuuming two floors of my house... I started to reorganize both of my pantries, to which I received a talking to (thank you Jeff, you often are my Jimny Cricket!!!). I hate to blame it on the Oxycodone, but it really is the reason I get all motivated. No pain, and it wires me a little, go figure, I am opposite girl! The added iron is also a BIG contributor to the energy -- after losing 19 pounds of flesh that contained a decent amount of blood, I need to get my body building it's supply up, and quick. I was glad that I had a blood test less than a month before my reconstructive surgery, as I had a LOVELY if not well informed conversation with my Anesthesia Doc, "Are you in the Healthcare Field?!" Lord, I do NOT feed my ego, but THANKS for the high complement! Yup, I actually LOVE reading my results, I am such an information junkie... FEED MY MIND, oh, and my body ;)
I just had someone write me about one of the swimsuits I have up for grabs -- FOLKS!!! If you have a private profile, I cannot send you a message, PLEASE send me a private message, or "Friend" me... I am able to get swimsuits out, and ha ha, I can also make it to my mailbox -- so if you have some to donate, please private message me.
I tried on jeans the other day. I haven't tried any that I haven't fit into before the panniculectomy, as I still have to deal with my Laura Croft Style Drainage Bulbs (I feel so heroic with my hand grenade drainage bulbs... NOT!), so I went with a pair I was wearing the day before surgery. Here is my impression: Hmmm, they are loose in all the right places, FLAT front, that's new! But, sigh, they still don't seem HUGE, yet... Hey, I am entitled to whine, if just a little bit, right? It's only a number, and when I am less swollen, more active, I will happily donate those NON-stretch "Mom" jeans... I like Mom Jeans, they are high torso fitting, snug in all the right places! I did make an observation that tickled me, I won't have to hide my FUP under LONG tops!!! I only have loose inner thighs to deal with, when choosing a swimsuit with or without skirt! That, is what makes me SMILE!
Okay, for those of you who do not know the difference between an Panniculectomy (what I just had done) and an Abdominoplasty, it is all about the muscles. I still have probably 100+ pounds to lose, before I can qualify for a abdominoplasty, as I want to have as much loose skin hanging as possible when the surgeon goes in to tighten the muscles up! Having had a huge chunk of flesh -- i.e. skin & fat - no muscle -- cut off has done my body & my head an amazing service!!! My self esteem has never been in the toilet too long, but now - holy cow, I feel like laughing when I realize I have a LAP, not a gut to balance my laptop on ;) I won't have to make sure my seat belt is securely UNDER my gut to protect me -- I have exposed hips -- holy cow! For those of us who have been "Severely, Super, Morbidly Obese" (as if Morbidly didn't make us feel tragic already), to FINALLY see hip bones, it is a real WOW moment. I am so motivated, I am happy to have received this gift!!! I am so ready to plunge in, head first (swimming reference, ha ha), and lose the rest of this flesh suit that has left me a little isolated all these years.
Lots goes on in the head of someone making this journey. Some are scared, some are overwhelmed, but staying in a positive mindset is the key - at least it has been for me. Sure, I could have just hid behind all my fat, comfortably working in an anonymous job, but that isn't who lives inside this giant flesh suit. I am a fun, outgoing, sometimes too loud, but always caring kind of person who should NOT be invisible because I used to weigh 474 pounds. I laugh when I have people bump into me - I wear BRIGHT colors, I am LARGE, how could anyone NOT see me?! It happened, a lot. I find that as I have lost my size, more folks engage me at the Aquatic Center I have been going to for over two years, now. Hell, I barely talked to ANYONE other then the reception folks who checked me in the first year and a half of going. Now, I have folks cheering me on, encouraging me, and SEEING ME! I am no longer invisible -- crap, I am tearing up. Yes, this is an emotional journey, one I have not regret in the slightest.
Do I pull punches when I talk about losing the Fleshy Me? I hope not. I think it is interesting that hormones are released from our fat cells as we lose weight -- I think I have found I am a whole lot more vulnerable than I was before those damn hormones got released! When I get choked up, it reminds me to say encouraging things to others - not just folks who are fat - as we all have vulnerabilities, it just isn't always as apparent. So on that note - stay positive, and support your fellow human beings!!! You just never know whose day you may effect in a positive way!!!
Brenda : )~
About Me
38.8
BMI
Surgery
11/16/2010
Surgery Date
Mar 16, 2010
Member Since
Before & After
rollover to see after photo
