sun4me21

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Well I have been sick for like 2 weeks... I have not exersized either, my whole body was sore and I just didnt feel up to  it.. I had another nut meeting on 11/3 and lets just say I was at 308... I knew that was going to happen.... I havent exersized... Also my appt was for 11:30 so I had to eat something... so Corrine was not too impressed.... so now I have a week and 1/2 to get 10lbs off...  I have read that some people have not eaten any carbs just meat and veggies... Also she told me to do a protien drink for supper.... Well I would but I am just a little short on funds...  Only working 20hrs kills me and my bugdet.. i think that after I have this surgery I will start working 40hrs or so.... clean up my debt mess and get the house I want and the land for my kiddos to run free...

So Friday I went and got my CPAP machine.... Man do I hate that thing... I have tried since Friday to use it and somehow every nite I end up taking it off and not remembering that I dii it... and there is so much moisture in the mask I feek like I am drowning... so they will be calling me soon to see how its goin and I will tell them.. I also have a harder time to fall asleep now that I have that on my face.... I just want to cry...

I have to work harder this week.... I just have too! I think this is the hardest thing I have had to do since my parents divorce... I just dont know.... There are so many things going through my head rite now.... Instead of being addicted to food  I want to be addicted to life and exersize.... I want to be so busy all the time.... I keep trying to picture myself smaller and healthier... and I just cant.... I wonder if anyone else had these feelings and how did it turn out?  Well back to work I go!!

Miss all of you!

After my meeting with corrine I decided enough was enough and I'm doing what she told me to do.... exersize and really keep track of my calories and mesure my food.  Let me just tell you I was shocked to get up and see that i had lost 3lbs.   My Goal for me is to be down to 300 in a month!  I THINK ICAN, I THINK ICAN!    GO ME!! I'm trying to be my own cheerleader!   So my only situation that i have is that in trying to get calories up to 1300 I have upped my protien to 100gms a day....  I called corrine and told her that i was losing and she said that was fine... plus i've been drinkin 128oz a day.  (maybe more).. I just cant get enough plus it curbs my hunger.  So will update later this weekend, its gonna be tough... i love to eat and chill on the weekends...  God Bless all of you!!!

Well today I am working.  And I have to work this Friday.   So lets see I am slowly coming back from the aweful weekend.  I really gotta stop beating myself up over all this.  I'm not perfect!  When i get mad at myself i tend to eat even more.  Sometimes i even eat just to stay awake.    Just need to stop.

So i went to meet with a therapist today and I think that it went pretty well.  She told me that because my mom was an alcoholic when i was younger that i took over the care taker role and that i still do today.  I have to stop being the care taker and learn to say no.  I am forever taking care of my sister and her daughter for we cannot depend on my mom.  And my sister usually leans on my dad but he is going back and forth to Tennesse.  So when she asked me what i like to do,  i didnt have anything to say!  cause i never have time for me.   So this week I am trying to care for me!  Lets see how that goes!

Also this week I have a meeting with my Nut.  Lets see what she says now.  I have been keeping track of everything like i should so i dunno.  I dont know if i have lost anything,  i fear to step on the scale.  I have an appointment in the afternoon to meet with my prim care phys to talk about missing my period for 3 months straight.  and my heel problem.  So we will see.

Another goal I am setting for myself is that I am going to work out  for 3 days this week maybe 4!

I hope this therapist helps me! 

Good day to all !