What is "full"??

Sep 22, 2012

So my entire life I've always been able to eat just about anything in almost any quantity.  I could have two large plates of spaghetti before getting "full" plus I'd drink a glass or two of milk with it.  Only then would I be miserable from overeating.  Three or four pieces of pizza?  no problem! 

But today is a new day. 

Last night I went to the store with my mom (as a food babysitter! and to help me carry things) and I swear I spent $44 on cheese and dairy.  I got shredded cheese, string cheese, one oz cheese pieces.  I got yogurt, milk and spray butter.  I wanted to get cottage cheese, but they were out of the one I buy.  Eggs and thin sliced turkey!  It was nice buying real food.  We looked at the sugar content of everything.  I'd been approved for protein bars, too, but they have WAY too much sugar!  Atkins were the best with 1g or less of sugar, but they had crap for flavors and everything had nuts which I can't yet have.  Going to see if I can make my own somehow or hit the healthfood stores to see if they have better options.

So!  okay here's where my new dilemma comes in to play. 

I just made myself a one egg omlette with two pieces of thinly sliced turkey and a smattering of shredded cheese.  I took about 15 minutes to eat....a THIRD of what I made.  I know I'm new to the eating thing and part of me is still tentative about eating too much, too fast and throwing up, but....I don't know if I got full! 

I'm not hungry as it is, so I've not got anything to compare it to once I DO get full.  The only kind of "full" I've ever known is miserable and often I kept eating until I actually felt that. 

I didn't get my liquids in yesterday.  A 3-hour nap knocked a big hole in my drinking time, so today I have to focus focus focus!  BUT I got up at 11.  and I ate...so now....I have to wait 30 minutes (still have about 15 to go) and then I guess I have to "chug" the rest of the day. 

What a learning process.  I mean really...this is crazy. 

Oh, and that weird little feeling I get from either my new or my old stomach....yeah, i was laughing at it so hard last night I think it was literally driving me crazy.  I've not had kids, but i can only imagine that it felt like a baby kicking.  What the heck is that?!  and of course, I tried to tell my Mom about it and she, too, thought I was crazy.

Yes, I went to my folks' house last night.  Yes, I know what the doctor said about secondhand smoke.  No, I don't want an ulcer.  But NO, i'm NOT willing to give up my support system!  I'll not spend as much time there while I'm healing, i'll grant the doctor that much.  And NO, i'm not typically the rebellious type, but....this is something that I won't budge on.  They are my family.  I'm NOT giving them up.  They are willing to make changes for me by smoking outside instead of in.  Over time, if they always smoke outside instead of in, then the nicotine will likely fade inside.  They may not want to quit and frankly, if I've been unable to convince them to do so MY ENTIRE LIFE, then it is unlikely one bitch out from a doctor that isn't theirs is going to make any difference.

I wish they would quit though.  Now that I'm getting healthy and may be able to have kids, I want my folks around to be able to see them grow up and graduate, get married and all that.  I love my family.  I'd hate to lose them to something that is preventable. 

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