shannondita

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On the way home from Boston Market ( see pics) I was so hungry. I did what I know I shouldnt and grabbed the cornbread out of the kids meal and took two bites...
(2 reasons that is bad...
1. Never eat and drive with the band, you eat much faster than you would at home at the table because you are not concentrating on eating
2. bread and MY band dont mix)
Soooo I took two bites of the yummy, warm sweet almost cake like cornbread and it got stuck...HORRIBLE PAIN....I grabbed the food bag and dumped out the food and had empty Boston Market bag on my lap while vomitting....while making a left turn in traffic...while a cop was there on the side of the road.
I mean I couldnt  just slam on brakes...I couldnt pull over...and I HAD to throw up.....The pain was so severe I was tearing up. I looked in the eyes of the officer as I turned... I dont know if he thought I was just crying... or pregant and getting sick...or not paying attention at all. 
I got home which is less than 2 miles from Boston Market...and damnit it if there wasnt a couple carrying bibles heading my way as I got out of the car....I ran in the house and locked the door..LOL
The funny thing, or weird thing about getting sick on the band...its not like vomitting when you feel horrible...you just spit up what is stuck and the pain passes and there is no sick feeling.
A few minutes later I was able to eat my meal...that is where the pics came in the play...
Sheewwww...what  a day... I need a nap!

I dropped another pound....from 260 at my primary last week to 258 at my WLS now today 4 day after my fill 253....what a change. I feel so much lighter an on track now. My restriction is really really tight and I love that. It is a constant reminder to slow down you had weight loss surgery. hOnestly before this fill I would forget...but now a large sip of water will make you think twice.....go slow....chew everything.....

Begged my surgeon to tighten it up a little more. I am not sure if this is what they mean by sweet spot...but I cant get much down. I threw up for the first time since surgery today. Yucko!
My port had 2.2 cc in it and he increased to 2.3. Wow I can tell that 1/10 of a cc!
Shannon

Remember that feeling right after surgery that nothing is going to stop you? That you are on top of the world and are going to take it on! I lost that feeling and was drowning in low self esteem and depression. 
Today I found that feeling and I am going to appreciate it daily! The support group I went to tonight really helped. There were new people there that were deciding on the surgery and had alot of questions to ask. Being as outspoken as  I am ( thanks mom!) I told everything about my experience. At the end of the night a nice lady asked for MY phone number...like I was going to suport her! I was delighted that someone saw a rolemodel in me. That feeling came flooding back in!!!
Ok so what did I learn at meeting:
-The people with RNY losts lots of weight vs the bandsters were losing far less.
- I am not the only one that is dealing with food issues...your desire for bad foods doesnt get taken out during surgery..nor do they implant will power ( or patience in my case.)
- my weight loss is right on track
-my weight gain is a small bump 
-support groups feed your weight loss drive
- new people find hope in your story, even if you gain 6lbs :)
-I am not a failure!
Shannon

Went to Doctor today gained 6 lbs. I felt defeated coming into the office...but left empowered. It is normal to have a lull like this...food was my best friend and I had to say goodbye to that close friend I turned to to stuff my emtions. I need suport, says my surgeons assistant. I need online and real time support.
She was glad to know to that I am seeing a therapist, and encouraged me to go to their support meeting tonight. It meets once a month at the hospital.
I didnt get a fill because the hospital took to long registering me and my Doc had a surgery to get to. I will get my fill at 10 am tomorrow!
Woohoo!

I wanted to be the best, perfect...I wanted to make my surgeon proud. Fuck!!!!! What happened? I vowed to never eat bad things if I was blessed with this life saving surgery. I vowed to exercise everyday if I was fortunate enough to scrap up the money for the surgery. UUURRRGGH! But I am stil compelled to eat the wrong foods and really compelled to eat too much.
I fucking hate my life!!!

My surgeon did a wonderful job on my insides but I have yet to fix the part of me that let me get this way. She ( my psychotherapist) is a wonderful lady and I know that the journey with her will be filled with tears, learning and finally freedom.
Having the surgery I thought that very day...I was free! I realized over the next couple of months that I had not been released. There was some work that needed to be done before I could claim freedom. I have to face my addiction: food. I want to know how I got to be over 100 overweight...when did I fall out of love with myself and let go....I am very excited about this. I know that I am on the right track now.
Shannon

Wow! This guy is great on so many levels.Great sense of humor and fun to talk with. We come from similar backgrounds so there was so shortage of conversation.
As for spark and chemistry atleast for me it was totally there. Again I felt great and had confidence that I didnt have begore surgery. I feel very comfortable with him and it was a great time.
On the downside, he lives out of town and he is not interested in anything long term or that is my take on it.  But I look forward to having fun with him in the future. See if it leads anyhwere.
Shannon

It went well but there wasnt any chemistry on my end. I was so delighted to know that he couldnt keep his train of thought at dinner because " I was so pretty"..OHHH! I had to tell myself he is just the first of many and I cant lock in on the first person that says I am pretty when there is no chemistry.
He was tall, dark and handsome but there was no spark. Even or especially when he went in for the first kiss. Nothing.
Well it did teach me that I am attractive and gave me a huge bit of confidence!

Met someone on Match.com. He will be here in 10 minutes and I am very nervous. I was honest and upfront about the weight and weight loss surgery but it still makes me nervous. We all know too well what happens when someone mets us and we let them down. I have seen that all to often.
I feel pretty and look good...compared to 2 months ago. he didnt know me then so that makes me nervous. I look great compared to then, but not where I want to be. 
Maybe I should have waited until I was smaller. 
I will let you know what happens. 
Wishing I had ran an extra mile..lol

Dear God,
Thank you for Spanx!
Shannon